by Cindi Madsen
Clenching her jaw so she wouldn’t scream—which was what she felt like doing—she flipped onto her other side. What are they keeping from me? And why are they keeping it from me?
She tried to connect the dots, but without her memories, too many of the dots were missing. It all came down to the wreck, though—that much she was sure of. They act like the full truth would break me. Does that mean they know about the voices? Or maybe there’s something else. Liv’s stomach knotted.
Something even worse.
11
The sun beat down, hotter than normal. Liv squeezed into the small square of shade covering the bench, but it didn’t help much. The shade widened and she automatically looked up.
After her eyes adjusted, she realized the dark outline belonged to Spencer. Ever since he’d so nicely pointed out they weren’t friends, she’d done her best to avoid him. When he’d come into math class earlier, she’d purposely kept her head down. Now that he was here, she clenched her jaw and stared down at the book in her hands.
“I take it from your ignoring me that I made you mad again,” he said.
“I’m not mad. I just don’t talk to mean, rude people.”
“Fair enough.” Spencer unlocked his bike from the rack and rolled it up to her. “Were you telling the truth about not knowing how to ride a bike or never going to McDonald’s? Because I was thinking that would be almost impossible. Which made me think you were… I can’t figure out if you were making a joke, or if you thought that I was stupid, or what.”
“Think whatever you want.” She kept her eyes down, but she could feel him standing there staring at her.
“I was rude yesterday, and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I just think you’ve got bad taste in friends.”
“At least I have friends. You hang out with yourself all day.”
“It’s just better that way. Then I don’t have to deal with people I don’t like.”
Lifting a hand to shade her eyes, she shifted her gaze to his face. “So, you’re basically saying that you’re the best company you could have?”
“Not exactly.” He put out the kickstand on his bike, propped it up, then sat next to her.
With Spencer so close, her heart started doing that fluttering thing again. His hair fell down over one side of his glasses, and she had the urge to reach up and swipe it back.
He shook it out of his face, saving her the trouble she never would’ve actually gone to. “So where’d you move from?”
“Rochester, Minnesota.”
“Was there a lot to do? There had to be more going on there than here.” He looked at her, eyebrows raised, obviously waiting for an answer.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess there was.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know? What did you do for fun?”
“Would you like a report on the city or something? I just don’t know, okay?”
“You always get so damn defensive.”
“Only around rude people.” She crossed her arms and twisted toward him. “And hello, I get defensive? Look in the mirror.”
“You look in the mirror.”
“Whatever.” Never before had she felt so angry. He drove her completely crazy. She wanted him to go away and stay at the same time, which made no sense.
“Come on,” Spencer said. “Let’s see what you got.”
“You want to fight me now?”
“I’m talking about the bike. Nobody can’t ride a bike. And if you really can’t, it’s about time you learned.”
“Why? Why do you want me to get on your bike?”
“I’m kind of bored. I beat my Mass Effect 3 video game already and I don’t have anything better to do.” Amusement flickered in the eyes that met hers. “You do know what video games are, right?”
“I know what they are.”
“You ever play one?”
“Not that I know of.”
“You make the most difficult-to-understand comments.”
“Like you’re any better.” She didn’t want to start talking about everything she didn’t know, so she stood. “Fine, hand over the stupid bike.”
Spencer stood and rolled the bike to her.
Mimicking the way she’d seen other people get on, she gripped the handlebars and kicked her leg over. As she straddled the bike, she realized this probably wasn’t the best idea. Yesterday she’d fainted, and her arm still sporadically twitched. No way was she going to admit to Spencer that she was scared, though. Besides, it did have an almost familiar feel to it.
“Okay, most important thing…” Spencer tapped the metal bars on the handles. “These are the brakes. For now, you should use them both. The left’s the front brake, and if you hit it hard enough, you’ll end up launching yourself over the handlebars.”
She squeezed the brakes, getting a feel for them. “Got it.”
Liv looked up to find his eyes on her, and there was a softness she’d never seen in them before. Then his typical serious expression took over, and he stepped off to the side. “Now you just pedal and try to keep your balance.”
It sounded easy when he put it like that. And it couldn’t be that hard. She’d seen lots of people ride bikes around her neighborhood—most of them a lot younger than she was. She got the gist, so now she simply had to let the bike do what it was made for.
Her right foot found the pedal as if she’d done it dozens of times before.
I totally know how to do this.
Taking a deep breath, she put her weight onto one pedal and sat on the seat. Then she moved to push the other pedal down, but the bike started tipping. She seemed to be falling in slow motion, yet she couldn’t do anything about it. “Whoa…”
She got her hand down seconds before hitting the sidewalk. The bike landed on top of her, the handlebar digging into her side. “Ouch.”
Okay, so I totally don’t know how to do this.
Spencer looked down at her, a baffled expression on his face. “Wow, you actually don’t know how to ride a bike. I was sure you were lying.”
Liv frowned at him.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” Beyond embarrassed, she scooted from under the bike and stood. Her palm and the bottom of her elbow burned, and she turned her arm over to look at it. When the color red registered, she jerked her eyes away. “Oh, no. I think I’m bleeding.” She held her arm up to Spencer. “I can’t look at it. Am I bleeding?”
“Way to shatter that tough-girl facade.”
“Just tell me if it’s bleeding. I can’t look at blood because it brings back bad memories.”
“Of what?” Spencer asked.
“I don’t know.”
“You say that a lot.”
“I can make up something if you’re going to be obnoxious about it.”
“I’m not the one freaking out over a little blood.”
“So there is blood?” She hated how her voice came out all high-pitched, but she couldn’t help it. Already, her head was spinning.
Spencer grabbed her hand and studied it. “Barely. It’s scraped up, so there’s a little blood, but it’s not like it’s pouring.”
Her stomach churned. “Just stop talking about it before I pass out.”
Spencer laughed.
“It’s not funny.”
“It’s a little funny,” he said, half-cocked grin on his face.
The smile cut through her panic, allowing her to focus on the fact that he was holding her hand. Her heart pounded out an erratic rhythm. Time froze.
A flash of silver sent it ticking again. Liv pulled her hand away as Mom’s car turned onto the road in front of the school. “That’s my mom. I can’t let her know I rode your bike.”
“You didn’t ride it. You crashed it.”
She shot him a dirty look.
“Why would she care about you riding a bike?”
“Because as you pointed out, I crashed it.” Holding her arm down so she wouldn’t see the blood
and freak out again, she hurried back to the bench.
Spencer didn’t immediately take off like she thought he would. He rolled the bike over to her. He watched her gather her belongings, crease between his brows, mouth set in a straight line.
“What are you always doing here, anyway?” Liv asked. “Are you in sports or something?”
“Or something.”
Mom pulled up to the curb, so she didn’t bother asking what his comment meant. She had a feeling he wouldn’t tell her anyway. If only because he knew it would drive her crazy.
“I guess I’ll see you later.” She locked eyes with him. “Any idea which personality you’ll be going with tomorrow? Should I expect total jerk or evasive irritator?”
A slow grin spread across his face. “You better be nice. I know your weakness now, and I won’t hesitate to use it.”
With him standing there grinning at her like that, she couldn’t help but smile back. There was just something about him. When he actually let the nice guy shine through. “Good-bye, Spencer.”
She stepped down the concrete steps and got into Mom’s car.
“Who were you talking to?” Mom asked.
“His name’s Spencer.” Liv looked out the window and watched him ride his bike away. “He’s…” Annoying, frustrating, cute, occasionally nice…“In my math class.”
…
Taking that spill off Spencer’s bike had removed a layer of skin from her palm, and her forearm was red and raw. She stood in front of the bathroom sink and ran cool water over it. That had helped earlier today, when she’d first cleaned it out. Looking at it now didn’t bug her, and she felt silly for having made such a big deal about it.
Still, every time she thought about blood, her stomach clenched.
Think about something else.
Like how Spencer grabbed my hand. Or when he smiled and said he knew my weakness.
“I wonder if he meant bikes or blood.”
He’s so cute. And funny.
Plus, he’s not like everyone else. He’s got his own style.
And he’s smart, too. See? Not all smart guys are nerds.
At least she wouldn’t have any internal battles while around him. All three of her personalities seemed to like Spencer. Too bad he’d never talk to me again if he found out I have three personalities.
She groaned. She wanted to think about Spencer, not the fact that voices were constantly whispering to her, slowly driving her insane. I shouldn’t be thinking about him, anyway. Chances are, he’ll be a huge jerk again by tomorrow.
But I really hope he’s not.
She brushed her teeth, then walked across her bedroom to her window. The sun was gone from the sky, off illuminating another world. Dark clouds reduced the moon to a smear of light. Earlier today, during her and Dad’s walk, she thought it might rain. But it never rained here.
Good. I hate the rain. That night, the rain was horrible.
A strange feeling settled over her.
“What night?”
12
All day, Liv had been anticipating this moment. Her feminist side told her to wait for him to come to her. But the other part of her—the one that had picked out the pink top—kept telling her to go for it. When she saw Spencer sitting in his normal spot in the cafeteria, looking cute as ever, she couldn’t help but pick the side that wanted to go talk to him.
Her throat went dry as she took a step toward his table. Then she remembered him saying he liked sitting alone, and her courage faltered.
He looked up. It was subtle, but there was definitely a smile that hadn’t been there seconds ago.
Balancing her tray in her steady hand, she lifted the other to wave.
Fingers clamped around her arm and she was jerked in the other direction so fast the mandarin oranges slid off her tray and splatted on the floor.
“Sabrina has huge news,” Keira said. “Hurry up.”
Liv got her feet under her and followed Keira to the table. She set down her plate and frowned at the empty section in her tray. Those baby oranges were all that had looked appetizing.
Every face turned to Sabrina as she sat down. She was clearly basking in the attention, smiling like she’d just won a beauty pageant. “So, my daddy got us VIP tickets to the One Direction concert.”
The girls shrieked and clapped. There were “OMGs,” “No ways,” and a couple of other high-pitched responses. They even started yelling out names and arguing over who was the hottest.
Sabrina held up her hands and the girls quieted down. “Daddy got four tickets so we can all go, and he said he’d drive us to Phoenix.” She looked across the table at Liv. “I hope you don’t feel bad. Candace, Taylor, Keira, and I have been planning this for a long time.”
“I don’t.” Liv kept to herself the fact she didn’t even know who One Direction was. “I hope you guys have a good time.”
“But maybe you can talk to your parents and see if you can buy a ticket and come with us,” Keira said, flashing her usual warm smile.
The look Sabrina shot Keira made it clear she didn’t appreciate the suggestion.
Keira was quiet for a moment and then seemed to recover. “There’s another party at The Gulch tonight. Are you going to come with us this time, Liv?”
“Um, I don’t know…”
“We can give you a ride if you want. Right, Sabrina?”
Liv wanted to tell Keira not to bother. Obviously Sabrina didn’t like her and she didn’t want Keira getting in trouble with Sabrina over it.
Sabrina took a sip of her bottled water. “I suppose it wouldn’t be too big of an inconvenience.”
The smile was back on Keira’s face as she leaned closer to Liv. “And it’ll make Clay happy.”
“I’ll pick you up around six,” Sabrina said. “Don’t expect me to wait on you. You’re either ready when I get there, or you find another ride.”
She’s actually inviting me to go with them? Semi-inviting me, anyway. Even after Sabrina’s snide comments, she still had a desire to get on her good side. It didn’t make sense, but she wanted the girl’s approval. And she really wanted to go to the party.
“I just have to talk to my mom and dad first.” And Mom will never let me go.
Keira held out her hand. “Give me your cell and I’ll program my number into it.”
Keira called her phone with Liv’s, then handed it back, pulled her phone out, and punched buttons. A beep sounded from Liv’s phone. She opened up the text Keira had sent her.
I’ll let Clay know you’ll be there. Don’t worry, I’ll be subtle.
Liv smiled at Keira. She slipped her phone into her pocket, then looked up to see Spencer watching her. When her gaze met his, he quickly looked away.
…
Liv walked into Mr. Barker’s classroom, sat in her normal seat, and flipped her notebook to the section she reserved for pre-calc.
Spencer sat at the desk in front of her and twisted to face her. “So, would you like to hear about the time I split my head open?”
“Hearing about it doesn’t bother me. I just can’t see the blood.”
A wicked grin spread across his face as he leaned closer. “Oh, ’cause blood was pouring down from my eyebrow, into my eyes, and—”
“Okay, you got me,” Liv said, giving him a light shove. “That’s enough.”
He grabbed her hand, turned it over, and studied the scrape on her arm. “Not too bad.”
Her throat went dry and she had to work harder than usual to get words out of her mouth. “Now that it’s not bleeding.”
Spencer gently ran his thumb over the raised, red skin, then looked up at her, a spark of some indefinable emotion in his eyes.
For a moment he didn’t say anything, then he set her hand on her desk and released it. “So it looked like some intense UN meeting was going down over lunch.”
“First we talked about the crisis in the Middle East…” Thanks to Dad’s National Geographic, she actually knew about that situation.
“After we solved it, we moved on to discussing some One Direction concert. They were screeching and clapping like seals about it.”
“Not a fan?”
Liv shrugged. “I don’t know who they are.”
“Their music’s awful, but I thought every girl knew who they were. Next thing you’ll be telling me you don’t know who Justin Bieber is.” He looked at her, like he was waiting for her to say, Of course I do. His jaw dropped. “You’ve never heard of…?” He shook his head. “How is that even possible?”
She opened her mouth, searching for a believable answer. She didn’t want to lie, but the truth—what would Spencer do with that information?
Mr. Barker walked into the room. “Okay, everybody. Eyes up here. We’ve got lots to cover and not much time to cover it in.”
Spencer spun around to face front. Even the back of his head looked cute, his shaggy hair curling up at the bottom. While he was obviously surprised she didn’t know who One Direction or Justin Bieber were, it didn’t feel like he was judging her. Talking to him felt natural—there was something about him that made it easy to let down her guard and be the person she really was underneath all her issues. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she might just belong somewhere after all.
…
“What’s your next class?” Spencer asked as he and Liv exited the room.
“Chem with Mrs. Smith,” she said.
“That’s not far from where I’m going.” He stuck by her side as they walked down the hall. For over a week, she’d imagined what it would be like to talk to him, and now she was almost scared to say anything, for fear she’d mess it up. “So, you never answered my question,” he said.
“You never answer any of mine.”
“Who’s being evasive now?” He nudged her with his elbow. “Come on. Tell me why you’ve never learned to ride a bike, or how you don’t know who one of the most popular singers in America is.”
“It’s a long, complicated story that I don’t want to get into right now.” She glanced at him. “Especially since I don’t know if I can trust you. Or even how you’ll act tomorrow.”
