by Rose Croft
“Yeah, that would be great.” Andrew’s voice was flat, unemotional. Why?
“I’ll send her over.” I walked away, still wondering why he seemed so moody.
As I perused my other tables, I tried to avoid looking at Andrew, but my eyes had a mind of their own and would glance at him without my permission. I would catch him peeking at me but averting his eyes.
Even with him being with someone else, it didn’t stop me from ogling him. He looked incredible in his fitted, short-sleeved navy shirt that enhanced his tanned biceps.
I carried the appetizers out and had the sommelier bring the wine. She gave her whole spiel about the origin of the wine and delivered a flawless presentation as she uncorked the bottle and poured a sample in the glass for Andrew to test. He did the smell, swirl, and taste procedure and nodded his approval.
I left them to enjoy their appetizers. When they were finished, I came back to pick up the trays, which were completely empty. “I take it you didn’t like the appetizers.”
“The bacon was amazing,” John said. “I could eat another plate of that if I didn’t think I might clog up my arteries and have a heart attack. I’m totally blowing my diet tonight.”
I patted him on the shoulder. “You’re in such good shape that would never happen.”
“If you think I’ll be okay then I’ll take another order.”
“I’ll tell the kitchen.” I turned to put the order in, and he grabbed my hand.
“I’m kidding, Loren. But that’s so sweet of you to want to do that for me.” He had a charming grin that I remembered so well from back in the day. It’d always been so effortless to talk to him, and we always joked about how serious his brother was.
“That’s her job, dumbass. She’d do that for anyone if she gets a good tip.” Andrew glared at his brother. I lifted one brow.
Whoa! Where did that come from? John and Andrew always gave each other a hard time in the past, but it was usually good-natured. However, Andrew seemed genuinely pissed now. Was he jealous? I leaned in, stacking one empty tray on top of another, and couldn’t resist saying, “I would do it for you regardless of the tip.”
“Thanks, sweetheart.” If I didn’t know John so well, I would’ve thought he was hitting on me. But John knew how close Andrew and I were back then. I’d talked to him nonstop about Andrew in class.
I picked up the trays. “How were the oysters?”
“They were really good,” Alyssa said, reaching over and clasping Andrew’s hand. “Andrew destroyed them.”
He held her hand, but something in his mannerisms seemed unnatural. He wasn’t smiling or even reciprocating the gesture. He seemed uneasy. “Yeah, they were great.”
Later, I checked in on their table as they ate their entrees. “How is everything?”
“Perfect.” Andrew kept his head down, cutting into his steak.
“And the tuna?” I looked at Alyssa.
“It’s sooo good. Thanks.”
I checked John’s plate, which was almost empty. “You were hungry, little buddy, weren’t you?” I nudged him on the arm.
I heard the clink of a fork as Andrew glared at me.
“God, this steak is the best.” John groaned as if he were in a food coma.
“Can I get you anything else? Another bottle of wine?”
“No, thank you.” Andrew’s words were polite but came out harshly. What was his problem? This whole evening he’d either been pissed off or uncomfortable. I didn’t love having to serve him and his girlfriend, but I’d managed, trying to be the bigger person. Why didn’t he go to another restaurant if he was so uncomfortable?
I pursed my lips together and nodded. “I’ll come back when you’re finished.”
I checked on other tables and visited with patrons who came in all the time and were good customers. Some of the men were very flirty but had never done anything inappropriate, and they left great tips. As I made my way back to Andrew’s table, his seat was empty.
“Did you save room for dessert?” I asked pleasantly, happy that this nightmare was almost over.
“Hell yeah, I have room for dessert.” John wide-eyed me as if that were a stupid question.
“I should’ve known.” I jokingly tapped my forehead. “You’re an eating machine. I hope this doesn’t make you sluggish tomorrow.”
“It won’t.” He gave me a cocky grin.
“I’ll be back with a dessert menu.” I walked back to the kitchen to dispose of the plates and passed by the cigar bar. Andrew paced around, smoking a cigarette. He glanced at me and took a deep drag before looking away.
I deposited the plates in the kitchen. I saw James with a few entrees in his hand, falling in step with me as we walked out on the floor again. “How’s your night going?”
“Great. Very busy.” I grabbed the dessert menus.
He paused beside me as I stuck the menus under my arm. “Let’s go to the Twilite Lounge tonight. It’s a chill place and has good music.”
“Okay. I’ll need to change before we go.” I always kept a change of clothes in my car in case I had somewhere to go after work, which normally I didn’t.
He balanced the two plates on one arm. “No, you don’t. You look fine as you are.” He scanned his eyes over me.
“Whatever, James.” I hid a smile and started walking and almost ran into Andrew. He stood there with hands on his hips and face stony.
“’Sup, man? Everything good?” James asked as though Andrew were a disgruntled customer he needed to appease.
Andrew ignored him and stared at me. “I need to talk to you.”
I nodded, and gave James a reassuring smile because he was watching Andrew like he might need to get the manager to escort him out of the restaurant. “He’s an old friend.”
“Alright, you know where I am if you need me.” He still seemed unconvinced, but eventually made his way back to the bar.
Andrew gripped my arm, steering me into a dark alcove. The dessert menus fell to the floor.
Before I could bend down to pick them up, he had me caged against the wall. “What the hell are you doing?” His face was harsh as if chiseled out of ice.
I gulped trying to keep myself in check. “My job. What does it look like I’m doing?”
He ignored my question. “Who the fuck is that tool? You’re actually going out with him?” His chest was so close I could feel his body heat radiating into me. His lips were inches from mine. His arms were like bands of steel, touching my shoulders.
I pushed at his chest trying to move around him, but he wouldn’t budge. “Why do you care? You’re here with Alyssa.” I wanted to rail against him. Hurt him like he was hurting me.
“I don’t know…” He exhaled and smashed his lips together. His eyes were dark, ominous, penetrating my faux armor with each second that passed. Finally, his mouth parted as if he were trying to find the words to say. And when he did, they were slow and barely audible. “I care. A lot.”
“You have a weird way of showing it. Did you even look at my chapters? Were you ever going to look at them?” My voice was shaking with emotion. Every nerve in my body was taut, screaming out to him to touch me, soothe me, warm me—do something, anything, put me out of my misery.
He lifted one of his hands from against the wall. It wavered in the air for several moments as his forehead creased before he trailed it down my neck like he had no control of his actions. “Yes. I was engaged after the first sentence. I wanted to read more.”
My pulse bounced under his thumb, and my tongue felt thick. “Why couldn’t you tell me? Do you know I’ve been going out of my mind the last few weeks questioning myself, wondering if my work was shit?” Going out of my head wanting to talk to you?
He leaned his forehead on mine. Our noses touched, and his hands were on my cheeks. “I’m sorry. Fuck, Scout…I read it. Devoured it the night you sent it.” His mouth was so close that I felt his breath against my lips. “I didn’t contact you because I needed time to myself to th
ink.”
“About what?” I moaned, arching into him, needing to feel him, not even thinking that Andrew might pull away again. Did I give any thought to my job at this moment? How inappropriate this was if anyone saw us? If Alyssa saw us? No.
“I can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve tried to let you go, but I can’t.” His voice was desperate with need. I knew it. I felt it, too. I thought he was going to kiss me. And, I wanted him to, giving zero fucks that I could lose my job, not to mention his girlfriend was sitting at a table not far from us. It seemed crazy, depraved, but that’s how consumed I was.
“I never stopped thinking about you, Andrew.” I ran my hands over his chest, needing to touch him. His heartbeat pounded under my palm.
“I broke up with Alyssa several weeks ago.” His lips were touching my ear as he pressed in closer.
My heart jolted, and I was one second away from jumping into his arms. I swept my hands around his neck. “You did? Why is she here?”
I heard a throat clear behind us, and Andrew and I quickly pulled apart like teenagers who got caught kissing behind the bleachers at a football game. Fortunately, it was only John. He shuffled on his feet and scratched his chin with his knuckles. “Uh, Alyssa was wondering where you were.”
Andrew’s eyes were glued to mine as if he had no desire to be anywhere else. “Tell her I’ll be there in a minute.”
John’s hand covered his mouth, trying to hide a grin. “Hurry up. I’m hungry for dessert. I don’t splurge that much.” He glanced down and pointed to the forgotten menus on the floor. “Should I grab those and take them to the table?”
“No.” I laughed and bent over to pick them up. “I got it.”
“Leave,” Andrew said as if John were an unpleasant distraction.
John snorted and winked at me. “All right, bro.”
As he walked away, Andrew brushed my cheek, and I closed my eyes, wanting to imprint his touch in my brain. “Don’t go out with him.”
“Why?” I peered at him through half-closed eyes, and he smirked and gave me a look of Do I really have to explain this?
But, he answered anyway. “Because you want to be with me.”
I crossed my arms, trying to think of something witty to say to downplay how I felt, but it was pointless, especially after what I’d said a few minutes before. However, I wanted to know why Alyssa was here if they’d broken up. The question rushed out. “Why is she here?”
He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “She flew in and surprised me. I promise I’ll explain all this later.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Can I call you?”
I nodded, reaching for his phone. I typed in the number, but my fingers shook a little so it took a couple of tries.
I laid the device in his hand. “I have to settle things with Alyssa, but I needed to talk to you first.”
“Sure.” I was agreeable, going on blind faith that “settling things” meant they were not getting back together.
He glanced around the restaurant. “You better see to your tables.”
“Right.” I suddenly remembered I had a job. And, it was a Saturday night. I had four other tables besides Andrew’s. I patted my cheeks, gave Andrew a smile, and quickly sped away.
The rest of the night passed in a blur. Luckily, I got all my tables squared away with no complaints. John seemed to engage Alyssa in stories whenever I approached their table, and Andrew’s mood was lighter. I couldn’t count how many times our eyes met as I moved around the restaurant. It was like one of us might die if we didn’t see each other. It felt exhilarating. It felt fucking perfect.
Present
I stared into my coffee, waiting for the check. Alyssa was making light conversation with my brother. All I could think about was calling Loren later. I hadn’t known she worked here. It was obviously her second job and that made my chest tighten, knowing she was working her ass off to support herself. Nobody volunteered to work extra unless they had to or loved what they were doing, which Loren clearly didn’t. And, on top of that, she was writing a book. I couldn’t help but admire her for her tenacity.
That first week in New York after seeing her, I’d tried to convince myself I was having visions of grandeur about the past. And, I questioned my character, because how could I be with someone for six months and then do a one-eighty when I saw an ex-girlfriend? It seemed shallow. I told myself I was a despicable human being. I had to fight myself not to respond to her emails because I’d been so fixated on hearing from her to the point where nothing else mattered. I tried to back off and focus on Alyssa, but more time spent with Alyssa only made me miss Loren more.
I finally told Alyssa we needed a break. She wasn’t exactly happy about it, but she nodded and gave me my space. I needed time to think. I knew she was going to Thailand and Australia for a swimsuit shoot for two weeks. And I needed to be alone, so I went back to Austin. I purposefully kept myself from contacting Loren because I didn’t want to be influenced by her, although I knew she was already in my head all the time. She always had been, if I were honest with myself.
Loren brought the check, unsure of where to place it. She chewed on her bottom lip—the lip I’d wanted to suck on as we stood in a darkened corner not too long ago, forgetting that anything around us existed.
“I’ll take it.” I reached out my hand.
“I’ll get this.” John held his hand out too. “It was my idea to go out tonight. I wanted to treat you.”
I shook my head and handed Loren my card. She tilted her head and smiled and walked away. I was well off. I didn’t brag about that shit, but my brother made obscene money compared to me. However, I wanted to make sure Loren was compensated…well. I knew she needed the money, and I wanted to help her. When she returned and laid down the receipt with my card, I noticed the tab was close to two thousand dollars, and I didn’t hesitate to double the tip. Actually, tripled it.
“We ready?” Alyssa asked and stood up. John eyed me uneasily, knowing that I wanted to see Loren. John and I talked on a daily basis. I had called him to tell him what had happened when I went to the funeral. He knew how crazy I was about Loren in the past. I’d told him how Loren had said she’d loved me. I told him everything. And, knowing that, I’d still acted like a jealous asshole when my brother flirted with her earlier. Then, I took it up another notch when I saw her talking to the douchebag bartender.
I rose slowly. “I need to tell Loren something.” I was a man on a mission. Without a care, I walked over to the table where Loren had shoved a tab in her apron and was putting empty plates on her tray. I leaned in. “Please wait for my call.”
She jerked as if I’d surprised her by clasping her tray. “I will.” I wanted to pull her into my arms, but now was not the time. But I needed her to know that I would call her. I was desperate to hear her words. Talk like we used to do. I felt like a high schooler again with sweaty palms, trying to impress the girl of my dreams. I touched her shoulder to reassure her and walked back to my table.
Alyssa was standing beside John, studying her phone and showing my brother something, probably pictures of herself from her last shoot. I was somewhat annoyed that Alyssa had just dropped in on me this evening as John and I were going to dinner. She knew I’d be in Dallas this weekend to see my brother play a three-game series because we’d talked about going before we broke up. She wanted to talk. She told me she wasn’t a good girlfriend because she’d neglected me because of her job, and said she wanted me to give her another chance. I couldn’t just kick her ass out. I wasn’t that much of a jerk, but I knew I had to tell her the truth.
We left and went back to the loft. The only one talking as we drove home was Alyssa, and she went on and on about her trip. My mind was elsewhere. I could see my brother shaking his head in the back seat when I would glance in the rearview mirror.
When we entered our place, the three of us stood around talking about inane crap like the weather, how good the food was, Alyssa’s future schedule. It was nerve-racking.
Finally, John stretched. “I’m going to bed.” He gave Alyssa a hug and patted me on the back as he set off to his room.
Several quiet minutes passed. “I’ve missed you, Andrew.” Alyssa approached and threw her arms around my neck, going in for a kiss.
I pulled back. “Alyssa, we need to talk.”
She frowned. “I told you I’m sorry about the way I’ve been wrapped up in my job, not giving you enough of my time. I’ll do better. I promise.”
I reached up and disconnected her linked hands from my neck, bringing them down in between us. “It’s not that.” I led her over to the couch. “I think we need to sit down.”
“What is it then?” She clasped her knees and leaned forward. Her blues eyes were wide with confusion.
“The reason I needed a break is because I have…” God, this was hard. I didn’t want to hurt her. “…strong feelings for someone else.”
“Who? Were you seeing someone behind my back?” Her voice rose as she stared at me.
“No. I never cheated on you.” Not physically, but emotionally I did. And, in some ways that was even worse. “I still have feelings for someone I was with a long time ago. Always have.”
“Oh, my God.” Her mouth dropped when she connected the dots. “It’s Loren, isn’t it?”
I dropped my eyes to the floor and nodded. “I’m sorry, Alyssa. You deserve better.” It was an uncomfortable conversation, but I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Alyssa cried and had some choice words for me, but I listened and took it because I knew she was hurt.
It was two in the morning when I was finally sitting by myself in my room.
I texted Loren in case she was asleep.
“Hey, Scout, you awake?”
“Yup.”
I smiled and clicked her name.
“Hey.” Her voice was raspy. She sounded tired.
“It’s late. I’m sorry. Should I call back tomorrow?” I didn’t want to hang up, but I could wait if she was too tired to talk.
