by Nicol, Andy
Soul’s eyes met Dan’s and he mouthed an apology as he ran out. Soul screamed his name and kicked out, but Jekyll kept beating and Hyde kept whipping him.
Dan didn’t come back.
None of the people watching wanted to get involved. I couldn’t blame them but someone, anyone, should have stopped them. The back of Soul’s head was bleeding badly; the blood didn’t stop. The gashes on his arms and chest were wide open. I recognized some of those scars. He was unconscious as Hyde rolled him over with his boot and dropped the wire across his face, stepping on it and forming the most noticeable scar on his body, the scar running down his cheek and across his neck.
I felt sick to my stomach and delirious with sleep deprivation. I wish I had never seen that. Curiosity didn’t kill the cat but it sure did break the dog’s heart. Sighing, I rested my head on the desk. Some people think heartbreak is only metaphorical, but from the pain — no, the hollowness in my chest — I had to disagree.
Nineteen
I lost all hope of fighting my way out as I looked up into dark grey eyes. He was easily about a foot taller than me. I was just a kid… Why did I think I could do this? A whimper escaped me as I dropped my little knife and started backing up. I was facing two very large men and I was on my own.
I can fight … I’m pretty good for not having any formal training! But I don’t think I can fight them.
“I q-quit! You win!”
A loud laugh rang out from the one with slicked hair. I could feel the panic building in my stomach and started to turn the other way. Pain seared into my head and I hit the ground… Tears burned my eyes. I’m only a kid! I’m so stupid and I’m going to die here!
“P-please! I just want to go home!” I sobbed as I heard one of the men walk over. I pressed my hands over my head and pulled my legs to my chest. I screamed as my long hair was yanked back and I had to stand. “Hyde? Do what you want with her.”
I fearfully turned my head to see one pull a camera out of a man’s hand and start filming as the razor wire was draped across my chest and around my arms.
“I said I quit! P-please leave me alone! Why are you doing this?”
I heard a laugh from the one behind me. “Relax, Vixen … it will hurt less if you relax.”
It felt like my heart stopped as he viciously tugged the wire back, slicing through my arms and chest. He continued to pull harder and harder as I screamed and shrieked and bled and cried. I struggled as hard as I could, tears falling from my eyes as my muscles tensed, and my voice started to feel like it was on fire. I was trying as hard as I could to break free but I couldn’t. The feeling in my stomach was indescribable; I felt like it was tensing and like I was going to drop dead at any moment. I could feel the burn of every razor across my chest and over my ribs. I was being torn apart like a pig in a slaughterhouse.
I lost feeling in my hands as the blood poured over me and the ground.
“Henry! Johnny!”
My voice cracked and I was suddenly out of breath. Every inch of me was shaking from one feeling or another. Oh god, oh god, oh god … I’m going to die!
I cried out again, pathetically, more like a whimper than anything. I’m dying at nineteen … I’m a kid; I never even got to fall in love!
I could feel a boot pressing into my back, making the wire cut into my bones. The blood covered me, my hair, and was probably spraying out onto the demon behind me. My head hung, but I looked up long enough to see the crowd gasping and muttering.
“Let her go!” I heard Henry shout. I silently pleaded for him not to get involved.
“Not today, boy-o.”
I heard a loud shot, then a thump. “Henry!” My brother called out. “No! No no no. H-He’s dead, you freaks!”
I cried out again and started shaking uncontrollably. Is … is this what having your heart broken feels like?
I hit the ground and lay still as I sobbed. I feel broken … and words couldn’t describe the feeling sitting in my stomach. Suddenly, Johnny hollered in pain and I shut my eyes, biting my lip. This is not defeat … this is death.
“Let’s go, Hyde.”
“We’re done here, Jekyll.” Two Irish accents conversed happily.
Dirt and dust hit my face and I wept openly. My best friend is dead … and my brother wasn’t moving either.
“Johnny! I’m sorry! Henry … I’m so, so sorry!”
Twenty
Someone was shaking my shoulder roughly. I sat up, groaning and holding my stomach in both arms. I started to feel tears roll down my cheek and I squeezed my eyes shut tightly.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered again. I felt my throat catch, my shoulders heaved a few times, and I slowly, shakily wiped my hands over my cheeks.
“K-K9?” Soul looked down at me with wide eyes.
My heart dropped and I was sent into a panic. What if it happens to him? What if I had to relive that moment when I lost one of the people who meant the most to me? I didn’t let myself feel like that anymore. I fought harder — dirtier. I never let myself love anyone after that. My first reaction was to spin around in my chair and drag Soul into my arms. I shook my head as I tangled my fingers in his hair and pressed my face into his neck. I couldn’t let it happen again.
My dishevelled friend hesitantly let out a breath and slid his arms around my waist. I kept both hands wrapped around his neck as I pulled my elbows closer to me and tried to keep my lip from shaking.
I was afraid.
For the first time in a long time, I was afraid. Not something I’d truly felt since that day. I was afraid of losing a friend, someone I care about, but no one had to know.
I finally managed to calm my breathing again and leaned away from Soul. His hair was still flat and messy from sleeping on it, and there was far more worry in his expression than I had ever seen before. His top lip stuck out as he patiently waited for an explanation.
“Promise me … promise me that you’ll be okay. That no matter what, you’re not going to let me … that you won’t let me down?” I could feel my voice crack and swallowed down a lump in my throat. I looked into his eyes. His expression changed from concern to sympathy.
“Promise.”
Exhaling, I looked down and ran a hand through my damp hair. I closed my eyes again and tried to shake the image of Henry getting shot, only to have it replaced with an image of Johnny lying in the hospital.
I whimpered again; I would never be able to get those out of my head…
My cheek tingled as Soul’s soft hand grazed my skin. I looked forward and he tilted his head. Taking a deep breath, I shook my head. He tilted his head the other way, giving me a small smile.
“Who…?” Soul started.
I smiled softly to myself. “Henry was my partner. He died because of me. W-we were kids and I — I can’t let it happen again. I grew up and lost everything all in one day … night. But I’m not the same person I was. I’m not a stupid, innocent kid anymore! I couldn’t kill them, Soul. I froze up, and it’s not fair! I have to pay them back for what they took from me.”
I grimaced sadly and wiped my face again. “Johnny… Well, I hoped you would meet him.”
I looked up at him once again and his beautiful, sad green eyes stared back curiously. He suddenly nodded, but his mouth stayed fixed in that little pout of his, slowly turning into a gentle smile as he ran his hand over my hair.
“Can we see him today?” I felt like a child asking permission to go to the park. It’s silly, I know, but I didn’t want to force him. He nodded vigorously and smiled brightly. My mood was lifted and I sent him off to clean up, then got in the shower myself.
I didn’t want to even try eating today, but I sat down with Soul nonetheless. The cafeteria was almost empty. My mood was still low but I didn’t want to drag anyone down. It’s not their problem and no one should have to know, so I put up a smile and leaned on my hand as I watched Soul happily munch on his toast.
“Don’t fake … don’t like fake,” he mumbled with his
mouth full.
“I’m not.” I reassured him as a true smile tugged my mouth up my cheeks. “I feel better now.”
I was telling myself more than him but he still gave a disapproving look, making me quiet down a little bit and look downwards.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
His tilted his head and gave me a confused look, which was really kind of adorable and hard to take seriously with his cheeks puffing out like a chipmunk.
“For waking me up earlier,” I explained. “That was … I don’t want to live it again.”
He swallowed what was in his mouth and shook his head. “D-don’t thank! The bird was … worried.”
He stopped for a moment, obviously thinking. “Bird’s been alone for so long … so long.”
“You aren’t alone anymore, Soul.” I smiled softly at him.
“F-forgot what it was like…” He started to shake his head and mumble to himself.
“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” I said.
He threw his head up to look at me.
“Do you have any family? Someone had to be worried about you.”
He slowly shook his head, heaving a sigh. “Left. Warn — warned him. Said, ‘Don’t fight, Absolom, you’ll get hurt. If you fight you’ll never see us again’ … and he didn’t. H-he said he’d be fine but they left… He was lonely. Still go home, want to go home… No home anymore. The bird is not welcome … and they were right.” He bit his lip and his brow creased as he gave a worried look, staying far away from my eyes.
“That’s why you go to the little apartment on the abandoned side of town? You grew up there?” I asked.
“He did.”
“It’s been a long time. Maybe they’ve changed their minds. No matter how long it’s been, you’re family. They’re probably worried sick. Up until last week, they probably thought you were dead. They’ll feel bad about telling Absolom he couldn’t come home if he fought, trust me.” I grabbed his hand and he nodded. We just sat there for a while; the room was quiet.
“He has a sister.”
I spun to see Dan standing behind me.
“She was five when he left,” he continued.
Standing, I gritted my teeth. “Who asked you?”
“Hey, do you think he would have told you?” Dan growled back.
Soul had his gaze fixed on the floor below him. I knew the emptiness he must have felt in his chest, the numbness in his hands… We’ve all felt it at some point. I almost couldn’t blame him, given how I’d been treating my only family lately.
“Thanks, Dan! That was really helpful!” Dan shouted mockingly, doing a terrible impression of my voice as he walked away. I could feel my cheek twitch slightly as I watched him go.
“Tina…” Soul muttered as I turned back to him. He hadn’t moved. “His sister’s name was Tina. Tiny Tina … always smaller than the other kids. Absolom had to protect her, he … he worried so much…” He started to tear up and buried his hands in his hair.
“She misses her brother. You might not be Absolom anymore, but you’re still her family.” I thought of my own brother as I grabbed his hands. “Little girls will always worry about their brothers. No matter what.”
He nodded but refused to look at me.
“You should see her. Tell her you miss her and that you’re okay.”
He nodded and opened his mouth to say something, waiting until his lip stopped shaking to speak. “B-but…”
He had to pause and breathe so I finished his thought. “Your parents?”
“Mother.”
“I’ll do the talking if you want. I just don’t want you to leave without seeing her.”
Soul nodded and faintly brightened as I pulled him to his feet. We grabbed our jackets.
The air was crisp. Snow might fall any day now. Soul didn’t seem bothered by it, but I tightly hugged my chest and shivered.
“Where to?” he suddenly asked.
I shrugged to myself, then looked around. Johnny was probably done with his physical therapy by now so we could head there, but Soul probably wanted to get his visit over with.
“Where ever you want —”
“To meet Johnny?”
Giving a hoot of joy, I nodded and started walking. “Okay, he lives this way.”
I got to the door of a relatively nice house, but before I even had a chance to knock, it opened, revealing the smiling face of my brother. I hardly had a chance to say hello before he dragged me into a bone-crushing hug.
“Ugh! Can’t … breathe…”
“Sorry!” He muttered as he let me go and grinned. “I can’t believe my little sister got into the tournament!”
I turned to look at Soul. He seemed surprised and a bit relieved, probably recognizing Johnny as the lanky man I waved to as we were celebrating yesterday. He chuckled as he let his head fall back.
“Brother,” he muttered as he started to smile.
“What? Were you jealous?” Johnny asked.
Soul dodged the question by shaking his head and holding out his hand.
“Johnny, this is Soul —”
“Yeah, I got that much. I want to know the story behind this. Get in here. It’s freezing!”
I pulled Soul into the doorway by his jacket, following my brother down the hall. His limp was still very prominent — he’d never fight again — but it was nice to see him walking at all. He did still have to use crutches sometimes, though. They were currently lying on the floor in the living room. He had a habit of tripping over them, even though he had been using them for almost ten years.
“I know you, Benjamina. Your moral compass may not always point north but you are not a bad person.”
I grimaced. What was he talking about?
“So please tell me, for the love of everything that is good — including pie — that you didn’t fall into that whole reality TV game. Tell me you weren’t faking a story with him, and please tell me that you weren’t acting out there at that warehouse.”
I sighed and plopped onto a couch that was covered in stuffed animals, preparing to tell him our story.
About an hour later, my thin brother was sitting in shock and his chocolatey brown eyes were wide.
“This is bad. Everyone thinks that you were the ones who were in the wrong. Do you need any help with anything?”
I thought a moment and shrugged. “I don’t know —”
“Yes.”
I glanced at Soul. The crow-like man had a determined look on his face and jitters in his hands.
“Media … K9 can’t do it and fight in the tournament.”
I scowled but my brother nodded. “Ordinarily I would tell you not to underestimate her but I think you’re right. You need someone on your side to tell the world what actually happened and to dispute what they say happened. I’ll do a press release tomorrow if I can get permission.”
“Thank you, Johnny.” I stopped and thought about when Jekyll broke his spine. “For everything.”
“You’re my sister. I’ve looked after you since you were three. Even if we’ve been distant, it’s always going to be my job.” He cast a sad smile towards me as he sat back in his chair, petting a stuffed dog.
“No, I mean for everything. It’s my fault but I’m never going to let it happen again, to anyone.”
He smiled and shook his head. “You’ve changed so much … but you’re still my little girl.”
My heart sank, but I smiled anyway. I’ve disappointed him by becoming a fighter, ignored his calls out of guilt, but still he’s so supportive, so happy that I’m getting to compete. I’m not going to disappoint him again. I’m going to finish it.
“You know, until I met Soul, I was so carefree. I was able to go about my day without any problems. But now I remember that I can’t forget my emotions. That I’ll need them for when the time comes.” I pinched his leg and he yelped. “I’m going to fix everything.”
Johnny rested his chin across his fingers and tilted his head. “Yeah, I like this
… whatever this is. Keep her safe, Soul. I like you. I don’t want to have to get rid of you.”
“And there’s the brotherly love,” I joked.
We laughed together for a moment. I only realized now how similar we sound.
“Where’s Skipper?” I asked.
“He’s out with Rory, doing his rounds. I’m sure you’ll see him around at some point,” Johnny assured me. Skipper is our dog. He does therapy with Johnny, and he’s become a good companion for him since the incident. Johnny rarely goes out anymore.
“We should go now —” I paused and reached behind me, something poking into my back. I pulled out a small stuffed bird. “Hey! I remember you!”
Johnny chuckled quietly. “I kept meaning to give that to you. Corbin’s been sitting on my couch for years, just collecting dust. Maybe you can put him to good use.”
I nodded. “I think I can. I’ll see you later, Johnny.”
“I love you, Ben. Be good, Soul…” Johnny pointed to him and squinted as we left the room.
Closing the door behind us, we started walking to the end of the little lane. “Where to?”
Soul gave a frustrated sigh and grabbed my hand as he led me to his sister’s house. I looked down at the stuffed animal. Corbin was a little crow. I used to fall asleep with him sitting at the end of my bed. I always liked to think that he and Bernie, a little stuffed dog I used to have, were best friends. I still had Bernie.
I stumbled a bit and looked at the ground; a good deal of snow had fallen while we were with Johnny. Groaning and scowling, I had to pull my legs up higher, snow still sticking to the fur on the top of my boots.
“Cold?”
I shook my head. “Annoyed more than anything.”
He tugged on my hand and I stumbled closer to him. I noticed him smile contently but he still looked nervous. The fur of the stuffed animal tickled my fingers, and I gave it one last look before I held it up for Soul to take.
