by Erin Noelle
When she walked away to the bar to get their drinks, one of the guys asked, “Who’s the new waitress, Rat? Are y’all recruiting at the local high schools now?”
“Shut the fuck up, dude,” Max barked before I even had a chance to say anything. I cocked my head at him, now really interested in what was going on, but I refrained from saying anything there.
“Alright, alright. Shit, I was just saying she looks like she’s fifteen,” the guy responded, putting his hands up in the air to surrender.
“Well, I’m sure she’s old enough to work here. Marcus and Rat don’t run a shady business.” He looked over at me, “Right, man?”
I nodded. “Yes, she’s legal, and yes, Marcus runs a tight ship. This place ain’t mine anymore, I’m just here for a few weeks until I head back to Austin.” I paused a minute before asking him, “Actually, do you have a few minutes to talk before y’all go on?” He agreed and we walked over to the end of the bar where we had some privacy and could hear a little better.
“Look, I don’t want to make this long and drawn out, but I just wanted to tell you that I really miss having you as a friend. I know a lot of shit has happened. We’ve both made some pretty fucking stupid decision and reacted poorly to things. I’m sorry I hit you at the wedding,” I said sincerely. Making things right between people I had once cared about was a huge part of my self-forgiveness process, which was vital in the whole self-love thing.
He took a minute, digesting my words before he responded. “You’re completely right. We both did some things that we shouldn’t be proud of. I want you to know that I deserved that punch though; it’s why I didn’t even try to defend myself. I could give you a thousand excuses for what I did, but none of them mean shit. All I can say is I’m sorry . . . really fucking sorry. You have no idea how badly I’d like to redo that night.” He shook his head remorsefully.
“I get it. You don’t need to say anything else. Believe me, I know more than anyone. I just wanted things to be cool between us. Like I said earlier, I’m gonna be around here for a little while before heading back to Austin, and I’d love sometime in the future for Jobu’s Rum and 32 Leaves to play together again.” I felt such a relief that this conversation was going so smoothly.
“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that,” he began cautiously. “As you know . . .” He suddenly stopped what he was saying as something behind me caught his eye. Naturally, I turned around to see what or who it was, and immediately my eyes found Scarlett walking through the front door . . . followed by Ash.
SCARLETT
The day after my and Ash’s argument, and subsequent make up, we spent quite a bit of time talking about and planning for our upcoming move. Once we had the chance to discuss everything in detail, I began to get excited. UC Berkeley had an award winning College of Music so it was really a perfect fit for both of us. I had never dreamed of living in California before, and I wasn’t sure how my parents were going to feel about me leaving Rice, an academic mecca, for a music school on the west coast, but I had to remind myself that I wasn’t living this life for them.
We still needed to figure out where we were going to live, but we decided that we would go at the end of May, as soon as the semester was over. Ash had a job through the school doing research, similar to what he had at St. Thomas, and I would try to find one once we got out there. He kept telling me that it wasn’t necessary for me to work, that he could pay for everything, but I wanted to be able to help with our living expenses, even if he didn’t need it. I explained to him that if I didn’t, I felt like I was completely dependent on him, which of course was what I was trying to escape. Thankfully, he finally got it, and told me that he supported whatever made me happy.
That evening I was singing with 32 Leaves for the first time at Empty’s, and I was both excited and nervous. After Max had talked to Noah and the rest of the band, they had welcomed me with open arms. I quickly learned that singing with a band was much different than what I was used to, just me and my guitar or keyboard, but after practicing with them a few times, I finally felt confident enough to perform.
Max had left while I was still getting ready, saying that he had some errands to run before heading up to the bar. Ash had gone home to shower and get dressed and was coming back to pick me up. I think he was just as excited to see me with the band as I was to perform with them. I dressed in a black V-neck sweater with skinny jeans and black knee boots, hoping for a good mixture of comfort and style. As I finished straightening my hair and putting on a small bit of makeup, I found myself really wishing Evie was there. Not only was she my personal stylist, but she had always been my biggest fan. Just her presence had a calming sensation that no one or nothing else could rival.
A little after nine o’clock, Ash and I walked in and headed straight for the table where Max, Noah, Mina, and the rest of the band always sat. As we walked across the room, I noticed that Max’s chair was empty so my eyes began scanning the room. It didn’t take me long to find him. His eyes locked with mine, pleading, and I immediately knew why. I hadn’t even thought about seeing Mase up there; it had just never occurred to me that while he was still in Houston, that he would be there. He turned around and followed Max’s line of sight, and when our eyes locked, the nervous butterflies in my belly turned into a wild zoo.
HESITATE—STONE SOUR
LET HER GO—PASSENGER
MASON
I knew it had only been the day before that I had seen her, but I could not take my eyes off of her. She was absolutely stunning. Max stepped up behind me and quietly whispered in my ear, “Dude, you’re staring.”
“I’m well aware. I can’t help it, look at her,” I replied.
“Yes, I see her. And I also see her boyfriend walking behind her,” he chuckled.
With a half groan, I forced myself to pull my gaze away from her and turn back around to face Max. Rubbing my face to try and get the image of her out of my head, I asked him, “So what were you about to say?”
He gave me a crooked smile. “Well, I was going to warn you that she was coming.”
I was a little confused because Scarlett never mentioned coming up to the bar anymore, and I couldn’t imagine that Ash liked to hang out there much. “Does she come up here a lot?”
“No, she’s actually singing with 32 Leaves tonight.”
“What? Why? What’s wrong with Noah?”
“Nothing’s wrong with him, he’s still our main guy. She was wanting to get back into music, and we were looking for a way to diversify our set, so she’s just gonna do a few songs with us. Tonight is our first night live with her,” he explained. “She’s really fucking good, man.”
“So that’s why he’s here with her,” I muttered, as it all began to make sense.
Max put his hand on my shoulder, his eyes understanding. “He truly loves her; he’d do anything for her.
As I nodded and swiveled on my heel to walk away, I mumbled under my breath, “So do I . . . so do I.” I needed some fresh air and a minute to calm down before greeting the cute couple, so I hurried to the back door before they reached us. Standing outside in the freezing cold night without a jacket, I began counting backward from ten to calm myself and regain my composure. As simple as it may sound, I found that the anger control technique helped me quite a bit when my thoughts began to run away from me.
Startling me, the door swung open, nearly knocking me over, and Scarlett stepped outside. My heart soared knowing she had come looking for me, I didn’t even realize she had seen me escape.
“Mase! What are you doing out here? Why did you run when you saw me?” I could hear the hurt in her voice.
“I just needed a minute, Angel. I’m okay. I’m not out here doing lines or anything,” I said, in an attempt to make light of the situation.
She slapped me hard across the back of the head. “Don’t you even joke about that, Mason Templeton. I will kick your ass.”
“Ouch, that hurt!” I cried as I rubbed that back of my h
ead. “I was only kidding.”
“Now why did you come out here when I got here? Are you trying to avoid me?”
“I would never try to avoid you. I just wasn’t expecting you to be here . . . and him,” I ran my fingers through my overgrown hair. “I know what the situation is, Scar, and I accept it, but it doesn’t make it any easier, okay? I’m trying here. “
She stepped toward me, eliminating the space between us, and circled her arms around my waist and leaning her forehead onto my shoulder. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to me. Her scent reminded me of a warm night on the beach, the fresh air mixed with a hint of ocean sea breeze and coconuts. I tried desperately not to think about how she tastes as good as she smells, but it’s nearly impossible with her this close to me.
Without looking up, she whispered, “Mase, I thought we were moving forward as friends. You don’t run away from your friends. Like I’ve told you, I want you in my life, and I want to be in yours. I can’t even begin to tell you how important you are to me, but I’m with him now . . . whatever the messed up circumstances that brought us here, it’s where we are.”
Gently stroking her back with my hands, I knew what she said was true. I knew I had to let her go in that capacity. As much as I fucking didn’t want to, I was going to go insane like that. I knew it was part of moving forward and learning to love myself. I kissed the top of her head. “I’ll be okay, Angel. Just be patient with me. Now let’s go back inside. I want to hear you sing.”
She pulled back from me a bit, looking down at the ground, and said, “Wait, there’s something I need to tell you first.” She chewed on her lip nervously, obviously deciding how she was going to say whatever it was that she needed to say.
I put my hand under her chin and lifted her face so that she was looking into my eyes. “What is it? Just say it.”
“Ash and I are moving to California in May, after the semester is over,” she blurted out.
There haven’t been many times in my life that I’ve been speechless, but that was one. I was literally stunned silent. I dropped my hand from her chin and put them in my pockets and just stood there staring at her.
I could see the tears forming in her eyes as she tried to explain further. “Please don’t be upset with me. I’m gonna go to music school there and he’s gonna finish graduate school. I mean you’re leaving to go back to Austin here in a couple of weeks, and from there you’re probably going to be on tour. You’ll be long gone before I ever leave.”
I knew she was right in everything she said. I would be leaving Houston in just a short time, but for some reason knowing that she was not only moving in with him, but moving across the country with him, made me extremely jealous. I swallowed down the lump that had formed in my throat as I gazed down at her. One single tear fell down her cheek, and I reached up to wipe it off with a gentle stroke of my thumb. I knew in that moment that I had to let her go. She needed me to tell her it was okay, and as much as it killed me to do so, I did just that.
“I wish you the best, Angel. I know you’ll be amazing at anything you do,” I said with a forced smile, as I fought my own tears. “I’ll always be your biggest fan and you will always have a special place in my heart. I can never thank you enough for your love and support . . . for always believing in me. Anytime you need me, for any reason, I will be there for you.”
“We aren’t saying goodbye yet. We will still see each other before you leave?” Her words were more of a question than a statement.
“Yes, but who knows if we’ll get another chance to be alone. I just wanted you to know . . . this way when I do leave, we don’t have to do the sad goodbye. Okay?”
She gave me her best fake smile, and as desperately as I wanted to pull her back into my arms and kiss her full lips, even if it was for one last time, I didn’t. Neither of us said anything else, we went back inside the bar and each went our separate ways—her to the table with Ash, Mina, Max and the rest of 32 Leaves while I went to find and check on Andi.
SCARLETT
When I returned to the table, I could feel the inquisitive eyes on me. I was sure they saw Mason and I come in the back door together, but I was at the point that I didn’t give two shits what everyone else thought. I sat down next to Ash and he put his hand on my thigh, squeezing it for comfort. He knew what I had just done, and he understood that it wasn’t easy for me. I gave him a quick peck on the lips and a look that said we would talk about it later. Max gave me a look that told me he was completely lost on what was going on, but as soon as the waitress approached the table, his attention was drawn to her.
“Can I get you anything to drink, Scarlett?” I heard a sweet female voice ask.
Confused on how the waitress knew my name, I looked up to meet those same crystal blue eyes that I was introduced to the day before. “Andi!” I exclaimed, remembering that Mase had said he was getting her a job. She leaned in and gave me a quick hug before asking me if I wanted anything to drink again.
As she walked away, both Ash and Max asked in unison, “Who is that?” I laughed, looking back and forth between the two of them. “That’s Andi, she’s Mason’s new roommate. I picked them both up from the center yesterday and took them to his apartment.
Max crinkled his forehead in displeasure, “Are they together?”
I shook my head. “No, not that I know of or that was evident yesterday. From what I could gather, she doesn’t have any family so he offered her a place to stay and a job. Her issues are . . .” I struggled to find the right word without spreading her business to others. “Different. She’s got different problems than Mason,” I explained vaguely.
Thankfully, Noah interrupted us, letting us know that it was time to take the stage. Suddenly my belly filled with nervous butterflies, I really hoped I was ready for this. I kissed Ash before joining the rest of the band, waiting for Noah to introduce me. As soon as I took the microphone in my hands, I forgot about everyone and everything but the music; it was just me and the band in my world for those four songs.
When I was finished with my part of their performance, I hopped down off the stage and made my way back to where Ash and Mina were sitting. I knew the smile on my face stretched from ear to ear and I felt like I was floating. God, I felt amazing. The beats were still thumping through my body, in the same pattern as my heart was beating, and the adrenaline coursing through my veins was exhilarating. They both stood up to hug and congratulate me when I reached the table. Ash picked me and swung me around, whispering in my ear, “I’m so proud of you, Scarlett. You were absolutely incredible.”
We sat there to watch the rest of 32 Leaves’ performance, and several other people, including Andi, stopped by to tell me that I did a great job. I was seriously on cloud nine . . . I only wished Mase would’ve come by to say something too, but I understood why he didn’t.
After the guys finished up, they all re-joined us for a celebratory round of beers and they all bought me shots, saying that it was part of the initiation process. Spirits were high, we all knew that we had nailed it, and I had three shots down when I heard that familiar voice come through over the speakers.
“Evenin’ folks. I, uh . . . I’m not used to being up here by myself. I’m Mason, for those who don’t know me.” Some girl interrupted him, yelling out, “We’ve missed you, Rat!” He laughed, “Or Rat, if you prefer. The rest of Jobu’s Rum is in Austin, but I’m here a few weeks, so I thought I’d play a song or two.”
I heard him rustling around and getting ready, but I didn’t look up. I knew that Ash and Max were watching me, and that combined with the liquor that I had just consumed, had my face burning. I desperately wanted to get up and walk outside. I had no idea what he was going to sing, but I didn’t want to stick around to find out. However, I also knew that if I left, it would make even more of a scene, so I just sat there staring at the beer on the table in front of me.
He strummed the guitar a few times, making sure it was in tune before he be
gan. As soon as he played the opening chords, I hissed in a breath of air between my teeth as my heart plummeted into my stomach, realizing the song he was playing was indeed for me. I was frozen in place, my eyes still fixated on the amber liquid in the glass in front of me, my throat had a golf ball-sized sob lodged into it, and my heart at a dead standstill; every word he sang ripped deeper and deeper into my soul. The entire bar was silent, watching him in awe, as he performed the song better than the original artist, his voice saturated with sadness and sorrow. As he whispered the last “And you let her go,” I finally pulled my gaze up to look at him. He was staring directly at me and then said in a low whisper the five words that cut me deeper than I ever thought possible. “I’m letting you go, Angel.”
BENEATH YOUR BEAUTIFUL—LABRINTH (FEAT EMELI SANDI)
IT WON’T STOP—SEVYN STREETER (FEAT CHRIS BROWN)
ASH
I should’ve gotten some kind of fucking award for sitting there listening to him sing to her. If it had been any other song other than one with him telling her goodbye, I probably would’ve gone all caveman and thrown Scarlett over my shoulder, hauling her ass out of there. It still killed me because I knew that he was upsetting her, but I also knew that she had just told him about our moving. I tried to put myself in his shoes, and I gave him his chance to say goodbye. I hoped he truly realized that he had blown his shot with her, and now that she was mine, I wasn’t ever letting her go.
As soon as the song was over, I put my hand on the small of her back and leaned in to her ear, whispering, “Are you ready to go or do you want to stay?”
She didn’t say a word; she just hopped off her bar stool, grabbed her purse, and began walking toward the exit. I said a blanket goodbye to the table and followed after her. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I finally caught up to her. Honestly, I expected tears and a pretty foul mood, but when I finally reached her waiting by the car, she seemed to be fine. I still proceeded with caution. I wasn’t sure if I should bring up anything or not. I went with not.
