“I’ll sit. Mind if I smoke?”
“It’s bad for Missy.”
Mark laid the pack aside. “Okay. You’ve made your point.” His sigh was audible. “I never dreamed there’d be so many changes when we started a family.”
“I suppose it is harder when the child’s half-grown. But that doesn’t alter the fact that you have a personal responsibility for your daughter. You can’t leave it all to your wife. When the adoption goes through, you’ll be as much Missy’s father as if you’d sired her yourself.”
Mark was shaking his head. “Not according to Dad, I won’t. He’s already making noises about wanting a real grandson to carry on the Payne name. You’re lucky you’re not married or he’d be after you, too.”
“I doubt it.” Gritting his teeth, Gray dealt with his negative reaction. Some things never changed, did they? Neither did some people. It was a shame Nathan had never been able to view him as his real son. He’d turned his problems with his father over to the Lord long ago, when he’d first become a Christian, but that didn’t mean that the old man’s unfair opinions had stopped hurting.
“Have you and Candace decided to give up trying to have a baby?” Gray asked.
“No. She’s still going to doctors to see if they can fix whatever’s wrong. I guess she just got tired of waiting and worrying. I went along with the adoption because she wanted it so badly.” He shrugged. “It’ll all work out. As long as my wife is happy, I’m happy.”
“What about Missy?”
“What about her? She’s got a nice home, plenty of toys, food on the table and anything else she needs. I don’t understand why she keeps causing so much trouble. Doesn’t she know we’re trying to help her?”
“According to Stacy, probably not,” Gray said. “Which reminds me, why didn’t you tell me Stacy was orphaned when she was just a kid?”
“And have you blab it to our parents? No way. I was having enough trouble getting along with them back then. I didn’t intend to give them any more reasons to tell me I was a fool.” Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees and spread his hands. “Anyway, it all worked out. Stacy saw the futility of our relationship and broke it off. Saved me from doing it.”
“You never knew why, did you?” Gray shook his head slowly, sadly, remembering all too well. “I suppose it’s time I told you. I had a little brotherly talk with your girlfriend and explained how she would never fit into our family.” He steeled himself, waiting for Mark’s temper to flare. It didn’t take long.
The younger man jumped to his feet, his face florid with rage. “You what!”
“I scared her off. It’s a simple as that.”
Mark’s hands were balled into tight fists. “How dare you interfere in my life like that? What made you think you had the right?”
Frowning, Gray faced him. “I didn’t do it for you. I did it for Stacy. She was young and way too kindhearted. She didn’t know what she was getting into. But I knew. I’d been there. If she’d stayed, Dad would have chewed her up and spit out the pieces. And if that hadn’t been enough to break her spirit, our mother would have managed to make her feel like something that had crawled out from under a rock.”
“So you sent her packing? Just like that? I ought to break you in half!”
“You’d probably be justified in trying,” Gray said. “If it’s any consolation, I’ve regretted what I did ever since.”
“How comforting. And that’s supposed to make it all right?”
“No. But it’s the best I can do. There was no way I could stand by and let a sweet girl like Stacy be hurt.”
“So, you played God with my life, is that it?”
Gray reached out to his brother, disheartened when Mark backed away. “If you’ll calm down and think about it, you’ll realize I did both you and Stacy a favor.”
“Oh, sure. And now, you’ve decided to romance her yourself, right? How convenient.”
Gray was taken aback. “Everything I said about our family goes for me, too, Mark. Especially now that I’ve gotten to know Stacy better. I’d never subject her to the ordeal of becoming a Payne.”
“But you have thought about it, haven’t you?”
Gray refused to consider what his honest answer should be. “I told you years ago, I’m not the marrying kind. Never have been. Never will be. I leave the romance up to you.”
“And all the grandsons to carry on the family name?” Mark’s eyebrows raised to punctuate the question.
“Especially them.”
“Mother won’t like hearing you say that.”
A twinge of regret touched Gray’s heart. He quickly dismissed it. “It was her decision to marry a Payne. She should have to live with the consequences. I do.”
Frowning, Mark studied his older brother. “Stop talking nonsense. I know you and the old man had a fight when you turned down the job he offered you, but that doesn’t mean he’s given up on you.”
Gray refused to be baited. In time, perhaps he’d tell Mark what had transpired when Nathan and he had argued so vehemently. And perhaps not. Baring his soul wouldn’t change a thing. Neither would walking away from his family for good and hurting his mother. In spite of everything that had happened, he did love her.
“Enough about me,” Gray said flatly. “What are you going to do about that unhappy little girl?”
“Still meddling in my life, dear brother? I thought you’d learned your lesson.”
“Cut the sarcasm and answer my question.” Muscles clenching, he stood firm and stared Mark down, relieved when the childhood tactic still worked.
“What can I do?” Mark grumbled.
“Well, you could start by spending more time with Missy. Get to know her. Talk to her.”
“Oh, sure. I don’t know what to say to kids.”
“Then try just listening. The kid needs to feel like you care, like she can actually belong here. And while you’re at it, don’t dump her at Dad’s again for a while.”
“Why not? I thought Mother wanted me to.”
“She wants whatever Dad tells her she wants. You know that. That’s how it’s always been with them.”
“Now you’re starting to sound like Rosalie.”
“Heaven forbid. Our sister is not exactly the most open-minded person I’ve ever met.”
“No, but she did have it out with the old man before she married Stan and ran off to Paris.”
“She did?” Gray scowled. “What happened?”
“I don’t know. I assume Stan was the problem. Rosie was crying so hard I couldn’t make out most of what she said. She and Dad argued and the next morning, she was gone. Just like that. Mother was devastated.”
“I wonder why she never told me all that?”
“Probably because you and Dad were already on the outs and she didn’t want to make things worse. Mom has always played the peacemaker. She may have her faults but she knows when to keep her mouth shut.” Mark glared at him. “Unlike someone else I could mention.”
“I only try to do what’s right.”
Nodding, his brother said, “Yeah. I know. Do me a favor, will you? Don’t try to tell me how to live my life. My nerves can’t take much more of your so-called help.”
Chapter Nine
During the days that followed, Stacy managed to put the Payne family out of her mind—for the most part. As long as she kept busy, she seldom relived her visit to the estate or let herself dwell on the effects of Graydon’s kiss.
Nights, however, were a different story. In the quiet of the evening, when all her chores were done, the whippoorwill was calling and lightning bugs rose out of the long grass to blink fluorescent green in their search for a mate, Stacy always grew pensive.
This night was no different. She couldn’t prevent her thoughts from returning to the last time she’d been with the enigmatic man who had changed the course of her life.
What might she have been like if she’d married Mark, as she’d once imagined? Stacy knew she woul
dn’t be the same person she now was. Instead of leaning on someone else she’d built a successful career all by herself. She smiled. Well, not quite by herself. The good Lord had directed her, sent encouragement when she needed it and led her to the best dogs for the job so she could offer the kind of assistance for which she’d become well-known.
Which just went to prove that God could use anybody. Even her. Even a man like Graydon Payne. The comparison made her edgy. He’d certainly made a jumble of her feelings when he’d kissed her. Every time she smelled a rose she flashed back to their encounter in Estelle’s garden. For a joke, the kiss had certainly seemed genuine enough. At least it had to her.
Which was why Stacy was so mad at herself. It was disgusting to realize she didn’t have enough sense to separate fantasy from reality. Maybe that was because she’d been forced to grow up so quickly after the accident. Or maybe it was because she’d never had one of those private, mother-daughter talks the other girls had giggled about when she was in school.
Caught up in the sudden urge to unburden herself, she reached for the phone and dialed the Spring River Campground. When Judy answered, Stacy said, “Hi. It’s me. I’m looking for a little motherly advice. Are you up for that?”
Judy chuckled. “Sure. I’ll be your mama. As long as I don’t have to baby you. How are you, anyway? We haven’t heard a peep from you since you were here.”
“I’m fine. Sort of.” Stacy grimaced in disgust. “I know I’ve neglected you and Angie. I mean well. I make myself all kinds of promises, then as soon as I get back to work, I push so hard I forget all about my friends. I’m really sorry.”
“Apology accepted. When are you coming to see us?”
“I can’t do it this week. I have a speech to give in Little Rock on Saturday, which I haven’t written yet. Then there’s church on Sunday. By Monday I have to get ready to teach a class of new volunteers.”
“When does the class start?” Judy asked wisely.
“On the thirteenth. Why?”
“Because that’s nearly two weeks away. You have lots of time to come see us again, if you really want to. Then you and I can talk face-to-face. We mamas like to be able to look our daughters in the eye and make sure they’re telling us the whole truth. At least that’s how my mom was. She could tell in a heartbeat whether or not I was being honest.”
Stacy sighed. “I wish I could remember more about my mother. Sometimes, I’ll recall a whole event from when we were together. Other times, the best I can do is look at her picture and imagine what she must have been like.”
“I know what you mean,” Judy said soberly. “I feel that way about my grandmother. She died when I was seven. When I try to remember her just as she was, the details are all fuzzy.” She paused, then added, “When can we expect you?”
“I don’t know if I can break away.”
“Phooey. Just do it.”
“But my dogs need care and training and—”
Judy interrupted. “Get somebody to come in and feed for you. The poor dogs probably need a vacation from you as much as you need one from them. Give everybody a break. Cut loose. Run away to the mountains and relax.”
“Run away?” Stacy accented her words with a humph of disgust. “I’ve done that. Don’t you remember what happened when we were in high school? I took off and was gone for days before they found me and brought me back. I almost got sent back to jail.”
“Jail?” Judy’s voice was squeaky. “I didn’t know you were ever in jail. What did you do?”
“Absolutely nothing criminal,” Stacy assured her. “I was just a very unhappy teenager because I had no real family to support me.”
“I had a great family and I was still miserable,” Judy confessed. “I think that’s part of growing up. We all go through it. At least you turned out all right.”
Did I? Stacy wondered to herself. “I don’t know. Sometimes, it seems like there must be more—like there’s something important missing from my life. Know what I mean?”
“Important, as in a man?”
Stacy was quick to deny it. “No! Of course not. I don’t even have time for the friends I’ve already got. There’s no room in my life for romance. You know that.”
“Okay. So, when shall we expect you?”
“You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?”
“Nope. You obviously need a break. Take one before you fall apart. Mother’s orders.”
“Yes, Mother. Bake me a nice apple pie, will you? I promise I’ll be there as soon as I can get my chores farmed out to the neighbor boy who usually helps me. The speech is day after tomorrow. I’ll pack before I go to Little Rock and drive to your place directly from there.”
“Sounds good to me. How about bringing some ice cream for the top of the pie?”
“It’s a deal. Anything else you need?”
“My old friend,” Judy said sincerely.
“Hey. Watch it with the old part, will you? I’m only twenty-nine.” Hesitating, she added, “Going on sixteen, if my latest adventure is any indication.”
“Oooh, sounds interesting. Hurry and get here so we can hear all about it.”
“Right.” Bidding her goodbye, Stacy wondered if she was making a mistake by even thinking of airing her confusing feelings in regard to Graydon Payne. As girls, she, Angela and Judy had discussed many private problems without serious repercussions, but that didn’t mean they’d be able to understand her now. None of them were kids anymore. And potential relationships were no longer something to giggle about after class behind the gym.
Stacy huffed in disdain. There was no way that Graydon Payne had meant to be romantic when he kissed her, any more than she intended to be gullible enough to take him seriously. Surely, the Lord wouldn’t expect her to forgive him for everything he’d done in the past simply because she happened to find him mildly attractive now?
She knew she should turn to God in fervent prayer; ask Him what to do, what to think, how to behave in the present dilemma. But she decided not to. She didn’t want to take the chance that her Heavenly Father might actually want to influence her in Graydon’s favor.
It was bad enough going against what her innermost heart kept insisting it wanted. She wasn’t going to acknowledge that God might be on Graydon’s side in the matter, too.
The hotel banquet room in Little Rock was only half full when Stacy smoothed her pale-blue silk dress and stood up to begin her lecture on the tracking dog program. Rather than let the disappointing turnout influence her attitude, she reminded herself that her wealthy, venerable host knew precisely which philanthropists to invite to gain the most financial support for her program. Having the right people there was far more important than having the room full of disinterested folks who’d just come for a free lunch.
She smiled and introduced herself, then began citing some of the specific successes with which she’d been directly involved, either as an instructor or as a member of a search party. Usually, she enjoyed describing the training program and its benefits. This time her mind kept drifting to her upcoming getaway and the freedom from daily responsibility. She hadn’t realized how stressed she was until she’d made the arrangements to take some time off.
Anxious to be on her way, Stacy concluded her speech and prepared to leave the podium while her host waited for the applause to die down so he could take over the plea for funds. A deep, male voice coming from the very back of the room stopped her in midmotion.
“You forgot to mention one of your most recent cases,” he called.
The assembled guests pivoted to see who was speaking. Stacy didn’t have to look. She knew it was Graydon Payne. The fine hairs on the back of her neck were prickling and her lovely luncheon salad lay bunched in her stomach like coarse, dry straw stuffed into the torso of a scarecrow.
“I couldn’t possibly list everything.” Hoping she sounded more calm than she felt, she addressed the whole group. “The tracking dog program was begun many years ago, long before
I became involved. Its continued success, however, depends on the support of benefactors such as yourselves. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
Before she could gather her papers and slide them back into her briefcase, Gray had made his way to the head table and joined her.
He picked up the microphone and began to explain why he’d come. “Ms. Lucas and her dogs saved a close member of my family not once, but twice. When I phoned her to express my gratitude and was told she would be speaking here today, I crashed the party in order to add my support to that of the rest of you.”
Gray reached into the breast pocket of his navy-blue suit coat and withdrew an envelope. Instead of handing it to Stacy, however, he passed it to the gentleman who had sponsored her presentation. “I’m sure everyone here will want to contribute, also. Believe me, I’ve seen these rescue dogs in action and the job they do is amazing.”
The man opened the envelope. When he saw the check his gray eyebrows arched in evident surprise. “Thank you, Mr. Payne. This is very generous. I’m sure this will inspire others to give liberally, as well.” He extended his hand.
Graydon nodded politely and shook the man’s hand. He’d accomplished his purpose. He should be satisfied. Only for some reason, he wasn’t. Seeing Stacy again had left him feeling strangely bereft, as if there were some intangible element missing from his life. It was not a frame of mind he enjoyed. On the contrary, the unsettling mood was one he intended to banish as soon as possible.
Which meant he’d simply make a personal apology to Stacy for overstepping the bounds of common courtesy and kissing her, then be on his way. That should be enough to salve his conscience and give him back his peace of mind, since his donation to her training program hadn’t done the trick.
Gray turned to speak to her, to invite her to join him for coffee so they could talk privately. To his surprise and chagrin, she’d left the room.
Stacy hurried to the elevator. Glancing over her shoulder she was relieved to see that no one had followed her when she’d slipped out of the banquet hall. Good. Now, all she had to do was ride the elevator to the hotel parking garage, get her truck and she’d be on her way in spite of Graydon’s pretentious interruption of her lecture.
The Troublesome Angel Page 10
