Canadianity

by Jeremy Taggart

  Played a festival in 1994 in Gimli, Manitoba, called Sunfest. I remember the Odds being incredibly tight live. They did a classic version of “So What’cha Want” by the Beastie Boys. Seeing Stompin’ Tom Connors crushing a dart by himself was pretty classic—just taking in another day at the rodeo. He smoked like a hitcher. Rolling Stone style. Just a legend on a dart break.

  That whole day felt pretty Canadian. The Watchmen played, as well as 54-40, and the MC was Father Guido Sarducci. I’ve played a lot of festivals, but that was the first time playing with a bunch of big Canadian bands. I’m pretty sure that was the last time I saw Father Guido (played by Don Novello) do anything.

  Burton for Certain

  In honour of Burtonius Maximus—the great Burton Cummings—we played a game where we read quotes to each other and had to guess whether it was “Burton for Certain.” See how you do:

  1.“Winnipeg. Man, what a place to grow up. Just hangin’ around, mostly listening to rock and roll on the radio. The radio was fabulous, man. Every night it was rock and roll, rock and roll. The best of all of it: Elvis, Buddy Holly, Chuck Berry, Fats Domino, Little Richard. It was rock and roll, man!”

  2.“The songs. It’s the songs, I mean, it sounds like they tell me what to do. I write the song, but, uh, it was better the first time we talked about it.”

  3.“I’m delighted to hear somebody reads those. I’ve been involved in putting some out and some of them—callous publishers—believe that coffee-table books are really furniture, that nobody actually reads them at all, but you do. At least you look at the pictures.”

  4.“I’m very pleased with the production. The band had a good night and I thought my night was pretty good too. The sound was good and it looks pretty good too.”

  5.“I’ve done all that, you know. I’m not really into that whole ‘running with the pack’ scene. I mean, I go to my lawyer’s office, I bump into Gregory Peck, Warren Beatty, Steve McQueen and (Mick) Jagger and guys like that and they’re just like anybody else, you know?”

  6.“The music and lyrics are often written at the same time. Sometimes the chords themselves will beget certain words.”

  7.“Within the next few years, from what I hear in the wind, they’re going to be able to bypass tape. They’re now storing mixes digitally into a computer brain and having a readout. So the tape will be eliminated, and you’re actually eliminating the middleman so that every record will be sort of like a direct-to-disc pressing. It’s a phenomenal step ahead, as far as the recording industry goes.”

  8.“My wife pounded on my studio door, like a lunatic, and I was afraid that someone was breaking into my house. And she grabs me and takes me upstairs and Manny is singing on Jimmy Kimmel.”

  9.“I think one of the problems with historians in Canada is there’s no tradition of popular history. Nobody’s telling you what it was really like, they’re telling you what the great currents in history were. They don’t tell you what the smell of things were like, what people wore or how they looked or how they felt. I don’t want to sound egotistical here; I don’t want to blow my own horn but I’ve done the kind of a job that should have been done years ago in this country about this extremely important war.”

  1, 5, 7: Burton for Certain; 2: Neil Young; 4: Gino Vannelli; 6: Alanis Morissette; 8: Dan Hill; 3, 9: Trick answer: Pierre Berton

  Taggart’s Top Five “Cleaning Up the Cottage” Jams

  Many jams make light work. Fire these on while you’re chasing dust bunnies around your place at Lake Winnipegosis on May 2-4.

  5.“Ready to Start” • Arcade Fire

  4.“No Sugar Tonight” • The Guess Who

  3.“The Lion Sleeps Tonight” • The Tokens

  2.“Seasons in the Sun” • Terry Jacks

  1.“Four Strong Winds” • Neil Young

  Manitoba Gotta Do’s

  DESTROY perogies at the Forks.

  CRUSH your weight in meat in a relaxed dining atmosphere from a bygone time at Rae & Jerry’s Steak House.

  PEEL up to North Knife Lake Lodge. If you’re a fishermafk, this place is a must. Charters start in Thompson for an expedition that can land you a fish the size of your own leg. Plus, the Hip have a song called “Thomson Girl,” so that’s a Canadianity double double.

  OGLE animals at Assiniboine Park Zoo. Great family spot.

  Hay, Saskatchewan! Wheat’s Up?

  Bahd Bands

  The Waltons

  The Northern Pikes

  The Sheepdogs

  The Age of Electric

  The Deep Dark Woods

  Five Notable Bahds

  Graham DeLaet. A bearded bahd outta Weyburn. Burning up the PGA.

  Leslie Nielsen. Growing up in the harsh prairie winters must’ve contributed to Leslie’s dry sense of humour. From Airplane! to the Naked Gun trilogy, he’s consistently one of the funniest actors Canada has ever produced. Even funnier: his brother Erik was the deputy prime minister of Canada!

  Steve Nash. A generation of Canadian kids took to the game of Nash-ketball because Steve paved the way by charging the lane against the biggest names in the game. But remember, it’s our game. (Shout-out to James Naismith and Heritage Minutes.)

  Ryan Getzlaf. NHLer, another sizable feller. A huge part of any Canadian team on the world stage in the past decade or so. Brother Chris Getzlaf is a CFLer feller.

  Tommy Douglas. Thanks for the free health care, bahd! Kiefer Sutherland sure won the grandfather sweepstakes with TD.

  The Birthplace of Bahddism May Be Saskatchewan

  Taggart

  As you head west and spend some time in Saskatchewan, you’ll find so many warm-hearted people.

  I’ve played Regina and Saskatoon many times. I’ll always remember going to the bathroom after a show at Channel One in Regina, and there was a true bahd standing in the urinal beside me. He said nice things about the show and chatted about the night. I enjoyed the conversation, but I was amazed by the way he had his arms folded above his barrel the whole time. That’s the first time I saw that special move. I was impressed.

  This was back in the day of band houses. You would stay at a house that the club rented instead of at a hotel. Some places were too greasy to stay in, like the one that Crocks N Rolls in Thunder Bay had. I slept in the van instead. The Channel One house wasn’t bad, though—it was more rustic and had more vibe than filth.

  I enjoyed the flat landscape and dry weather. It was also the first time that I required lip balm twenty-four hours a day. I had lips like Steve McQueen in Papillon as soon as I got out of Winnipeg.

  Truck stops can sometimes be pretty greasy, anywhere in Canada. I love reading the bathroom walls as you travel the country. Sometimes you find awful limericks or jokes; sometimes cowardly lines that scream out the insecurities of the person who penned them. I’ll never forget one that I saw on a bathroom door at a Saskatchewan Husky: “Steak knife, Steve Kotchey is a Chief!” I don’t know what the hell it means, or whether it’s a rhyme or a statement, but it has somehow locked itself into my brain, never to be forgotten. The poetry of the road dumpers.

  Jono and I found the great Saskatchewan to be the ground zero of Canadianity, I think mostly because they are truly happy with what they have: the ’Riders and potash. Everyone’s a bahd, no matter where you go. The support they show for the CFL is blinding bahddism. NFL? What NFL?

  Driving through the Prairies is a trip. So wide and open. There are no secrets on the landscape, nowhere to hide, nowhere to run. If it’s windy, though, it’s pretty scary. When Jono and I were going from Winnipeg to Regina on our live TnT tour, it was really windy. The gusts felt like we were gonna get burled right off the road. A couple of days later we heard about a band getting blown off the road in their van and trailer on that same stretch. Luckily, they weren’t hurt, the poor bahds. I don’t envy bahds who need to drive back and forth along that highway. Burl safe!

  Prairie Companions

  Torrens

  Not unlike in Manitoba, hustlers
in Saskatchewan represent. Case in point: fans of the Saskatchewan Roughriders buy more merchandise than fans of all the other teams combined.

  When Jeremy and I arrived at Amigos Cantina in Saskatoon for the last stop on the western swing of our tour, we couldn’t believe how many bahds were there—350, according to some. That’s a lot when you consider TnT is really just a phone conversation that people eavesdrop on.

  Remember the scene in Fargo where Steve Buscemi and that blond guy were driving down to the city, and Buscemi’s character couldn’t understand how the other guy could stay so quiet? That was Taggart and me on our Comedy & Canadianity tour through Saskatchewan. It didn’t help that we’d been doing a string of late nights, with lots of talking and the time change. So I was actually losing my voice.

  It was also the geography that left me speechless, though. You hear so much about how flat it is and how far you can see, but until you’ve driven it, it’s hard to comprehend.

  We were there at the time of year when hoarfrost covers the trees in an ominous white shellac, as though the scenery has literally been frozen in time. It’s hauntingly beautiful.

  Very few musicians I’ve heard capture the spirit of Saskatchewan the way Jason Plumb does. His band, the Waltons, was wicked live. I’ve always seen him as equal parts stellar songwriter and earworm farmer. His voice isn’t fancy, but it’s—to steal from one of his song titles—steeped in “Truth and Beauty.” Same with my bahd Connie Kaldor, a folksinger originally from Saskatchewan who can suck the tears out of your head with one heartfelt opening note. There also isn’t a better “vamper” on the planet Earth. She can riff for two hundred bars at the start of a song and not only accompany herself on the piano but deliver joke after joke at the same time. That’s a skill in itself.

  The best jokes often come when you’re not expecting them. A few years ago, I was in the airport in Saskatoon buying a pack of gum and the woman working behind the counter started to practically hyperventilate upon seeing me. I tried to play it cool and give off the “just a regular guy buying gum” vibe—the one that requires no effort because that’s exactly what I am.

  “I can’t believe it’s you,” she said.

  “Well, it is.” Trying to play it cool.

  “My friends won’t believe me when I tell them I met you. Can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure,” I said. “Anything at all!” Trying to sound super-open and approachable (because I actually am).

  “What’s it like being on Coronation Street?”

  I smiled weakly. “Fun.”

  The fact that I didn’t have a British accent didn’t seem to throw her off the scent.

  Pretty easy to stay grounded when you work in Canadian showbiz.

  When my daughter was almost three, she was in the living room, where the TV was on. I was in the kitchen doing dishes. She was suddenly very excited. “Daddy! Daddy’s on TV! Daddy’s on TV!” I ran into the room, beaming with pride.

  She was watching Ellen.

  Now that she’s five, she’s catching on to what I do for a living. We were in Sobeys recently, and a man recognized me from Trailer Park Boys. We chatted for a few minutes, and when he walked away, she looked at me sideways.

  “Why did that man call you ‘J-Ruff’?” Cute. It’s a weird moment in a man’s life when your kid calls you by the name of a fake rapper from a TV show.

  Word is slowly getting out at school that Sugar-Daisy’s daddy was on Wipeout Canada. Or Indigo’s ol’ man hosts Game On on YTV.

  But to them, I’m just Daddy. Well, the Great Dadoo. That’s the name I’ve given myself. It’s better than the Town Crier.

  Everywhere we go, I ask them if they heard people chanting, “Great Dadoo! Great Dadoo!” behind our backs. They never can.

  Once, on the sly, I asked the dude working at Dairy Queen to walk by our table, stop, point and say, “Hey, aren’t you the Great Dadoo?” He did it and it worked perfectly. Their minds were blown.

  Until they saw me slip him a twenty.

  Bahd Ambassador

  Andrea Dion

  Andrea, a news anchor at Global, spent some time working in Regina and offered these solid tips for the town that rhymes with fun.

  •La Bodega. Always has half-priced wine, and has a veranda patio and rooftop patio.

  •Leopold’s Tavern. Kind of a grungy vibe. Small setting, but always packed. Good music, craft beer and awesome pub food.

  •Victoria’s Tavern. Where everyone goes to drink. Good bar staff, small space too. They also have a good outdoor patio, which they keep heated until the snow flies. You’ll see all ages there and constant turnover all night. Good beer selection.

  •Fat Badger. Best place for people who want to dance.

  •Crave. A wine bar on the pricier side, but worth it. They have chefs there that have won those gold-medal plate comps. And an excellent wine and cocktail list.

  •Flip Eatery. Good cocktails. Kind of has a cafeteria setup for seating.

  •Willow on Wascana. More expensive also, but lots of fresh product and seafood. Overlooks Wascana Lake and is on top of the boathouse.

  •Sprout and Fresh & Sweet. The best breakfasts (the latter serves homemade white-chocolate-chip banana bread French toast).

  Canadianity

  Taggart

  What do I think Canadianity is? Put it this way. It’s a hell of a lot easier to be nice than to be a cock to everyone. Being friendly to new people you meet requires easy lifting. People from Saskatchewan get it. “How’s she goin’?” or “Have a good one” are great examples of Canadian greetings that make you feel accepted and cared about when you hear them, definitely not coldness or arrogance, but they are just simple sentences that ward off consequence. They keep it quick and clean, easily getting the ball of conversation over to your side of the net. In reality, there’s actually a veiled strength there. Though we appear respectful, we’re actually quite guarded with our personal space and would rather take in your information and hold back our own until we know who we’re talking to.

  That’s Canadianity.

  The most Canadian I’ve ever felt has to be turning over the car engine in freezing February. Sitting, slowly feeling tortured by the creeping cold. When you’re a kid, it’s getting on an early bus for school, second or third on the route, the bus just burlin’ like a frozen skeleton, waiting to heat up. That’s one of my most prominent memories since I was born. Being cold, en route somewhere. Dealing with it, even the blessed feeling of getting over it and actually enjoying myself in the cold. I never played league hockey, but I always had a blast messing around on a backyard or public rink, almost enjoying the cold. Not anymore. I’m like a chihuahua.

  I spent a lot of winters touring or recording away in warmer climates, even when I spent a few winters in Hawaii and LA and a rainy one in Vancouver, which is gloomy and shitty for months straight, and on the day you’re thinking about packing bags to leave, it’s sunny and you forget how shitty it was. Through all that, the avoidance of a cold, snowy winter turned off my inner furnace that I’d been equipped with at birth. I need to go full-on Farley Mowat and get it back.

  I also feel pretty Canadian when I’m not in Canada, like at the Salt Lake 2002 Olympic gold-medal hockey game. I was lucky enough to get a ticket for the game and had a few days off while recording the Gravity album in Vancouver. I hopped on a flight and got settled in Salt Lake City. Seeing a large group of bahds in line to get into the arena, including the legendary Walter Gretzky, who was right with me in line, I was with my great friend John Kawaja (he got me the ticket) and his wife, Laura, and a couple thousand other Canadians who were right fired up for the game. We had corner seats right at ice level. The way Canada played was so entertaining, never letting up on the US and winning easily. It felt pretty awesome beating them at home. We went over to the after-party to try to find a way in. I saw Cujo—goalie Curtis Joseph—whom I’d met a few times and can confirm that he’s a bahd. He got us into the party and it was spectacular!
The whole team and coaching staff just getting right into things. Everyone, from Steve Yzerman to Wayne Gretzky, just giddy as school kids. Even Steve Nash, who was playing for the NBA’s Phoenix Suns at the time, had to be there to experience the joy. It was quite a time.

  I gotta say, skating in a classic barn feels pretty Canadian. The drafty cold ones with the old trophies and alumni pics in the lobby. Maybe you’ll get lucky and they’ll have one of the classic hot chocolate/chicken soup machines. Remember those? Greasy yellow water with green flecks that are somehow supposed to make the drink resemble a nice, hearty chicken soup . . . that has overtones of hot chocolate. Not quite as bad as the hot chocolate that had undertones of chicken broth and green flecks. The ice is always perfect in these rinks, though. Old-school masters on the Zamboni. The formula for mint ice on lock. Heavy Canadianity.

  Watching The Hilarious House of Frightenstein on a Saturday morning felt like a pretty hard Canadianity move. That show was absolutely classic. Billy Van was one of the greats. His talent and ability was second to none. Van portrayed almost every character in the show, probably to save money, since the show had to have a tiny budget. My favourite character was the Wolfman, the DJ who threw on classic jams and then danced as a silhouette on a psychedelic screen of video feedback. Jams like “Born to Be Wild,” or “I Want to Take You Higher” by Sly and the Family Stone. He’d hold a guitar that was literally an axe and bring out the other Frightenstein bahds to dance with him throughout the entire song. So classic.

  That show was made for CHCH in Hamilton (home also to the Ed Allen exercise show), all 130 episodes of it. Apparently they only had Vincent Price for four days, during which they taped about fourteen segments at a cost of thirteen grand. Price said he liked the project because it was for kids. I gotta say, his presence in the House really tied the whole show together.