I knew I was to blame. Krystina wasn’t worldly to people like Sasha and I should have protected her better. My only defense was that I didn’t realize how much Krystina would stick out in Club O. Her naivety and thirst for knowledge was like a bullseye for every predator in the joint.
Given that, and my newfound knowledge of her traumatic past, I should have followed my original instincts. My club was not a place for her, and it was high time that I got her out of here.
I pushed through the door of the men’s room and headed back to where I left Krystina. However, I was instantly alarmed when I spotted her. She was sitting on a bar stool with her arms hugged tightly around her body. Her eyes were as wide as saucers and she was a ghastly shade of white.
“What’s wrong?” I asked once I reached her. I put my hand on her shoulder, only to feel her trembling. “Why are you shaking so bad?”
She looked up at me with a blank stare.
“I just want to leave, Alex. Please, take me home.”
“Okay. Angel, I’m so sorry,” I apologized, rubbing my hands up and down her arms. “I should never have brought you here. This was a huge mistake. When we get back to my place, I will draw you a hot bath and –.”
“No, Alex. I want to go home. To my apartment, not yours,” she said cutting me off midsentence. I stopped rubbing her arms and looked deeper into her eyes. Her beautiful browns that were normally so expressive and full of life looked shockingly empty.
Whatever she was thinking about was not something that I wished to discuss in a noisy, sex-laden club. I gave in to her request easily, with the idea that I could change her mind about going home once we were out of the building.
“If that’s what you want to do,” I told her.
We made our way up the stairs and back into the main lounge area. When we were walking through, I tried to put my arm around Krystina’s shoulders, but she jerked away from me. Her rejection stung, but it was understandable. She had a right to be angry.
I’m such an asshole for exposing her to this.
I was about to tell her as much, when a man stepped in front of us and blocked our path towards the door. He was average height with sandy blond hair, but he had suspicious eyes. I felt Krystina stiffen beside me.
“It was good seeing you again, Krys. Enjoy the rest of your night,” he said easily. However, his tone was almost mocking and there was something shady about the way he leered at her.
I instantly hated the man.
Cocking my head to one side, I stared pointedly at him.
“And you are?” I inquired coolly.
“An old friend. Right, Krys?” he replied, tossing Krystina a wink.
“Let’s go, Alex,” Krystina said. There was no denying the fact that this guy was making her nervous for some reason.
Is he the cause for her upset?
Perhaps it wasn’t the incident with Sasha at all.
Krystina hurried past whomever the jackass was, not bothering to wait to see if I was following. I was torn. A part of me wanted to stay behind and slug the stranger over the mere fact that he was bothering Krystina. However, after deciding that it was best not to leave her alone anymore that evening, I threw a menacing glare at the guy and hurried towards the exit.
When I exited the club, I saw that Krystina was already halfway across the parking lot. I had to run to catch up with her.
“Who was that guy?” I asked after reaching her.
“Nobody,” was all that she said.
“Bullshit. Who was he?” I asked again. She continued to walk in silence, but didn’t answer me. She was starting to seriously piss me off. I grabbed hold of her arm and spun her to face me. “Who was that guy, Krystina?”
She glanced down at my hand that was squeezing her arm, then up at my face. Her expression was full of fury, and her eyes were glassy from unshed tears.
“Let go of my arm. Now,” she said icily.
Shocked that I had lost my temper, I instantly let go and took a step back. My intent was to simply get her attention and I hadn’t meant to grab her that way.
That’s the second time I lost my cool tonight.
We walked the rest of the way to the car without speaking. Once we were seated inside, I cranked on the heat to ward off the chill. I was about to throw the car in reverse, but decided against it. I wanted to talk to first.
“Are you going to tell me who that guy was now?”
“No,” she stated, expression completely deadpan.
I pursed my lips in annoyance. I would find out regardless, but it would be less of a headache for me if she just told me herself.
“Fine. Then at least tell me what you’re thinking.”
“Me and you,” she paused to motion her hand back and forth. “And our relationship. It isn’t normal.”
“Normal is only how an individual defines it, Krystina.”
“No. It’s that we aren’t healthy for each other,” she said quietly.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
She closed her eyes for a moment, and then opened them again to look at me. She didn’t seem angry anymore, but resolved. My heart started to hammer inside my chest, as I knew what she was going to say next. She was going to try to end us before we really even had a chance to start.
I fucked this up.
I held my breath and waited for her to speak.
“You know my past,” she began. “You know that I’ve experienced violence of the worst kind. And although you haven’t shared your story with me, I know that you have your own demons that stem from an abusive father. Those two things combined…well, let’s just say that a psychiatrist could write a book about us.”
Her expression was cold and distant, her words sounding like she had been practicing them in front of a mirror for days. It wasn’t her talking. This bleak and flat tempered person was not my angel.
“You’re just shaken up after what happened with Sasha,” I tried to dismiss. “I can’t apologize enough for that. It’s making you talk nonsense.”
“You really believe that’s all it is?”
“Yes, I do.”
“We both have serious trust issues,” she ascertained.
“Krystina, trust isn’t going to happen overnight. It takes time,” I tried to tell her patiently.
“Hmm,” she mused. “I’m just wondering how much time would have passed before you told me that your mother is alive.”
I stilled, as if jolted by an electric shock upon hearing that she knew of my mother. The fact that she waited until this moment to share her knowledge had me on guard, and my friend Matteo’s words resounded in my head.
Secrets never stay hidden for long.
“Where did you hear that?” I asked after several moments.
“Does it really matter, Alex? Because even now, you still aren’t admitting it.”
She was right. I couldn’t tell her. And I probably never would. There was too much at stake.
“What’s your point?” I snapped, feeling my temper start to rise again. “I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish with all of this.”
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. No matter how hard we try, our past has shaped who we are today.”
“Dammit! You’re so hell bent on talking about the fucking past. You are you. I am me. End of story. Why do we keep doing this?”
“Because I have to!” she yelled. “Don’t you see? It’s an endless cycle. I went from one controlling guy to another. I refuse to wind up a statistic, Alex!”
“What are you talking about?”
“You! For all I know, you could turn out just like your father! Then where will that leave me?”
I felt all the blood drain from my face.
Just like your father…
“Don’t,” I tried to warn. I shook my head, unable to think of anything else to say, completely devoid of all other words.
“No really, I have to worry about these things. Studies show that people who have suffe
red from extreme situations of violence are more likely to become…”
She went on and on about some crap that she had read. She began to quote articles about abused children growing into adulthood and about women who lose their identity by getting lost in an abusive relationship.
However, I wasn’t really listening to anything she was saying. My ears were ringing, like the aftershock of being too close to a grenade detonation. Her original words just kept playing over and over again in my head.
Just like your father…
Krystina had unknowingly voiced my worst fear, and crossed a line that she hadn’t known was drawn. I felt like I was free falling into a pit of nothingness, just as I had in my dream.
I said the only thing that I could think of to make her stop talking.
“Sapphire.”
CHAPTER 45
“What?” I asked, confused by Alexander’s use of my safe word.
“Sapphire. I’ve had enough.”
I looked at his face. It was twisted in pain, and the magnitude of hurt that shown in his eyes was shocking. My heart, that I had tried to keep tightly guarded, felt like it was splitting into a thousand pieces. Because of that pain, my decision to do what needed to be done solidified.
“We are a lethal combination, Alex. We can’t work.”
“I want us to work.”
“Me too,” I sadly admitted.
I reached up to touch his cheek. His eyes were full of regret.
“I tried to warn you. I said that I wasn’t good for you,” he reminded me.
“You’re right,” I agreed and smiled wistfully, thinking of the job interview that seemed to be forever and a day ago. “You did try to warn me. I should have listened to you. But then again, I was never very good at that.”
I traced the lines of his face with my finger, committing every detail to memory. The strong contour of his jaw. His chiseled cheekbones. The perfectly shaped mouth, that even in that moment, I wanted to kiss. And his eyes…the beautiful sapphires that had lit up my soul. I would miss his eyes the most.
I reluctantly pulled my hand away and climbed out of the car.
“Where are you going?” he asked in alarm.
He seemed shocked, as if he couldn’t see the inevitable. But then I realized, perhaps he did see it, but was only trying to deny it.
“I’m going to get a cab.”
“Angel, don’t do this,” he pleaded.
I looked down at him. Pain lanced at my chest, but I was resolute in my choice.
“Good-bye, Alex.”
I closed the car door and began to walk down the long winding driveway that had brought us to Club O. Alexander didn’t follow me, but that was okay. I knew that it was for the best. I was making the right decision.
Then why does it hurt so bad?
Deep down, I knew the answer. It hurt because I had allowed myself to become vulnerable. I had given Alexander an essential part of myself. Not only did I give my trust, but I also gave him a piece of my heart that I knew I would never get back.
When I reached the end of the drive, I slipped through the pedestrian gate that would take me to the street and phoned for a cab to pick me up.
After ending the call, I looked down at my cell.
Alexander’s first gift.
I reached up to finger the triskelion emblem that hung around my neck. Another gift, and a reminder of a life that would never be.
His world, not mine.
Memories of the past weeks flooded me, drowning me with their intensity. On impulse, I opened up the music folder in the phone and scanned the song titles in each of Alexander’s playlists. Choosing a Metric song that was fitting for my mood, I sat down on the curb to wait.
A tear trickled down my cheek, but I didn’t bother to wipe it away. Tears were not bad. They were healthy and good, just so long as I picked myself back up.
And do that, I would.
COMING SOON!
Stepping Stone
This isn’t the end…see what’s in store next for Krystina and Alexander.
Follow Dakota Willink on Twitter @DakotaWillink https://twitter.com/DakotaWillink or you can like her page on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/DakotaWillink/
ABOUT DAKOTA WILLINK
Dakota Willink is a self employed writer and editor, and the author of Heart of Stone, a contemporary romance novel.
She has always had a passion for reading and writing. From the time she was an adolescent, she enjoyed curling up with a good paperback, reading genres that ranged from thriller and fantasy, to mystery and romance. She always dreamed of one day writing her own book, but had put her aspirations on hold to focus on her family and a career that would pay the bills.
Although she earned a degree in business and had built a solid reputation in retail sales, her heart continued to be with fictional characters – whether they belonged to a favorite author or if they were just stories that she made up in her own head.
In 2013, Dakota gathered enough courage to turn her dreams into a reality. In between playing chauffeur to two very busy children and working her job during the day, Dakota began to put words on paper. Eventually, she began to describe her life as a book. Everything she saw or heard throughout the day, intertwined with her imagination for the creation of future writings. By 2014, with the support of her husband and two children, she gave up the security of a steady paycheck and began working on her first novel full time.
Dakota Willink is a lover of music, and appreciates the power and stimulating effect it can have on the brain. She often uses lyrics and melodies to help her through bouts of writers block. At the end of her novel, you can find an authors note that recognizes and thanks the artists that gave her inspiration.
Dakota resides in the Western New York area, where she enjoys spending time with family, her two Labrador Retrievers, and her spoiled rotten cat. During the summer months, she can often be found on a boat, soaking up the sun on the Great Lakes with her family.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
To my children, for your endless patience with having to “be quiet” while mom works. There were some long (and silent) days in our house…you don’t know how much your understanding means to me. I love you both so much.
To Linda and Alicia, for being my first unofficial audience, and for giving me much needed criticism and feedback when it mattered most.
And finally, to my husband…for so many things. I wouldn’t be where I am today without you. You believe in me when I am in doubt (even if it means you have to stay up until 2 A.M. reading my latest chapter edits). Your support has been immeasurable and Heart of Stone would still be a dream if you hadn’t pushed me to write.
You are my love and my soul – my white picket fence.
I love you, babe!
AUTHOR’S NOTE
Many writers suffer from the dreaded writer’s block, when no words come to mind and they can only stare at a blank computer screen. It can be a daunting problem to overcome, and I am not immune it. However, I have been fortunate enough to find an outlet that rejuvenates my creativity. To put it simply – music.
I, like my heroine in Heart of Stone, can feel the sound of music. I have used it many times for inspiration while I work. That being said, I thought it only fitting that I give credit where it is due. I have compiled a list of songs by various artists, for their creativity helped to shape mine. Some were mentioned specifically in my book, while others were only songs that gave me inspiration for setting the scenes.
So, without further ado, here it is for your listening pleasure:
“Wait Up (Boots of Danger)” by Tokyo Police Club (Champ)
“Hurricane” by Thirty Seconds to Mars (This Is War)
“Rocky Road To Dublin” by Dropkick Murphy’s (Live on St. Patrick’s Day)
“Stompa” by Serena Ryder (Harmony)
“Blue Jeans” by Lana Del Rey (Born to Die)
“Samba Pa Ti” by Tadeusz Machalski, self-released (Guitar Collection)
“Sweater Weather” by The Neighbourhood (I Love You)
“Closer” by Nine Inch Nails (The Downward Spiral)
“Catch and Release” by Silversun Pickups (Swoon)
“Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira (Oral Fixation, Vol. 2)
“Desire” by Meg Myers (Make a Shadow)
“BTSK” by MS MR (Secondhand Rapture)
“Seven Devils” by Florence + The Machine (Ceremonials)
“Breathe” by Of Verona (The White Apple)
“Sanya Seiran” by Riley Kelly Lee (Shakuhachi Honkyoku - Japanese Flute)
“Howlin’ For You” by The Black Keys (Brothers)
“Beauty of Sadness” by Spiky (Whimsical Fantasy)
“Silence” by Delerium(feat. Sarah McLachlan), DJTiësto (The Best of Delerium)
“Breathing Underwater” by Metric (Synthetica)
Heart of Stone Page 41
