by Kim Amos
“Earth to Willa,” Audrey said, tugging gently on her sleeve. She started.
“Sorry, what?”
“Where did you go? You’ve been spacy all practice.” Audrey’s brown eyes flickered across her face, trying to read her.
“I just—it was a tough day,” Willa admitted as another gust of wind tore through the trees on the edge of the field. Around her, the girls were finishing up their practice, long legs flashing as they carried the hurdles and starting blocks and shot puts back to the gym. Willa watched them feeling a pang of envy. Track practice, then homework. She’d give anything to have an agenda as simple as that.
Audrey reached out and linked her arm with Willa’s. “The girls are out of earshot. You want to talk about it?”
Willa stared into the gray edges of the darkening sky. The weather had changed right along with her mood. “It’s Burk,” she said, feeling her skin prickle involuntarily. “We had sex.”
Audrey’s brown eyes went wide. “Really?”
“Really.”
“You’re frowning like it was bad. Was it?”
“No, it was amazing. I mean, mind-blowing. It’s just that he took off right after. Like he regretted it or something.”
“You’re kidding.”
“I wish I was.”
Audrey shivered a little—whether from the cold or from the idea of Burk bailing after sex, Willa wasn’t sure.
“Was it that way when you guys were in high school?” she asked. “Is it a…pattern?”
“No! I mean, we were kids, we barely knew what we were doing. But still, he always stuck around after. He was patient. So sweet about everything. And just the right amount of…”
She trailed off, unable to finish. Talking this way about Burk was starting to get her riled up again. It was the feeling that had started all this—the one that had led her to proposition him in the first place.
Audrey squeezed her arm. “I’m sorry. That’s so frustrating.”
“It’s not the only thing,” Willa said. “I went to the bank and tried to get a loan to finish the B and B, but they turned me down. They were asking me for things like market research and P and L statements, and I didn’t have anything to show them. This woman about laughed at me for what I wanted to charge per night per room.”
“What do you want to charge?”
“Two hundred.”
Audrey’s brown eyes widened. “Two hundred dollars?”
Willa rolled her eyes. “Not you, too!”
Audrey shook her head, her glossy ponytail swinging. “Sorry. It’s just—a lot for locals. But maybe that’s not who you had in mind to stay there. Is it?”
“I don’t—I’m not sure.”
“Maybe you could talk to Betty about it? She’s kept Knots and Bolts in the black for years now. Plus she’s got that whole Halloween business on the side. She might be able to help you formulate a plan.”
“Right. Because she totally wants to help the girl who bullied her in high school.”
Audrey shrugged. “The past is the past. We said so the other night. You might be surprised at people’s willingness to move on.”
Willa stared at the leaf-littered ground. It was the same thing Burk had told her. Just because you stayed in a location didn’t mean you stayed the same person.
“Have you ever had anything like this happen?” Willa asked.
“No, I’ve never tried to start my own business before. The only loan I’ve ever gotten was for my car.”
“No, I mean, the other stuff,” Willa said, “the Burk stuff.” She didn’t mean to sound hopeful, but she was dying for someone to be able to relate.
Audrey shook her head. “Well, it’s not like White Pine is brimming with bachelors. And even if it was, I’m not sure they’d go for me.”
Willa took in Audrey’s lean shape, her lovely eyes and thick hair, and doubted very much that was the case. “But you’ve had boyfriends, right?”
“Sure. In fairness, my most recent one bolted afterwards, too. After two weeks, I thought I was in love. Then he was gone.”
“So quickly?”
“Without even a good-bye,” Audrey said, her eyes distant.
Willa sighed, leaning into her friend. She couldn’t help thinking about how she’d left Burk the same way all those years ago. She wondered if it was the destiny of humans to always be hurting one another. “Love sucks sometimes.”
“Is that what this is? Love?”
“No,” Willa said quickly, “today was about sex. It was burn-the-house-down-it’s-so-hot sex. Which I’d like to have again if I could. Only I’m not sure if that’s possible.”
Audrey smiled. “Well, one thing that I do know is that we are going to freeze to death if we don’t get inside soon. Let’s head over to Knots and Bolts and see if any of the girls are there.”
“All right,” Willa agreed as they started walking briskly toward the gym to round up the girls and send them home. “We’ll get you warm, but we can’t talk about this anymore at Knots and Bolts.”
“Why?”
“If Anna’s there, I don’t want to discuss it in front of her. It’s one thing for her to hear some of this stuff secondhand from Betty or whatever. But I’m not going to sit there and spill the beans about Burk and me doing it.”
“Doing it well.”
“Very well.”
Willa sighed. It was such a shame Burk had to take off, but there was more to it than just disappointment. The part she didn’t want to admit to herself—or to anyone else—was that he’d hurt her. She didn’t know how to describe the crumpled piece of her heart that she couldn’t seem to smooth out since Burk had closed the bedroom door on her. She’d felt so close to him, so connected. But it had clearly been one-sided. He’d fled as if he’d been full of regret.
“I won’t say a word,” Audrey promised. “Silent as the grave, right here.” She paused. “We can still eat Anna’s pie, though, right?”
Willa nodded. “I think that’s allowed.”
“Good.” Audrey grinned. “Because if you’d said no, I would have told Anna everything.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Monday, October 1, 5:18 p.m.
Half an hour later, Willa was already feeling better, thanks to a slice of apple pie with a thick hunk of cheddar cheese on top. Anna, who was at Knots and Bolts when they arrived, was dishing it out. “I would have blabbed for this, too,” Willa whispered to Audrey. “No secret is worth giving this up for.”
Audrey was about to reply, when Stephanie barged in the back door. A blast of cold air followed right behind. She didn’t even take off her coat before she collapsed at the wide table where Anna, Audrey, Willa, and Betty were already seated. Clearly the whole group needed a Knots and Bolts fix tonight.
“Someone please get me a drink,” Stephanie pleaded. Her red hair gleamed under the back room’s soft lights, but her freckled skin looked paler than usual. There was dried food smeared across a swath of her jacket. No doubt from one of the four-year-old twins.
“Tough day, Momma?” Anna asked, pouring straight vodka into a mug for her.
“The worst,” Stephanie replied, taking a sip and grimacing. “Adam got out a tub of peanut butter and made a sandwich—out of the carpet. Because the floor was brown, he said, just like the bread.” She took another drink. “And then Molly cut her own hair. It looks like she was run over by a lawnmower.”
Willa bit back a smile.
“That’s why I never had kids,” Betty offered, her blond hair swishing as she shook her head. “Kids are always tearing things up and ruining everything.”
“You also don’t have a husband,” Anna offered.
Betty’s eyes blazed. “In this day and age, you do not have to be married to have a baby.”
Anna held up her hands. “That’s true, but I don’t know what I’d do without Sam. Having a partner makes the whole child-raising experience a lot easier.”
“Pfft,” Betty replied. “It never gets easy
with kids. Did you see Cujo? That’s what I think being a parent is like. Everything is fine and then, bam, next thing you know, you’re trapped in a car, drinking your own pee, because you can’t ever escape them.”
Stephanie paused, mid-drink. “Did you just compare my kids to a rabid dog?”
Betty shrugged. “Would The Exorcist have been better?”
Stephanie threw back her head and laughed. “Touché,” she said, and took another sip of vodka.
“You know, you’re only thirty,” Anna said to Betty after a moment. “You might change your mind about kids. Or a man.”
Betty stopped folding the candy corn tablecloth she was getting ready to ship to a customer in Virginia. “When I could have peace and quiet? Hell no.”
Stephanie groaned. “I don’t need that much peace and quiet. I just wish I could get out a little more. Do something productive. I feel like I’m going crazy.”
Betty’s face softened. “You’re always welcome here. Day or night.”
“Thanks,” she replied. “I know that. I just wish I had something to do besides be a mom”—she lifted her glass—“and drink.”
“Some days, the two things go hand in hand,” Anna empathized. She walked to the kitchenette and returned with a slice of apple pie for Stephanie as well.
“Willa’s helping out at track practice,” Audrey said after a moment. “You could come, too. It’s fun. The girls are really sweet, and they work so hard. It’s a great sport.”
“I appreciate that,” Stephanie replied. “I was never an athlete, though, and it just doesn’t seem like a fit. I want to do something that I’d really enjoy, you know?”
“You could help Willa, then,” Audrey said. “She needs some guidance on her business.”
Willa gave Audrey a sharp look, but it was too late.
“Guidance how?” Betty asked.
“Turns out the bank doesn’t think my B and B is going to fly,” Willa admitted.
“Why not?”
“I might be charging too much, so they say. And I don’t have a P and L statement, whatever that is.”
Betty shrugged. “Those are good reasons. You open a business, you need to know what a P and L statement is. For the record, how much are you charging?”
“Two hundred per night.”
The group of women fell silent. “That is a lot,” Anna said a few beats later. “But I suppose it depends on who your customer is. Do you know?”
“No.” Willa set her jaw, tired of hearing the same refrain. “But it’s going to be a first-class establishment! Isn’t it enough to know that much? How am I supposed to charge less if I’m giving people the best wine, the best food, having them sleep on the best sheets—the whole nine yards?”
Betty arched a brow. “You sure that’s what folks around here want? Or are you just giving them what you want?”
Willa opened her mouth, then closed it. She’d never thought about it that way. This whole time she just assumed that of course folks in Minnesota would want a taste of the East Coast right here in their own backyards. But maybe that was the wrong way to look at it. Maybe it wasn’t about giving them an escape from White Pine, which was what she’d wanted so badly all those years, but rather an extension of White Pine. People who loved it, whether they lived here or were visiting, and would just want more of the same.
“Cripes,” Willa muttered, staring at her pie and feeling like an idiot. She suddenly wasn’t hungry.
“At least in the meantime, you’ve got Burk helping you with…other stuff, isn’t that right?”
Betty’s teasing tone made Willa nervous, especially with Anna right there. “The house is coming along, yes.”
“You sure that’s the only thing that’s coming?”
“Betty!” Audrey scolded. “Stop.”
“Oh, I’m just trying to find out how Willa’s plan to seduce Burk is going. That’s all.”
Willa found she couldn’t breathe very well. So much for keeping things from Anna. She felt her face redden, mortified that her plan had come to light so publicly.
“Willa might not want to talk about all this in front of Burk’s sister,” Audrey said pointedly.
“Oh, poo.” Betty waved her off. “Anna’s a grown woman. She can handle a little gossip about her brother. Can’t you?”
Years ago, it was easy to deflect Anna’s questions about how kissing felt and what second base was by telling Anna that she and Burk didn’t do any of those things. “It’s for married couples,” Willa had lied, “and Burk and I aren’t married.”
Now she struggled with how much to share and how much to hold back. Anna was an adult with a baby, but she was still Burk’s little sister. Not to mention Willa’s friend—or at least Willa wanted to think so. The confusing intersection of roles had Willa’s brain reeling.
Willa could feel Anna staring at her, and she knew she had to look up. When she did, she found Anna’s dark blue eyes disconcerting, especially considering she’d been so close to their matching pair earlier today.
To her great credit, Anna did her best to smile.
“Willa deserves some privacy,” Anna said. She pushed a stray piece of her raven black hair away from her face. Like Burk’s, only longer. “Burk likes fixing stuff, and Burk likes ladies. If both of those things intersect over at Willa’s house, that’s none of anyone’s business. Willa’s not obligated to share it.”
Willa exhaled, grateful that Anna was giving her privacy some traction. Certainly she wasn’t a little kid anymore, asking for any in-depth relationship details she could get. At this point, Anna would probably rather stick her fingers in her ears and hum than listen to tales of her brother’s sex life.
Betty huffed. “We don’t keep stuff from each other at Knots and Bolts. That’s the rule here. You want to be private? Go somewhere else.”
“Rules can change,” Anna said.
Willa cringed, hating the fact that things were becoming awkward and she was the cause of it. She was nearly ready to confess her mortifying afternoon and get it over with, when Anna stood. “I think the solution here is that Willa should feel free to share whatever she likes with the group, but not be forced to do it when I’m around.” She reached for her jacket. “So I’m going to head out. I have to pick up Juniper anyway.”
“Is she at the sitter’s?” Audrey asked.
“Nope. She spent the last couple hours at her uncle’s.” Anna grinned. “And don’t think for a moment that I won’t get all the dirt from him.”
Winking at Willa, she headed out into the bitter evening.
Betty banged the table and hooted. “That’s my girl.”
Willa sighed, and ate another bite of pie to keep from having to say anything else.
* * *
Juniper curled her small, sticky fingers into Burk’s enormous ones. “Again!” she said, looking at the book he’d just finished reading her. Burk’s heart filled as he took in her enormous sea blue eyes, her doughy, round cheeks, and her sweet smile. He leaned down and kissed the top of her button nose.
“You got it, kiddo,” he said, knowing she could ask for the moon and he’d work his whole life trying to find a way to get it for her. He grinned, so glad he’d kept his word to watch her for Anna. After being nearly undone in Willa’s bed, he’d almost reneged. But now Juniper was a welcome distraction from the coldness that had sunk into his chest after that morning’s misguided tumble.
He turned to the first page of the book—a story about a cow that only wanted to eat vowels—and began again.
“Callie Cow wanted an A. Not her hay on this fine day, but only an A. Frog carried an I as he hopped right on by. Callie could munch on that I, if Frog would trade it for flies.
Burk let out an enormous moo that filled up his whole apartment. Juniper giggled. “More!” she cried, kicking her legs a little.
He was just getting ready to moo once more when there was a knock at his door. He glanced at his phone and was surprised to see it was after six o’clock.
Anna was here already.
Scooping Juniper into his arms, he galloped to the entrance, Juniper shrieking with delight. When he opened it, Anna was already smiling. “I can hear you guys having fun from out here,” she said, wrapping her daughter in her arms.
“Come on in,” Burk said, trying not to think about how empty he already felt knowing Juniper would be leaving soon. The apartment was already dimmer, the silence more pressing. He always watched her every chance he could get—when his sister went to Knots and Bolts, or when she and Sam needed a date or had someplace they both needed to be—but no matter how often Burk had Juniper around, it never felt like enough.
For the next few minutes, Juniper played tour guide, showing her mom everything they’d done that afternoon. Story time on the plaid couch, Ticklesaurus rex in the hallway, and dress-up in the bedroom, which mostly consisted of Juniper shuffling around in Burk’s old tennis shoes.
“Sounds like you guys had a great time,” Anna said, smiling.
“She’s a great kid,” Burk replied, his full heart aching. He looked away, suddenly embarrassed to be so emotional. It was excessive, really, and he couldn’t help wondering if that morning with Willa had made him oversensitive. He was having a hard time compartmentalizing what she was churning up in him, and it was beginning to spill over into every part of his life.
He needed to make it stop.
“So how about dinner Friday night with us?” Anna asked from the kitchen table, where she was packing up Juniper’s bag with toys, diapers, and wet naps. “I was thinking of making a chicken potpie from scratch. All I can keep thinking is that it’s fall, and I need to get comfort food back on the table.”
“Sure,” Burk answered distractedly. He picked up the few remaining board books from the couch while Juniper tossed CD cases from the top of his stereo onto the floor.
“Want The Who!” she demanded, discarding case after case in her search. They clattered to the floor, bouncing and spilling open.
“Oh, honey, no,” Anna said. “Burk, tell her to stop. Junie, you need to respect Uncle Burk’s things. Don’t touch unless he tells you that you can.”
