by Unknown
Sammy refused to allow him to move from beneath her by clinging to his shoulders. She knew that he could have dislodged her if he had really wanted to but he didn’t and he finally settled with a deep sigh of regret. She ran her hands soothingly up and down his chest, her head resting on his shoulder as she lay beside him waiting until he had a moment to collect his thoughts. She knew the very mention of that night sent him into a rage over hurting a woman because it was against his very nature.
“I’m not excusing what happened, Animal. It was a mistake but the thing is you can’t keep kicking yourself over it. It’s caused you to become unbalanced because you’re forcing your emotions over that night into a cage and you’re not allowing them out. It’s not healthy. You talked about a living thing inside you that wants out and I say let it out. Some animals can’t be caged. Emotions aren’t meant to be held in a death grip by shoving them into the very back of your mind.”
“I have emotions, Sammy. It’s just the violence I shove into the box,” Animal told her, his arm tightening around her as he spoke.
“No, you have your emotions shoved in the box, Animal. It’s why you don’t ever feel out of control––” she began but he interrupted her.
“I do feel out of control when I’m with you. That’s why we need to find a way to make you safer by limiting what we do together like I was suggesting because that way I won’t hurt you. And no whips, ever.” His voice was firm and he sounded so serious that Sammy snorted out a laugh. “It isn’t funny.”
“Yes, it is because we both know that would never satisfy either of us. Always playing it safe is overrated and it would cause problems I’m not willing to face. Do you remember the news reports that came out years ago from the city? The ones that were recorded as historical records and can be accessed via the data link on a handheld computer?” she asked, her fingers moving on his chest.
“Sure, but what do old history recordings have to do with this conversation?” Animal asked sounding confused.
“More than one would think actually.” Sammy chuckled at her own joke. “Bear with me, okay. I loved watching them and would find anyone who would let me borrow their device so I could. I remember one about the first twenty or so years after the flood. It talked about the changes that had happened over that time and how they had brought wild animals into cages inside the city they built behind the wall in an attempt to save those species from extinction by protecting them. The only problem was that some of them didn’t like being caged in such a limited environment and fought against the captivity. Some even bashed themselves against the walls or doors until they were dead because they just couldn’t bear it. It was quite sad really because many of them did become extinct while some learned to live in a cage.” Her voice trailed off as she thought about that report and how very sad it had made her to learn of the wasted lives of those animals and their inability to survive.
“I still don’t understand how that pertains to our conversation, babe,” Animal said, breaking her train of thought and bringing her back to the present.
“Huh? Oh right, my point is that you are shoving a part of yourself into a cage and it’s desperately trying to get out because it knows that it isn’t meant to be in there. That’s why you fly into these ‘rages’ as you call them. In reality it’s just that you’ve allowed your emotions out of the box marked control and they are taking over. That’s why you can’t seem to stay in control when you’re around me. It’s because you are involved emotionally with me through your passions for me,” Sammy said.
“Ah, so what you’re saying is that I am emotionally involved with you, is that it?”
“Yes,” Sammy confidently replied because she knew she was right.
“I see. What if you’re wrong?”
“Animal, I’m not wrong. Can you honestly tell me that you have allowed the ‘beast’ as you call it out?”
“No, I haven’t because it isn’t safe,” Animal growled.
“For you or for others. Animal?”
Animal was turning her words over in his head asking himself if she was right. Was what he was doing hiding his emotions in a box because they were inconvenient? He examined all he knew about himself and the emotions he had felt since waking that morning with a nearly dead Lisa on the bed with him. He was shocked to realize that he hadn’t really felt much since that night except with Sammy. Well, what he felt when he was with her and the rage he had allowed out on a few occasions when dickheads needed to be punished for doing stupid shit like Tom.
She was right, he had cut off his emotional self and allowed it to be shoved into the back of his mind in order to cope with what he had done to Lisa. As that knowledge flooded him, he also felt another realization overtake him. He suddenly knew why he couldn’t bear the thought of another man touching her. It was because he was in love with her.
He felt shock and a little bit of worry for the depth of the emotions that were released from that dark part of himself he normally kept locked away because he thought it was the reason he’d hurt Lisa. It wasn’t though. What had happened that night was as Sammy had called it: a bad decision with horrible consequences that had almost cost a woman her life. He’d hurt Lisa, almost killed her, but Sam was right.
He couldn’t punish himself for it for the rest of his life like he’d been trying to do. He had to forgive himself. Lisa had forgiven him long ago when she woke in a hospital bed with an IV in her arm. She had taken the drug that night too and hadn’t really been aware either, he now remembered her telling him. She had never blamed him and he thought that was because she was submissive to a dangerous extent but now he knew that she had just understood the truth. She had tried to tell him but he hadn’t been willing to listen to reason.
They had both made the wrong choice to take a mind-altering drug and have the type of sex they normally did. It wasn’t sound reasoning that they had attempted it because the dominant needed to be aware at all times in order to protect his submissive. He wouldn’t make that mistake ever again.
Leaving Sammy over that tiny welt that had likely been gone less than a week later had been stupid and he knew that it had hurt her terribly. He wanted to take it back but he couldn’t. All he could do was tell her how he felt and hope that she could forgive him.
“I love you,” he told her, unwilling to wait to tell her how he felt about her now that he knew. It was a sad truth that he had held his love for her in check for almost ten months now. He remembered how he had watched her in fascination before he had ever known her, how he had felt so possessive after he did know her, and how he felt every time he touched her. It was all there as clear as day and he was shocked that he hadn’t realized it before tonight even with the iron grip he’d had on his emotions. She was his world and had been since he realized she responded to his every command.
“Wha––are you trying to mess with my head so I’ll drop this subject?” Sammy asked, lifting up to look into his eyes. He could tell by the hope that filled hers that she wanted to accept he was telling her the truth because the release of his tightly controlled inner beast had also led him to another awakening. She was in love with him too. It was the only thing that explained how she responded to his commands and how he was the only one she trusted to help her work through what Tom had done to her.
Cupping her face in his hand, he smiled tenderly at her. “No, I love you.”
“You––you love me?” Sammy couldn’t help the emotional question that escaped her as she heard the words she had been dying to hear come from his mouth. She couldn’t believe that he was saying that to her. She had thought that perhaps he cared for her but she had never in a million years thought he was in love with her as she was with him. It had seemed like a wish that would never be true but that she held onto with a hopeful grip.
She couldn’t stop the tears that slid down her cheeks as she let the knowledge wash over her that he loved her. He had said it twice and the second time he had been smiling at her in a tender way. A smile sh
e had never seen on his face, one that beamed out of him with a love and affection she never expected to receive from him. Sammy let out a slight sob because she was so overwhelmed with the emotions inside herself that she didn’t know how to speak at the moment.
“Hey now, didn’t expect my admission to make you sad,” Animal said, his hand caressing her face, rubbing away the tears with his thumb.
“It––I’m n-not sad,” Sammy said between sobs, making him laugh.
“You’re not?” he asked in disbelief as she let out another shaky hiccupping sob of emotion. She wished she wasn’t being such a girl over his admission but she was and it wasn’t going to stop soon, she realized, because her whole heart was aching in happiness and that meant she was crying.
“No––” she wailed, before forcing herself to stop so that she could try and get her emotions under control. “I’m ha–happy and I l-love you too.” She said the last on a huge snotty sob that was embarrassing. She buried her face into his shoulder making him laugh a little as he felt her tears on his skin. He was feeling a little overwhelmed because he had never considered himself the type to believe in love.
When Reaper had professed to love Sarah a few months ago, he thought the man was deluding himself because as far as he was concerned, love didn’t exist. Animal knew that if someone had asked him if love was real ten hours ago before he dragged Sammy out of Spangles after seeing her sitting with Mark, he would have told them they shouldn’t believe in fairytales. But as he held her against him feeling the tears she was crying melt into his shoulder, he knew that was because he had been holding the truth back from himself for months.
Sammy had stolen his heart without even trying. He remembered the utter fascination he felt the first time he saw her dancing at Spangles. Animal didn’t know why it had taken him so long to go after her but now that he had her, he was keeping her. She was his and she wasn’t getting away from him now that he knew how he felt about her.
Animal kissed her forehead and soothed her until she was finally finished crying. When she fell into a blissful sleep not long after, Animal began making plans to make up for the pain he had caused her over the past few weeks. His mind settling on the perfect one, he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her tightly, kissing her again before following her into sleep.
Epilogue
Iron was laughing like a hyena at Animal’s expression as he waited with him in the brush. They were waiting on the signal from Reaper to move in on the Headhunters transporting another shipment of women. Iron had just asked about the vote he had called three hours ago to make Sammy his old lady. It had been an easy vote because Reaper had stared down two of the three men who had objections and asked them if they thought his woman would be friends with a traitor, as one of them had suggested. The three of them then quickly denied ever having any objections to the union between Sammy and Animal.
Animal was glad that Reaper had said something because his solution likely would have made even more issues for her allowance into the club via becoming his old lady. He would have shot the fuckers in the head and been done with it. He had never really like Arch and his buddies much anyway. He was a distrusting asshole who didn’t like anyone including himself.
Iron leaned closer. “I guess this means you’re going soft on us like those Devils, huh?” he asked, earning a dark scowl from Animal.
“No, it means I will kick your ass if you fuck with me about my woman though,” Animal growled. Iron’s face contorted into a wickedly annoying look that made him want to punch his friend for being a pain in his ass.
“Aw, now, don’t worry, I’ll still let you get in a few licks so as not to hurt your pride,” Iron said, laughing roughly as he leaned into the tree behind him.
“Geez, shut the fuck up, you’re going to get us caught and then you’ll be explaining why we’re jumping the gun on another of these rescues instead of waiting for the signal.” Iron shook his head, still snickering at Animal’s annoyed growl. “I can’t freaking wait till you find a woman you can’t live without because when that shit happens, I am going to give you all kinds of hell over that.”
Animal was glancing at Iron while he spoke or he would have missed the pained look that fell over Iron’s face for a moment before he sobered up. “Yeah, I can promise you that will never happen,” Iron said, his face inscrutable and his lips compressed in a hard line.
Animal knew that there was a story behind both the expression that had fallen over his friend’s face and the surety in his voice. He knew with a sudden clarity that Iron had already met the woman who turned him inside out and something had happened to prevent them from being together. He felt his chest turn over for the pain that Iron must feel knowing that he couldn’t be with the woman he cared for because Animal couldn’t imagine not having Sammy in his life. Hell, five weeks without her had seemed like a lifetime and he couldn’t imagine four years because as long as he had known Iron, he had a hard lining that didn’t allow too many people close to him.
He felt the vibration of his cell and knew that was the signal to move in. Iron moved first, taking his gun out with a grim frown and heading towards the men they were set to take out. Animal followed him, covering his back and trying not to worry about the man he called a brother. Since releasing his emotions from the stranglehold he had on them up until the other night, he was having all kinds of feelings, some that made him almost want to force his emotions back into the cage he had them in for so long, but he wouldn’t do that to Sammy. She meant too much to him so he was just going to have to get used to it.
They made short work of the two men they were responsible for taking out and heard the shots from the others letting them know that they were taking out the rest of the Headhunters who were here tonight. This raid was supposed to be a big one and from the four trucks that they’d found when they pulled up, he hoped that was true.
Iron and Pansy had been with him when he had found out about this shipment. The difference with this shipment and the others they had found was that their MC president Hacker was supposed to be here tonight. Reaper and Death were hoping if they took out the president that they might be able to get ahead of this deadly game they were playing with the Headhunters. Animal hoped they were right because he was tired of chasing after these fuckers trying to cut the head off the snake.
Last year they thought they might get a reprieve because Viper, one of the Headhunters masterminds, had been killed going after a Red Devils woman, but nothing had changed. Unfortunately his second in command had just taken over the operation. Maybe tonight would help them slow the Headhunters down or maybe it wouldn’t, but they were all getting tired of dealing with this bullshit on a weekly basis. Rescuing broken women and girls got old pretty quick if you weren’t a complete asshole. It was wearing on all of them and Animal knew that the cracks would start to break apart the club if they didn’t get it under control soon.
Iron moved towards the front of the truck headed towards the gunfire they heard in the distance. Animal followed behind him, his hands clutching his gun as he neared the other truck behind Iron. Reaper and Lock came into view as they moved to the front of the semi.
Reaper was taking out a man who’d come up behind Lock with a knife and Animal saw another man aiming at Reaper’s head. Without thinking, he shot over Iron’s shoulder, hitting the man between the eyes before he could take out Reaper. Iron turned to glare at him for a moment and Animal shrugged a little as they kept moving. It had been a risky shot because if Iron had chosen that moment to move to the left Animal would have shot him instead, but he hadn’t had a choice; the man had Reaper in his sights.
“Don’t fucking shoot me, damn it,” Iron growled as he turned back to the fight going on in front of them.
“Stop being a whiney bitch. I didn’t shoot you,” Animal grunted, taking out two more men who were trying to run from the small clearing they had ambushed them in.
“Fucker, you know as well as I do that if I had moved, you
would have shot me in the head. Don’t pull that shit again,” Iron growled after he took out two of the three men attacking Burner nearby. Burner took care of the last one before nodding thanks to Iron.
It didn’t take long for the fight to be over; another five minutes and he was standing next to a still bitching Iron while Reaper, Burner and Lock checked the bodies looking for Hacker among them. They’d lost three of their own men tonight but since they had taken out about twenty, it was a good night.
“I’m serious, motherfucker, you can’t pull shit like that. Next time let me know and I’ll take him out but you could have killed me,” Iron was saying as Animal leaned on the side of the truck they were closest to.
“Geez, Iron, quit bitchin’. I didn’t have time to warn you. He already had a bead on Reaper and if I had taken the time to ask you to take the shot he would have killed him with a head shot. Do you want to be the one to explain to Sarah why her old man isn’t coming home? Cause I sure as hell don’t, she’s the type to kill the messenger,” Animal told him, his brow raised in question as he leaned against the semi.
“Fine, whatever, but next time calling out ‘don’t move Iron’ would be nice,” he growled, heading back to the rear of the truck after throwing his hands into the air in angry frustration.
Animal sighed as he followed him back to where Reaper, Lock and Burner were standing beside Bull and Pansy who had been on the other side of the clearing checking bodies too.
“He’s not here. Fuck.” Reaper sounded pissed and Animal could understand why. They were never able to find Hacker and that was getting old. Reaper looked at Bull.
“You’re sure you checked them all?” he asked looking hopeful.
“Yeah, boss, we checked them all and he wasn’t over on our side of the clearing,” Bull told Reaper, looking grim. Lock slammed his hand into the door of the trailer letting out an explicit curse. The screams and whimpers from inside the truck reminded the men that they were here for another task.
