by jeff brown
“I’ll just say he’s there,” said Teddy Talker. “Speak to the boy. Let me know.”
Stanley said that he did not particularly care to go on TV. But then he remembered about cheering up Arthur.
“All right,” he said. “But Arthur, too. He likes to tell jokes and do magic tricks. Say we’ll both be on the show.”
Arthur was very pleased, and that evening the brothers planned what they would do. The next morning Mr. Lambchop told Teddy Talker.
“Excellent plan!” said the TV man. “This Friday, yes? Thank you, Lambchop!”
“Welcome, everybody!” said Teddy Talker that Friday evening from the stage of his TV show. “Wonderful guests tonight! Including an invisible boy!”
In the front row, applauding with the rest of the audience, Mr. and Mrs. Lambchop thought of Stanley and Arthur, now waiting in a dressing room backstage. How excited they must be!
The other guests were already seated on the sofa by Teddy Talker’s desk. He chatted first with a lady who had written a book about sausage, next with a tennis champion who had become a rabbi, then with a very pretty young woman who had won a beauty contest, but planned now to devote herself to the cause of world peace.
At last came the announcement that began the Lambchop plan.
“Invisible Stanley has been delayed but will be here shortly,” Teddy Talker told the audience. “Meanwhile, we arefortunate in having with us his very talented brother!”
Protests rose. “Brother? … A visible brother? … Drat! … Good thing we got in free!”
“Ladies and gentlemen!” said Teddy Talker. “Mirth and magic with Arthur Lambchop!”
Arthur stepped out onto the stage wearing a smart black magician’s cape Mrs. Lambchop had made for him and carrying a small box, which he placed on Teddy Talker’s desk.
“Hello, everybody!” he said. “The box is for later. Now let’s have fun! Heard the story about the three holes in the ground?” He waited, smiling. “Well, well, well!”
Two people laughed, but that was all.
“I don’t understand,” said a lady sitting behind Mr. and Mrs. Lambchop.
Mr. Lambchop turned around in his seat. “A ‘well’ is a hole in the ground,” he said. “‘Well, well, well.’ Three holes.”
“Ah! I see!” said the lady.
“A riddle, ladies and gentlemen!” cried Arthur. “Where do kings keep their armies?”
“Where?” someone called.
“In their sleevies!” said Arthur.
Many people laughed now, including the lady who had missed the first joke. “I got that one,” she said.
“A mind-reading trick!” Arthur announced. He shuffled a deck of cards and let Teddy Talker draw one.
“Don’t let me see it!” he said. “But look at it! Picture it in your mind! I will concentrate, using my magic powers!” Arthur closed his eyes. “Hmmm … hmmm … Your card, sir, is the four of hearts!”
“It is!” cried Teddy Talker. “It is the four of hearts!”
Voices rose again. “Incredible! … He can read minds? … So young, too! … Do that one again, lad!”
“Certainly!” said Arthur.
But he had used a false deck in which every card was the four of hearts, and the audience would surely guess if that card was named again. Fortunately, the brothers had thought of this. Backstage, Stanley tied his balloon to a chair.
Arthur now shuffled a real deck of cards, then called for a volunteer. When an elderly gentleman came up onto the stage, Stanley tiptoed out to stand behind him. The audience applauded the volunteer. How peculiar this is! Stanley thought. Hundreds of people looking, but not one can see me!
“Draw a card, sir!” said Arthur. “Thank you! Keep it hidden! But picture it in your mind!” Again closing his eyes, he pretended to be thinking hard.
A quick peek showed Stanley that the volunteer held the ten of clubs. He tiptoed over to whisper in his brother’s ear.
Arthur opened his eyes. “I have it. The card is … the ten of clubs!”
“Yes! Bravo!” cried the old gentleman. The audience clapped hard as he returned to his seat.
Mr. Lambchop smiled at the lady behind him. “Our son,” he said.
“So clever!” said the lady. “What will he do next?”
Mrs. Lambchop drew a deep breath. That morning Stanley and Arthur had borrowed a pet frog from the boy next door. What came next, she knew, would be the most daring part of the evening’s plan!
“Ladies and gentlemen!” said Arthur. “A new kind of magic! Arthur Lambchop—that’s me!—and Henry, the Air-Dancing Frog!”
He lifted Henry from the box on Teddy Talker’s desk and held him up. Henry, who appeared to be smiling, wore a little white shirt with an H on it, also made by Mrs. Lambchop.
“Fly, Henry!” cried Arthur. “Fly out and stand still in the air!”
Stepping forward, Stanley took Henry from Arthur’s hands and ran to the far side of the stage. There he stopped, holding the frog high above his head. Henry wriggled his legs.
“Amazing!” shouted the audience. “Who’d believe it?… That’s some frog! … What keeps him up there?”
“Circle, Henry!” Arthur commanded. “Circle in the air!”
Stanley walked rapidly in circles, swaying Henry as he went.
The audience was tremendously impressed. “What a fine magician! … Mind reading and frog flying! … You don’t see that every day!”
Pretending to control Henry’s flight, Arthur kept a finger pointed as Stanley swooped the frog all about the stage. “Whoops!” cried Teddy Talker as Henry flew above his desk. On the long sofa, the sausage writer and the tennis rabbi and the beauty-contest winner ducked down. Even Mr. and Mrs. Lambchop, who knew the secret of Henry’s flight, thought it an amazing sight.
At last, to great applause, Arthur took Henry into his own hands and returned him to the little box.
Stanley tiptoed off to get his smiley-face balloon. The plan now called for Teddy Talker to announce the arrival of the invisible boy and introduce him.
But Arthur had stepped forward again.
“Thank you for cheering me,” he told the audience. “But I have to say something. That first mind-reading trick, I really did do that one. But the second trick … Actually, I can’t read minds at all. And the flying frog, he—”
Voices rose. “Can’t read minds?” … “We’ve been lied to?” … “The frog was lying?” … “Not the frog, stupid!” … “Wait, he’s not done!”
“Please! Listen!” said Arthur. “It wouldn’t be fair to let you think I did everything by myself. I had a helper! For the second trick, he saw the card and told me what it was. And Henry … Well, my helper was whooshing him in the air!”
By now the audience was terribly confused. “Who?” … “What helper?” … “It was just a regular frog?” … “But some frogs fly!” … “No, squirrels, not frogs!” … “Whooshing?”
Arthur went on. “My brother, Stanley, helped me! He fixed it for me to be on this show! He’s a really nice brother, and I thank him a lot!”
Teddy Talker had sprung to his feet.
“Ladies and gentlemen! May I now present a very special guest, who has been here all along! The invisible boy! Stanley Lambchop!”
Stanley came onto the stage, carrying his smiley-face balloon. Arthur put out his hand, and the audience could tell that Stanley had taken it. There was tremendous applause.
The brothers bowed again and again, Stanley’s balloon bobbing up and down. Arthur’s smile was plain to see, and Mr. and Mrs. Lambchop, as they applauded, thought that even the balloon’s painted smile seemed brighter than before.
“I have two children myself,” said the lady behind them. “Both entirely visible and without theatrical flair. We are a very usual family.”
“As are we,” said Mr. Lambchop, smiling. “Mostly, that is.”
Arthur left the stage, and Stanley sat on the sofa between the sausage writer and the beauty-contest winner and answered Ted
dy Talker’s questions. He had no idea how he became invisible, he said, and it wasn’t actually a great treat being that way, since he often got bumped into and had to keep reminding people he was there. After that, Teddy Talker thanked everyone for coming, and the show was over.
Back home, Arthur felt the evening had gone well.
“I got lots of applause,” he said. “But maybe it was mostly because of what Stanley did. I shouldn’t be too proud, I guess.”
“Poise and good humor contribute greatly to a performer’s success,” said Mrs. Lambchop. “You did well on both those counts. Return Henry in the morning, dear. Time now for bed.”
The Bank Robbers
Mr. Lambchop and Stanley and Arthur were watching the evening news on TV.
“… more dreadful scandal and violence tomorrow,” said the newscaster, ending a report on national affairs. “Here in our fair city another bank was robbed today, the third this month. The unusual robbers—”
“Enough of crime!” Bustling in, Mrs. Lambchop switched off the TV. “Come to dinner!”
Stanley supposed he would never know how the robbers were unusual. But the next afternoon, while strolling with his father, he found out. On the way home they passed a bank.
“I must cash a check, but it is very crowded in there,” said Mr. Lambchop. “Wait here, Stanley.”
Stanley waited.
Suddenly, cries rose from within the bank. “Lady bank robbers! Just like they said on TV!” … “I laughed when I heard it!” … “Me, too!”
Two women in dresses and fancy hats, one stout and the other very tall, ran out of the bank, each with a money bag in one hand and a pistol in the other.
“Stay in there!” the stout woman called back into the bank, her voice high and scratchy. “Don’t anyone run out! Or else … Bang! Bang!”
“Right!” shouted the tall woman, also in an odd, high voice. “Just because we are females doesn’t mean we can’t shoot!”
Being invisible won’t protect me if bullets go flying about! Stanley thought. He looked for a place to hide.
An empty Yum-Yum ice cream van was parked close by and he jumped into it. His balloon still floated outside the van, its string caught in the door, but he did not dare to rescue it. Scrunching down behind cardboard barrels marked CHOCOLATE YUM, STRAWBERRY YUM, and YUM CRUNCH, he peeked out.
An alarm was ringing inside the bank, and shouts rose again. “Ha! Now you’re in trouble!” … “The police will come!” … “Put that money back where you found it, ladies!”
Then Stanley saw that the two robber women were running toward him, carrying the money bags. They were stopping! They were getting into the Yum-Yum van!
Scrunching down again, he held his breath.
The robbers were in the van now, close to where he hid. “Hurry up!” said the stout woman in a surprisingly deep voice. “These shoes are killing me!”
The tall woman opened the YUM CRUNCH barrel, and Stanley saw that it was empty. Then both robbers poured packets of money from their bags into the barrel and put the lid back on.
Stanley could hardly believe what he saw next!
The robbers threw aside their fancy hats and tugged off wigs. And now they were undressing, pulling their dresses over their heads!
They were men, Stanley realized, not women! Yes! Underneath the dresses they wore white ice-cream-man pants, with the legs rolled up, and white Yum-Yum shirts!
“Whew! What a relief, Howard!” The stout robber kicked off his women’s shoes and put on white sneakers.
“They’ll never catch us now, Ralph!” said the tall one.
The robbers unrolled their trouser legs and threw their female clothing into another empty barrel, the one marked CHOCOLATE YUM. Then they jumped into the front seats, the tall man driving, and the van sped off.
Behind the barrels, Stanley held his breath again. This pair was too clever to be caught! They were sure to get away! No one would suspect two Yum-Yum men of being the lady—But the van was slowing! It was stopping!
Stanley peeked out again.
A police car blocked the road and two policemen stood beside it, inspecting cars as they passed by. In a moment they were at the Yum-Yum van.
“A bank got robbed,” the first policeman told the driver. “By two women. You ice-cream fellows seen any suspicious-looking females?”
“My!” The tall man shook his head. “More and more these days, women filling roles once played by men. Bless ’em, I say!”
Beside him, the stout man said hastily, “But bank robbing, Howard, that’s wrong”
The second policeman looked into the back of the van. “Just ice cream here,” he told his partner.
The trickery is working! Stanley thought. How can I …? An idea came to him. Reaching out, he flipped the lid off the CHOCOLATE YUM barrel.
“Loose lid,” said the second policeman. “Better tighten—Hey! This barrel is full of female clothes!”
“Oh!” The tall robber made a sad face. “For the needy,” he said. “They were my late mother’s.”
Stanley flipped the lid off the YUM CRUNCH barrel and the packets of money were plain to see!
“Your mother was a mighty rich woman!” shouted the first policeman, drawing his pistol. “Hands up, you two!”
As the robbers were being handcuffed, another police car drove up. Mr. Lambchop jumped out of it.
“That balloon, on that van!” he shouted. “We’ve been following it! Stanley …? Are you in there?”
“Yes!” Stanley called back. “I’m fine. The bank robbers are caught! They weren’t ladies at all, just dressed that way!”
The handcuffed robbers were dreadfully confused. “Who’s yelling in our van? … Who stuck a balloon in the door? … Have we gone crazy?” they asked.
“It’s my son Stanley,” said Mr. Lambchop. “He is invisible, unfortunately. Thank goodness he was not hurt!”
“That must be the same invisible boy they had on TV!” said the first policeman.
“An invisible boy?” The tall robber groaned. “After all my careful planning!”
The stout robber shrugged. “You can’t think of everything, Howard. Don’t blame yourself.”
The robbers were driven off to jail, and Stanley went home with Mr. Lambchop in a cab.
Stanley had been far too brave, Mrs. Lambchop said when she heard what he had done. Really! Flipping those ice cream lids! Arthur said he’d have flipped them too, if he’d thought of it.
Arthur’s Storm
Mr. and Mrs. Lambchop had said good night. For a moment the brothers lay silent in their beds.
Then Arthur yawned. “Good night, Stanley. Pleasant dreams.”
“Pleasant dreams? Hah!”
“Hah?”
“Those robbers today, they had guns!” said Stanley. “They could have shot me by accident and nobody would even know.”
“I never thought of that.” Arthur sat up. “Are you mad at me?”
“I guess not. But …” Stanley sighed. “The thing is, I don’t want to go on being invisible. I was really scared today, and I hate carrying that balloon, but when I don’t, people bump into me. And I can’t see myself in the mirror, so I don’t even remember how I look! It’s like when I was flat. It was all right for a while, but then people laughed at me.”
“That’s why I blew you round again,” Arthur said proudly. “Everyone said how smart I was.”
“If you’re so smart, get me out of this fix!” There was a little tremble in Stanley’s voice.
Arthur went to sit on the edge of his brother’s bed. Feeling for a foot beneath the covers, he patted it. “I’m really sorry for you,” he said. “I wish—”
There was a knock at the door, and Mr. and Mrs. Lambchop came in. “Talking, you two? You ought to be asleep,” they said.
Arthur explained about Stanley’s unhappiness.
“There’s more,” Stanley said. “Twice my friends had parties and didn’t invite me. They sometimes forget me
even if I do keep waving that balloon!”
“Poor dear!” Mrs. Lambchop said. “‘Out of sight, out of mind,’ as the saying goes.” She went to put her arms around Stanley, but he had just sat up in bed and she missed him. She found him and gave him a hug.
“This is awful!” Arthur said. “We have to do something!”
Mr. Lambchop shook his head. “Dr. Dan knew of no cure for Stanley’s condition. And little about its cause except for a possible connection between bad weather and fruit.”
“Then I’ll always be like this.” Stanley’s voice trembled again. “I’ll get older and bigger, but no one will ever see.”
Arthur was thinking. “Stanley did eat fruit. And there was a storm. Maybe … Wait!”
He explained his idea.
Mr. and Mrs. Lambchop looked at each other, then at where they supposed Stanley to be, and at each other again.
“I’m not afraid,” said Stanley. “Let’s try!”
Mr. Lambchop nodded. “I see no harm in it.”
“Nor I,” said Mrs. Lambchop. “Very well, Arthur! Let us gather what your plan requires!”
“Everyone ready?” said Arthur. “It has to be just the way it was the night Stanley got invisible.”
“I’m wearing the same blue-and-white stripey pajamas,” said Stanley. “And I have an apple. And a box of raisins.”
“We can’t make a real storm,” Arthur said. “But maybe this will work.”
He stepped into the bathroom and ran the water in the sink and shower. “There’s rain,” he said, returning. “I’ll be wind.”
Mrs. Lambchop held up a wooden spoon and a large skillet from the kitchen. “Thunder ready,” she said.
Mr. Lambchop showed the powerful flashlight he had fetched from his tool kit. “Lightning ready.”
Stanley raised his apple. “Now?”
“Go stand by the window,” said Arthur. “Now let me think. Hmmm … It was dark.” He put out the light. “Go on, eat. Whooosh!” he added, being wind.
Stanley began to eat the apple.
