by Mary Martel
I pulled the image of it into my mind and watched it dance around before my inner flame.
“What now?” I asked in a husky voice.
“Now, you manipulate it,” he whispered. “You make it yours and you do what you want with it. You put your energy into it and make it do your bidding. Eventually, you will be able to do this with your eyes open. It might take a while, but you’ll get there. For now, you need to keep your eyes closed so you can concentrate.”
I thought about what he’d said, really thought about it, and the shoe began to spin in circles inside my head.
From across the room, Addison gasped.
Now that it was mine to do with as I pleased, I actually had to come up with something to do with it. Nothing came to mind and the flame inside my head grew even brighter.
“She’s not disciplined,” Addison ground out. “You should stop this now. She’s not ready for it. She needs to be taught in a contained area. There’s too many things in here that could potentially be damaged.”
“Nonsense,” Abel told his brother in a confident voice. “None of this shit matters. Who cares if she destroys something in here. She’s fine. Leave her alone.”
“Abel,” Addison pushed out in strangled voice I hadn’t heard him use before. “You should not have said that. She’s a little, um, oversensitive when it comes to throwing things away, I don’t think she’s going to like hearing you talk about destroying things in here in such a casual manner.”
The more agitated their conversation made me, the faster and faster the shoe spun in my mind.
In a disbelieving voice, Abel muttered, “What the hell are you talking about? She’s fine. Leave her alone.”
“Abel,” Addison barked at his brother. “Be quiet for a second.”
The shoe spun round and round inside my mind. So fast it started to blur. Thoughts of my mother and why I was surrounded by her things crept into my mind.
I shook my head, trying to shake the negative thoughts from my mind as I opened my eyes.
I shoved the shoe out of my mind, giving it a solid, mental toss. The flame flickered before going out.
I watched in awe as the shoe I had seen in my head flew through the air, crashing into the wall. It bounced off the wall and landed on the carpet with a thump where it immediately burst into flames.
My eyes rounded in horror and I screamed, loud and girly. The fire seemed to grow larger as my screaming grew louder. The flames grew higher, taller, crawling towards the ceiling.
I watched in open mouthed horror. Oh, what had I done now.
“Ariel,” Abel yelled in my ear as he placed his hands on my biceps and shook me roughly. My teeth clacked together as my head rattled from side to side.
A harsh beeping started, higher than the beeping of the alarm on the doors and windows. The smoke detector. That horrible sound was the smoke detector in the master bedroom going off.
Shit.
My uncontrolled emotions and the magic inside me that I had absolutely zero control over were going to burn Mr. Cole’s house down.
I didn’t want that.
What was the matter with me? I couldn’t do anything right. And now I was going to burn Mr. Cole’s house down when all I was trying to do was take some of the burden off of his shoulders.
“Where’s the fire extinguisher?” Abel shouted at me.
I shook my head; how would I know where the damn fire extinguisher was? It’s not like I’d ever had to use one before. I didn’t just light shit on fire with my mind on the daily.
Addison ripped a dress off of a hanger and started beating out the fire with it. He hit it over and over again until the fire went out. The carpet around the shoe was a charred, blacked out mess and the shoe still smoked a little.
Addison held up the dress he’d used to put the fire out. It had gaping holes burned into it and was completely ruined. “I’m sorry, Ariel,” he said in a sad voice. “We’re not going to be able to donate this one. I’m afraid it’s headed for the trash.”
“Girl,” Abel said, his voice shaking with suppressed laughter. “You tried to burn down Mr. Cole’s house.” He snickered, and a laugh escaped.
I whirled around and jabbed my finger at him. “I did not!” I shouted, getting angry.
Addison coughed, and I could tell he was trying not to laugh too.
“This isn’t funny,” I shouted, my voice vibrating with anger.
They both lost the battle at the same time and burst out laughing.
I shook my head, exasperated. With them and myself. It’s not like I had intentionally tried to light anything on fire, but it still happened anyway, and I could have easily burned the house down while I stood by and stupidly watched.
“Oh my god, twin, you should have seen her face.” Addison said as he clutched his stomach, like laughing this much had pained him. “She looked like she was going to piss herself when that shoe went up. Priceless. I wish we would have filmed it.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I grumbled under my breath. “Laugh it up, assholes.”
That set them off again and they laughed harder.
Eventually, they calmed down and we were able to finish the job at hand without any more mishaps. They only made fun of me a little for trying to burn down the house, which I appreciated greatly. They spent two long hours with me, helping pack everything up. They never once complained and after the little shoe debacle, they stopped telling me to throw everything in the trash, I think it had something to do with Addison pulling Abel aside, outside of my hearing range and whispering to him. He probably told him not to push the loony girl any further out of fear I might light him on fire next.
In the end, there were five boxes of shoes and ten garbage bags full of clothes. The only things I threw away was her underwear, open containers of lotion and the like, and used makeup. Her bottles of perfume went into a box. Handbags and wallets went into a box. Her jewelry I put in a box by itself and put it to the side, I didn’t know what Mr. Cole had given her and if he would want any of it back.
The only thing I kept for myself was a tattered old box I found hidden behind a stack of suitcases. When I opened the box, I found hand written letters from my mother and to her. There was a whole mess of photographs and a few other things in there. Immediately, I closed the box without looking through the contents. Curiosity raged inside me but I didn’t want an audience when I looked through it all. I wanted to be alone for that because I had no idea what I would find.
My Salt and Pepper twins were very sweet and, even though I could tell they wanted to ask me about the tattered box, neither of them made a peep about it.
They carried it all out to their truck and loaded it up without me having to ask them to and without me having to lift a finger.
I offered to order pizza but they both claimed they had something to do and needed to leave. I thanked them for the help and was sad to see them go. With Mr. Cole being gone, I was now all alone in the house and wasn’t very appealing to me at the moment.
After locking the door behind the twins and arming the alarm, I grabbed the box out of my mother’s now empty closet and headed up to my bedroom.
Chapter Twenty
After locking the door, I slowly made my way over to the bed. I was in no hurry to look through the box.
Locking the door to my bedroom might seem a bit ridiculous considering I was in the house by myself and all the doors and windows leading to the outdoors were locked up tight and the alarm had been turned on. It wasn’t ridiculous to me. I couldn’t be in my bedroom by myself and not lock the door behind me. Paranoia and fear owned me, I was their bitch when I was in my bedroom and my bathroom. Too much had happened here when I was supposed to be alone.
I sat on the bed and scooted towards the center, dragging the box along with me. When I got to the center of the bed, I curled my legs to the side as my hip and my elbow pressed into the bed. The side of my face rested in the palm of my hand as I eyeballed the box.
I wanted to
know what was in there, but, at the same time, I was scared out of my brain and did not want to know. Before today, I had never seen this box, or its contents, in my entire life. My mother had never struck me as the type of person to hold onto things like photographs, letters and keepsakes. The things in the box must have come before my time, or, from when I was too young to remember things. She had never, not ever, kept a photograph of me. There were no school pictures, no baby pictures, no nothing. And now I find pictures she had kept secret for the past however many years, maybe even more years than I had been on this earth.
It made my stomach churn.
She had hated me, honest to goodness, hated me. Her own daughter. What had I done to her to deserve such treatment? Maybe just being born had been enough in her book. It wasn’t in mine. If she hadn’t wanted to have kids then she should have learned how to use protection and maybe gotten herself on birth control.
I sat up straight, stretched my legs out in front of me and crossed my feet at the ankles.
The box sat on the bed, taunting me.
I could think of not one single person she had cared about enough to keep mementos of. Not one single, solitary human being. Not even herself. I knew how much she’d loved herself and had enjoyed her own image. She’d never even had pictures of herself around.
A small part of me wanted to take the box and everything inside of it out to the yard and light the bitch on fire. A far bigger part of me wanted to rip that sucker open and pour through every single little thing in there like it was my sole purpose in this world.
I sighed heavily as I leaned back against the headboard.
Why did I feel like the secrets hidden inside that box were going to be life altering? Probably because that hateful cow wouldn’t have kept the stuff inside the box for years and years if it hadn’t meant anything to her. Since I had never known her to care about anyone besides herself, this was huge.
I had to re-open the box, there was no getting around it for me.
I reached a hand inside and blindly pulled out the first thing I touched.
A folded-up piece of paper. A letter. I wished it had been a picture instead, that might have been easier to take in.
The paper was worn and had clearly been handled a great deal.
With shaking hands, I unfolded the letter and began reading.
My dearest Vivian,
I know you hate me and for that I am sorry. Sorrier than you will ever know. I won’t apologize to you because I know you don’t want to hear an apology from me and it wouldn’t mean anything to you. I understand this. I don’t have to like it, but I do understand it.
I have been patient with you. But, time is growing short for me and I need to see her. There are things I have to tell her, things she needs to know. Things only I can tell her.
Please, my beautiful sister, I beg of you, let me see my daughter.
I have money and will pay you, if that’s what it will take. I am more than willing to give you whatever it is that you want. Name your price and it’s yours.
Please –
I crumpled the letter into a ball in my hands.
My mind was empty, blank.
I had been wrong to open the box and I didn’t want to read any more.
Fuck this.
Fuck it all.
I pushed everything I had just read out of my mind. I couldn’t deal with it right now. I couldn’t do it.
Not now, maybe not ever.
Mr. Cole wasn’t coming home tonight, and I really did not want to be alone. But, I didn’t want to be here. And, I didn’t want to be next door.
Where could I go if I left this place? This wasn’t home anymore, and I needed to get out of here.
I tossed the letter back into the box and got up to pack a bag.
I thought I knew where I could go. Hopefully, going there would erase all this bullshit I thought I had just learned from that one letter.
I grabbed my bag and the stupid box, I didn’t want to read any more of it but I also didn’t think I could leave it behind. I thought it might disappear if I left it behind, then I’d never get answers. I took both out to my Range Rover. The overnight bag, I put in the front passenger seat. The box, I stuck in the far back.
As I drove, I focused on forgetting everything that had recently happened. Thankfully, I was an old pro when it came to pushing things aside and pretending like they never happened.
Chapter Twenty-One
I stared at the adorable cottage from inside the safety of my Range Rover and gripped the steering wheel tightly between my fingers.
Back at Dash’s house.
Again.
What was I doing back here?
Good Question.
I was back here to spend the night, even though the owner of the house didn’t know that yet. I did this so I could judge whether or not I really wanted to stay here after I moved out of Mr. Cole’s house when he moved away and it seemed like a far better option than being alone right now. Since I couldn’t, wouldn’t live at the main house with the guys, I needed another place to stay so I wasn’t homeless. Quinton said this was the place for me and I had to take his word for it. So, I was here, taking the initiative. Probably not the wisest solution.
The sun was setting in the sky, the forest around the cottage already dark. All my life I had lived in the city surrounded by tall buildings, constant traffic, and never-ending noise. The first time I had ever even walked into the woods had been the night of the full moon ritual. I had no desire to go exploring in the woods. I had no desire to go bird watching or whatever. I didn’t have the appropriate shoes for hiking, so that was out. Camping sounded extremely uncomfortable, not to mention the whole going to the bathroom outside while squatting down next to some tree nonsense. Camp fires looked cool and I would love to roast a marshmallow and eat it. But you didn’t need to go into woods to have a camp fire, you could easily have one in a backyard, or at a beach.
Scaredy cat, who me? Never.
I didn’t miss the big city and I had no desire to go back, but I would take hanging out in houses over playing in the woods any day.
I blinked, coming back to myself inside my Rover. My knuckles had turned white. What in the hell was I doing sitting in my Rover in front of Dash’s house thinking about exploring the forest? Rabid little squirrels. I shuddered in my seat. Beady-eyed, puffy-tailed little weirdos.
I pulled my keys out of the ignition, grabbed my bag off of the passenger seat and opened my door.
Movement in the rear-view mirror caught my eye and I paused with my door ajar. The dome light came on, momentarily cutting off my view of what was happening in the mirror.
Was Dash outside?
A glance to the side showed me the cottage was lit up from within, the chimney smoking. Would he go outside and leave all the lights inside on?
The overhead light dimmed for a moment, then shut off entirely.
The mirror showed that there was no one behind me. Thankfully.
I shut my door and hit the button to lock the doors. A click sounded throughout the Rover, letting me know I was safely locked inside.
I clutched the bag to my chest as I eyed the rear-view mirror.
There was nothing out there.
What was the matter with me? I didn’t know but I had a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach growing larger and more acidic by the second.
If I had Dash’s phone number, I wouldn’t have hesitated to call him and make him walk out to my car and walk me safely inside.
Something was seriously not right.
I looked at the vehicles I had parked next to and my stomach twisted for a different reason. I had no idea what Dash drove. Did he have more than one car? Was he in there alone? Did he have another client here? A date?
I scrunched up my face as I chewed on my bottom lip. I probably should have called first. I didn’t want to interrupt him if he had a date. My throat tightened, and I clutched the bag tighter to my chest. Why did the thought of
Dash on a date bother me so much?
A conversation I had overheard floated through my brain.
“She’s too young. I’m not ready to give up my social life for a girl I don’t even know and am expected to share,” Dash had said.
Julian’s reply had been immediate.
“By social life, I assume you mean dating and sleeping with random’s you bring home with you?”
Even Quint had told me about how much Dash liked to sleep with the ladies.
The black Camaro gleamed shiny and masculine. It looked like something I could see Dash driving. The big, silver, SUV parked beside it could have easily been driven by a male or female.
I should have gotten Dash’s phone number from Tyson and called ahead first.
Why did I care so much?
I had no interest in the truth at the moment ,so I left that particular question be.
The mirror showed nothing but trees and the driveway behind me.
This was absurd. I was supposed to be done being afraid.
There was nothing out there.
I squared my shoulders. Brave, I needed to be brave. There wasn’t always something lurking around every corner, some great danger, some new torture, waiting to lash out and attack me.
I needed to step away from that mindset, far away from it and start to think positively. If I was constantly thinking unhappy thoughts, then how would I ever find happiness?
Fuck it.
I hit the button and unlocked the doors. If I sat out here much longer, it would be full on dark and I would never get out of the Rover. I opened my door and climbed down quickly before I could lose my nerve.
I slammed the door, looped my arm through the straps of my bag and bleeped the locks on the Rover. Maybe I should have left the bag in my vehicle. The bag seemed a bit presumptuous but leaving it in the Rover would mean I would have to come back out and get it if I stayed.
I sprinted across the stone walkway. I kept my eyes focused on the black door, my prize. I was too big of a chicken to look behind me, but I felt it. Eyes on me. The hair on the back of my neck stood up as tingles raced down my spine.
