“You know,” she continued, “don’t think I didn’t know you and Coop were always off banging in the bathrooms.”
“Mom!”
“I just didn’t think it was my place, you were what, twenty-one, twenty-two years old? It wasn’t my business. You really had no business living at home, anyway, but I digress.”
“Mom, please!” She paused for a second to gather herself before she laid out the last bit.
“I think it’s Tara, Mom. I think that’s my baby.”
Nancy went quiet as she took a few seconds to process the last bit.
“You think that could be her? Cynthia you know you sound crazy. Like vaccinations give you autism crazy.”
“I know how it sounds Mom, but don’t you think that if you ran into a six-year-old me, you would have known it was me, no matter what? I just know. She has Coop’s eyes.”
“What does Coop think about all of this?” she asked.
“I don’t know, actually. He doesn’t know.”
“He doesn’t know you had her at all?”
“No.”
“Well honey, he has a right to know he has a kid out there. You know, it does make sense, though.”
“What does?”
“How you guys fell apart when you went to school. I always thought you two…” she trailed off, giving Cynthia a knowing look, “and Glen! Oh, Glen…” she shook her head slowly.
“What about Glen?
“And the teachers always told me you were so smart,” Nancy said sarcastically.
“What—” Cynthia put a confused look on her face before she realized she didn’t have to keep up this show anymore.
“What do you mean, what?” Nancy interrupted, “we both know where you should be right now, sweetie.”
“I know you guys haven’t spoken in a while and I know he has Rose now. And I guess you have that Glen of yours, which…” she paused for a second for emphasis.
“Timing is definitely not good... but honey, with something like this, it’s never going to be. And it’s only going to get worse. You’ve dealt with this alone for so long, and you shouldn’t have to anymore. I think you know what you need to do.”
Cynthia thought about this for a moment. She dropped her head onto her mother’s shoulder as tears fell silently from her eyes.
“You’re right,” she said. Years of pent up feelings she hadn’t allowed herself to acknowledge rushed to the surface.
“I know. I’m pretty quick for a grandma, huh?”
Cynthia choked out a laugh as she started to cry. In an effort to distract herself, she got up and stretched her legs. She felt like she had been sitting in that chair for the past eight hours.
“So how do we find out?” Nancy asked.
“What?”
“If that’s your kid! How do we know? Can we call the agency? We probably can’t ask Bunny, can we?” She mused, looking out the window towards their house.
“I have it.”
“What do you mean you have it?”
“I have a paper they gave me with all their information. In case I ever wanted to contact the parents or anything, I guess. The lady from the adoption agency gave it to me.”
“Where? What are we waiting for?”
“I don’t know. I just never really looked at it.”
“Good God, Cynthia. Where is it?”
“At my house. In my underwear drawer.”
The words were barely out of her mouth and Nancy was already pulling a fur coat from the coat closet in the foyer.
“You really need a fur for this?”
“I’m about to have a grandchild, honey, this is a special occasion.”
They speed walked across the street to Cynthia’s snow covered lawn.
“Do you think Roberta didn’t hear me about the tea, or do you think she just ignored me?”
“Jesus, Mom!” Cynthia laughed through her tears, “I don’t know. I’m sure she didn’t hear you.”
“Sometimes I wonder about her,” Nancy shook her head slowly.
They rushed up the stairs at Cynthia’s house. Nancy plopped down on the bed, her fur coat clashing with the crisp simplicity of the bedroom.
“Are you ready?” She asked, smiling.
“I think I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” Cynthia replied as she pulled open her top drawer. She handed the paper in question to her mother and flopped face down on the bed.
“You do it. I can’t.”
“Okay,” Nancy replied quietly. The only sound for the next few minutes was the gentle ripples of the paper and Nancy read it through.
“Odessa, Texas,” she said finally, flipping it over to see if she had missed anything on the back.
“Yeah, I know, what else does it say?”
“That’s it. Baby Girl Holland, blah blah blah, a couple in Odessa, Texas. That’s it.”
Cynthia’s stomach dropped. Her heart started pumping fast. There must be more. Nancy must have missed something. Cynthia grabbed the paper from her mother’s hand.
“That’s all is says? That can’t be it. It’s on here somewhere…”
She scanned the paper, then carefully read it through. Nancy was right.
“That’s it. I can’t believe that’s it. I always thought the answer would be right here.”
Cynthia pulled out her phone and searched the name of the agency. The first result was an article from a paper she had never heard of. She read the headline to her mother.
“The Hartfield Private Adoption Agency Shut Down Under Scrutiny of Fraud. It’s dated four years ago.”
“These private agencies aren’t always on the up and up, you know.”
“Thanks Mom, that’s exactly what I need right now,” she felt the tears returning.
Nancy rolled her eyes.
“Oh, you know what I mean, I didn’t mean to be... I’ll go home and keep looking. There has to be someone we can contact. In the meantime, honey, I think you should talk to Coop.”
“Yeah. I’ll call him.”
Nancy stood up and smoothed her coat.
“Look at me, all dolled up for nothing,” she said, with a smirk. Cynthia smiled at her mother.
“Thanks Mom, for, you know, just being…” Cynthia had no idea what to say. Nancy stepped in and hugged her.
“Stop it. Of course,” Nancy said, patting Cynthia on the back. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t have helped sooner.”
Chapter 4: A New Journey
Cynthia stared at the phone in her hand. She knew what she had to do but wasn’t sure she had the strength to do it. But this was her chance. Glen was at work for at least the next few hours. Like a Band-Aid, right? She put the phone to her ear. At the third ring, she didn’t think he was going to pick up. It was a stupid idea anyway, she thought, when she was interrupted by the smooth sound of Coop’s voice.
“Hey,” he whispered.
“Hi, um,” she paused. She really should have rehearsed this before she called.
“Is this an okay time?”
“Yeah, yeah sure, what’s up?”
“Would you,” Cynthia fought the against the lump in her throat as best she could, “can you come over?”
There was a pause on the other end of the line.
“You want me to come over?” He repeated.
“Yeah. Can you?”
He paused again, but only for a moment.
“Sure, is everything ok?”
“No. Not really. See you in a few,” she didn’t wait for his response before she dropped the phone.
Cynthia heard him walking up the driveway a few minutes later. She opened the door before he had a chance to ring the doorbell.
“Hi,” she said, staring at him. He was in his usual jeans and black tee shirt. His hair was swept straight back out of his face so she had a clear view of his green eyes. The same eyes she had seen on Tara.
“Can I, uh,” he gestured inside.
“Oh yeah, sure,” she stepped aside and he came in. Even with the circ
umstances being what they were, she couldn’t help feeling a bit giddy standing next to him again, alone, after all this time. So much so that she momentarily forgot the real reason she had invited him over.
She led him into the living room and gestured for him to sit. The room was specifically created to be a calming environment. The designer had said something about the gentle blues and greens helping her and Glen unwind after a long day of work. She smiled a bit at the thought of that. We’ll see.
“Holland, I don’t know where to even start,” Coop said after a pause, “you have a beautiful home,” he smiled.
It was just like him to deflect a tough talk like this with a joke. Part of Cynthia wanted to smile along with him, but she couldn’t. She had to get this out.
“That’s not what this is about, Coop. I wish there were, I wish I… well, okay. Back when we dated. When I was pregnant. When I told you and you didn’t—”
“I was young and stupid; I should have—”
“No, stop. Just let me finish. I was pregnant. You left. I was a mess. I really was. I went to law school, and I didn’t know a single person. I was completely alone and I couldn’t talk to anyone. I mean, when I talked to you, who I thought at the time was,” she stumbled a bit; she wanted to call him her soul mate but didn’t know how to react. But she was laying it all out, right? She couldn’t censor it now.
“I thought you were my soul mate, my everything. You were the one person in the world who understood me and cared about me more than anything. And you had such a terrible reaction. It made me feel so betrayed, like I had done something so terribly wrong. Anyway, Coop, I kept her. I kept her. I had her.”
Cynthia waited a moment before she looked up at him. He remained still in his chair. She couldn’t read his facial expression. After what seemed like an eternity, he reached up and ran his fingers through his hair and propped his face up on his elbows.
“You had her,” he repeated, as if he didn’t understand what the words meant. He rubbed his jaw with his fingers.
“What was she like?” He asked, quietly, as if she were sleeping upstairs and he didn’t want to wake her.
“She was perfect, Coop,” tears were streaming silently from her face, and she let them fall onto her chest.
“She was… just this amazing, tiny, perfect, thing. Six pounds three ounces, eight and a quarter inches long. She had a little bit of hair and these incredible dark green eyes. As soon as I saw her I was in love. I almost couldn’t…” she took a breath to gather her strength, “there was this couple. They had been trying forever to have a baby and they couldn’t. The husband worked for a bank and the wife was a real estate agent at the time, but she gave it up to take care of the baby,” she waited for Coop to catch up to her.
“You gave her up for adoption?” The question wasn’t accusatory, but was genuinely concerned for Cynthia’s feelings and what she had gone through. He looked up and his green eyes were filled with sympathy and sadness.
“I had to, Coop,” Cynthia brought her knees to her chest and hugged them to her body.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I’m so, so sorry I wasn’t there for you. We should have done this together Holland, we could have.”
“There’s more,” she said, cutting him off. She didn’t want to delve into what could have or should have happened. That was a conversation that could take a lifetime, and there were more pressing matters at hand.
“Coop,” she carefully thought about how she could relay her theory to him without sounding like a conspiracy theorist, “so, you’re going to think I’m crazy, but—”
“You know I would never think that,” he interrupted. She smiled, encouraged.
“Have you met the people next door?”
“The Southerners?”
“Yeah,” Cynthia hadn’t noticed that she’d stood up. She started to pace back and forth, wringing her hands.
“They’re from Texas. They adopted their daughter six years ago and—”
“And you think it’s her?” Coop stood up and ran his hands through his hair. He looked out the window toward the house that their daughter could possibly be living in.
“Seriously, you think that’s our kid?”
“Yeah, I know you don’t believe me, but have you seen her?”
“I’ve seen her, but…” he trailed off, still looking out the window.
“Go over there and look at her. Really look at her.”
“Holland, sometimes when people go through something…” Coop started, looking at the floor. He paused for a moment before continuing,
“I’ll do it,” he said, finally.
“Really?” Cynthia was relieved. She knew that if he just saw her, he would see it. He came toward her, slowly.
“You had our baby,” he said, “what was it like?”
Cynthia immediately put her hands on her midsection, where she had once grown a child.
“It was, I don’t know. I guess it was… a lot of things. I was scared a lot. Ashamed. I felt sick, constantly. I hated the feeling of it in the beginning. I hid it, and I was just always so aware that I was lying to everyone. By the end, though, I don’t know. It was so lonely for me, but… at the end when I could feel her, it made me feel like I had someone.”
Coop put his hands over Cynthia’s.
“I wish I could have been there for you. I wish you had told me.”
“I couldn’t, Coop, you…” she trailed off as he took a step forward.
“Stop, stop,” he said, closing his eyes and slowly running his hands through his hair.
“I fucked up a lot of things. I really did. But one thing I did right… Cynthia Holland I never, ever stopped loving you.”
As many times as she had pictured this very moment, she had never allowed herself to imagine how it would make her feel. Tears spilled freely from her eyes. Her body was paralyzed. She felt both nauseous and content. She couldn’t string her thoughts together.
She stayed frozen as Coop gently put one hand on her cheek and kissed her lips. He pulled back and looked her in the eyes. The depth of his eyes had always fascinated her. They spoke for him, whispering sentiments of longing, regret, and love.
Emotion that Cynthia hadn’t felt in a long time radiated through her body. She wanted to cry out of sadness, happiness, and relief. Overwhelmed, she couldn’t say anything to him, but she knew she had to kiss him again. She ran her hands up his body, feeling his strong chest and the warmth of his neck. She ran a hand through his hair and kissed him deeply.
It felt familiar in a way, kissing him again after all this time, but also completely new. Now, they were connected on a level that neither of them had ever experienced before.
Coop’s cell phone rang from the armchair where he had left it, interrupting them. The caller ID read Rose’s name and there was a tiny rose next it. Coop dropped his hands.
“I should go,” he said. Cynthia didn’t reply. She knew he was right; as good as it felt, there was a lot more than the lust of this moment that needed to be considered.
“You’ll go over?” She wanted him to commit to it one more time before he left.
“I’ll go see her,” he promised.
The next day, Cynthia woke up late to the sound of someone slamming cabinets in her kitchen. With Glen was still asleep next to her, she got up and snuck to the top of the stairs where she had a view of the kitchen. She heard her mother’s voice.
“Okay, I found the mix. I’m dumping it in. Well you should have said that before I just dumped it in there, Roberta, I can’t measure it now, can I? You know what? Forget it. Can you come over here and do it? I’ll just—”
Nancy saw Cynthia, who had started down the stairs.
“Good morning sunshine! I thought I’d surprise you with some breakfast, but then I remembered I could barely boil water, so I called in the reinforcements. Roberta will be here in a few.”
“Mom, Roberta does not have to make me breakfast. Really, just call her and tell her not to come.�
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“Well you’re no fun,” Nancy replied, picking up her phone.
“Never mind, Roberta, we’re fine here. Well then go back in the house. Then go back to sleep. How was I supposed to know she was going to come down here and refuse this nice gesture? Well good, I’d rather eat out tonight anyway.” She hung up the phone.
“You see what I mean?” She said to Cynthia.
“Mom, you’re impossible. Even you know that. Roberta’s a saint.”
Cynthia loaded up the Keurig while Nancy sat on a stool and pulled herself into the breakfast bar.
“So, what did he say?” She whispered.
Cynthia checked her phone, although she knew he hadn’t called or texted.
“Nothing yet. I don’t know. I only told him yesterday.”
“I saw him over there last night. He and Rose brought a tray of something that was probably gluten-free organic and terrible.”
“What?” Cynthia’s pulse quickened. So he had gone. Why hadn’t he called her?
“I didn’t hear from him. I wonder what he thought.”
“Well, he’s right down the street, Cynthia. Go find out.”
Cynthia could hear Glen in the shower when she got back upstairs. She got dressed as quickly as she could and ran out before he had a chance to talk to her. She had pretended to be asleep when he got in last night. She wasn’t ready to face him after what had happened with Coop.
She got in her car drove the thirty seconds to Coop’s house. She didn’t want to be seen by anyone walking over there. It was the smallest house on the block and needed some work, but it was still nice. The warm red brick facade gave it a welcoming feel, and the garden out front was well cared for. She parked at the end of the cracked driveway, which was full of cars she didn’t recognize.
Rose answered the door only seconds after Cynthia rang the bell. She was wearing a crown of flowers on her head and a flower patterned dress that danced gently along the floor. Cynthia hadn’t expected to be confronted by Rose and was a bit surprised, but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. She knew how Coop felt, and that made poor Rose’s presence irrelevant.
“Cynthia, hey, come in, what great timing,” Rose’s eyes were sparkling. She looked as if she had been crying, but had a blissful expression on her face. There were a few people milling around the living room. It looked as if one of Rose’s yoga classes had just ended or everyone was gearing up for some sort of commune meeting. She scanned the room for Coop and finally saw him down the hall in the kitchen digging through cabinets.
Romance: The Bad Boy Affair: A Second Chance Romance Page 4
