by Vines, Jolie
I collected my radio and willed myself calm for the next step. Not only had I endangered my team, but I’d need to bring out another crew to save us. What had started as a race for two lost souls now switched to ours.
“MRT two-one-oh to Base, over.”
“Copy that, MRT two-one-oh. What is your status.”
I sucked in a breath and closed my eyes. “MRT casualty rescued, all stable. Ready a heli for extraction when possible. We’re going to need help getting home.”
If we could find a break in the storm before our fuel ran out.
My already cold body chilled. We had emergency rations, shelter, and communications gear. There was no reason to despair.
I could worry that Isla’s birthday, made so special by Caitriona, had been ruined by her da not coming home.
But it was another idea that drove tension through my tired muscles. My arising emotions for Caitriona were no small matter. I couldn’t pretend they were gentle or weak. The force of them sharpened until there was only one possible outcome.
She was in my thoughts throughout today. Her profile in my vision. Her soft touch an addiction and the safe landing I craved.
I was falling in love with the lass.
No matter how I hid from it, when it came down to the wire, it was the only truth I knew.
Now I only had to survive to tell her the fact.
24
Caitriona
I paced the great hall of Castle McRae, wringing my hands and wearing lines in the flagstones.
Da, my brother, Cameron, and Lochinvar were stranded on a mountain. There had been no let-up in the weather and no end in sight for their rescue.
Max was hurt.
They were all at risk.
Fierce anxiety controlled my steps. An awful pain tore at my chest, the pressure shredding me from the inside.
“Caitriona?” Ma joined me and took my arms, stalling my movements. “Come sit for a moment. You’re pale.”
“I can’t stop panicking.”
She examined my features then led me to a chair. Hours ago, before the situation had worsened, Ma and I had put Isla to bed together in the kids’ bedroom. Already cued on what I’d needed to say, I’d slipped in that Scarlet was technically my stepmother, but that family wasn’t defined by blood.
The wee lass had taken it in her stride. She’d stared at me as if wanting to ask something but settled on reminding me her da would need that slice of birthday cake once he finally got home. She’d gone to sleep easily, settled by words of comfort about her father’s return.
I could no longer believe them.
I’d held her hand and hid my rising fear deep inside.
Now, it poured out.
It had been too long. Dangerous evening had turned to bitter night. Survival in these conditions became perilous.
What if Lochinvar never came home?
We’d had such a wonderful day, too, despite the call-out. But as the night wore on, the more my desperation rose.
With a murmur about making tea, Ma vanished to the kitchen.
I peered around the room. My aunts, Mathilda and Taylor, sat together, talking quietly. In a corner, Maddock, home for winter break, waited in an armchair, unspeaking but here all the same. Uncle Callum had gone to the hangar, and a few others buzzed back and forth.
Scarlet returned with a steaming mug and cosied up beside me. “Here. Drink this.”
“Why am I the only one freaking out?”
Ma tilted her head. “What exactly are ye worried about? Your brother?”
“All of them. That they won’t make it off the mountain.”
“I’m worried about Max, too, but mainly because I know he’ll be a terror with his arm in a cast and nothing to do. As for the rest of it, in the past few years, your da has been caught out overnight twice. It happens, and they’re equipped to withstand these conditions. It’s a matter of when, not if, they’ll come home. Look at Taylor. You know how precious your cousin Cameron is to her, and she’s handling it. They’ll be okay.”
Shame stole over me. Truthfully, Max and Da had barely crossed my mind. I somehow knew they’d be safe.
I raised my fingers, staring at how they trembled. “I know. I don’t understand why I’m like this.”
“Don’t you?” Ma took my hand in hers and chafed warmth back into it. “I don’t mean to pry, but is there something going on between ye and Lochinvar?”
I swallowed around a lump in my throat, no ready answer available. I wasn’t about to admit a sex-only deal to my mother, but was that the extent of it?
“There is,” I said, my voice tiny. “I don’t think I can describe exactly what.”
“You care about him.”
“I do.”
Understanding poured into her soft smile. “Good.”
It wasn’t good. This was terrible. As a teenager, I’d stood in this very place and smiled at my cousins falling in love, or talking about their crushes. I’d put on a brave face, and in time, that had become real. Now, I hated myself.
I couldn’t develop feelings for Lochinvar. What sort of tragic mess did that make me? He was leaving soon, and even if he found a way to stay, what kind of half-formed relationship could I give him?
Me, the woman who could never fall in love.
I was a joke.
Then there was the look Isla had given me. I was almost certain she’d been about to ask if I could be her ma. If she had…
God, I’d done a terrible thing.
I’d allowed her close. Encouraged her to trust and rely on me. If she cared for me, I’d hurt her, a child, an innocent. She wouldn’t get over me so easily as her father could.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I scanned the screen.
Viola: I’ve just got back from tonight’s concert. Oh man, it was such fun. Leo had the whole venue serenading our bairn. But I have bad news. We’re not going to make it home for Christmas. Leo has gigs close together, and the travel makes it impossible. Can you come to see me? Maybe take a couple of days off this week? We’re in Berlin on Thursday so it’ll be easy travel. I miss you so hard!
She obviously hadn’t heard about the rescue yet. How could other people be carrying on with their lives while this was going on? Except her offer trickled into my consciousness. It would be the perfect antidote from my other looming date on the horizon.
Earlier today, I’d checked my email to find a message from the fertility clinic. My request for a cancellation had come through. Finally, I had an appointment, on Thursday morning. But the excitement of it hadn’t touched me, busy as I had been with Isla and then with increasing worry for her da.
Normal life couldn’t progress until this was resolved.
I could barely breathe.
Across the hall, Mathilda’s landline phone rang. She answered it with a finger to her ear.
I stood, grabbing Ma’s arm. My heart pounded.
My aunt listened carefully, then her shoulders lowered and she exhaled. “Thank God. They’re coming home. The last man has been winched onto the helicopter and they are off the mountain. They’re safe.”
Sighs of relief sounded around the great hall. Maddock leapt to his feet and stormed out.
I let out a small gasp tinged with pain, then sank to my seat. Ma said something I didn’t catch over the blood rushing in my ears.
This couldn’t continue. The mess I’d gotten myself into would only hurt everyone involved.
It had to stop.
25
Lochie
I woke cold to the bone, despite my warm cottage and the solid weight of Isla sprawled against me. In the early hours, I’d finally reached the castle where Caitriona’s text told me they were waiting. Caitriona had been exhausted, as had I, and we’d barely spoken.
She didn’t come home with me, choosing her own bed over mine.
The incident, her hurt brother, the risk to her family, had upset her.
She’d worried for me, too. I knew it. Not from her lips, but th
e glances her ma sent our way. From her expression when her da embraced me hard and insisted again I call him Ally.
An ache stole over my chest. With care, I unravelled my daughter’s grip on me and went to the bathroom. On the way back, an engine roared outside, and I peered from the window to see the red taillights of Caitriona’s car vanishing down the road.
Well, fuck. She must have an early meeting.
I found my phone, but there was no message waiting.
Lochie: Sorry for the worry I caused ye. Call me when ye can.
Then there was nothing more to do than set about my day.
After delivering Isla to breakfast club at the school, I called Cameron. In the night, I’d had contact from the police which led me to desist from further search action now the storm had lifted.
I needed to share my thoughts with the man. He gave me the address of Braithar, the second McRae castle, and I drove over.
He received me at the door, his tired gaze echoing mine. “We’re naw heading out again. Can I assume Max had it right?”
I followed him inside, taking in the splendid entrance hall with its ornate staircase.
Cameron caught my stare and raised a shoulder. “Gordain’s place. I work closely with him and often stay here when the family are away. Ella, the lady of the castle, is away, too, then joining them on the tour, so the place would be empty.”
“Ye dinna have your own home?”
“I havenae bothered yet. With here as an option, I’m not under my parents’ feet.”
For some reason, this surprised me. That Caitriona had struck out on her own while Cameron had not.
He directed me to a dining room, and we took our seats.
“The police traced the phone number,” I said, not bothering with preliminaries. “It was a new number only just allocated and to an unregistered phone. They cannae trace it now.”
He sucked in a breath. “Murkier and murkier.”
“The police believe it was a fraudulent call. Max’s intuition was spot on.”
Cameron grumbled and scrubbed over his dark-blond hair. “What a waste. Twenty rescuers, one injury. The time, the fuel, the fucking heli extraction.”
My own frustration rippled. “Thing is, this doesnae feel like the previous fake call-outs the service had. I read up on enough to see a difference.”
“I know. I thought the same. The voice sounded so genuine.”
Another man strode into the room. Max, his arm in plaster. He slung himself into a chair, his auburn hair a mess and a bruise on his cheek.
“Showed up at five AM,” Cameron explained. He lifted his chin at his cousin. “Are ye going to explain the black eye now? Ye didnae do that on your fall.”
“Wasn’t planning on it.” Max turned his attention on me, seeming none the worse for his ordeal. “I heard what ye said. That caller was acting. I’m convinced of it. They didnae hesitate in their words, repeat themselves, or stumble. It was all neat and precise.” He paused for effect. “Rehearsed.”
I mulled this over. “Highly likely you’re right. Max, ye showed great insight and maturity last night. Ye have good instincts, far beyond a man of nineteen should have. I’m proud to have ye on my team.”
Pink flushed his pale skin, but he held my gaze, accepting the compliment.
“And ye, Cameron.” I glanced at the other lad. “That was a great act of bravery going after Max. I’m proud of ye, too.”
He waved me off, his small head tilt showing me he appreciated what I was doing for Max. I already knew they worked well together and the training call had been a good one. Whatever other issues Max had going on, he was flourishing in the service.
“I need to prepare the write-up. I’ll take your account now of the first run, Cameron, then get back to the hangar. Max, yours can wait until ye feel better.”
“I’m fine. Dinna fuss over me.”
We settled down to the task, Cameron supplying bacon sandwiches when we hungered. By the end of the day, I’d worked my full hours at the castle, and the break had renewed me.
Until my third text to Caitriona finally brought in an answer.
Caitriona: At my parents this evening.
I called her, but she didn’t pick up.
The next day, the same occurred. I was too busy to haunt her doorstep, but it was painfully obvious she was avoiding me.
I missed her. Isla missed her.
By Wednesday night, I was done with waiting.
She returned at ten, creeping into her parking space before hotfooting it to her door. I stepped out of the shadows, my heart thundering.
“Caitriona.”
She jumped, almost dropping her keys. “Lochinvar.”
That slip, my full name over the nickname I’d asked her to use, cut deep. “We need to talk,” I managed.
She ducked her head then blew out a deep breath, frosting in the chilled night air. “Probably, but I’m tired and I need sleep. I have an appointment in the morning, then I’m heading to the airport.”
“The airport? Where are ye going?”
“Berlin. I’m taking a couple of days off work. It’s been difficult there since I asked to be moved from Rupert’s line management, plus the appointment is going to be intense. I need the space.”
From me, too, I guessed the words she hadn’t said. I raked over my hair. “What appointment is that?”
“Tests at the fertility clinic and to agree a treatment plan.”
Fuck. I stared at her, all manner of responses cramming into my damn mouth. I should tell her how much I needed to hold her, or how my heart belonged to her, but all I could utter was a single, “Don’t.”
“Don’t what? Attend the appointment I’ve been waiting on for months?”
“Don’t leave me.” I had no rationale. No reasonable thoughts. Only the crushing and instant resolve that I wanted to be part of her plans.
I’d raised a bairn I hadn’t created and over the years had mulled over how much I’d missed out on the pregnancy part. The hope and worry and excitement. I’d been delivered a daughter under extreme circumstances, taking actions I had no time to decide on. Yet I hadn’t moved on to considering extending my family. Hadn’t been able to.
Things had started to change.
If Caitriona chose me, that made a whole new picture.
I wanted her so badly. The thoughts had been steadily increasing to a point of being real. It was still a far reach to changing the life I’d settled on, but my instincts were all there. Especially faced with her words now.
I forced my mind into order. “Tell me what’s wrong between us and I’ll fix it. Did I scare ye by getting stranded on the mountain? I’m sorry. Don’t walk away from me because of it.”
“I’m not walking away. We aren’t… I mean, there’s nothing to walk away from.”
“There is.”
I reached and took her hand. Then I placed it over my heart.
Caitriona tugged, but I held it in place.
“This is what’s there. Steady, and beating for ye.”
She jerked her hand from mine and stepped back. “No. Don’t say that. Ye can’t.”
“Why not? Because I scare the life out of ye? Ye do me, too, woman. That’s no reason to run.”
“I’m not running.”
“You’re getting on a plane.”
Our standoff ramped up in intensity, and I loomed over her, unable to stop the rising tension in me. It rushed, dislodging logic. Evaporating my steady temper. “Don’t go.”
“Don’t assume there’s more to us than what we agreed.”
Her rebuke smacked into me so hard I saw stars.
I summoned every inch of my being and uttered the stupidest words of my life, realised too late but spoken all the same. “Wrong. I hate to tell ye this, but you’re obsessed with me, lass. Hide all ye like, but that doesnae make it less true.”
“Obsessed?”
“Aye. Obsessed.”
My mountain rescue phone blared.
&n
bsp; Ah fuck. Fuck!
Every damn time.
I closed my eyes for a second, my jaw locked. “I have to take this but when I get back, please talk to me. Dinna go without doing that. I’m begging ye, Caitriona.”
Her gaze shuttered, hiding shock I couldn’t ignore.
“I’ll look after Isla,” she whispered.
Not good enough.
Closing the distance between us, I pressed my lips to hers.
Caitriona gasped, and I took her mouth in a hot, desperate kiss. All while my phone blasted its alert. All while my heart splintered and cracked.
There was nothing for it but to go.
Caitriona watched me leave, strain in her features, confusion all too plain.
I’m obsessed with ye, too, I should’ve said. But those words only formed hours later when, on the bleak, frozen mountainside, I rehashed the conversation.
For a long while, I despised my job and everything that tore me from Caitriona’s side.
A group of walkers had become lost and cold, unable to get back to their cars despite the clear night. I raised two teams and headed out into the hills.
By dawn, no lost souls had been found.
No abandoned cars located. No follow-up calls or answers to the line. Nothing but the same frustration as Sunday’s hoax call.
I came home to an empty house, Isla delivered to school and a note left on my table.
Caitriona had well and truly gone.
26
Cait’s Watcher
Where oh where did you go, my darling? I paced the spacious living room of the middle-class home, the sound of children playing upstairs irritating my senses.
I hated it. Hate. Hate.
Not at the university.
No explanation.
Not at her home.
I’d watched it for the entire day, hidden deep in the hills, half frozen in the snow, my sleeping bag stolen from its hiding place, my brain driven by despair.
At least she wasn’t with the lumbering oaf of her neighbour. He’d come and gone with his brat, frowning as if the world had offended him. He’d spent a lot of time out on rescues. I chuckled at the memory of watching him storm about, ordering his troops.
