by Layne, Lyssa
“Love?” My voice came out in a whisper.
“Yes. I have been in love with you since we were kids. In high school, I let my hormones rule my head and made the worst mistake of my life. I let go of my best friend and my heart at the same time. I love you, Syn. I don’t know how you feel about me but I had to tell you.”
I held my breath, not knowing what to say. “T.J., I want to tell you that I love you too, but I don’t know if I do love you romantically at this moment. I care about you as a friend. I’ve missed having you in my life. You were the one person I could share things with, who understood everything about me. But sixteen years is a long time. How do you know that you still love me? That what you’re feeling isn’t just sex? After all, I’m the one that got away.”
He pulled me close and kissed me. The kiss started out chaste, but then he put his hands on my face and deepened it. His tongue ran over my bottom lip as if trying to tease my mouth open. Our tongues intertwined as I granted him access. My breath caught in my chest and a whimper escaped. I pushed back on his chest to catch my breath, and he grabbed my hands.
“At least you’re honest. But I’m going to prove to you not only that I love you, but also that your love for me is deeper than you think. Thank your dad for dinner. I will see you tomorrow.”
I was in shock. I could only nod.
CHAPTER FOUR
After waking up from a highly erotic dream involving T.J., my body felt languid and spent. I wish I could just stay in bed and dream all day, but T.J. was coming over. I jumped out from under the covers and into the shower, then spent a little more time on my makeup and clothes than I usually did. I felt like I was back in high school again, waiting for a date. Dad was still asleep, so I got to work on some jewelry pieces that were ordered. I was so caught up in my work that I didn’t hear Dad come down to the kitchen.
“Susan, why aren’t you at work?” he asked, looking confused.
Oh, no. It looked like today wasn’t going to be one of his better days. Dad had me confused with my mom. Getting up from my chair, I walked over to him and kissed him on the cheek. “Dad, it’s Syndie, your daughter, not Susan, your wife. I live here with you, remember?”
“Oh. Good morning, Syn. I was just a little confused. You look so much like your mom.”
I didn’t trust that he was okay. I kept one eye on Dad and the other on the clock. When was he coming over? Because of Dad’s issues in greeting me this morning, I decided to put away the jewelry and help him with the yard work today in order to continue to look after him. For as long as I can remember, Dad always had a garden. He loved growing vegetables for our family. His pride and joy were the grapevines he grew from clippings that he gathered from my grandfather’s vines.
Later, while Dad made sandwiches for lunch, I finished up the jewelry I had been working on. We enjoyed a quiet meal, talking about the garden. We decided to make Dilly Beans and Sun Pickles when the green beans and cucumbers came in. After cleaning up the kitchen, I looked at the clock again. Would T.J. ever be here? What if he changed his mind?
A knock sounded on the door, followed by the door opening and a booming voice shouting out, “Hello…anyone home?” Heading to the front door, I told Dad that I would get it. T.J. was standing in the entryway with a petite older woman. He took her coat off and put her arm through his. “Hey Syn, do you remember my mom? Mom, you remember Syn. She’s back in Amherst living with her dad.”
I gave the woman a hug. “It is wonderful to see you, Mrs. Johnson. Thank you for visiting us. Dad! T.J and his mom are here.”
We all went into the living room and sat down. Dad came in from the kitchen and smiled at Mrs. Johnson. “Hello T.J., Elizabeth! It is nice to see you. Beautiful as ever, I see, Elizabeth. Can I get you something to drink?”
T.J. was the one who answered. “No, thanks. Mom and I were hoping that you and Syn would like to go with us to the VFW for some drinks and dancing. They have an early bird happy hour with a local band that plays the oldies.”
Dad answered for us. “Sure! I love the VFW, haven’t been there since Syn has been back in town. We would love to go. Give me a moment to get changed, I didn’t plan on going out today and have my gardening clothes on.” As Dad rushed upstairs to change, looking spry for a man of his age, I sat in the living room, catching up with Mrs. Johnson. It was fun to hear about all the things that I missed while in Chicago.
When Dad arrived back downstairs, his hair was slicked back and he had on a nice button- down shirt and tan slacks. He looked very handsome, as if he was trying to impress someone.
At the VFW, the band was just beginning to set up. We picked a table near the dance floor, but not too close to the band so that we could still talk to each other. As the guys went to get us something to drink, Mrs. Johnson and I had a longer chance to talk.
“It’s nice to see you back in Amherst. I sure have missed you. I’ve kept up with your jewelry business. In fact, I’ve bought a few pieces myself for gifts over the years.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Johnson. I’m glad to be back in Amherst, but I’m worried about my dad.
He has Alzheimer’s. Some days are good, others aren’t so good.”
“Call me Elizabeth, please. I was sorry to hear about your mom. She was such a nice lady, and a good friend. When you left for Chicago, it devastated T.J. I think he’d come to his senses about how he treated you and realized what he messed up. He missed your friendship too and, well, I always thought you two would marry,” she replied sincerely.
“I don’t know what T.J. told you, but our breakup wasn’t easy for me. I felt like I lost my best friend because he wouldn’t give me the time a day. His girlfriends were always more important than I was. I’d have been happy being T.J.’s wife a long time ago, but I don’t know my feelings right now. We’re friends, but I don’t know if there’s something more.”
When the guys came back, Dad began to monopolize Mrs. Johnson’s time as the two of them talked about their past and shared stories of their children. It gave T.J. and I a chance to talk ourselves. He looked gorgeous in his blue jeans and dark blue sweater, which brought out his eyes.
“So, have you decided you love me yet?” T.J. asked with a smirk. “I think bringing my mom was a brilliant idea. Ever since my dad passed away three years ago, Mom has missed getting out. I thought she would enjoy tonight’s music. I thought you might as well. To be honest, she’s also here to run interference for me and to help convince you that I’m the man for you.”
“You had me convinced many years ago, but then you blew it. Now you’ll have to really impress me with your dance skills. Do you remember that high school dance we went to when we were dating? I can’t believe we slow danced to Stairway to Heaven! What a bad choice.”
“Hey, it wasn’t a bad choice as long as I got to hold you tight. But I’ll warn you, I have learned a few things about dancing—and other things—since then, and I can’t wait to show you,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.
As the band started to play, he took my hand and pulled me to the dance floor. As he twirled me around and dipped me, I could tell that he had learned some killer moves. Looking over my shoulder, I saw my dad and T.J.’s mom dancing as well. They looked like they were having a good time. How sweet he thought of his mom and my dad. They seemed to get along well. He did this for me.
Out of breath, we sat back down after the song ended. T.J. ran his fingers over my hand, causing goose bumps to appear on my arm. Picking up my hand and moving it to his mouth, he kissed each fingertip, then pulled me close and put his arm around me. I leaned into him and enjoyed the music.
Then in my ear, he whispered, “What’s not to love about a guy like me? I’ve got a decent job, I’m a momma’s boy, and I’m sexy as sin. Besides, I get your jokes. See? You have to love me.”
“You have a point. You are smokin’ hot and we’re good friends. I just want more than a one night stand, though. I want a forever love, like my parents had. And I’m just not sure if yo
u’re serious or playing,” I replied sadly.
T.J. pulled me off my chair and out the door, a wild look in his eyes. He walked me outside by the parking lot, then pushed me up against the wall and put his hands next to my face. He leaned into me and in an angry tone said, “I’m not lying about my love. I want your body, but I also want you to love me. I’m fighting myself every day to not take you to bed like I want to and prove that I love you.” With that, he kissed me, pressing his body against mine, pinning me to the wall. His rock hard body touching mine made me dizzy with passion. I couldn’t think straight. At that moment, I wanted him more than I wanted anything else in the world. A car door slammed, pulling us from our sexual haze.
As I tried to focus my gaze on his face, he spoke softly. “Wow, sex is going to be explosive with you…I get it, you need time, but I’ve lost fifteen years with you and I’m not a patient man. I’m telling you my intentions now.”
I couldn’t answer—both my mind and my body were still experiencing the passion. We silently walked back into the building, hand in hand, and sat back down with our parents. They were sipping their drinks and talking about gardens. It was nice to see them both looking so happy.
T.J. broke into their conversation. “It’s getting late, and I should be getting everyone home. Tomorrow is a long day at the station. This was nice, we should do it again.”
“Thanks for thinking of it. Elizabeth and I had a blast. I’d love to cut the rug with such a beautiful woman anytime,” Dad said with a smile.
* * * *
It had been two days since I heard from T.J. I couldn’t get my mind off him and what he’d said. Thoughts of him filled my head and fantasies of us together took over my dreams. What does it mean to love someone? Together, we had passion and friendship. We shared a past and a deep love for our families. What more was there? Could I already love him and not realize it? All of these deliberations kept my mind active.
Deciding I needed some advice, I turned to the one man who was everything to me. Sitting with Dad over breakfast that morning, I asked him about mom and his relationship with her.
“How did you know you loved Mom? That she was your one? That it would work out with you two forever?”
“I couldn’t get your mom off my mind. I was always thinking about her, wanting her to be happy...Also, I couldn’t keep my hands off her.”
“Ewww…I don’t know that I want to know that!” I squealed while giggling.
“Okay, then. Most of all, I could see myself sharing my life with her. I could see myself talking and sharing my burdens with her, and wanting to do it each and every day.” He said this with a mixture of sadness and happiness in his voice.
“But, you were taking a chance. So many marriages aren’t forever.”
“You’re right, but love is about taking a chance. It’s about risking your heart for happiness. Sometimes, it’s about being angry and forgiving. Other times, it’s about that mushy stuff you don’t want to hear about. I want you to have a forever love like I did with your mom, to have someone you can lean on when things are tough and have children with, but you have to take the risk. I can’t do it for you.” As Dad hugged me tightly, tears fell down my face. He made everything so clear. All at once, my heart wasn’t in question anymore.
Grabbing my phone, I texted T. J.
Dinner, tonight. My treat.
CHAPTER FIVE
Seducing a man was outside my range of experience. I’d had only a few simple lovers feeling that my virginity was more of a hindrance than a blessing. After arranging for Dad to have dinner with T.J.’s mom, I ran to the local grocery for the ingredients to my famous chicken piccata. Packing my picnic basket with everything we might need from food to beer, I hoped tonight would be perfect even while I deliberated if I’d be able to go through with my plan.
With the basket in my hands and a smile on my face, I jumped into T.J.’s truck when he arrived after dusk.
“Where to pretty lady?”
“Let’s go back to where it started. Let’s go to the beach.”
Watching his face throughout the drive thrilled me with the excitement I had over finally acknowledging my feelings. Longing to run my fingers over his jaw and lips, I sat on my hands in order to keep from reaching for him.
“Why are you looking like the cat that swallowed the canary?”
“I had a long talk with Dad. He enjoyed your visit and the dinner with your mom at the VFW. I haven’t seen his spirits that high since I returned to Amherst. That’s because of you. Thanks.”
“I always liked your dad. He was cool even with playing all mean and all. I’d have loved to spent time fishing or hunting with him. My own dad was gone a lot so we weren’t close. I felt like I could be that way with your dad.”
“I didn’t realize. But I’m glad you and Dad get along. He seems to have eyes for your mom.”
“Eww. Stop that! No pictures of parents and sex.”
I laughed at the look on his face. “So you don’t want to be brother and sister?”
“No, I have other plans for you and your basket! It was nice to be asked to dinner. I can smell your famous chicken. I haven’t had it in ages. No one makes it like you do.”
“I have cherry pie for dessert too.”
Another of his full smiles crossed his face as he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “Hey, eyes on the road. We’re almost there.” The banter comfortable was between us.
Knowing he was the one for me, my nervousness evaporated.
The beach parking lot was relatively empty because of the recent chill to Ohio’s weather.
T.J. walked over to my door and opened it for me, pulling the basket into his hands.
“Let me help with this. Do you remember when we used to come here on the weekends and sit watching the sun set? We’d talk about our dreams.”
Turning toward T.J. and pulling the basket from his hands, I set it on the ground before looking him in the eye. “Yes. Those were my favorite times—sharing my plans with you for my life. I’ve thought of you but never took the chance of thinking we could go back to what we had. However, Amherst is my home again and you’ve earned that second chance.”
I pulled his body close to mine and devoured his lips, breathing nor the chicken was important. So stepping away from T.J. was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I want to take my time with him, with this. I needed to cool down.
“Catch me.” Running with the basket was harder than I realized. T.J. quickly caught up to me on the soft Erie sand.
“You’re mine.” He growled before lowering me to the sand, kissing me with passion.
Pulling his shirt from the waistband of his jeans, I ran my hands over his stomach. Another growl escaped his lips, which made me daring. I gripped the bottom edge of my dress and pulled off my underwear and waved them in his face. He jerked his shirt off over his head. This time the groan left my lips. I reached out and ran my hands over his nipples. Watching each bud peak, I leaned forward and lightly licked them, before sucking gently.
“Stop. I want to taste you.” T.J.’s hands began to climb my legs, lifting my dress’s hem.
Dropping kisses along my legs, he started first with my knees, then the insides of my thighs.
My body vibrated with need and my pussy dampened. “Please touch me T.J.”
He complied sending me into my first orgasm. Not allowing me to catch my breath, T.J. lifted my dress off my body, sending chills down my skin. My nipples peaked. Feeling embarrassed, I used my hands to cover my breasts.
“Don’t hide yourself. You’re so beautiful. I’m so grateful you’re giving me a chance to show you my love.”
A tear escaped my eye. “I love you too T.J. I always have.”
After escaping his jeans, T.J. laid down and pulled me in his arms, kissing me ardently. “I’m the luckiest guy.”
“Stop talking and love me.”
* * * *
The evening ended with us wrapped in the blanket and eating pie
with our fingers. “This was wonderful. I’m so glad we finally are together.”
“I need to go.” Feeling like Cinderella, my clock had struck midnight. “I need to get back to dad. He’s hanging out with your mom, but they have to be getting tired. I can’t have him alone. I want to see you again, but Dad’s going to have to come first. Do you understand?”
“Of course I do. I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
CHAPTER SIX
Life entered a predictable pattern. On nights when T.J. wasn’t working, he often came over for dinner or a visit. Sometimes we’d go out on a double date with dad and Elizabeth. Theirs was a romance, we hadn’t expected. The more we were together, the more T.J. tended to bring up our future, and I’d end up biting my lip. I couldn’t commit to forever when I was taking care of my dad. One night a fight ensued.
“Don’t you understand? I can’t leave my dad. He’s always been my hero, the way he’s taken care of us. He worked overtime in the mill on swing shift, never home for holidays or performances at school, just to put food on the table. I can’t leave him when he needs me so much. What if something happened? I’d never forgive myself.”
“I’m not asking you to leave your dad, just make room for me.”
“I’m scared. Right now taking care of Dad rests on my shoulders. I don’t want to burden anyone else with this. I have to be on guard at all times. Ever since the fire, I’m afraid to leave him alone, even to take a shower.”
“But I love you and want to be with you. I’m willing to help you with your fears.”
“I can’t ask you to live like this.” Tears silently fall from my eyes. “You have a job you love and I don’t want you to be tied down. I don’t want you to have to give up the things you love to take care of us. He’s only going to get worse. I couldn’t take it if you resented me. And you will. Maybe not now but years down the road, you will. Losing you years ago was hard enough.”
