Hilary pushed the foldaway table back into place and stood to retrieve her bag from the overhead storage. She dropped it with a small thud onto her chair and proceeded to put away her iPod and headphones, the book she didn’t read a page from, and the half dozen magazines that were all opened and folded over on different pages of fashion and the latest trends.
Olivia and Gracie were still sleeping soundly, and she considered whether it was her place to wake Olivia or not. It wasn’t that she was duty-bound to of course, they hadn’t travelled together so she wasn’t her responsibility, but they had enjoyed a conversation on and off throughout the journey.
She placed her bag back in the overhead locker and sat back down in her seat before leaning across and gently shaking the brunette’s shoulder.
“Hey, we’re about to land,” she whispered, her voice low. Olivia opened her eyes and tried to focus by blinking them several times.
“Oh, thank you.” She blushed slightly at being in such a vulnerable position, but grateful for the heads up from Hilary before they touched down.
“You’re welcome,” Hilary replied, sitting more upright in her own chair now as she watched Olivia begin to gather her things. “So, what are your plans now you’re back home?”
“I don’t really have any. I didn’t really plan this. You?” she answered quickly as she wound up the wire from Gracie’s headphones and got the rest of her things together tidily.
“I think I might lie on the beach for a while.” Hilary smiled brightly with a little giggle. “Or find a job. Whatever is easiest?” Hilary shrugged, and Olivia wondered what it would be like to live so carefree.
“Gracie wants to go to the beach too,” Olivia said before adding, “Once we settle in.” She had half-expected – or more, hoped – for an invitation to join her. But if Hilary had planned to, she was cut off by the sound of the air stewardess barking instructions over the loudspeaker.
“Ladies and gentlemen, as we begin our descent, please make sure that your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure that your seatbelts are securely fastened and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. Thank you.”
Landing was smooth, and with just the tiniest of bumps, the wheels touched down and both women were back in the land of their birth. It was a strange feeling, one Hilary would embrace and Olivia would deal with.
“Well, it was nice talking with you,” Olivia said, as they both stood patiently in the aisle waiting to leave the plane.
“Thank you for playing games with me,” Gracie said, looking up at Hilary with a grin. “Avie never wanted to play with me.”
Olivia felt her stomach lurch at her child mentioning Ava. She was good with Gracie, but like everything in Ava’s life, she had very little time for her.
Hilary smiled down at her. “It was fun.” And then to Olivia she added, “Thanks for letting me sit with you guys.”
Olivia smiled, but said nothing more as people in front of her began to shuffle forward towards the open doors.
~MB~
Rental car options were vast, and Olivia had chosen the first one to pop up on Google as they had waited for their plane that morning, booking herself a Mustang convertible initially for the next two weeks until she could make further, more permanent arrangements.
A shuttle bus picked them up and took them directly to the rental place. They were the only ones on the bus, and Gracie chatted happily with the driver. She told him all about the small school she had been attending for the last few months, and he smiled amiably at her in all the right places. Olivia guessed he must have kids of his own. She dropped some coins in his tip cup as they climbed off, and he smiled gratefully.
Thirty minutes later she was at the front of the queue and dealing with a guy named Jeremy who was explaining to her, as were his colleagues along the desk to every other customer, that unfortunately they didn’t have the car she had booked. They had all been left at various other branches on fly/drive trips and not been delivered back as yet, which meant he would have to find her another vehicle.
In the end she did all right out of the deal. They upgraded her free of charge to a BMW SUV, which was pretty nice all things considering. With bags loaded up in the spacious trunk and Gracie strapped into their hired booster seat, they were on their way.
As she joined the traffic onto Airport Boulevard, she realised she had taken the wrong turn and was now stuck in traffic that was flowing back towards the airport. She had to follow the road around again, and as she passed the point at which she had started, she caught sight of Hilary still standing at the bus stop, sun hat on her head as she leaned nonchalantly against her case reading a magazine.
“Hey, you need a ride?” Olivia called out as the car slowed to a halt. Hilary’s blonde hair whipped upwards as she looked to see who was talking to her.
“Oh hey, nah I’ll be fine. I don’t want to put you out of your way.” Hilary smiled as she leaned against the car, her arms folded along the seal of the open window.
“Don’t be silly, come on. Where are you headed?”
Gracie leaned forward in her seat. “Come on, Hilary. We can take you in our new car,” she said, not quite grasping how a hire vehicle worked.
Hilary smiled at her but turned her attention back to Olivia. “You sure? I live over in Los Feliz. It’s a little—”
“Not out of the way, I can cut through there on my way.” Olivia stopped herself from saying “home” or “Beverly Hills;” it sounded so pretentious to her now. She hadn’t lived there for nearly 15 years. She had visited from time to time, stayed there when she was working in LA of course, but it wasn’t really home any longer. Or was it? Maybe it would always be home. Maybe that was why she was here right now instead of just moving out and into her own place in London.
“Alright, thanks.” Olivia flipped the trunk open and Hilary tossed her bag inside. “Thank you,” she repeated as she climbed inside the car and sat back in the comfortable leather seat. “I think I might sleep forever when I finally get to bed,” she yawned as they cruised slowly along the 405 towards LA. The freeway was busy as it always was, but it was at least moving, all four lanes chugging along slowly. Gracie pointed out everything she found interesting.
“Yes, I would really like a good night’s sleep,” Olivia agreed. “Sleeping on the plane is never quite the same as a bed.”
Hilary checked back to see Gracie was not paying attention before she continued. “Or sleeping alone, it never quite beats waking up wrapped around someone.”
Olivia considered that. “I guess not, if it’s the right person.” Thinking of Ava, she added, “Otherwise, it’s a real disappointment.”
Hilary took a sideways glance at her. “You’ve been burned bad, huh?”
Risking a quick glance back, Olivia nodded. “Yeah, but it’s over now. I just need to move on and start over.”
“Positivity, that’s what works. You’ll get through this, and then he…” She caught the look from Olivia and high-fived her own gaydar. “She will be a thing of the past and you’ll be so much happier.”
“I really hope you’re right.”
It wasn’t too long before they were pulling up outside of a small block of apartments close to the Griffith Observatory and the Greek Theatre. The Bronson Canyon – Griffith Park was somewhere Olivia had spent a lot of time in her youth.
“Well, here we are,” Olivia said to Hilary as she pulled into the kerb and put the car into park. She didn’t drive very much in London; there was no need to what with the tube system and all the buses, not to mention that she never really needed to travel very far. Their home was walking distance to the office, and her bosses would put her in a taxi for any longer trips. Driving again was somewhat liberating.
“Home, sweet home,” Gracie giggled from the back, making both women smile.
“Thank you so much. I’d probably be still waiting for the bus.” Hilary chuckled and unclipped
her seat belt. Pulling the handle on the door to open it, she stopped. “Listen, I might be off base, but if you ever wanted to go get a drink or dinner or something—”
“Oh, that’s sweet but I—”
“Hey no, it’s cool. Don’t ask, don’t get, right?” Hilary said, attempting to bluff her disappointment.
“No, it’s not that.” Olivia thought for a moment on how much she wanted to share. “I’m just not in the right place to be—” She blushed and looked away at the thought of Ava and how much her heart hurt right now.
“I get it. Well, thanks again.” Hilary climbed out of the car, quickly opened the trunk to retrieve her case, and before Olivia could say another word, she was moving away from the vehicle, her case on wheels as she pulled it behind her towards the first block of apartments. “Bye Gracie, nice to meet you,” she called out.
“Bye.” Gracie waved until Hilary was at the door. “She was a nice lady.”
Olivia sat back in her seat and took a calming breath. When she opened her eyes, she saw her reflection in the mirror. She looked tired, that much she knew by the way she felt, but more than that, she felt lost. Hilary was nice, beautiful and understated, so far removed from all the women in her past, and she could imagine having fun with someone like her, but fun was so far away from anything she could believe in right now. Fun was for other people, people who hadn’t had their heart blown in two by a woman who would rather snort chemicals up her nose and then sleep with anyone offering to fix her need than devote herself to a family.
“Yeah, she was.” Olivia admitted.
“Ava wasn’t fun,” Gracie continued before adding, “I miss her though.”
Olivia was still watching Hilary. She had the door open and was greeted by someone she clearly had missed, but she looked back over her shoulder and waved to Olivia. “I know you do, Gracie.”
She shifted into gear again, letting the car drift slowly back into the road and back into the traffic that would take them to their destination.
And she did everything she could to avoid thinking about Ava.
Chapter Five
Beverly Hills, the home of anybody who is anybody in Hollywood. Its tree-lined streets that offer cover from the on-looking passer-by are wide and free of parked cars on the whole. Who needs to park on the street when the drive to your house is large enough to fit at least four cars on it?
Security routinely drive past; cameras adorn almost every corner of every house. Sunset Boulevard drives right through the centre, crossed by Rodeo Drive with all its high-end designer shopping and tourists. Olivia came to the crossroad, a five-point option of turnings, and took the second left into Hartford Way. The road led steadily up until a small turning to the right put her on the right track. Eight gates along and she was pulling up to the huge black iron entrance of her mother’s nine-bedroom mansion.
Reaching out through the window of the car, she pressed the buzzer and waited. No reply.
There never was, just the soft click of someone picking up the answerphone and then the creaking sound of the gate’s pneumatic pumps aiding the process of opening them wide. She drove through slowly, and in the rear-view mirror she watched the gates close up and the world disappear behind them.
~MB~
“Darling.” The voice was heard before the body behind it was seen. Her mother always could project perfectly. “At last, you’re home! Oh I have missed you so much, darling.” Cynthia Copeland smiled as though the cameras were outside, ready to take her photo.
“Mother,” Olivia answered, kissing each cheek as she had been taught. As a child she had watched her mother perform; whether on stage or in life, it was always a performance. The ultimate diva drama queen. But Olivia was very aware that it was all an act. Her mother was so much more than that. Glamourous, flighty, sexual and hilariously funny, and a wonderful mother.
“And is that…” She peeked around behind Olivia to where Gracie stood on the gravel looking up in awe of the big house. “My little Gracie? Goodness, hasn’t she grown?”
“Yes, kids do that, Mother.” But she couldn’t help the grin on seeing how happy her mother was to see them both. This would be good for Gracie, who wasn’t shy in allowing herself to be picked up and hugged, with kisses peppered liberally all over her cheeks. She giggled until Cynthia stopped.
Shifting Gracie to her hip, Cynthia said, “Come on, leave those bags for now. You must be in need of a pick-me-up.” She laughed, the same laugh she had been practicing her entire life.
Whimsical and floaty, that would be how Olivia described her mother. She was born too late really. The ‘60s were over before Cynthia Copeland even understood what being a hippy was about, but that was pretty much what she was, except for the part where she should have slept around and taken drugs. Olivia’s mother was very anti-drugs. Even medicinal; she would rather try something herbal first.
“Your rooms are all ready for you. Have you decided how long you will be staying?” Cynthia asked tentatively. It had been a sore subject the moment Olivia had called to let her know they were coming.
Olivia followed her mother through the double oak doors and inside the giant marble hallway. Decadent and over the top like something from a Dynasty set, but it suited the building. Every room in the house looked like a film set, which wasn’t surprising really seeing as her mother had used some of the best set designers in Hollywood to dress and style each room.
“No, I…” She was unsure what to say. “We might stay for a while actually, is that alright?”
Her mother frowned, and with knitted brows she looked at her daughter, studied her. “Of course, is everything alright?”
“Yes, well no, but—” She watched as her mother placed Gracie down and told her where to find some cookies. The youngster scurrying off towards the kitchen instantly.
“Olivia? We’ve never had secrets and we won’t start now. What’s wrong, child?”
Olivia couldn’t help but smile at her mother’s use of the word “child.” She was 34 years old, hardly a child, but she liked it.
“Why isn’t Ava with you?”
“Because we broke up and I don’t – I really don’t want to talk about it right now.” She could feel the sting of fresh tears attack her eyeballs and blinked rapidly to fend them off, barely succeeding. “I really need to get some sleep, do you mind?” She pointed to the stairs and began moving toward them and the bed she so desperately needed to curl up in.
“Of course not, go ahead. We can talk later. I’ll keep an eye on Gracie.”
~MB~
As bedrooms go, Olivia had gotten pretty lucky in life. Hers was south-facing with large windows that looked out over the back garden and the pool. The sunshine would pour in and wash the room in golden light throughout the day and into the evening. It was a large room too, not quite as big as her mother’s, but still, it was more room than a teenager had really needed.
Her bed had changed over the years, moving from single to double, and now to a queen-sized. Thoughts drifted back quickly to the conversation with Hilary. There was a lot of empty space in this bed.
Her mother had made sure though to have the bed made and ready, a clean robe hung on the back of the door. All of her books and old records were still in their places on the shelves, her tiny bears and the collection of snow globes from around the world randomly placed. Dance medals hung on bright coloured ribbons, and certificates for 1st place in competitions were all in the same place she had left them years before.
Olivia kicked off her shoes and climbed fully clothed up onto the bed, pulling her knees up to her chest, hugging them as she wept quietly.
The room was dark. It had taken several minutes to calm Ava enough to get her to move off of her and onto the bed. The second she was free to move, Olivia made her way calmly to the bathroom, closing the door and locking it. She stood with her back against it, trying to fathom what the hell had just happened. She was shaking, her fingers trembling as she tried to pull the zipper to her
torn dress down so she could get it off. She felt dirty and needed a shower.
Red welts marked her inner thighs, tender and sore. Once she was naked, she walked into the shower cubicle and switched the water on. It ran through cold to begin with, but she barely noticed, and as the warmth seeped through, she began to tremble, tears falling as her chest heaved. She made it to the toilet just in time to vomit before she slid to the floor, naked and cold as the sobs wracked her body.
Waking suddenly, she found herself staring into darkness. It took a moment to remember where she was and she searched the corners for Ava, but the familiarity of the room soon filtered through to nudge away the thoughts that scattered her mind. Why hadn’t she pushed Ava harder, got her off her? Because she was your girlfriend, your lover, came the answer.
She stretched her neck and slid her legs out straight. Reaching out with her right hand, she felt for the switch that she knew would be there to turn the lamp on. Finding it, the area around her illuminated in a soft peach light. Her eyes were sore from crying, and she rubbed them with her knuckles as she sat up and perched on the edge of the bed. Feet touching the floor, she stood and walked across to the bathroom, she needed a shower. She needed to wash away the feelings of shame that seemed to follow her everywhere lately.
~MB~
“Ah there you are. I had your bags brought in, but I assumed you were sleeping, and so they are in Gracie’s room,” Cynthia informed her daughter as she crossed the room to the drinks cabinet. “Drink?”
“Yes, please.” Olivia looked around for Gracie.
“I am making martinis, or…?” Cynthia’s hand swept the length of the bar, indicating she could choose another option if she so wanted. “Gracie is in the kitchen with Norma, they’re making more cookies.”
Satisfied that her child was safe, she said, “Martini will be fine, thank you.” She relaxed a little more. Her mother’s scent wafted gently in the air. It always used to overwhelm her senses as a child, but now, it was safe, it was comfortable, and it was home. She chose a spot on the leather settee nearest the bay window. Lamps lit the corners of the room, the curtains still open. They were rarely closed; it wasn’t as if the neighbours could see in.
Model Behavior Page 3
