But I’d stunned Josh. I’d seen it when he’d opened my door for me. Watching those brown eyes widen with unmistakable hunger lit a tiny flame in a part of me I’d forgotten existed. He noticed me, desired me, and if I wasn’t careful, that tiny flame would burn me to the ground.
I cleared my throat, hoping to dissolve the tension and the topic. “So how do you like coaching?”
“It’s really been the highlight of these last couple years. Those boys are something else.” His lips quirked in a subconscious smile.
That didn’t add up. “But how could you be Gus’s hockey coach last year when you went to CU?” The two were hours apart.
“I’m a senior at CU Springs, not CU Boulder. I took some time off after I transferred.”
“But, I thought you had a hockey scholarship to Boulder?” He jerked his gaze to mine in surprise. “I did pay attention to the gossip of the infamous Josh Walker when we were in school. So why the Springs?”
His lips thinned. “Some things don’t work out.”
Subject closed. Got it.
I pulled out my phone to see if Kayla had responded to the text I’d sent her as we were leaving the Springs. I really hoped she could come up tonight. No response. That sucked. I could have really used my best friend.
We turned into the town of Breckenridge and made it through the quaint downtown without hitting any drunken pedestrians. Christmas break brought out the skiers to the slopes and the beer-seekers to the rooftop bars afterward. People who weren’t used to the high altitude were usually the first to regret their decision in the morning.
We curved through the town, turning where the GPS told us for Riley’s cabin. “This is his str—” My sentence cut off as we rounded the corner and were assaulted by a virtual parking lot of cars on each side of the road. “There’s no way they’re here for Riley.”
As we crept past the cabin with nowhere to park, it was clear they were all here for Riley. People milled on the wraparound deck, and I recognized a few of his fraternity brothers. “Hold on,” Josh warned before he pulled up onto a large, flat boulder and parked the car.
“Show off.” I couldn’t contain the laughter that bubbled out.
He slipped from the car and had my door open before I could undo my seatbelt. I looked down to see his arms outstretched for me. From the angle he’d parked, I needed his help to get out.
I swung my legs over, and he grasped my hips, lowering me against him without being suggestive, but awareness of his body caught my breath. This close to him, I only reached his collarbone, which was currently covered by a blue button-up shirt. He jumped off the boulder, lithe, and reached his hands back up for me.
A smile spread across my face before I launched myself into his arms. He caught me with an “umpf!” A laugh escaped him, the sound beautiful and open. “You keep Riley on his toes, don’t you, Ember?”
Josh carried me over the snow. “Not really. He doesn’t tease well.”
He shook his head as he lowered me to the snow-covered sidewalk. “Well, he’s missing out.” Snow came down in a thick curtain of white, and Josh picked a flake from my hair.
I took his hand to lead him up to the front door. I shouldn’t have wanted to touch him, but I did. I gave his hand a quick squeeze, and let go, telling myself I didn’t like it. Liar. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to—” A drunk girl stumbled down the steps, her girlfriends quick to catch her. “To the people I actually know,” I finished.
Dave Matthews Band blared through the house. The neighbors were a few acres away, but I was surprised they weren’t upset by the party. We slid past the people lining the stairs up to the deck.
Inside the house was just as crowded as the deck, like someone was trying to break the world record for the most college students crammed inside an A-frame cabin. I headed over to the first group I recognized, a frat brother of Riley’s and his girlfriend, whose room was on my floor.
“Hey, Charlotte!” I called out as she jumped up to hug me.
“Ember!” Her beer sloshed over the Solo cup, but I artfully dodged before it ruined my outfit. Her embrace was fierce before she pulled back. “Ember, I’m so sorry about your dad.”
“Yeah, Ember,” Scott slurred from the couch, his eyes hooded. “That totally blows.”
“Thanks,” I responded, not wanting to let it in. I was escaping the grief tonight; I couldn’t afford to let it take another piece of me. I needed a few hours of respite. “This is Josh.”
Josh stepped forward, shaking Scott’s hand and smiling at Charlotte, who just about stripped him with her eyes. I couldn’t blame her; Josh had that effect on girls. At least, he had in high school, and my guess was not much had changed.
“Josh Walker!” A girl who looked like her breasts were about to pop free of her low-cut shirt at any moment waved above the crowd.
“Of course you would know a girl here,” I muttered in his direction.
He flashed a grin. “Oh, more than one, Ember. Give me a second?”
“Yeah, of course. I’m just going to find Riley.”
I watched him cross the room and sweep the blonde up in a giant hug. An unwelcome twinge of jealousy soured my mouth.
“Josh?” Charlotte asked with appraisal, slipping into her boy-ranking mode.
“He’s a friend of mine from high school,” I answered.
“Yum.” She smiled, and I wanted to smack her. “Does Kayla know you’re here?”
“No, I sent her a text to see what she was up to tonight, but I drove up to surprise Riley.”
“She probably never got it since she accidentally took her phone swimming in the hot tub this afternoon. It’s toast.”
“You’ve all been here since this afternoon?” I asked just as a familiar hulking body pressed up against me, his hand reaching around my waist to steady himself. “Hey, Drew.”
His breath reeked. “Riley’s upstairs, said he needed some quiet.”
I nodded and tried to discreetly step out of Drew’s grasp. He followed my step. “How was the drive up?”
“Long, Drew—”
Josh stepped smoothly between us, making Drew drop his grip on my waist long enough for me to escape.
“You okay?” Josh asked as we headed up the stairs.
“Drew is a little handsy, but nothing to worry about.” More people lined the balcony that overlooked the great room. The whole freaking fraternity was here?
“Ember . . .” they all muttered, giving me their man-your-life-sucks look. I smiled back as brightly as I could. I wasn’t thinking about it tonight, yet everywhere I turned, those who knew me were giving me their brave face. I could keep my thoughts off Dad, but I couldn’t control everyone else’s.
“Who’s your girlfriend?” I asked.
“Girlfr—? Oh, Whitney? Just someone I met up with a time or two.” Met up with. Had sex. The norm.
“Whoa! Ember!” Another frat brother, Greg, stopped us in the hallway. “Um, did Riley know you were coming?”
“Nope! I’m here to surprise him.”
“Just let me tell him you’re here . . .” He moved to step in front of me, blocking the way to the room where I’d slept weekends away for the last few years.
How freaking weird. “Greg, I’m good.” I slid past him and opened the door to Riley’s bedroom.
“Oh! Excuse me!” I laughed through my shock. I’d walked in on a couple using Riley’s bed, and from the motion of the girl taking control, they were definitely having sex. Her jet black hair fell in waves with her head thrown back.
They were so lost in each other that they didn’t hear me, and the door clicked softly as I shut it with a giggle. “Oh. My. God.”
I turned, leaning my head back against the door as I laughed uncontrollably, and I liked it. I liked letting go and finding something humorous. Once I stopped, the looks of shock on Josh and Greg’s face registered. “What?”
Greg blushed scarlet, contrasting with his blond hair. “Ember, I’m so sorry.”
“What? Why? Who cares—”
It clicked. Black hair the shade of which I’d only seen on one girl. My roommate. “Kayla.” Kayla was in Riley’s bed. With . . . “No,” I whispered, shaking my head in denial.
I whipped around, shoving open the door as quickly as I could manage. This time, I didn’t bother being quiet. Kayla was on top, gyrating until she heard the door slam against the opposite wall. “What the hell!”
She turned, giving those of us in the doorway a full shot of her naked breasts, which were easily two sizes larger than mine. I looked past to see the one thing I didn’t want to.
Riley was underneath her. Inside her.
My breath left me in a defeated rush, and Josh caught me as I stumbled out of the door backward, desperate to get away. Pain, raw and gaping, clawed its way through me, ripping what was left of my heart open to bleed out. I stifled the scream that was frantic to escape, to make my agony known.
“Ember?” Riley scrambled from the bed, and I saw him naked for the first time in our three-year relationship.
I thrust my hand out in front of me, like that could ward him off. This. Was. Not. Happening.
“Ember!” Kayla shouted, wrapping herself in the thousand-thread-count sheets I’d bought Riley last summer.
The shock waned, replaced by boiling hot anger that welled beneath my eyes, flushing my skin with rage and betrayal. “Oh, you do remember me?” I stayed as calm as I could manage as they furiously threw on clothes. “Good to know, because as of this moment, I forget both of you.”
I shut the door and backed into the hallway, taking a deep breath. I closed my eyes and counted. Five. Four. Three. Two. One.
Over.
I opened my eyes and nodded my head. This was done. I would not cry, or break down, not where they could see me. I wouldn’t be that girl.
“Can I get you out of here?” Josh asked. “Before I destroy that asshole?”
I turned around and smiled. “Yes, please, if you wouldn’t mind.”
His eyes narrowed as he examined my face, as if he was waiting for a crack to shatter my facade. It wasn’t going to happen. He took my hand and led me down the hall, people moving out of our way this time.
Greg stepped in front of him. “Hey, Ember, I’m sorry—”
Josh pushed him into the wall with his right hand in one smooth motion, not even pausing in our exit. I kept my chin up and focused on the lines of Josh’s shirt, left untucked but rolled at the sleeves. Greg didn’t bother to say anything else.
My focus drifted over to the balcony, where a crowd of Riley’s frat brothers overlooked the great room. Pity wafted from them in waves. Did they all know? Was I the stupid one? Music filled the house from the system downstairs, and “#41” came on. My heart broke to the soundtrack of my favorite Dave Matthews song.
But Dave was right as always. I will go in this way, and find my own way out.
Charlotte rushed toward me once we hit the bottom of the stairs. “Oh my God, Ember.” Her pity only served to fuel the rage burning deep in my chest.
“How long?” I demanded. She dared to stare back at me with this dumbfounded expression that made me want to throttle her. “How long have they been sleeping together?” My voice raised to an embarrassing level before I could stop it.
She blinked repeatedly, her eyes growing larger and larger. “I don’t know. I guess a little over a year? That Thanksgiving when you went away with your parents.”
“And you all knew?”
She shook her head quickly. “No, only a few of us. They tried to keep it quiet.”
Tried to keep it quiet in a giant house party? Yeah.
Josh’s hand tightened around mine, and he turned in unspoken question. “Right,” I responded, feeling a chill come over me. “We’re done here.”
Josh slid through the crowd, which parted easily for him. It didn’t hurt that the guy was majorly built. I followed in his wake until the frigid night air hit my flaming cheeks. The snowflakes should have sizzled as they hit me. He marched through the partiers who had gathered to smoke outside, gently pulling me behind him. Once we reached the boulder, he turned to me with upraised eyebrows. “May I?”
Gone was the physical playfulness he’d shown when we’d arrived. Now his manners were courteous and careful, restrained. “Please get me out of here,” I whispered, nearly broken. There wasn’t too much of my composure left, but I’d be damned if I let any of those onlookers see me cry, let alone break down into hysterical sobs like I wanted.
Josh swung me up into his arms, and I buried my face in his neck, breathing in his subtle cologne that smelled like sandalwood and safety. He leaned in the open door, placing me on the seat. The fabric was still warm from the drive in. My life had fallen apart in less time than it took the windshield to freeze over.
Riley flew out of the house in jeans and the sweater I bought him last Christmas, jumping over the railing to bypass the crowd. I hoped his feet were bare so they’d freeze to the pavement. “Ember!” he shouted, running down the sidewalk.
Josh cursed under his breath. He balanced on my doorframe, bending over me to turn on the car. “Wouldn’t want you to be cold.” He stroked the side of my face, buckled my seat belt, and shut the door. I unrolled the window, knowing Riley would want a word.
Josh didn’t come around the car, didn’t hop in and drive us away. Instead, he casually leaned against the Jeep, his arms folded across his chest, the only sign of the temperature being the visible breath he expelled.
Riley stopped a few feet in front of him, his chest heaving from exertion. Well, yeah, pausing mid-thrust to speed-dress and chase your now ex-girlfriend out of your house probably took a little energy. “Josh, man, let me talk to Ember.”
“I’m not her keeper, man. The woman does what she wants.” He didn’t move, but his body radiated coiled tension. I kept my focus on the pulse pounding in Josh’s neck, refusing to look up at Riley.
“Ember, please, let me explain!” He took a step toward Josh, but the simple tilt of his head had Riley stepping back. I didn’t want to know what Josh’s face looked like to get that kind of reaction out of the fearless Riley.
“I’m not really sure there’s much you could say to me, Riley.” I didn’t bother glancing at him. I’d seen enough of his face when it was contorted with lust. “I think I saw everything I needed to know.”
“You’ve been distant this week.” What a lame-ass excuse. “I just needed some comfort, and Kayla was there, and one thing led to another. It didn’t mean anything!”
I dragged my gaze away from the back of Josh’s head, finally meeting Riley’s eyes. I will not cry. I will not break down. “A year, Riley . . . ?” My voice trailed off because I couldn’t speak past the mountain-sized lump that had formed there. “We’re done!” I choked it out and bit down on my lower lip, needing to feel the pain.
“You know about . . .” He shook his head and launched back into his tirade. “I needed someone, Ember! I needed someone to care about me! Where have you been? You’ve been so wrapped up in your family drama that you never stopped to think about what’s going on in my life!”
“Let’s go, Josh.”
“You’re not taking my girlfriend anywhere!” Riley shouted.
“She doesn’t look much like your girlfriend,” Josh drawled slowly.
Riley swung, but only connected with Josh’s hand as he caught the attempted punch.
Josh didn’t miss. His fist busted into Riley’s mouth with a crack, the sound nauseating, yet gratifying. Riley flew backward, landing in the snow. Josh stood over him, shaking his head when Riley moved to stand. “Don’t get up.”
Blood stained the back of the ivory sleeve as Riley wiped his mouth. “What? Afraid I’ll kick your ass?”
Josh let loose a wry smile. “Nawh. Afraid I’ll end up in jail whe
n I fuck up that pretty little face of yours.” Did Riley pale? It looked like it from here. “As December said, we’re done here.”
A small spark of satisfaction pushed back my wave of tears. Thank God for Josh.
Chapter Five
Anger choked me the whole drive to my parents’ cabin, leaving me seething in silence. The trip lasted about fifteen minutes, into a nice but not-quite-as-nice-as-Riley’s area outside Breckenridge. Our cabin was more secluded, and the bonus was that Riley wouldn’t be there.
How could he and Kayla do this? How could I not see it happening in front of me? They’d had sex, repeatedly, when he wouldn’t so much as go beneath-the-belt with me.
Nausea rolled through my stomach as we pulled up the driveway in front of the cabin. My stomach clenched and when my mouth watered I knew it was coming. “Let me out!” I shouted, fumbling, not realizing the door wasn’t locked. Josh raced around the Jeep, opening the door and lowering me down in one smooth motion.
The snow came nearly to my knees, but I trudged a few feet away through the heavy mess before I lost my stomach contents. Over and over I heaved, letting go of my dinner, my bile, and the last stable thing I thought I had in the world. I had the common sense to back up a few feet before I fell to my knees, sobbing.
I screamed my voice hoarse while the snow melted into my jeans, soaking my legs in an icy reminder that this was not a dream. No more dreams. They had frozen and shattered the moment I opened that damned door. Every carefully made plan was no more. There was nothing certain left. Not Riley. Not Dad. Not even Mom.
“What else do you want?” I screamed up to whoever wasn’t listening. “I have nothing left to give! Are you done with me yet?” I sagged back down into the snow, covering my face with my frozen fingers as I let loose ugly, horrendous sobs.
A warm coat engulfed me, and the scent told me it belonged to Josh. He lifted me easily into his arms, carrying me up to the cabin.
“No.” I forced out, and he stopped. “I need to walk.” His arms tensed momentarily like he wasn’t going to let me go, but he gently set me on my feet.
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