by Various
I now told him, that the Lord had revealed it to me, that I must preach the gospel. He replied by asking, in what sphere I wished to move in? I said, among the Methodists. He then replied, that a Mrs. Cook, a Methodist lady, had also some time before requested the same privilege; who it was believed, had done much good in the way of exhortation, and holding prayer meetings; and who had been permitted to do so by the verbal license of the preacher in charge at the time. But as to women preaching, he said that our Discipline knew nothing at all about it—that it did not call for women preachers. This I was glad to hear, because it removed the fear of the cross—but no sooner did this feeling cross my mind, than I found that a love of souls had in a measure departed from me; that holy energy which burned within me, as a fire, began to be smothered. This I soon perceived.
O how careful ought we to be, lest through our by-laws of church government and discipline, we bring into disrepute even the word of life. For as unseemly as it may appear now-a-days for a woman to preach, it should be remembered that nothing is impossible with God. And why should it be thought impossible, heterodox, or improper, for a woman to preach? seeing the Savior died for the woman as well as the man.
If a man may preach, because the Savior died for him, why not the woman? seeing he died for her also. Is he not a whole Savior, instead of a half one? as those who hold it wrong for a woman to preach, would seem to make it appear.
Did not Mary first preach the risen Savior, and is not the doctrine of the resurrection the very climax of Christianity—hangs not all our hope on this, as argued by St. Paul? Then did not Mary, a woman, preach the gospel? for she preached the resurrection of the crucified Son of God.
But some will say, that Mary did not expound the Scripture, therefore, she did not preach, in the proper sense of the term. To this I reply, it may be that the term preach, in those primitive times, did not mean exactly what it is now made to mean; perhaps it was a great deal more simple then, than it is now:—if it were not, the unlearned fishermen could not have preached the gospel at all, as they had no learning.
To this it may be replied, by those who are determined not to believe that it is right for a woman to preach, that the disciples, though they were fishermen, and ignorant of letters too, were inspired so to do. To which I would reply, that though they were inspired, yet that inspiration did not save them from showing their ignorance of letters, and of man’s wisdom; this the multitude soon found out, by listening to the remarks of the envious Jewish priests. If then, to preach the gospel, by the gift of heaven, comes by inspiration solely, is God straitened; must he take the man exclusively? May he not, did he not, and can he not inspire a female to preach the simple story of the birth, life, death, and resurrection of our Lord, and accompany it too, with power to the sinner’s heart. As for me, I am fully persuaded that the Lord called me to labor according to what I have received, in his vineyard. If he has not, how could he consistently bear testimony in favor of my poor labors, in awakening and converting sinners?
In my wanderings up and down among men, preaching according to my ability, I have frequently found families who told me that they had not for several years been to a meeting, and yet, while listening to hear what God would say by his poor colored female instrument, have believed with trembling—tears rolling down their cheeks, the signs of contrition and repentance toward God. I firmly believe that I have sown seed, in the name of the Lord, which shall appear with its increase at the great day of accounts, when Christ shall come to make up his jewels.
At a certain time, I was beset with the idea, that soon or late I should fall from grace, and lose my soul at last. I was frequently called to the throne of grace about this matter, but found no relief; the temptation pursued me still. Being more and more afflicted with it, till at a certain time when the spirit strongly impressed it on my mind to enter into my closet, and carry my case once more to the Lord; the Lord enabled me to draw nigh to him, and to his mercy seat, at this time, in an extraordinary manner; for while I wrestled with him for the victory over this disposition to doubt whether I should persevere, there appeared a form of fire, about the size of a man’s hand, as I was on my knees; at the same moment, there appeared to the eye of faith a man robed in a white garment, from the shoulders down to the feet; from him a voice proceeded, saying: “Thou shalt never return from the cross.” Since that time I have never doubted, but believe that God will keep me until the day of redemption. Now I could adopt the very language of St. Paul, and say that nothing could have separated my soul from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus. From that time, 1807, until the present, 1833, I have not yet doubted the power and goodness of God to keep me from falling, through sanctification of the spirit and belief of the truth.
23
ZILPHA ELAW
(1790–after 1845)
Zilpha Elaw, like Jarena Lee, was a groundbreaking black female preacher in the United States. Lee was born in Pennsylvania to free black parents and, at the age of fourteen, joined the Methodist Church. Much of what we know about her is taken from her autobiography, Memoirs of the Life, Religious Experience, Ministerial Travels and Labours of Mrs. Zilpha Elaw, An American Female of Color: Together with Some Account of the Great Religious Revivals of America (1846).
In the following excerpt, Elaw describes the series of events that led her to become a preacher, starting with a public prayer at a campground and ending with her sister’s dying wishes. Elaw cites Satan as the cause of her hesitance to devote her life to preaching. Unlike Jarena Lee and Julia A. J. Foote, Elaw’s difficulties on her path to becoming a preacher are described as coming from within her soul rather than without, from family or friends.
Selection from Memoirs of the Life, Religious Experience, Ministerial Travels and Labours of Mrs. Zilpha Elaw, an American Female of Colour (1846)
SOURCE: Zilpha Elaw, Memoirs of the Religious Experience, Ministerial Travels and Labours of Ms. Zilpha Elaw, an American Female of Colour; Together with Some Account of the Great Religious Revivals in America [Written by Herself] (London: Published by the Authoress, 1846).
Truly I durst not move, because God was so powerfully near to me; for the space of several hours I appeared not to be on earth, but far above all earthly things. I had not at this time offered up public prayer on the camp ground; but when the prayer meeting afterward commenced, the Lord opened my mouth in public prayer; and while I was thus engaged, it seemed as if I heard my God rustling in the tops of the mulberry-trees. Oh, how precious was this day to my soul! I was after this very frequently requested to present my petitions to the throne of grace in the public meetings at the camp; and to my astonishment, during one of the services, an old gentleman and his wife, whose heads were blanched by the frost of time, came to me, fell upon their knees, and desired me to pray for them, as also many others whom I expect to meet in a happier world: and before the meeting at this camp closed, it was revealed to me by the Holy Spirit, that like another Phœbe, or the matrons of the apostolic societies, I must employ myself in visiting families, and in speaking personally to the members thereof, of the salvation and eternal interests of their souls, visit the sick, and attend upon other of the errands and services of the Lord; which I afterward cheerfully did, not confining my visits to the poor only, but extending them to the rich also, and even to those who sit in high places in the state; and the Lord was with me in the work to own and bless my labors. Like Enoch, I walked and talked with God: nor did a single cloud intervene betwixt God and my soul for many months after.
But Satan at length succeeded in producing a cloud over my mind, and in damping the delightful ardors of my soul in these blessed labors, by suggesting, that I ought not to make so bold a profession of an entire sanctification and holiness of spirit, lest I should be unable at all times to maintain it; and to this evil suggestion I sinfully acceded, and dilated chiefly in my visits on the goodness of God; and much ceased to enforce that high attainment, and to witness
to the indwelling presence and superintending sway of the Holy Spirit in a clean and obedient heart, which I had so powerfully experienced; but alas! I soon proved that to God must be cheerfully ascribed the glory, or he will not vouchsafe to us a continuance of the happy enjoyment.
I write this as a warning to others who may be attacked with the same temptation, that they may be careful not thus to grieve the Holy Spirit of God: but ever remember, that we are witnesses of that gracious passage of Scripture, “This is the will of God, even your sanctification.” “For this the Savior prayed on behalf of his disciples, ‘Sanctify them by thy truth, Thy word is truth’”: and Peter says, “Ye have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit”: and “As he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation.” As, therefore, this blessed doctrine is most certainly believed by us Methodists, it is both our high privilege and bounden duty to manifest it to those around us; and, in default thereof, we shall bring clouds of darkness upon our souls.
I shall here narrate a very extraordinary circumstance which occurred in the family of Mr. Boudinot, one of the richest gentlemen in the city of Burlington. The Lord bade me repair to this gentleman’s residence, and deliver a gospel message to him. I was astounded at the idea of going to such a man, to talk to him of the condition of his soul; and began to reason with myself as to the propriety thereof. Satan also suggested that a man of his rank and dignity would not listen to such a poor, ignorant creature as myself. I therefore concluded, that possibly I might be mistaken about this message, and that it might have arisen in my imagination merely, and not have come from God. I accordingly decided in my mind that I would not go to him. But oh! how soon did my heavenly Master show me that I had disobeyed his high commands, given me by the impression of his Spirit upon my heart; for I habitually enjoyed so clear an illumination of the divine presence and glory upon my soul, a conscience so pure, and an eye so single, that the slightest omission would produce the intervention of a cloud and an obscuration of the divine ray upon my spirit; and thus I felt on this occasion, being deprived of the divine ray, and of the peculiar zest and nearness of divine intercourse I had hitherto enjoyed with my heavenly Father. I endeavored to search out and ascertain the reason, why the luster of my Father’s countenance was obscured upon my soul; for so manifest was the gloom on my spirit, that even my class leader said, “Why, how is this Zilpha, that you appear less lively than you did a week or two since?” yet I still remained ignorant of the cause thereof; but on the next class evening, one of the itinerating ministers presided, and he gave forth the following lines to be sung—
“Jesus, the hindrance show,
Which I have feared to see;
And let me now consent to know,
What keeps me back from Thee.”
While singing these lines, I was led to discover that I had not obeyed the call of the Lord, by refusing to go to Mr. Boudinot’s, as I had been directed.
“In me is all the bar,
Which God would fain remove:
Remove it; and I shall declare,
That God is only love.”
I then laid open my case before my dear minister; and I shall never forget the kind and excellent advice he gave me upon that occasion. I never durst take any important step without first consulting my superiors; and having informed him of the painful exercises of mind I had passed through, and of the disregard I had paid to my heavenly direction, he advised me, by all means, to go whither I had been directed, and no more confer with flesh and blood; but proceed in the course of duty and obedience, leaving the event to God, before whose judgment-seat we shall all stand to give an account of our stewardship. Upon this, I again sought my heavenly Father at the throne of grace, promising that I would go in His name, whither he had sent me, if He would be pleased to restore to me the light of his countenance and Spirit; and He graciously favored me with the request of my heart.
I then went to the residence of Mr. Elias Boudinot, and had access to all who were in his house; and it was a day for ever to be remembered; for such an outpouring of divine unction took place, as I never witnessed in all my life. All other matters were laid aside but that of religion; and little was to be seen but weeping and mourning. Some of us were occupied in praising the Lord, but most of the household were weeping the penitential tear for their sins. There were company visiting at the house at the time, and when dinner was ready, there were none to come and partake of it; we had quite a search to find, and some trouble to induce them to come to dinner. One lady, who was then on a visit there, had shut herself up in her apartment to read the New Testament; another was shut up in another apartment; one of the servants had locked himself up in the pantry, and there he cried aloud upon God for mercy. It was a day of wonders, indeed! Oh, that so gracious a visitation might come upon thousands of families in England! How sweet is the path of obedience! God will bless while man obeys; “for what his mouth hath said, his own almighty hand will do.” I again enjoyed a full measure of the Holy Spirit, and kept that sacred, hallowed fire alive in my soul; to God be all the praise!
I thus attended to my Master’s business in this and similar spheres of effort for the space of five years; during which period, much good resulted from the attempts of so simple and weak an instrument as myself; because directed by the wisdom, and sustained by the mighty power of God. Five happy years, on the whole, were they indeed to me; notwithstanding that I had many sorrows and grievous trials to endure and contend with.
“Trials must and will befal;
But with humble faith to see,
Love inscribed upon them all,
This is happiness to me.”
The bitters of my cup were continually sweetened by the smiles of Jesus; and all things went on easy, because my heavenly Father took the heaviest end of the cross and bore it with me: thus the crooked was made straight, and the rough became smooth.
In 1816, I had a presentiment on my mind of a speedy dissolution; and felt so confident in this expectation, that, when in the class-meeting, I could not forbear from speaking in a strain which implied my speedy departure. My leader inquired if I was about to leave Burlington? Upon which, I opened my mind to him, and the train of my feelings; he made no comment upon it at the time; and in the week following, I accidentally met with a severe fall, by which I was so injured internally, as to allow no presage of recovery; my medical attendant pronounced it impossible that I could live, and my friends for many days looked to see me breathe my last; but God ordered it otherwise to every expectation.
While I was thus lying with but one step betwixt me and death, a dear lady, who was a preaching Quakeress, came to see me, and take a last farewell, not expecting to see me again in this life, as she was about taking a religious tour in the country. She affectionately told me she hoped that all would be well with me, and that we should again meet in a better world, though we might meet no more in the flesh. But though my recovery was very gradual indeed, yet it pleased God to raise me up again; and then, with what renewed pleasure did I sit under the sound of the glorious gospel of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and resume the work of my heavenly Master, going forth in his great name from day to day, and holding sweet converse with my God, as a man converses with his friend. This family or household ministry, as I may call it, was a particular duty, a special calling, which I received from the Lord to discharge for the space of five years; at the expiration of which, it was taken from me, and consigned to another sister in the same class with myself. How wonderful are the works of the Almighty, and his ways past finding out by the children of men! I was often so happy in this work as to be quite unable to contain myself; sometimes I cried out, “Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?” for it seemed as if the Lord had yet something more in reserve for me to undertake.
I had at this time but one sister living, who resided in Philadelphia, about twenty miles distant from Burlington; she was the o
nly sister, who with myself arrived at years of maturity; a very pious woman, and she conducted herself very strictly and exemplarily in all her movements: she was so sanctified and devoted a Christian, that some persons have informed me, that they have sat with her in their meetings, and received much edification from beholding the earnest devotedness of mind she manifested in the house of God; thus, “as iron sharpeneth iron, so doth the countenance of a man his friend.”
This dear sister of mine was at length attacked with a mortal disease, and intelligence of her illness was communicated to me. I therefore repaired to Philadelphia; and. on entering the room, I found her so emaciated and altered in appearance, that I scarcely knew her; but in so happy a frame of mind, that the body seemed almost unable to detain so heavenly a spirit. As I stood by her bed-side weeping, she said,
“I’ll take my sister by the hand,
And lead her to the promised land.”
Thus I found her; and after staying with her a few days, thus I left her, and returned home to Burlington. But being pressed with concern for her, I could not long rest at home; I therefore arranged my affairs there, and taking my little daughter with me, set off again for Philadelphia. When I arrived at the house of my brother-in-law, I went directly into the chamber where my sister was lying; and the first thing she said to me was, “My dear sister, I am going to hell.” I had not either spoken or sat down in the house; but upon hearing this, I kneeled down and tried to pray; but she instantly exclaimed, “Oh, do not pray, for you will only send me the sooner to judgment!” My astonishment was immense at finding her in such an altered condition of mind; for only a fortnight previously she was exulting in the high praises of God, completely weaned from all things of an earthly nature, and longing to depart to the world of spirits. Many kind brethren and sisters visited her, and prayer was made day and night unto God for her, that her soul might be released from the bonds of darkness; but she remained in this horrible state for nearly a week after my arrival. Some of the ministers bade me not to be discouraged on her account; saying that for they had witnessed others who had been in a similar condition, and had afterward experienced a most powerful deliverance. I had never before heard of such a case, much less witnessed one; and it was equally as surprising as it was afflictive to me; but the Spirit of God at times whispered in my heart, “Be of good cheer, thou shalt yet see the glory of God.” My faith and hope were thereby strengthened; yet the sorrowful sight of my poor dear sister opposing every effort of the friends to pray with and for her, did not a little, at intervals, deject and cast me down. Thanks be unto God, the hour at last arrived when he was pleased to burst through the gloom, and set the captive free. A number of the friends had assembled in the house, and we joined in prayer together; after several friends had prayed, in a moment such a spirit of prayer came upon me, as seemed to shake the whole place, as at the memorable apostolic prayer-meeting. Acts v. 31. I immediately commenced praying; and while thus engaged, my dear sister exclaimed aloud, “Look up, children, the Master is coming!” and she shouted, “Glory to God in the highest, and on the earth peace; for I again have found Jesus, the chiefest among ten thousand. Honor and glory, and majesty and power, be given to Him for ever and ever.” “Now,” said she, “turn me round, and let me die in the arms of Jesus; for I shall soon be with Him in glory.” We then turned her over on her other side, as she requested, and awaited the event; she then swooned away, and lay for some time to all appearance dead.
