“How Gus and I feel about each other is irrelevant, because he is still a member of the farm’s extended family. Just like you are,” he added in a soft tone. “And you know we always look out for one another.”
Tricia nodded. “You’re right.” She managed a weak smile. “Thank you.”
His gaze widened. “There’s no need to thank me. I would do the same for anyone at Blackstone Farms.”
Tricia did not know why, but at that moment she did not want Jeremy to offer his home to Gus just because the elderly man had been a long-time employee of Blackstone Farms. She wanted it to be because he still felt something for her beyond their sleeping together.
She had promised to give him the next three weeks when in reality she wanted it to be the rest of her life. The harder she had tried to ignore the truth the more it nagged at her, for it had taken only one night of passionate lovemaking to conclude that she still loved Jeremy and would love him for the rest of her life.
Sheldon walked into the waiting room as silently as a large cat. He stopped, watching the interaction between his son and Tricia. Clearing his throat, he moved closer as Tricia and Jeremy sprang apart. “If there’s anything you need me to do for you and Gus, just ask, Tricia.”
Tricia smiled at Sheldon. “Thank you, but Jeremy has offered to let Grandpa stay in his house until he’s able to live alone again.”
Sheldon lifted an eyebrow, stared at his son and wondered if Jeremy and Tricia had made other plans that perhaps he should know about. Maybe, just maybe, he would be given the opportunity to retire, gain another daughter-in-law and, if he was lucky, another grandchild.
His gaze shifted to Tricia. “Never forget that you’re family, Tricia. Everyone connected to the farm is family.” He lifted the cardboard container cradling three foam cups. “Let’s go somewhere and get some coffee that doesn’t come out of a vending machine looking like mud.”
Turning, Sheldon led the way out of the hospital, Tricia and Jeremy following.
“Why don’t we finish this some other time?”
Sheldon’s voice broke into Jeremy’s thoughts, his sharp tone filled with annoyance. “No, Pop,” he countered. “Let’s get it over with now. My recommendation is that you sign for a short-term, high-interest loan to ease your cash flow. Once you sell the mares you can pay it off interest free.”
Sheldon nodded. “In other words I would use or borrow the bank’s money at no cost to me.”
“Exactly,” Jeremy concurred, smiling. “Borrow a little extra because you may see some stock you hadn’t planned on buying.”
“Now you sound like Ryan.”
“I’m not into horses like you and Ryan, but I do know horse farms need an infusion of new bloodlines every three to five years. And what Blackstone Farms needs is a three-year-old who will be eligible for next year’s Kentucky Derby.”
Nodding in agreement, Sheldon closed the ledger, pushed it aside and watched his son massage his forehead with his fingertips. “Do you still have headaches?”
Jeremy lowered his hand. “They come and go.”
“Do you want me to go back to your place for your medication?”
“No. I’ve stopped taking it.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t like not being in control of what I do or say.”
Sheldon gave him a long, penetrating look. “You can tell me it’s none of my business but—”
“But you’re going to say it anyway,” Jeremy countered, smiling.
A rare smile deepened the lines around Sheldon’s eyes. “Yes, I am going to say it anyway.” He sobered quickly. “What’s going on between you and Tricia?”
Jeremy did not move, not even his eyes. “There’s nothing going on?” Nothing except that they were lovers once again.
“Do you love her?”
“I’ll guess I’ve always loved her.”
“Have you told her how you feel?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
Jeremy shrugged a shoulder as he continued to massage his forehead. “We’ve been apart for too long. I’ve changed and she’s changed. If we had reconnected ten years ago or even last year, then I believe things would be different.”
“Why would you say that?” Sheldon asked.
“Look at me, Pop. Whenever I have the flashbacks, I feel as if I’m losing my mind. Tricia remembers me whole and sane, not crippled and crazy.”
Sheldon leaned forward. “You’re not a cripple.”
“Get real, Pop. The doctor says I’m healing nicely, but he knows and I know that I’m through with undercover assignments.”
“I’m going to be honest when I say I’m not sorry about that.”
“That’s because you never supported my career choice.”
“You belong here, Jeremy. You should’ve come back after you graduated from college.”
“I couldn’t come back.”
“Why not?”
Sheldon sat silently as Jeremy repeated what Russell Smith and Gus Parker told him that fateful night fourteen years before. “I’ve spent years beating myself up for breaking up with Tricia. I wanted to hate her, but every time I came back to the farm I prayed she’d be here.”
“Has she forgiven you?”
A smile inched its way through the uncertain expression on Jeremy’s lean face. “As much as she can, given the circumstances. Before Gus’s heart attack she said she’d give me three weeks.”
“Is that what she said?”
Jeremy nodded. “Loud and clear.”
Sheldon ran a hand over his face. “Damn. She’s as stubborn as Gus,” he drawled. He angled his head. “I stopped dispensing fatherly advice after you and Ryan became men, but there comes a time when it is necessary. Put aside your pride and grovel.”
Jeremy stared at Sheldon, complete surprise on his face. “I know you’re not talking about pleading and begging.”
“If it comes to that.”
There was a moment of silence before Jeremy’s expression hardened noticeably. “Do you want me to patch things up with Tricia because you want to retire?”
Sheldon’s eyes darkened like angry clouds as he pushed back his chair and stood up. “My decision to retire is not predicated on your love life.” He spat out the word. “So, don’t delude yourself, Jeremy. It’s just that I’ve been where you are right now. There were people who did not want me to get together with your mother, but at seventeen I had more of a backbone than you have at thirty-two.”
Jeremy’s expression was thunderous as he watched his father walk out of the room. What did Sheldon expect him to do? What more could he do? He couldn’t force Tricia to remain at the farm if she chose to leave.
More important, he was unable to tell Tricia he still loved her, because he did not want to become that vulnerable again. And given his present emotional state he did not think he would make it back from the brink of madness this time if he offered her his heart only to have her reject him.
However, there was one thing he knew for certain, which was that time was on his side. The longer she stayed the more time they had to regain each other’s trust.
Two days after Gus was wheeled into the intensive care unit, he was transferred to a private room. Although oxygen flowed into his nostrils, an intravenous feeding tube was taped to the back of his right hand and his vitals were closely monitored by the electrodes taped to his chest, he was resting comfortably. His color was ashen, and what was left of his sparse white hair appeared brittle.
Tricia squeezed a dab of moisturizing hair cream into her hand, massaged it gently into his hair and scalp before she combed his hair.
Gus opened his eyes and stared up at Tricia. The last time he remembered seeing her was at the bungalow. The minute lines around his eyes deepened as he managed a tentative smile. “Hey, grandbaby girl.”
She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Hi, Grandpa. How are you feeling this morning?”
“Good.” He let out an audible sigh. “I’
m sorry if I gave you a scare.”
“There’s no need to apologize. In fact I was pretty cool,” she lied smoothly. There was no way she was going to admit to Gus that she was almost hysterical by the time Ryan came to the bungalow to take him to the hospital. At that moment her medical training fled, leaving in its wake a woman who feared losing her last surviving relative.
There came a light knock on the door. Tricia turned to find Jeremy and Sheldon in the doorway. Sheldon cradled a large bouquet of flowers against his chest.
Her gaze met and fused with Jeremy’s. Over the past three days they hadn’t seen much of each other. She dropped him off at Sheldon’s house in the morning, then drove to the hospital to spend the day with Gus. She returned to the farm at night, picked Jeremy up from his father’s house and drove him back home.
They shared a bed but hadn’t made love since the night they’d checked into the bed-and-breakfast, and Tricia had come to know a very different Jeremy. Whenever she cried because she feared losing her grandfather, he held her while offering words of comfort and encouragement. She had promised Sheldon that she would take care of his son, but the roles were now reversed because now Jeremy took care of her.
Gus gestured with his left hand. “Come in and sit down.”
Sheldon placed the basket of flowers on the window ledge and sat in a chair in the corner, while Jeremy took a chair at the foot of the bed.
Sheldon smiled at Gus. “The flowers are from the folks at the farm.” He crossed one knee over the other. “How are you feeling?”
Gus smiled at his friend and former employer. “Pretty good.”
“Good enough to hang out with the Wild Bunch for our annual fall camping weekend?” Sheldon and three other men had formed a bond that went beyond employer-employee whenever they went away together. They stayed in a cabin at the foot of the Appalachian Mountains for a male-bonding weekend that included fishing, marathon poker games, emptying a keg of beer and smoking cigars.
“I’m game, but I don’t know if I can smoke cigars anymore.”
Tricia went completely still. “Grandpa!”
Gus stared at his granddaughter. “What’s the matter?”
“I didn’t know you smoked cigars.”
He waved a frail hand. “I only do it once a year.”
“Once a year is too much. No more cigars, Grandpa. I mean it,” Tricia added when Gus rolled his eyes at her.
The elderly man’s gaze shifted to Jeremy. “Does she treat you like this?”
Jeremy nodded. “All the time.”
Tricia’s jaw dropped. “No, I don’t.”
“She’s even threatened me,” he continued as if Tricia were not in the room.
Gus fixed a steady gaze on Jeremy. “Fourteen years ago Tricia told me that the two of you planned to marry after you graduated college.”
There was complete silence from the four occupants, while the soft beeping sounds coming from the machine monitoring Gus’s respiration, heartbeat and blood pressure reverberated in the stillness.
Sheldon leaned forward on his chair, his startled gaze shifting from Jeremy to Tricia.
Tricia’s eyes widened as she held her breath.
Only Jeremy and Gus appeared calm, composed.
“That’s true,” Jeremy said.
Gus pressed a button, raising the head of his bed. “Come here, son.” Jeremy pushed to his feet and approached the bed. Turning his head slowly, Gus stared at Tricia. “Please come here, grandbaby. I want you to stand next to Jeremy.” Tricia gave Jeremy a questioning look and rounded the bed.
Gus took a deep breath. “I’m going to say this quickly and be done with it because I’m tired.” His gaze was fixed on the ceiling. “Staring death in the face is scary. Olga used to call me a fool, and after all these years I’m forced to agree with her. I interfered with something I should have left alone.” Turning his head slowly, he stared at Tricia, then Jeremy. “Jeremy Blackstone, I want you to marry my granddaughter. Marry her, protect her and give me at least one great-grandbaby before I leave this world.”
Heat flamed in Tricia’s face. “No, Grandpa!”
Gus glared at Tricia. “Hush up. I’m not talking to you.” He ignored her slack jaw. “Sheldon, you should be a part of this.” Waiting until Sheldon moved closer to the bed, Gus said, “I want you to get someone to help Tricia plan her wedding.”
A grim-faced Sheldon folded his arms over his chest. He shook his head slowly. “Sorry, Gus. I don’t intend to become a party to coercion or manipulation. If Tricia and Jeremy want to marry, then it must be their decision.” He turned to Tricia. “The only thing I’m going to say is that I’d be honored to call you daughter.”
Tricia felt like a specimen on a slide under a microscope. The energy radiating from the three men was almost as tangible as the annoyance and anger knotting her insides.
Her dark eyes bore into her grandfather’s. “I love you, Grandpa, but I’m not going to allow you to control my life, and I don’t need you to speak for me.”
Jeremy’s expression was a mask of stone. “You don’t have to say anything, Tricia. Just because Gus is your grandfather, I will not stand by and let him intimidate you.”
Gus reached for the buzzer to the nurses’ station. Less than a minute later, a white-clad figure walked into the room. “Yes, Mr. Parker?” the nurse asked.
Gus waved his hand weakly. “Please show these people out.”
The nurse folded her hands on her hips. “Gentlemen, madam, I’m going to ask you to leave now.”
Tricia could not believe they had been so summarily dismissed. She was hard-pressed not to come back at Gus. “I’ll see you later, Grandpa.”
Gus averted his head. “Don’t come back to see me unless you have a wedding date.”
Sheldon patted Gus’s shoulder. “Don’t push it, friend.”
Sheldon followed Jeremy and Tricia out of the room, smiling and shaking his head. He did not agree with Gus’s scheme, but if his son did propose to Tricia, then everyone would get what they wanted: Jeremy and Tricia would marry, he would gain another daughter-in-law, and perhaps he and Gus could look forward to a new grandchild and great-grandchild respectively.
Nine
Tricia sat on the chaise between Jeremy’s outstretched legs, staring up at the star-studded sky and struggling to bring her fragile emotions under control.
“Why is he doing this to me? To us?” There was a sob in her voice.
Lowering his head, Jeremy pressed his lips to her hair. “I don’t know, sweetheart.”
She glanced over her shoulder. Light from porch lamps threw long and short shadows over his face. “My grandfather is shutting me out because I refuse to bend to his will.”
Tricia had gone to the hospital to see Gus that afternoon, but he wouldn’t talk to her and ordered her out of his room after she told him that she had no intention of marrying Jeremy.
“Gus has always been a proud man.”
“My grandfather is living in the wrong century. Shotgun weddings are a thing of the past.”
Jeremy traced the outline of her ear with a forefinger. “You should try to see things his way, Tricia. He blames himself because we’re not together. I suppose forcing us to marry is his way of trying to right the wrongs.”
She shifted and stared directly at the man holding her to his heart. “You agree with him?”
He shook his head slowly. “No, Tricia, I don’t agree with him. But I do understand why he’d want you to marry me.”
She was caught off guard by the husky quality of his voice. Tricia stared at Jeremy as if he were a stranger. There was only the sound of their measured breathing, the incessant chirping of crickets and an occasional hoot of an owl.
“Why?” she asked once she’d recovered her voice.
“In your grandfather’s day, women needed men to protect them. To his way of thinking, as my wife you would be a Virginia Blackstone and under my and my family’s protection. I don’t have to tell you what t
hat means.”
As soon as she had learned to read, Tricia became aware of the significance of the Blackstone name in the annals of horseracing. “You make it sound so simple. You get a wife, I get a husband, and my grandfather is absolved of his guilt.”
“It sounds simple because it is simple.”
She eased out of his loose embrace and stood up. “Nothing is ever that simple…and it…it’s just too late,” she said. “Listen Jeremy, I’ve had about as much as I can take for one day. I’m going to bed. Are you coming?”
He stared up at her. “I’m going to sit out here for a while.”
She nodded. “Good night.”
Tricia was awakened by the press of a hard body along the length of hers. “Jeremy.” His name was a whisper.
“Why are you sleeping down here?” Since Jeremy decided that Gus would convalesce under his roof, he and Tricia had begun sleeping together in the master bedroom. He hoped they would continue to share a bed until her grandfather was discharged from the hospital.
Tricia sat up on the daybed and combed her fingers through her short, curly hair. “I needed to be alone so I could think.”
Jeremy reached for her hand. “What is there to think about? You and I are going to be married.”
She went completely still, unable to believe what she’d just heard. “What?”
Jeremy gathered her to his chest and rested his chin on the top of her head. “We should’ve married ten years ago. We have lost so much.”
Tricia felt the slow, strong pumping of his heart against her cheek. “We can’t turn back the clock,” she argued softly.
He tightened his hold on her body. “Perhaps not, but we can move forward.”
He still loved her, had never stopped loving her. The realization had attacked him as he sat on the porch that evening mentally playing back his life like reversing a video. He vacillated between the emotions of self-pity because of his injury and gratitude because his life had been spared, but in his selfishness he had forgotten that he was a son, brother and an uncle. He had a family who loved him as much as he loved them.
Very Private Duty Page 9
