Ten missed calls. Shit.
I threw the phone on the table, then grabbed the half full bottle I had after the case last night, took a swig and looked to see who had continuously called me.
Work and Pops.
I bent my head back, closed my eyes, and wondered if I still had a job. Cason had helped me get this job, and I finally remembered they’d told me I needed to work half a day today. I leaned up, took another long drink, and called my boss, Ms. Thorpe back.
“Cade,” her voice came through the speaker firm and shrill.
“Hey, Ms. Thorpe, sorry about not coming in. I’m getting ready now and will be there in about twenty minutes,” I explained, sipping more as I waited for her response.
“There’s no need, Cade. You’ve been terminated. This is the fourth time this has happened in the last six months. We just can’t depend on you. I need you to come down Monday to discuss things with HR and sign some papers.” She spoke quickly, efficiently, and with no emotion.
The phone clicked before I could even try to come up with an explanation or ask for forgiveness. The ringtone blared in my hand. I rejected it as soon as I saw it was Pops. He obviously knew I was in trouble. He always knew what was going on before I could tell him. Not that I would tell him…perhaps that was why he always found out. It was the only way he would know all of my screw ups.
It rang again, so I answered. I didn’t want him showing up, banging on my door. “Pops,” I said dryly.
“Cade!” he shouted, his voice exploding in my eardrum.
I sat there, sighing loud enough for him to hear. I awaited the verbal berating I knew was coming.
“Did your boss get ahold of you? I called Cason and he told me you were still passed out when he left your place. Just how much did you drink last night? Dammit, did you lose your job?” His questions droned on.
I pulled out a canning jar full of moonshine my buddy had made for me a few months back. It was as strong as an alcoholic drink could get and after the morning I’d had, I deserved it. I peeled the lid off, drinking straight from the jar.
“Cade?” he questioned.
“Yeah,” I said, gulping the strong concoction down.
“You aren’t paying attention. Did you lose your job?” he demanded.
“Ms. Thorpe said I did,” I stated, taking another long sip.
“Dammit, Cade, what now?”
“I’ll find a new one. No big deal, Popsy.”
He growled in my ear, then hung up on me.
Shrugging, I threw the phone down, finishing off the glass as I thought of what Cason had said about Jade and Francesca last night.
8 years prior-November
Francesca’s gaze met mine, hurt and anger gleaming in her eyes. I swallowed, not knowing what to do. She looked at me, then to Jade, and back. Her eyes held questions I didn’t want to answer. Questions I couldn’t answer. She turned and walked back to her locker. I wanted to follow…I longed to drop Jade, hold Francesca, and never let her go.
I couldn’t do that to Francesca. I was like gasoline on fire. More time with me would end in an explosion. I didn’t want to ruin her life. I was a disaster, not able to stop my ways. She deserved better. A prince perhaps, to sweep her off her feet and shower her with the love and devotion she deserved.
I couldn’t be that for her.
So, I found Jade at a party. Her hair was a dull blonde, her eyes green. She wasn’t pretty, not in the least. She annoyed the hell out of me, in fact. But she went to parties with me. She was a decent lay, and she didn’t care about me any more than I cared about her. It was perfect.
I cringed every time I kissed her, so I pictured Francesca and her soft lips. Things had been wonderful after that first kiss, but then I messed up. I’d hurt her and she retreated. It was my fault. I had to distance myself from her. Jade was the perfect way.
Or at least I thought she was until I saw Francesca’s devastation. Everything I did hurt her and it was tearing me apart. It was one thing to ruin every aspect of my life…but her…she deserved so much better. So much more.
A few days later, we ran into each other in the hall. Her books spilled all around, so I bent to get them for her. One look in her hauntingly sad eyes and I knew. I’d broken her heart. “Francesca…” I started, reaching for her.
Shaking her head furiously, she whispered, “No, Cade, no. Don’t look at me like that. Don’t try to make this better. Just don’t.” Her beautiful, wide, bright eyes filled with tears, ripping my heart in two.
“I’m so sorry,” I said lamely. Sorry wasn’t going to fix anything. It wasn’t going to make her feel better. We’d had something…amazing…and rare, but I ruined it. As usual.
She looked me over, as if this was the last time she would see me, took her books, and walked away. That was the most difficult day of my life up to that point.
Present Day
The moonshine was gone. I was working on a bottle of whiskey. I’d bought the most expensive one in the store, after Pops had chewed me out a few weeks ago. He’d given me money for…something, I couldn’t even remember what now, but I got this instead.
I had to stick it to him somehow.
It burned going down, a fire igniting in the hell that was Cade Kelling. I didn’t know what to do. I had to find a way to get Francesca back in my life, but I couldn’t let her get too close. She brightened every aspect of every sorry day I lived. I had to find a way to be friends. To be able to have her around. To give her one ounce of the support she gave me with a single smile.
I would try to do better. For Francesca.
Chapter Eleven-Francesca
I managed to keep myself busy for most of the weekend. Mowing, cleaning, and cooking for the week was enough to keep anyone busy. My parents came to visit, as they usually did every Saturday morning. Since my sister passed away, we’d become closer. No one knew when their last breath would be, so we wanted to be more involved with each other. We never were really a super close family, but not damaged either. Josie and I would sneak off, laughing and complaining about the rules in place all the time. We talked about boys…clothes…hair…school…everything. We were best friends, though there were three years between us. It was only the two of us. We were inseparable when we weren’t fighting.
She looked a lot like I did, but I always believed she was prettier. She was thinner, her hair straighter, her eyes sparkled more. She came to high school my senior year, so I was very protective. Unfortunately, she fell in the wrong crowd. Everyone close to me ended up needing saving. But I couldn’t save her.
She started off with parties here and there, then she started smoking. I threatened to tell our parents, but she knew I really wouldn’t. So she kept on. The parties turned to more, the cigarette smoking progressed to marijuana. She went down fast, a spiral no one could save her from. I know that now. It didn’t stop the pain, though. Especially when I saw Cade and remembered he was there that night.
Shaking my head, I focused my eyes back on the book I was attempting to get lost in. Hamlet lay at my feet on the couch, snuggling his warmth in them and making me wish my socks were off. For such a small creature, he felt like a heater. I slid them from under him, and his gray head rose, his golden eyes giving me a menacing look before he nodded back off. I couldn’t help but laugh at how adorable he was. I stood, stretching my arms high above my head, allowing my back to pop and pull, then hurried to find my tennis shoes. A walk was what I needed at the moment.
The air wasn’t hot, but it wasn’t cold. Fall was my favorite time of the year. All the beautiful colors that nature created called out to me, beckoning me to join the beauty, to hope, to love. I walked along the road, getting lost in the sea of leaves that surrounded my feet. They crunched and crumpled beneath my shoes, sounding like a song only mother nature understood. I relaxed, letting my mind drift as my eyes devoured the beauty around me.
8 years prior-October
I let myself be talked into going to the school dance by o
ne of the girls I talked to in class. Why? I had no idea. A small part of me, like a microcell, hoped Cade would come. It was unlikely, but I was kind of dumb when it came to him. I looked down at my white tank dress, placing a blue cardigan the color of his eyes over my shoulders. I left my hair down, naturally wavy. It annoyed me most of the time, but he told me once he liked it that way. The things this boy did to me…it was ridiculous. And exciting.
I twirled in front of the mirror, somewhat satisfied with my appearance.
“You look great. Cade will drool alllllll over you,” a young voice said from the door.
I spun around, seeing Josie standing in the frame with a smirk on her face. “Josie,” I said, “what are you doing? Quit spying on me. I do not like Cade,” I scoffed, biting my lip at the lie.
“Yes you do,” she taunted, dancing around in my room laughing.
“Get out!” I yelled, diving for her.
She escaped just before I reached her, giggling all the way down the hall. I rolled my eyes at her immaturity, then slipped on the kitten heels. I tried to slow the quickened pace of my heart, but it was impossible. I just had a feeling that Cade would be there.
###
The school transformed the cafeteria into a dance floor. The lights were dimmed with a strobe of multi lights spinning on the walls. There were teachers in every corner, though no one did anything about the grinding on the floor. I rolled my eyes at the cheesiness, while standing by the door, contemplating a quick exit. I felt so out of place and awkward.
“Well, don’t you look lovely,” his voice dripped behind me, his breath tickling my ear as his words trickled in my brain.
Turning slowly, I saw him in his usual attire, a white t-shirt and jeans, but he looked incredible. His dark hair appeared darker in the dimmed lighting, his eyes shone with eagerness.
“You’re here,” I said dumbly. Like he didn’t know he was here. I was such an idiot sometimes.
“I am,” he said, a sexy smirk showing on one side of his mouth. “Wanna dance?” he asked, his leg shaking nervously, his eyes desperately searching mine for an answer.
I nodded, unable to speak. We’d kissed, but only a couple of times. He grabbed me, pulling me to a spot close to where we stood. Warm fingers of one hand circled around my waist, while the others held my hand. He pulled me close, every inch of our bodies touching. His eyes never left mine as we swayed and spun. I was lost in all that was Cade Kelling.
Slowly, he leaned me back, dipping me and following until our noses almost touched. His breath was warm, his breathing intense. I stared at him intently, willing him to put his lips on mine. Almost as suddenly, he stood us upright, putting a small distance between us.
“There’s a teacher watching us,” he said, his head leaned against mine, his voice speaking into my hair.
I nodded again. He was ripping me in pieces. He knew how to turn me into a puddle with a simple glance. I couldn’t take much more.
Present Day
Remembering the dance was bittersweet. Someone had taken our picture at the exact moment he dipped me. It ended up in the yearbook, to my horror, but I’d snuck in the room where they put everything together and swiped the original. It was in a box under my bed. After, we’d hung out, talked until well after midnight. Stupid me asked him to go to a birthday party with me, my heart soaring when he said yes. But it was a lie. He stood me up. Then….then he dated her. The evil, snobby, skanky girl that tried to make the rest of my sophomore year a living hell.
Jade Smithson wasn’t very popular…or likable, but she somehow managed to dig her claws into Cade and steer him far away from me. After he stood me up, things got rocky. We weren’t ever “really” dating, but the feelings felt so real. So pure. It tore me in two knowing he held her, kissed her, spent time with her, instead of me. The day I saw them in the hall together, I knew things would never be the same, and I’d cried for hours when I got home. And many days after that. Yes, it was weak, but I was sixteen. My heart was raw, open, and vulnerable. It didn’t help that every time I saw them, Cade’s eyes filled with regret and remorse, making me wonder just why he was with her. It drove me crazy, not knowing why he chose her over me. Perhaps he never felt anything for me. Maybe it was just a game to him, to see just how idiotic I would act over him.
Shaking my head, I tried to tear the thoughts from my brain. I couldn’t let myself get caught up in this again. Glancing around, I realized I’d walked the whole block and was back at my house. I bound up the steps, stopped on the porch to look at the nearly setting sun. The sky possessed a yellow/orange glow that matched the leaves I’d tracked home with me. I stood in awe, allowing nature to calm my senses and my rapidly beating heart. I had to push Cade out of my mind. The accident determined our future. No matter how much my heart and my body wanted him I couldn’t allow myself to get lost in his eyes. Not again.
###
I lay in bed that night, willing my brain to not be consumed with nightmares. It was pointless, I knew, but I hoped one of these nights I would be able to deal. The Sunday morning I lost my little sister was forever etched in my memory. I don’t even think head trauma could take it away…not that I wanted head trauma, I just wanted to forget.
I’d spent the night with Daphne, as we usually did on Saturdays, so I was trying to sleep in. Our sleepovers always resulted in us staying up way too late, watching too many movies, and giggling way too loudly. She was somehow always up early, no matter how late we were awake, so she rose long before I did.
At 8 a.m. my world shattered. Something awoke me, though I don’t know what. Daphne stood just inside the door, her eyes wide in fear, limbs trembling. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, watching her with a questioning gaze. “Daph?”
She moved forward, I remember it looked like she was in slow motion, and sat beside me on the spare bed. “Francesca….” She said with her voice full of emotion and sadness.
I sat up, pulling my knees to my chest and hugging the pillow. “What happened?” I asked. Something was so very wrong, it was obvious. She wouldn’t even lift her eyes to look at me.
“Your parents just called.” She said, just stopping at that.
Frustrated, I grabbed her arm, “And?” I questioned.
“Francesca…there was an accident. You need to get dressed.”
“Who, Daph?”
“Your mom and dad need to tell you,” she said, her eyes welling in tears.
“Daphne,” I demanded, my eyes pleading with hers.
Her face scrunched as the tears fell freely. I don’t know how I knew, but I did. Something happened to my sister. I hugged the pillow tighter. “Is Josie going to be ok?”
She looked at me pitifully, and I knew in my heart that my sister was gone. I had to hear it, though. I stared at her, my heart thumping against my chest.
“I don’t think so,” she barely choked out.
I tried to stand, my mind in a daze. I realized the pillow was still clutched to my chest, so I let it fall to the floor. I somehow got my jeans on, then turned to see her watching me. I fell to the floor in a heap, the tears finally rushing from me. I sobbed in my hands, barely able to catch my breath at times. I felt her arms surround me, tugging me close to her. I didn’t hear her parents come in the room, but they too held me close. It wasn’t enough. I cried for what felt like forever. Finally, I was able to speak and tell them I wanted to go to the hospital to be with my family.
I still couldn’t remember the drive over, my mind wasn’t functioning properly. Daphne’s father, Joseph, led me through the parking lot and halls. I could barely stand on my own, let alone walk without assistance. The hospital was cold…emotionless…and a place I will never forget. I remember white everywhere. The moment I saw my mother and father, my emotions were lost once again. I ran to them, and we all fell to the floor. I couldn’t ask the questions I needed to. I didn’t want to hear my sister was dead, nor could I stop crying long enough to ask. I gripped my parents tightly, burying my head in my mother
’s shoulder.
“Francesca,” she said through the sobs.
I looked up at her through blurred vision, shaking my head frantically, “No, Mom, No!” I screamed, pushing her away. “She’s not gone. She’s not.” I cried harder because the look on her face told me she was.
“Honey, she was drinking…there was a car accident. It was instant,” my dad said from the other side of me, his voice cracking.
“No!!” I wailed, over and over, but it was useless. It wasn’t bringing my sister back. Nothing could. I pounded my fists on the cool, hard tile, then grasped Daphne closer when she huddled next to me. My mom stood up, her hand covering her mouth as she watched me. My dad held her as they cried.
The memory brought fresh tears to my face, but I didn’t bother to wipe them away. Remembering the moment I found out my sister was gone forever wasn’t what haunted me, years of therapy had helped that. Cade’s involvement in the situation was what haunted me. I’d heard rumors immediately after the wreck, that’s what people did, right? Talk about tragedies and make them worse with their lies? The way people spun the story was unbelievably annoying and pathetic. I hadn’t believed what everyone said about Cade…but he proved it was true by not telling me anything. He didn’t even say he was sorry at the funeral. The knife he stabbed hurt more and more, cutting deeper with each betrayal, but my sister’s death was the final straw. I hadn’t spoken to him since a few months after it all happened…until I was appointed to his case.
I drifted off to sleep with a tear soaked pillow beneath my head. I snuggled closer to Hammy, allowing his purrs to lull me into my restless night.
Chapter Twelve-Cade
Seated behind the wheel, I stared at the looming doom doors that led to the HR office. I knew Ms. Thorpe said I was terminated, but I had to find a way to fix it. A loophole or some kind of law that would make her words voided. Pops was gonna make me work for him if I didn’t get my shit together. No way did I want that to happen. I’d rather live in a cardboard box.
Mangled Hearts: Francesca and Cade (Scarred Hearts) Page 6
