“Why did you tell her to call me?” he prodded.
“I…didn’t,” I stammered, turning to face him.
“Yeah, you did. I know what’s going on here. You’re having withdrawals, aren’t you?” he accused, bending in the door of the car to get in my face.
“Back off, Cason. It’s probably food poisoning,” I lied.
“When was the last time you drank?” he quizzed.
“Cason, lay off me. Just take me home,” I demanded.
Folding his arms across his chest, he stared at me. “Either you talk to me and tell me the truth, or I’ll drag you in there and let the doctors tell me. Which one will it be, big bro?”
I leaned my head back against the headrest and sighed loudly. “Fine. Yes, I am. Happy?” I couldn’t look him in the eyes. I couldn’t see the disappointment that would be there. “I told Francesca I wouldn’t drink for our date and haven’t had anything since yesterday morning. Well, besides a swig of vodka to rid myself of a headache.”
“You’ve had headaches too?” he asked. He actually sounded concerned this time.
I nodded, “Yeah, and I threw up. Can we please just go back to my place?”
“Cade, I think you need help. Like rehab or AA or something,” he said.
“What?!” I bellowed out, jumping from the car. “I’m not a damn alcoholic. Why won’t you just leave it alone?” I was in his face. I wanted to hit him, but I knew I was weak. He would have me down in no time.
“You aren’t? Cade…you’re having withdrawals. You lost your job. You drink every day. Would you at least talk to someone?”
“I’m talking to you,” I smarted back.
“You know what I mean. Either agree, or I’m throwing you over my arm and taking you in there,” he threatened.
“Fine. Whatever. Can we go?” I pleaded. My baby brother was pissing me off.
“Monday. You have to talk to someone on Monday,” he said, not budging from his position.
Now what? How do I get out of this? Groaning, I shook my head in compliance. I would find a way out of it later. I needed to get home, shower, and get something in me. He finally walked around, slamming his door shut. He kept looking at me, but I ignored him. I couldn’t do this right now.
My thoughts went back to Francesca as he drove. Her soft skin against mine, the sexy way she moaned in my ear, and her eyes as we made love. She was amazing. She had no idea how much she meant to me, and I hadn’t even gotten to tell her because once again, I screwed it all up. I couldn’t fully remember everything that happened this morning. After we tired ourselves out, I’d laid in her arms and fell into a deep sleep. I hadn’t slept that well in years. Her heartbeat lulled me to sleep in minutes. I wanted her there with me every night. Forever. After what had happened, I didn’t know if I stood a chance with her.
“She was really worried about you,” Cason’s voice broke through.
“What?” I asked, finally turning in his direction.
“Francesca. She was pacing when I showed up this morning. She looked like she was about to burst into tears. I think she loves you, man. You need to get ahold of this if you want to stand a chance with her.”
His lecture hit me deep. He was right. I did have a problem, but I couldn’t admit it to them; I knew that. It was embarrassing…stupid. Drinking my problems away had been my escape for as long as I could remember. What would I do without it? How would I cope? Would I be able to be with Francesca? I’d probably always fight my…addiction. Even thinking it was difficult and made my breath hitch. I decided in that moment, after he told me he thought Francesca loved me, that I would go on Monday and talk to someone. I would get help. I would stop hiding behind alcohol and be the man Francesca deserved. My shaking hands distracted me. I didn’t know how to get over these reactions. I’d stop after I talked to someone and they told me I had a problem. No point in giving it up today.
###
Cason dropped me off, almost refusing to leave. I had to kick him out, then called Jay as soon as I could. I practically had to beg him to pick up a bottle of Jack and Whiskey on his way to pick up his truck, but he finally obliged when I told him I’d throw in an extra $50 for him. I sat on the couch, waiting for Jay, and tried to recall the events after I passed out. I vaguely remembered throwing up and Francesca in my kitchen. I stood, stopping long enough to make the dizziness die down and made my way to the room, wondering what she was up to in there. Everything was spotless, the dishes washed, the trash tied and by the door. The trash. She saw all those empty bottles. It looked like a damn liquor store in here, and she now knew how much I truly drank. The knocking at the door stopped me from cursing myself.
Jay stood just outside, the bag with the goodies in his hand. “Hey,” he said, smiling. He looked me over, then his face grew dark. “You ok, man? You don’t look so good.”
I waved my hand, taking the bag, “Food poisoning.” I fished the keys to his truck out, handing them over. “Thanks, man.”
“No problem…but, Cade…there’s a motorcycle and a bench in the back of it,” he said, his face clearly confused.
“Shit. Hang on, let me put some clothes on,” I told him, taking the bag to the bedroom with me. I twisted the cap off as silently as I could, downing three long gulps. The burn was harsh, but much needed. I threw on jeans and a t-shirt, heading to assist with my belongings. “I’m ready.”
He walked out the door, jumped off my porch, and opened the tailgate. I walked up beside him, grasping the bench from the bottom and the back, then hefting it down.
“Dude, did you drink while you got ready? I can smell the Jack from here,” he laughed.
“What? Nah, I think you just smelled it from the store,” I said, hoping I threw him off of smelling me anymore.
“If you say so, man. Where’s the bike going?” he asked as I lugged the bench up my steps.
“Just put it right beside the rail here. Thanks, Jay. I’ll talk to you later,” I called, maneuvering the huge seat threw the door. Why did I steal this thing? I finally wedged it in, only taking about half the wood off the top of the backrest. I slid in the rest of the way, seating it right inside the door. Now I had an entry place for company to sit, like I was important or something. Just hoped the cops didn’t show up anytime soon. I jogged back to the bedroom, taking the bag with me to the couch. I popped in some movie about guns and love, then finished off the bottle. It didn’t last as long as it should, as long as I wanted it to. I finished the movie, then watched a few others.
Around 9:00 p.m., my phone chimed, signaling I had a message. I searched my pockets, the cushions, and the table, but couldn’t find it. I must have fallen asleep looking, because I woke sometime in the middle of the night, noticing my phone was flashing on the coffee table beside me. I scrolled through and my heart skipped a few beats when I saw Francesca had texted me.
Her: Are you ok? I can’t get ahold of Cason.
Scratching my head, I debated on whether I should answer or not. It was late, but it was also the weekend. I shouldn’t do this to her. I shouldn’t have led her to me, taken her out, made love to her. Yes, it was the most magnificent night of my life, and she meant more than words could say, but she deserved so much more than me. So much better. A man that wasn’t boggled down with an addiction, that had a job that was as amazing as hers, that knew how to deal with his damn problems. I threw the phone back down, deciding I would reply back later, when I was in a better mood, more sober. I fell into a restless sleep with her face in most of my dreams.
Chapter Twenty-Three-Francesca
“Hello?” I said into the phone, my voice husky from sleep.
“Wake up. I’m coming over,” Daphne practically shouted in my ear.
Groaning, I sat up, looking at the clock. “It’s not even eight, and it’s Sunday. Go back to bed,” I demanded, about to push end.
“I’m bringing Bree and Ally, be ready in twenty,” she shouted. It was like she could see through the phone sometimes.
> I slammed it down beside me, covering my face with my arm. I’d been stupid and texted Cade. Daphne told me not to. She demanded I promise and everything, but I did it anyway. And what happened? Nothing. He didn’t reply. He ignored me. He had sex with me and ignored me. I was an idiot to think he cared about me in the first place. Tears threatened to spill again, but I held them back. I would be strong. I wasn’t going to let him get to me like this. It wasn’t worth it. No man was….was he?
I quickly showered, throwing on some sweats and a T-shirt. I didn’t get to dress comfortably very often, and I was taking advantage of it on the weekends. Yesterday, after Daphne dropped me off at home, interrogated and lectured me, I’d showered and lay on the couch. I watched The Notebook, not a good choice, and other sappy movies all day while Hamlet kept me company. I’d cried. I’d gotten angry. I did every cliché thing that women did when rejected by a man she had strong feelings for. I wasn’t sure if I still loved Cade, but the instant his lips had touched mine, all the feelings had come rushing back. I knew now, I did. I probably always would. It was pointless; it would end up with me in pain, I was sure, but I couldn’t stop it. How do you just turn off your feelings for someone? It seemed men could do it, but could they really? Or were they just better actors? Perhaps they could mask their feelings much better than we could. I wiped the tear sliding down my cheek away and headed to the kitchen to make refreshments for my impending company.
The doorbell rang. It was odd, no one ever used it. I peeked out from the curtain, seeing little Ally jumping up and down, trying to push it again. Laughing, I opened the door and welcomed them in. Ally rushed to me, throwing her little arms around my waist.
“Auntie Francesca! Mommy said you have a kitty,” the precious five year old said excitedly.
I couldn’t be sad around this joy, and I smiled widely, nodding. “Yep, I sure do. His name is Hamlet. Come with me and we’ll go find him,” I said, waving to my friends before going off to search for Hammy.
Ally asked me a million questions about cats, about my house, about my job, about the chair in the corner. The energy flowing from this child seemed to never end. It was contagious and exhausting at the same time. After looking everywhere for Hammy, I finally resorted to shaking the food bag to get his attention. He came running, his head still hidden behind the bowl. I would be able to take it off in just a few more days. Thanks goodness, poor cat ran into everything with it on. He strutted in, meowing loudly as his eyes surveyed Ally. He determined she wasn’t a threat and moved forward to sniff her. Loud giggles could be heard throughout my house, making Bree and Daphne come to check what was so funny.
Bree stood at the kitchen entry, watching Hammy try to rub his head up and down Ally’s leg, wrapping his tail around her feet. She thought this was hilarious and laughed the whole time.
“They’re getting acquainted,” I explained, holding back my own giggles.
“He likes me, Mommy,” Ally exclaimed, her eyes wide as she stared at Bree.
“I see that, baby girl,” Bree chuckled. She directed her next question to me. “What is that thing on his head?”
“Well, he was hurt when I found him, so the vet put that on him to keep him from messing with his wounds while they healed.”
“Ooooh,” she drew out. She watched her daughter and my cat play and snuggle each other, then motioned for me to follow her. I did, noticing Daphne stayed behind. Wonder what this was about? She led me to the living room, sitting on the couch and patting the spot beside her.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, genuinely worried something bad was happening. “Is something going on with you? Ally?” Panic started to seize me.
“No, no. Calm down. Daphne just said you may want to talk. She wouldn’t tell me what happened, but I gathered it had something to do with that extremely sexy guy that rescued you from ‘Baby Batter’ the other night?” Her golden brown eyes were full of mischief and batted furiously at me.
I couldn’t stop the laughter from erupting. “Yes, it does have to do with him. His name is Cade, by the way.”
“Cade…what a sexy name…like a romance hero or something,” she sighed.
“Sadly, he’s hardly a hero,” I choked out, holding back my sob. “I don’t think he cares about me at all.”
Her hand found my knee, giving me a gentle squeeze. “Why would you say that? He was so jealous that guy had his hands on you. I could see the love he has for you on his face, in his eyes.”
“He doesn’t love me, Bree. Far from it. He may desire me, but he definitely doesn’t love me,” I sobbed, letting my sadness escape.
She pulled me in for a hug, rubbing circles on my back. “Tell me.”
“Friday night, he wanted to hang out, and I was so scared and against it, but I caved and went. We had a great time. Went out to eat, rode on a motorcycle, stole a bench, then we got back to his place. He told me he had feelings for me, and we ended up sleeping together. I’m such an idiot. He used me, Bree. He pretended to be sick or something to get me out of there. I haven’t heard from him since. And his brother came to get him, so I called him to find out if he was ok, but he won’t answer either,” my voice cracked and choked on my words. The tears rolled down my face, creating streaks to show my pain.
Bree’s eyes were wide as she stared at me. “Oh, honey,” she cried, hugging me tighter. “I’m so sorry. You can’t think like this though. Why would he lie to you?” she inquired.
“I don’t know. To get me in bed?” I suggested.
“Has he tried it before?” she asked, the shock evident.
“Well…no. Why else would he be ignoring me?” I pulled away, finding a tissue to wipe my nose and my face with.
“Maybe he really was sick. He could be in the hospital, he could be in bed resting, anything. You don’t know. Stop assuming this stuff, Francesca. Be positive for once. You are beautiful, smart, and just a wonderful woman. Ally adores you, your friends love you, and I’m sure Cade does too,” she told me, smiling widely.
My eyes cast down as I thought of her words. “Thanks, Bree,” I said quietly.
“You love him, too, don’t you?” she asked gently.
I nodded, sniffling. I pulled imaginary lint off my sweats, smoothed my hair, rolled up the tissue. Anything to avoid this conversation.
“Does he know?” she pushed.
“No. I can’t tell him. He’s my client, Bree. What am I going to do? I had sex with my client!” I exclaimed.
“What’s sex?” a small voice asked behind me.
Bree gave me a look that could kill. I clasped my hands over my mouth, not knowing what to do. I turned slowly, seeing Ally’s eyes wide and curious. She looked exactly like Bree: same golden brown eyes, light brown hair that had a slight wave, and the same downturned nose that was adorable on them both. She looked at me expectantly and I realized I hadn’t answered her question.
“Sweetie…umm…it’s not for little girl’s to know about,” I stuttered out.
“Mommy will tell you when you’re older. Just forget you heard that,” Bree said, smiling and waving her hand playfully in the air. “Where’s Aunt Daphne and the kitty?”
Nice save, I mouthed to her.
“Daphne told me to come get Franny Girl,” she giggled, hiding her face behind her hand. “Don’t tell her I told you, but she gave me a dollar to call you that,” she confessed, downright giddy about a dollar.
I chuckled, holding my arms out for a hug. Her sweet arms surrounded me, instantly comforting me. “It’s ok. I’ll give you five dollars if you don’t call me that again,” I said excitedly.
“Yay!!!!” she said, running through the room and back to the kitchen.
“Don’t run,” Bree called after her, shaking her head at me. “I can’t believe you bribed my kid.”
I shrugged. “Daphne did it first,” I pointed out.
“You two are awful. Bribing a five year old with money,” she scolded.
I laughed, giving her another quick hug. “Sorr
y I said s-e-x and your child heard it,” I apologized.
“It’s ok. Try to not scream it out so loudly next time,” she said, giving me the warning motherly facial expression. All moms had it. Did it come with giving birth or something?
“I promise. I will only spell from now on.”
“You know she’ll learn to spell soon, right?” she said sarcastically.
“Then we’ll learn sign language or something,” I said through gritted teeth. “You’re making this apology difficult.”
She laughed and stood, “I’m messing with you. Now, we better go check on your cat. I don’t know that Daphne is watching them since she’s busy putting Ally up to stuff.”
“Hammy!” I said, rushing to the kitchen. I walked in, seeing cat treats littering the floor and Hammy desperately trying to pick them up, but his bowl kept colliding with the floor. Daphne sat in the chair, cracking up, and Ally kept trying to give him more. She didn’t understand why he wasn’t eating them. I gave Daphne a glare and bent to Ally’s level.
“Ally, he can’t pick them up. See this on his head,” I pointed to the device, “it’s stopping him from reaching the floor. You’ll have to hold your hand out and let him eat out of it. He doesn’t need this many though,” I said, picking up most of the treats and stuffing them back in the bag. Turning to Daphne, I strode over, whispering, “what are you doing?”
She shrugged, grinning, “Trying to make you happier. Did it work?”
I looked around, seeing Ally playing with and feeding Hammy, Bree watching them amused, and I realized I did feel better. I felt happier. I didn’t know what was going on with Cade, but it didn’t matter. He either loved me or he didn’t. I wouldn’t be able to change the outcome. I couldn’t make him care about me. And I did care about him, so I didn’t regret anything. Seeing him in court Friday could potentially be awkward, but I was a lawyer and I would be professional. I smiled at Daphne, leaning in to hug her, “I do feel better. Thank you.”
Mangled Hearts: Francesca and Cade (Scarred Hearts) Page 12
