My heart did a squeal and my voice followed. Jumping up and down, I tried to contain myself from being happy, but there was no point. Cade Kelling sent me flowers and signed it with love. I grasped the letter in my hands, bounding over to the couch to get comfy to read it.
My lovely Francesca,
I hope you are doing well. The flowers reminded me of you, so I sent Cason to order them for you. I really hope you look at them every day and know that I’m thinking of you. I try not to dwell on how much I messed up with you in the past. I regret it, but I can’t go through life with regrets, so my therapist and I are working on it. Rehab is a hard process. I didn’t know it was this involved. I didn’t expect to learn so much about myself. I still have issues with how to deal with not drinking, but I’m doing better. Each day, every minute gets a little better.
Reid is supportive, but so annoying. He never isn’t happy. It’s kind of weird. It’s nice because he has been there, he knows what I’m feeling. A lot of the counselors have, but he’s just kind of stuck to me. I don’t think I’m ever getting rid of him, Francesca. I’m honestly a little scared he’ll move in with me when this is over.
Of course I remember the dance. I wasn’t planning on going, but I overheard someone talking to you about it and you confirmed you were going. I knew I had to. Being around you kept me sane, grounded, during those years. If only I’d realized I was in love with you then things may have been different. And yes, Francesca Taymon, I am in love with you. I have been since you denied the cracker I offered.
How is Hammy? I bet him and Ally are cute. He’s a sweet cat. He got his bowl off, right? I forgot to ask. I’ve never been responsible enough to own a pet, but I want to. I may get a fish or something when I get home. I can’t do too much to damage a fish, can I?
I wish you could come see me. I know you are going to rock at this lawyer stuff. I’m happy for you, excited really. I wish I could see the office. Can you take pictures of it? Maybe you shouldn’t buy furniture. You want to have room for everything you need, but if you keep buying it…you know? Why do women buy stuff so much?
You know I’m just teasing you.
I’m happy you’re working on moving past Josie’s death. I didn’t know her that well, but she reminded me of you. She was happy and brightened a room. If there’s anything I can do to help, I will. I’m here for you, Francesca. Always.
How is the lawsuit going? I can’t believe that place. Cason said my dad refuses to hire them for anything now. My dad is coming around…he hasn’t visited, but he’s sent messages through Mom and Cason. He seems to be trying. So, I have to try, too. We’ve never really got along. I don’t know why. Mom has always been the parent I go to for everything. I hope to make a better relationship with him.
I have to get ready for our circle meeting. I’ll anxiously await your next letter. Enjoy the flowers and I hope all your business stuff goes well. Until next time, I’ll be thinking of you, dreaming of you, and wanting you. And remember, I’ll always do anything for you, Francesca.
Love,
Cade
My smile could probably blind someone had they walked in my house in the moments after reading Cade’s letter. My heart was full, my house smelled fresh, and I was just happy.
Chapter Thirty-Two-Cade
Cade’s Second Month of Rehab
The days were becoming easier, the cravings not so intense. Reid was quickly becoming my best friend, my confidante. The more I learned about him, the more I compared it to me and discovered new things. The facility was nothing short of amazing. All the nurses, counselors, coordinators, and even janitors were friendly and helpful. I was getting closer to some of the other patients, going to them when I wanted a drink or couldn’t get it out of my head. Francesca’s letters still kept me going. I came to expect them at the end of each week, and reread them until I worried the paper would tear.
I lay back on the bed, waiting for the morning group meeting, when the letter came. Two pieces of paper fell out, one a letter, and one looked like a poem. I smoothed the paper, reading the poem first.
Sizzling lips scorch my skin
Rough hands pull me close
Hearts beating fast
Breaths becoming ragged
Eager bodies with trembling limbs
Melding together, again and again
Grazing teeth against luscious lips
Nails sinking deep in shoulders
Gasping in sync
A trail of fire left in your descent
Eager bodies with trembling limbs
Melding together, again and again
Her words hit my heart, speeding up my rhythm. They jumped off the paper, playing out our night of lovemaking in my brain. My insides tightened, my temperature rose at the thoughts of her body next to mine. Shaking my head, I held the other paper in front of me, desperately trying to steady it and make my mind concentrate on her words.
Cade,
I hope you are doing well and getting more in control. I wish I could talk to you. I keep having dreams of you, and these words in the poem were on my mind one morning, so I wrote them down. I know it sounds corny, but I had to let it out. You consume my mind, Cade. I don’t know why, I don’t know how to stop it, but it’s happening. I think of you more than I’d like to. And I just confessed it all. I understand if you don’t send any letters back after this, I sound like a crazy person.
The office is almost finished! The landlord said I can be in and open for business on October fifth. So as soon as the renovations and everything are over, I have to get the move on getting everything set up. Zander finally told me to stop buying stuff and had me put his name on the accounts so he could cancel my obsessive ordering. It’s bad, Cade. I have a problem. It’s just so exciting to be able to create this space that’s mine and people will come here for help, from me, and I want it to look amazing and feel homey. It’s a lot of pressure now that I think about it.
The lawsuit is officially going to court next month. They aren’t cooperating. It is what it is. It’s going to be a really big pain, but I can’t back down now.
The last of my flowers died today. So I took the petals and put them in a jar. They smell amazing, and remind me of you. I have them on my bedside table. The vase is going to be the home for some fake flowers soon. I don’t want to get rid of any of it. You have no idea how much it meant to me that you went to that trouble, the effort you put into it, just because you knew I would smile. Thank you again.
Hammy is getting fat. He eats too much, then pukes it up. It’s a very bad habit. I don’t know how to make him stop! I guess I need to put my cat on a diet. I’ve considered getting another cat so he can play with someone. I’m not around enough for him to chase my shoe strings.
I hope the visit went well with your dad. I hope he showed up, actually. I know you were worried, but I think it went great. I haven’t heard from Cason lately, but I know he’s been busy with work. Reid called me the other day though. That guy is hilarious, Cade! I still don’t know exactly why he called, but I assumed it was because he wanted me to know you were thinking about me. He talks in circles sometimes. I don’t think you’ll be getting rid of him either.
I must go now. There are lots of things to do and never enough time. I wish the best for your recovery. I can’t wait until I can see you again. If our reunion meeting is anything like my dreams have been, we are in for a fun night ;) I’m sending pictures of the office. I finally got in to take some! The landlord can be a pain at times. Of course, these photos are the before. I’ll send after’s later.
Good luck, Cade. I’m thinking of you and wishing I was with you, always.
Love,
Francesca
My heart fluttered more, knowing I was stuck in her mind as well. My thoughts never wandered far from her, to the point of obsession at times. Not the bad obsession, but the consuming, loving kind. I placed the letter back in the envelope, sliding it into the top drawer of my dresser. I would write her back after
the morning meetings. I practically danced out of my room, the joy that only Francesca could bring radiating off of me.
Chapter Thirty-Three-Francesca
Suing someone wasn’t easy…especially if that someone was your previous employer. Mr. Phillips and Mr. Lemming glared at me every time I walked in the courtroom, walked out of the courtroom, or breathed, really. Keeping my anger in check was difficult. All I wanted to do was rip their heads off or something equally intense, but I stayed cool and collected. Losing my temper wouldn’t be good for the case. I had a friend of mine, Dane Welling, helping represent me. It was never a good idea to represent yourself, no matter what the circumstances were.
The weeks were long, the weekends short. I ached for Cade’s next letter each Monday. I wondered if his hair had grown longer and had that shaggy curl at the ends. If his eyes were bright and lively again, or if he still hurt and it reflected in his gaze. I annoyed Reid often now, texting him messages for Cade while he was visiting. His dad had been coming around, but he still refused to let them put a phone in his room or allow him access. I still don’t know how that was legit, but it sucked nonetheless. I drove home Cade Style, pushing the gas harder than ever before. I knew it would be waiting in the mailbox, calling me to open and read it. I just had to get there. The house was in sight and I couldn’t contain my excitement. Gripping the wheel tightly, my knuckles were as white as my pale skin, I screeched the car to a halt and pulled the box open. The junk mail littered my dash and floorboard as I searched for the treasure, my heart speeding up uncontrollably when I saw my name in his scratchy writing.
I ripped it open, surprised to see he sent two sheets this time. My cheeks flooded with embarrassment as I realized he’d written a poem back.
Heart beating quickly
Stomach feeling sickly
I can’t write
This is an awful sight
I miss you like crazy
Do you mind if I call you baby?
My body shook with laughter, and my stomach hurt from doing it for so long. Closing my eyes, I imagined him standing in front of me, his eyes wide and pitiful, his lips pouty, and his hair in all directions while he recited this poem. It was too much for me to think of, so I folded the paper, tucking it in my purse, and opened the letter.
Darling Francesca,
I hope you liked the poem. I obviously have no talent in the writing department. I think I slept through those classes, or maybe I was skipping school those days…all of them. I loved the one you sent me. I have it in my wallet and read it every day. You put so much emotion and heart into those words, I could feel it. How do you do that? Everything you do is amazing and wonderful, did you know that?
Rehab is well. I still can’t believe I can say that without embarrassment now. I don’t have to call anyone with intense cravings any more, I’m using the tools they taught me and dealing with it myself. The doctors think I may be able to become an outpatient sooner than most. I hope they’re right, because I want to see you. And I really want a large pizza from Manny’s.
The before pictures are awesome! I’m so excited you’ll have this huge place all to yourself. People will be coming to you for help, Francesca. That’s got to be amazing for you. Zander sounds like a riot. I can’t wait to meet him and talk cars. Your girlfriends all sound fun too. I saw them all that night you met Mr. Baby Batter, right? They seem like an eclectic group of ladies.
Have you started on the home renovations yet? How is the lawsuit going? I wish I could be there to support you during the trial. This lawyer you have helping, Dane, seems like a hard ass. Phillips and Lemming aren’t going to know what hit them when you’re finished, Francesca. I’m really glad you found those other women that had the same thing happen. Not that it’s good it’s happened before, but it is good for your case. You know what I mean. Have I mentioned you’re pretty?
I’m getting bored in here. I can only watch so much TV and talk in so many group sessions. I’ve made some friends, and I think they’ll extend to outside of these walls. Working through a similar issue with people that fully understand your emotions, wants, needs is incredible. We’re creating bonds.
I’m so proud that you were able to go to Josie’s crash site. I really wish I could have been the one to talk you, but Daphne is a great friend for doing it. I know it was hard on you. It’s hard on me thinking of you being there, but I hope it helped. She truly is proud of you and watching over you, Francesca. You make your sister proud.
It’s time for me to shower and get some sleep. I have meetings with two counselors tomorrow and Reid is supposedly bringing me a “surprise”…whatever that means. He really is a strange dude, you know? I hope everything goes well this week. I’ll be anxiously awaiting the next letter (and maybe poem?) you send me. Sweet dreams, my love. Happy waking hours, and as always, I’ll think of you every moment my brain is working.
I love you, Francesca.
Cade
Chapter Thirty-Four-Cade
Cade’s Third Month of Rehab
Less than three weeks stood between me and my outpatient status. I would have to come here every day, to meet with counselors and have group meetings, but I would be able to go home after. I’d be able to see Francesca. The thought overwhelmed me with happiness.
Reid sat in front of me, talking about some girl he was after. I was zoned out, not even trying to listen, when he clapped his hands loudly in front of my face, making me jump.
“What the—“ I started.
“I’m trying to tell you something. Your girl was in the newspaper. She’s having a big grand opening party the day after you get out of here,” he snapped out quickly.
“A party?”
“Yes, and I’m sure there will be alcohol, but I have an idea for you…I think you should surprise her. Every time she texts me wanting to know about you, she talks about how she wishes you could be there when her business launches,” he explained.
“Does she text you a lot?” I questioned, fighting the raging jealousy growing in my chest.
He gave me an incredulous look and said, “It’s not like that. She’s as gaga for you as you are for her. She talks about you when she texts. Anyways, you have to stay with someone for the first three months you’re in outpatient, and I nominate me. I have a room that’s free, and I plan to hide you there until you can show up at her launch party.”
“Sorry, man, I didn’t mean it like that. I just miss her,” I sighed. “I’ll stay with you. It beats trying to be civil with Pops,” I laughed.
He shook his head, letting me know he didn’t want to get into that story again, and handed me a folded up paper. “Francesca ran out of stamps, so she sent it with me.” He walked out, shutting the door softly behind him before I could speak.
Unfolding the paper, I slid into the chair at the desk, smoothing the sheet on the wood and reading her words to myself.
Cade,
I’m meeting Reid for lunch today. I have to see him tell me that you truly are so much better. I know you’ve had a problem, but I really can’t imagine you without the alcohol. I know you’re amazing, but I just feel like you will be so much better now. I can’t wait until we can just sit and talk, get to know each other as adults. It may seem silly, but I always felt like you knew me better than anyone else, even if you didn’t know all the small details that make me Francesca Taymon. Sometimes it’s not the person that knows the most about you, but the person that sees the most in you. I’ve always felt like you always saw the best in me. You see more when you look at me than I do. Cade, it’s wonderful to know you see the person I want to be when you look at me.
Anyways, I’m rambling. Thank you for your “poem.” I laughed for days over that. You’re such a funny person. I’ve been keeping it right next to my bed so I can read it…and I may have read it to Daphne when she called the other day. It was just too hilarious not to!
The grand opening is in 23 days! I’m running around like a maniac trying to get everything finished. Z
ander just started his first year of law school, so we’ve been frantic. I don’t want him to miss out on his studies, but he’s volunteered to do so much for me. My dad has been a life saver with all the business paperwork I’ve had to fill out. I didn’t realize there was so much involved. I have to apply for a tax ID, register with the county clerk’s office, register with the IRS, and a ton of other things. It’s making me crazy. Not to mention, my mom and Daphne decided I needed to have a huge launch party the Friday before my first official day of business. I’m trying not to stress over that, but they’ve invited some of the town’s biggest names. Your parents were invited, too. I wish you could be there. Big crowds like that make me nervous.
I’ve decided I’m getting a kitten when you get to come home. I want you to go with me to the shelter and get it. We did a good job finding Hammy, so I figure we should work together again. I think I’ll get another boy, because I’ve read cats fight a lot if they’re opposites. I don’t think I could handle seeing my babies fighting.
Reid said you’ll get to be an outpatient soon, but doubts it’ll be before my party :( I’m so proud of you, Cade. I can’t tell you that enough. So many people wouldn’t even bother to try, and you’ve worked hard and improved by leaps and bounds. It’s such a great accomplishment. I’m so excited I get to see it.
Daphne just showed up and is rambling on about some kind of tablecloth for the party. I guess I’d better wrap this up now. I’ll take lots of pictures so you don’t miss out on anything. I’m including some of what the office looks like now. It’s not completely decorated yet, but it’s getting there. Don’t you just love that desk? I think I’ll frame one of those, just to show everyone that comes to my house. Extreme?
I miss you, I think of you, I pray for you, and I can’t wait to have your body touching mine. Your lips haunt my dreams, taunting my skin to the point that I wake up in sweaty frustration. I know you’ll continue to improve and when you get a release date, let me know so I can start a countdown. I love you, Cade Kelling.
Mangled Hearts: Francesca and Cade (Scarred Hearts) Page 17
