by Renee Hart
“We'll be out in a second,” Shea said, giving his grandmother-in-law a smile. “Jane just needed a minute to get herself together.”
“Take your time, dears,” Anna said. She left the room, leaving Shea and Jane alone together in an awkward smile.
Jane stood up and wiped her face off, glad that she had skipped the fancy makeup this time. She knew she would have looked like a total mess if she'd been wearing mascara and she broke down in tears.
“You okay?” Shea asked.
Jane reached out and touched his hand. Their fingers intertwined for just a moment. “Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, I'll be fine.”
They joined Jeb and Anna who had moved inside to the living room. When they walked in, Jeb stood up, holding his hands out to either side. “I'm sorry if I said anything that upset you,” he said. “I didn't mean to. I really want you to feel welcome here. You're family now, after all.”
Jane felt her tears starting to return. “Thank you,” she said. She bit her lower lip to keep herself from saying anything more. It was hard for her to accept Jeb's affection when she knew she never really would be a part of his family.
She took Shea's hand for support, giving it a firm squeeze. They sat down together, and he kept holding her hand. The conversation resumed and moved on to more carefree topics, and as the afternoon wore on, Jane realized that she and Shea had never stopped touching, from holding hands to sitting with his arm around her, all simple, affectionate gestures that seemed to come so naturally.
She started to wonder whether they were still doing it just for show.
Chapter 18
On Christmas Eve, Jane had dinner with her mother and her sister, Brittany. Brittany would be spending Christmas day with her husband and her kids, who were spending Christmas Eve with Brittany's in-laws. But since Brittany and her mother-in-law weren't on speaking terms, Brittany had opted to spend Christmas Eve with Jane and their mother. It was an imperfect solution, and one which their mother complained about almost every year.
“I still don't see why you couldn't bring the kids,” Mom said, poking at her vegetables with her fork. Dinner was pot roast and veggies, along with store-bought pie for dessert. “I wanted to be able to see my grandchildren when they opened their presents. I won't even get to see them on Christmas Day.”
“Well, Mom,” Brittany said, giving their mother an annoyed look, “if you and Dad could handle being in the same room together, then you could come over for dinner at our place tomorrow night.”
“Don't bring your father into this,” Mom said, scowling.
Jane sighed, wishing she could remember a time when Christmas hadn't been filled with so much family drama. She was about to remind Mom that last year, Brittany's kids had been at Mom's house for dinner Christmas night, and they'd seen Dad the day after Christmas. This year, they'd switched. But it seemed that seeing the kids the day after Christmas wasn't good enough for Mom.
It all made Jane almost glad that she didn't' have a husband or kids yet. She hoped that when she had a family of her own, she'd be able to avoid the drama that seemed to envelop the rest of them, though she knew it was a foolish hope.
“Jane,” Mom asked, “are you going to be seeing your father tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I think I'll have time to stop by,” Jane said. She turned to Brittany. “What time is dinner?”
“Probably around six,” Brittany said.
“What do you mean, you 'think' you'll have time?” Mom asked. “Do you have some big Christmas plans I don't know about?”
Jane froze, her face starting to heat up. She hadn't even noticed the slip of the tongue, but leave it to Mom to pick up on it. She certainly couldn't tell her mother that she was spending Christmas Day at her fake fiance's grandfather's house. “Oh, I just mean I might sleep in. Then maybe see a movie.”
“A movie?” Her mother frowned at her. “On Christmas? That's no way to spend the holiday. You should be spending it with your family.”
“Well, the theatres are never crowded.” Jane shrugged. She actually had been planning on going to the movies, before the whole fiasco with Shea had started.
“Are you going with anyone?” Mom asked. “You've barely spoken to me the last few weeks. I was beginning to think you have some secret boyfriend you're hiding from me.” Mom leveled a stare at her, and Jane had to force herself to keep a straight face. Her mother always seemed to have a knack for knowing when she was hiding something. But this time, it was a secret that Jane absolutely could not afford to let out.
“I've been on a few dates here and there,” Jane said. “Nothing too serious.”
“Well, it's long past time for you to find a man,” Mom said. She gestured at Brittany with her fork. “Your sister is two years younger than you, and she's already given me two grandchildren.”
“That's because she got pregnant when she was a teenager and dropped out of college,” Jane said.
Brittany frowned at her. “Hey, at least when I dropped out, it was for a good reason. What's your excuse?”
Jane bit her lip and lowered her eyes. Her sister had a point. It was one thing for Brittany to leave school in order to devote her time to taking care of her family. But Jane had flip-flopped on college so many times that she didn't even have an excuse anymore. She tried to blame it on her student loans, but between changing majors and transferring schools, plus the year she'd taken off in the middle of it all when she was burnt out, she knew she only had herself to blame. Though she liked to blame her mother as well; Mom had stopped helping her with tuition when she'd taken the year off, saying that she didn't want to throw her money down the toilet when it looked like Jane was never going to graduate. When Jane got back into classes with her new major to try to finish what she'd started, she'd been on her own. And it had all gone downhill from there.
“Well, regardless,” Mom said, “I think it's long past time you put yourself out there more. Maybe try one of those online dating sites? Lots of people meet online nowadays.”
“I'm not really interested, Mom,” Jane said.
“But why not?”
“Because...” Jane stopped herself before she could say the words that immediately sprung to her mind. Because I've already found someone.
Except that she hadn't. Not really. It was nice to pretend that anything could ever really happen between her and Shea. But that wasn't the way things were. After tomorrow, they would probably never see each other again. Maybe at New Year's, if Shea decided they needed to put in one last good appearance together in order to seal the deal. But one way or the other, their time together was drawing to a close.
“I think I need to go,” Jane said, getting up from the table.
“But what about dessert?” Mom asked.
“I'm not in the mood.” Jane grabbed her jacket and her purse, then she headed for the door. She couldn't bear to be around her family right now. Not when she had such a big secret weighing down on her, one that she couldn't possibly talk to them about.
Chapter 19
Christmas morning, Jane slept in. She remembered the days when she would be excited to wake up early Christmas morning, eager to open her presents. This year, she didn't expect to even get any presents. She didn't generally exchange gifts with her work friends, since they just weren't that close. Her sister and her father, after years of struggling with finding the right gifts for her, had finally given up, and for the last few years had simply given her gift cards. Brittany would no doubt give her a gift card to The Gap, while Dad would probably give her one to Best Buy and another for the movies.
Mom put even less effort into Christmas. At dinner last night, she'd handed both Jane and Brittany each a card with fifty dollars cash in it.
She got up late in the morning, shuffling into the kitchen in her rubber ducky pajamas and her pink fuzzy slippers. She put on a pot of coffee, then sat down on the couch with the steaming mug in her hands and turn on TBS to watch A Christmas Story. She usually left the movie on all day, sin
ce they played it for twenty-four hours straight.
She didn't realize that she'd lost track of time until her doorbell rang. She checked the time on her phone, then muttered, “Shit.” She'd gotten so absorbed in the movie, despite having seen it a hundred times, that she'd forgotten what time Shea was coming to pick her up.
She muted the TV, then hurried to the door. “Hey,” she said as she opened it. “I'm so sorry. I lost track of time.”
Shea stood there wearing a long black coat. His breath frosted in the air; the brief warmth they'd had earlier in the week was gone, giving way to frigid weather. “Sorry,” he said, looking her up and down and taking in her ducky pajamas, “did I wake you?”
“No.” She held open the door and let him in, then she went into the living room and dug through the rest of the boxes of clothes, searching for something Christmassy to wear. “Sorry. I got caught up watching a movie, and I totally lost track of time.”
While she was searching for something to wear, Shea looked around the living room. It was the first time he'd really been in her apartment—at least, any further than the front hall. She instantly regretted not cleaning up before he arrived. Aside from the boxes of clothes that she still hadn't put away, the living room was in a general state of disarray. There were some dirty dishes on the coffee table, some clothes, which may have been clean or dirty, piled up near the hallway, and the kitchen table was covered in junk mail that she hadn't yet sorted through. She almost asked Shea to wait outside, just so that he wouldn't have to sit there and look at the mess.
“You have a lovely apartment,” he said as he sat down on the couch.
“Yeah, right,” Jane said. She pulled out a red sweater, a pair of tan pants, and some brown leather boots. The outfit, she figured, would look nice enough without being too formal for a simple Christmas get-together. “I'll only be a few minutes, I promise.”
“Take your time,” Shea said. He smiled at her, then when she hurried back into the bedroom, he picked up the remote and unmuted the television.
She changed as quickly as she could, then tried to do something with her hair so she wouldn't go to the Christmas gathering with bed head. She wished she could afford to go back to the same salon Shea had sent her to. Even though her hair didn't look as stunning as it had the day she'd gotten it done, the stylish cut and the bronze highlights still made it look amazing. If Shea asked her to go to another party after today, she would have to try to con him into sending her back to the spa one last time so she could get her hair done again.
She walked back out into the living room, holding her boots in her hand. “I'm almost ready,” she said.
“Take your time.” She smiled up at her. “There's no rush. All the great-grandkids are probably still over there tearing open presents.”
“Oh gosh.” Jane sat down on the couch, a sudden panic hitting her. “Great-grandchildren? Who all is going to be there?” She had been hoping for another small, private gathering, like the brunch on Wednesday.
“Well, there's my parents, and my sister. A few cousins, aunts, and uncles. Plus my sister and most of my cousins have kids, and they'll all be there. Probably be about...” Shea tilted his head back while he added it up. “...forty or fifty people? Nowhere near as many as the party last week.”
“Forty or fifty?” Jane's fingers curled around the soft leather of her boots. She sank onto the couch, staring at the wall. “So, basically, your entire family.”
“Well, except my one cousin from Arizona. She usually doesn't make it back this way at the holidays. Oh, and Uncle Joe. We don't...well, we don't talk about Uncle Joe.”
“Oh boy.” Jane sank further into the couch, wishing she could disappear into its depths, like the remote to her DVD player that she still hadn't found.
“This should probably be the last thing,” Shea said, patting her knee. “We'll make excuses for the rest of the week, say that we're off somewhere together. It'll be fine.”
“Yeah. Okay. Fine.” Jane pressed her lips together, trying to keep herself from panicking. Forty or fifty people in Shea's extended family. Forty or fifty faces she would have to lie to.
“We don't need to leave right away,” Shea said. “We could wait a little while. Most of them don't stay for dinner, so we could say we got caught up, then stop by a little later than planned.”
“Yeah. That might work.”
“You just want to wait here?” Shea asked. He gestured to the TV. “I love this movie. Haven't seen it in years.”
“It's my favorite Christmas movie,” Jane said. “I love the pink bunny pajamas they make him wear.”
Shea chuckled. “I'd have to say my favorite part is the lamp.”
“Oh! The lamp!” Jane laughed, squeezing Shea's knee. “You just missed that part. It's almost over, actually.”
“Don't they play it again right after?”
“That's right.” Jane grinned. “Twenty-four hours of A Christmas Story. Every year.”
“Well then.” Shea took off his jacket and draped it over the back of the couch. “Let's watch the next one. We can head over after that.”
“You want some coffee?” Jane asked.
“I'd love some.”
She went into the kitchen and poured them both some fresh coffee, and since she hadn't eaten yet she brought out some snacks as well. They sat together on the couch and watched the movie, laughing together at the antics little Ralphie got into while trying to convince everyone that he needed a Red Rider BB gun.
They sat together comfortably, with Jane leaning against Shea, her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her, and it felt completely natural to her.
This was the sort of thing she wanted. She didn't need the fancy clothes or the big parties. She didn't need dinner at an expensive restaurant. Those things were nice, but she'd always felt that a real relationship relied more on the simple things in life. The quiet moments shared together at home, sitting together in private and enjoying each other's company. Feeling at ease with someone, without any need to put on a false front or pretend to be something you weren't.
You might be attracted to someone when you went out together in public, to dinner or a movie or a party. But you fell in love with someone sharing the most simple, intimate moments of your life together.
She looked up at Shea, studying his face. He laughed out loud when the dad in the movie tried to pronounce “fra-geel-ay” on the package that contained his great award. She had never seen Shea really laugh like that when they were out in public and he had to put on his executive face. When he relaxed and let go like this, she found it truly beautiful.
He turned to look at her. Their eyes met. Jane swallowed a lump in her throat. Shea's arm tightened around her shoulders, and for a moment, she thought he was going to pull her in and kiss her.
Instead, he cleared his throat and turned back towards the TV.
Oh screw it, she thought. If he wouldn't, or couldn't make a move, she would.
She took his face in her hands and pressed her lips against his. He hesitated at first, his body tense, then he relaxed into the kiss and he slipped his arms around her.
The desires she had been denying and pushing away for days overwhelmed her she pulled him close. His hands slid down to her waist and he pulled her tighter. Jane had to break the kiss to come up for air.
“Jane,” Shea whispered.
“Don't talk,” she said.
“But...”
She kissed him again to shut him up. He pulled back, giving her a worried look. “I'm your boss.”
“You're my fiance,” she said.
“But that's...”
“Shh.” Jane touched a finger to Shea's lips. “Fire me. Tear up the contract. I don't care. I don't want the money. I want you.”
Shea stopped talking and stopped trying to fight what was happening. He wanted Jane, she was sure.
He had wanted her for awhile now. But he was the type of man who never would have made a move on her. He would have
felt too guilty to pursue his feelings. She made the first move to show him how much she wanted him, so he would see that her feelings were real. All that mattered was their desire for each other.
***
All the lies and the tension of the last couple of weeks melted away as they kissed on the couch, with the sounds of A Christmas Story still coming from the TV.
Jane lost track of the time, forgetting all about the holiday party they were supposed to go to. Everything else had been forgotten in the wake of her desire.
When Shea looked at her, she felt butterflies in her stomach. He clung to her, catching his breath. Then they sat there for awhile in silence, sharing the wonderful moment and savoring it as much as they could, before the inevitable talk.
Eventually, Shea looked into her eyes and said, “Wow.”
“I'll take that as a compliment,” Jane said.
Shea chuckled. “Indeed. You are amazing.”
Jane smiled and kissed him, then closed her eyes, wishing it could be as two people falling in love, with no other worries or concerns.
“Now what?” Shea asked.
“Well,” Jane said, leaning against him, tilting her head to look into his eyes. “I guess that's up to you.”
“Well one thing is for sure,” Shea said. “After this, there's no way I can lie to anyone about you being my fiance.”
Jane leaned over to a table and picked up the engagement ring he'd given her. She hadn't worn it except for when they were making an appearance together. “I guess that means I should give this back to you.”
She handed it to him. He looked at it, a studious expression on his face. “No,” he said.
“What?”
“No, I don't think you should.”
“But it's your grandmother's ring,” Jane said.
“I know,” Shea said. He took the ring from her, then slipped it back onto her finger. “But I still want you to have it.”
