by Simone Elise
“By the lack of my men in this visiting room. I wasn’t actually expecting you to leave me breathing today.”
So he had noticed there were only members in here, waiting and watching for my command. The guards had disappeared, and the fact that I couldn’t have him killed bothered me, but I would make sure he was admitted into the hospital for a few days, maybe weeks, if the boys did their job right.
“Like I said, you fucked with the wrong girl.”
“That would be your girl, wouldn’t it? Must have driven you crazy when she broke it off with you. Not telling you a reason why. Then watching her with Daniels.”
“Not nearly as painful as what you’re about to feel.” I nodded my head, and the boys got up and so did I. “Stay away from her. And consider this a message. If you don’t, I’ll be back.”
I walked away from him, leaving him and my brothers to serve him some justice.
***
I knocked on her door. Now I had handled Blake, I could handle her. She didn’t answer.
“Abby, can I come in?” I said to the closed door, and when she didn’t answer, I just twisted the doorknob. It was unlocked, so I let myself in.
I frowned, seeing the packed bags on the bed. Was she going somewhere that I didn’t know of? Roach would have mentioned it, wouldn’t he?
Why did I get a feeling she was running? When things got hard, she always ran.
“Reaper.”
I spun around, and Abby was standing there with a basket full of washing.
“What do you want?” She moved into the room and dropped the basket on the bed and started packing the washing into the bags.
“We need to talk.” I closed the door.
“You know everything, so there isn’t much to say.” She kept her back to me.
Why was she being so cold? And distant. How was I going to get her to surface again? The last thing I needed was her pushing me away.
“Abby, we need to talk.” My hands went on her shoulders and she froze. I could hear her rapid breathing. She was scared.
“Please don’t make me see it.” Her voice waved in emotion, like she was seconds away from crying. “Just leave.”
“See what?”
“The disgust. The anger. The disappointment. I don’t want to see it on your face. I get it, ok? I fucked up. Again. Ok? I get that you changed your mind. That you don’t really love me. Hell, I hate myself for what I’ve done, so I understand. You said don’t come to you when things turn to shit. And I promised you I wouldn’t. But I can’t see that look on your face. I can’t handle it, ok? Just let me leave in peace.”
Why was she so certain I’d let her leave to begin with? “Abby, turn around.”
“No.”
I gripped her shoulders tighter and forced her to turn around, but her eyes were on the ground. It frustrated me that she wouldn’t look me in the eye. Didn’t she know by now there was nothing she could do to scare me away?
Hell, I was pissed off she hadn’t come to me. I would have stepped in earlier to end it. Even Blake had known not to fuck with me. Maybe if he knew she was with me, he wouldn’t have gone for her to begin with. I guess that was my fault. I had kept our relationship quiet.
“Abby. I’m not disgusted, angry, or disappointed. But you are starting to piss me off by not looking at me.”
She slowly lifted her head and even though I had said I wasn’t upset with her, she didn’t believe it. Tears were in her eyelids, ready to fall.
“I know you wish I wasn’t the mother to your child right now,” she whispered up at me. “I get it. I’m not angry with you about it. Now you understand why it is better if I give him or her up. You can move onto your new charter and well, I’m heading back north with Drake.”
“You’re leaving with Drake?” I don’t know what pissed me off more, the fact she was willingly running away with my brother or the fact she was so settled on the idea of giving my child up.
“As soon as I’m packed, I’m out of here.”
“You aren’t going anywhere.”
“I’m not your problem now. I ended us months ago. Your responsibility of me ended then.”
I shook my head. “You couldn’t end us because my feelings for you don’t just go away. So stop pushing me away.”
“But….” She looked up at me as if I was crazy. And I was crazy. Crazy in love with her that it was laughable. “I don’t get it, why the hell do you want to be with me? I’m not the same girl you liked. I’m…” She shook her head. “Lost. Hollow. A cold, hard bitch. You said that one yourself.”
“I’m sorry about that.” I was so terribly sorry for ever yelling at her. For all the things I had said to her when she was just doing what she had to do. “But I told you once before Abby, I love you. And I meant it. Nothing you can do will stop me loving you. So the question is, do you still love me?”
That’s what it came down to, didn’t it? Did she still want to be with me? I loved her to pieces but if she didn’t love me back, then it was a pointless battle.
Tears ran down her cheeks and she just looked at me, stunned.
“Abby, it’s a simple question.”
Yes or no. That’s all I was after.
Tears kept falling down her cheeks and as much as I wanted to wipe them away, I needed to know that she wanted me to be there for her like that.
“I told you.” She inhaled quickly and exhaled slowly. “I love you unconditionally.”
“Still?”
“Yes, still.”
I got my answer and I wiped the tears off her cheeks. “You’ve put me through hell the last couple of months.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t have a choice.” She gripped my hand that was on her cheek. “I am so terribly sorry, Kade.”
“You should have come to me.”
“I didn’t see that as an option.”
“Well, it’s sorted now.” I ran my other hand down her back and she came to me with ease. “Blake won’t dare go near you now.”
“What do you mean by now?” She pulled her head off my chest and looked up at me. “What did you do?”
“Just made sure he realized he was fucking with something that was mine.”
“Kade. Please tell you didn’t go and beat him up or something, because he will just come after me again.”
“He isn’t coming near you.” I think I had made my point clear when it came to Blake. He knew to back off. “And if he does, you have to tell me.” I dipped my head, looking her in the eye. “No more lying.”
She nodded her head. “Ok.”
“Now we have an appointment.”
“What appointment?”
My hand went to her stomach. “I may have booked you in for an ultrasound.”
She groaned. “I’m sick of those things. Didn’t you get the pictures I was shoving under your door? Or did they just get lost in all the rubbish in your room?” She gave me a knowing look.
“I got every single one.” Still had the latest one in my wallet.
“So why do you need more?”
“We aren’t going for more pictures. We are going because I want to know if I’m having a son or a daughter.” I grinned at her. By the look on her face, she wasn’t expecting that.
“How did you even book me in? You haven’t been to one of my appointments!”
“The father does have some pull. And I may have used my charm.” I shrugged.
“So you admit you have charm when it comes to women!” She poked me in the chest. “I knew you knew what you were doing this whole time.”
I took her hand. “Come on. I want to know what we are having.”
“How did you know I was going to get back together with you?” She looked generally interested in the answer.
“Luck.”
And for once, it was on my side. I never had any when it came to cards, and the record of my life was a clear indicator that luck was never on my side. So when I was betting everything on her still feeling something for me, the lou
der side of me was saying there wasn’t a chance with my track record.
But somehow, luck was on my side. Because I couldn’t think of one other reason for her to have this unconditional love for me. Fuck, she loved me. Still. And she was pregnant with my child.
I’d never take Abby for granted again. I had lost her once, well, twice. And now I had her back. I was never letting her go. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I touched her stomach and my baby.
She’d have me forever. Even if she didn’t want me.
***
“Can you stop looking at me like that?” Abby rolled her eyes and whacked my leg. “Pay attention to the road.”
“A boy.” I grinned at her. “We’re having a boy.”
She shook her head, her eyes widening at me like she was ready to tell me off. “Will you stop looking at me like that!”
“A boy, Abby.”
“Yes, I was there for the ultrasound as well.” She playfully smirked at me. “But you wouldn’t think that the way you keep repeating yourself.”
“Still. A fucking boy.”
She groaned. “Seriously, can you say anything else?”
“How about I love you? Can I say that?” I reached for her hand. “And how fucking happy I am that you are back with me.”
“If that is your way of saying you missed me, then I missed you too.” Abby leaned her head against the window. “I really don’t want to go back.”
“Why?”
“Because Dad will know about Blake, and I’m really not in the mood for a fight. I swear all my body needs is sleep.”
“I’ll handle your dad.”
She scoffed. “Yeah, because he is totally going to listen to you. No, he will want to question me personally and most likely in front of everyone.”
I didn’t like the way Abby thought that it was acceptable for her dad to yell at her in front of anyone. Like she was a member and deserved to be told off. Roach and her had fought more than talked the last few months, and I knew that would be hard on Abby. She loved her dad. Hell, look at what she had done to keep the old man alive.
Surely he wouldn’t be that hard on her.
“Well, I won’t leave you while you get your lecture.” I kissed the back of her hand.
“You would think by now I’d be used to it.”
“He doesn’t have all the facts. So he will be more questioning you than yelling.”
“It’s Dad. He speaks at one volume, and that is shouting.”
I pulled into the lot. “Maybe once he knows he is having a grandson, he won’t be as hard on you.”
“I’m glad it’s a boy. Hopefully he is nothing like me.”
“Abby!”
“What? I’m a terrible role model. Everything I start, I fail, and if I don’t fail at it, I screw it up. I’m basically a walking screw-up. You should be thankful it’s not a girl.”
“You aren’t a walking screw-up.”
“Reaper, I just spent months killing people on weekends.” She looked me in the eye, and what I saw in hers pulled on my heart. The regret was painted on it, but what was clearer was the emptiness. She looked hollow. The emotion and love that normally shone in her eyes wasn’t there.
“You normally call me Kade.” I hated it when she called me Reaper. I usually hated being called Kade, but from her lips, that’s all I wanted to hear.
She nodded her head. “Sorry. I should head in and get this over with Dad.” She pulled her hand away from me, opened the door, and got out.
How could I get Abby back to herself? I couldn’t make her love herself again. I didn’t know how to do that. But that emptiness that shone in her eyes. That scared the hell out of me. I didn’t know if it was possible to get her back.
She might be walking and talking, but she wasn’t my Abby.
How the hell did I get her back? She hasn’t mentioned giving the baby up again, but I didn’t know if I had completely talked her out of the idea. Especially not when she was saying crap like she was a walking screw-up and failed at everything.
I caught up to her just before the clubhouse door shut.
“YOU!” Roach roared from across the bar, pointing a finger at her.
She froze in front of me.
“Roach, she has had a rough couple of days. Do you really need to yell at her right now?” I stepped in his path before he reached her.
“Not yelling. I need to talk to my daughter. So move!” Roach pushed me firmly out of the way.
I was expecting him to start lashing out at her. I think that’s what she expected as well, but Roach calmly took her hand.
“Need to talk, sweetheart. Come with me.” He pulled on her hand.
It reminded me of when he had spoken to her after she dyed Kim’s hair red. Gentle. Kind. Nothing like how he had been treating her.
Abby looked at me with wide eyes, as if she was so stunned she didn’t know what to do but follow his lead. I gave her a reassuring smile before she disappeared behind Roach’s study door.
Chapter 21
Abby
Ok, did I miss the part where my dad was kidnapped by an alien? Maybe I was too busy with my own life to have realized. But Dad was not acting like the dad that I had known for over the last month. He calmly listened to everything I said. Nodded his head and when I stopped, he prompted me to keep going.
I explained everything, starting with when Daniels visited me at the hospital and Blake had sent me those red roses.
I didn’t leave any details out. I highlighted the kills, even told him about what happened with the young boy. I told him everything right up to last night and what I threatened Blake with.
“So there, you know everything.” I leaned back in one of his leather chairs. “You can start yelling at me about how stupid I was to do it on my own. Hell, yell at me for killing those people. I deserve it.”
He looked at me with a calm expression. Why was he so calm? I expected him to be throwing things by now.
“I’m sorry,” he said, looking like I had just slapped him with cold water. “I’m so sorry to put you through all this, Abby.”
“I’d do it again,” I sighed. “If it meant you kept breathing. I couldn’t tell you, I knew as soon as I did, Blake would pull the deal and you would end up where he wanted you.”
“I would have faced my death willingly, Abby.”
“And I saved you from having to face it willingly.”
“I’ve been hard on you the last few months.”
“Yeah well, I haven’t been a ray of fucking sunshine, and I’ve been hanging out with your enemy. When I’m not doing something stupid, I’m about to.” The regret of my decisions captured my face. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’ve really let you down.”
Was there any other way to put it? Dad wanted us girls to break free from this lifestyle and instead of doing that, I made headlines with my kill shot.
“You back with Reaper?”
“I honestly don’t know.” I ran a hand through my hair. “He wants this baby and he says he wants me but…”
“But?”
I looked up from glaring at the carpet and looked him in the eye. All my emotions that I’ve been trying to keep a lid on surfaced in my eyes and face. “But what if I’ve drowned this baby in sadness? Because I can’t say I’ve been happy. I’ve been killing people,” I scoffed, wiping tears off my cheeks. “I’ve failed as a mother before I’ve even started.”
“Don’t say that, Abby.”
“IT’S TRUE!” I yelled at him. “I’ve taken something good and I’ve done nothing but feed it bad vibes, and it’s not like I’ve been looking after myself. I’m not eating. I’m not sleeping. And when I’m awake, I’m either thinking about the next kill or doing the killing and regretting it.”
Only Dad could get what I really thought of myself out of me. My major fear. What if I had killed this baby with sadness? Drowning it with negativity. Well not it, him.
“It’s a boy too,” I said. “So it’s your grandson
I’ve been mistreating.”
“We can change that as of now.” Dad moved around the desk and pulled the chair out next to me. “It’s my fault you have been so unwell and dealing with all this shit. Now I’m going to help you recover.”
“I don’t think you come back from something like this.”
“You do, sweetheart. It’s called time.” He took my hand. “You’ll always feel guilty. Some nights you won’t be able to sleep without replaying the images in your head. But you will come back from this, Abby. Look at what Reaper’s done for this club. He might be hollow after it, but he always comes back.”
The tears just slid down my cheeks. Dad had a point. Reaper did always come back. But I had seen him when he lost himself. I had helped him back, hadn’t I? Was it possible for me to come back from this? I honestly didn’t know anymore.
“A grandson is something to celebrate.”
“Any reason to grip a beer, right Dad?” I wiped the tears off my cheek.
“You going to keep him?”
I looked at him, slightly surprised. “How did you know I was even considering giving him up?”
“Kim told me. But seeing you’re back with Reaper, I am guessing you are keeping the baby?”
“I don’t think I deserve him or deserve to be his mother. As for being with Kade, I don’t know. I don’t understand what he sees in me. Because I’m so far gone from the girl I used to be.”
“He sees what I see in you.” Dad leaned in closer to me. “Home and shit doesn’t feel right when you are away from each other. Life stops. But when you are back together, all the stuff that happens while you’re apart doesn’t matter. All that matters is the love you feel and the peace you give him.”
I bit my bottom lip. “So you are telling me to keep the baby and be with him? I don’t deserve a happy ending.”
“In your case, it’s not your ending, it’s your beginning.” Dad stood up. “Now I want you to stop crying. Eat something and get some sleep.”
Sleep. I knew it wouldn’t happen. I couldn’t stop seeing that ten-year-old boy’s body drop on the fall and feeling his blood spray over me.
