by CJ Roberts
Livvie didn’t seem to have much of an adjusting issue at all. She explained she was used to a house full of loud people. If anything, she sometimes didn’t like the size of the house. She said it was so big it felt empty sometimes. However, Claudia and Rubio practically lived with us, so that didn’t last very long. On the days Livvie needed to be alone, she was usually upstairs writing on her laptop.
I was ever changing and discovered that while some things would always make me uncomfortable—Livvie’s new phone-relationship with her mother, meeting new people, attending film festivals (I love Livvie, but some of those people are so dull!), and explaining my lack of actual employment—I was happy being James. Admittedly, there were moments when I missed my former life, but for the most part I was becoming more comfortable with my new life and the things that came with it: Livvie, friends, and… birthdays.
Livvie was impatiently waiting for me once I reached the bottom of the stairs. She’d made small pancakes with strawberries and bacon. They were arranged in a smile on my plate.
“I was expecting a bowl of cereal,” I quipped.
“Don’t worry, I’m saving that for tomorrow,” she replied. She came around the counter and put her hands on my face. “Happy birthday, Sexy.” She pressed her lips to mine. She tasted like orange juice and syrup. I chased the sweetness of her tongue, pulling her toward me until I felt her go soft in my arms.
Livvie once told me I stole her breath when we kissed. She said it was as though I filtered the very air she breathed into her lungs. I thought it was more of her flowery words. However, once the thought was planted in my mind, I began to pay particular attention. Yes, I felt something too. I loved the moment Livvie gave herself to me. She became nothing but her instincts. She swayed. She whimpered. She rubbed against me.
I let my hands travel down her back and over her rounded ass. I pulled up her skirt. I was seconds away from putting my thumbs in her panties and pulling them down when my efforts were thwarted.
“No, Sexy, not right now.” She put her hands behind her in an attempt stop my mauling.
“Yes,” I said. “Right now.” I grabbed her hands and held them in my left. With my free hand I began slipping her panties down. I placed sucking kisses across her shoulder.
“James,” she groaned. “The windows.”
I sighed.
“Dammit! I’m putting in drapes. Today!” I said, exasperated. What did I have to do to get laid on my birthday?
Livvie pulled away and righted her clothing.
“Don’t be upset.” She kissed me quickly before she scurried back into the kitchen to get her own breakfast. “You’ll have plenty of time to play ‘Kitten’s been a naughty girl’ later. I promise.”
“We better,” I grumbled. I picked up a piece of bacon and put it in my mouth. Rafiq wasn’t what one would call a devout Muslim, but I was pretty sure he would roll over in his grave at the sight of me devouring bacon. I, for one, really enjoyed it in moderation. “So what do you have planned for me today? Please tell me it doesn’t involve leaving the house.”
Livvie glared at me ruefully.
“Don’t be such a geezer, Sexy. Let’s get out of here and have some fun.”
“I hate fun.”
Livvie laughed.
“You would. Good thing you’ll never have to put out a personal ad.” She assumed her ridiculous parody of my voice. “Hey, I’m James. I’m twenty-eight years old. I enjoy kicks to the face, having sex on kitchen counters, stalking my girlfriend, and telling kids to get off my lawn. I also hate fun. If you do too, hit me up.” She was nearly doubled over while laughing at her own joke.
“I do not stalk you… anymore. Also, I’ve never yelled at anyone to get off our lawn.”
“What about Claudia?”
“The front yard is not a place to tan.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the memory of turning the sprinklers on Claudia. She’d been mad as a hornet. I’d let her process her anger on the porch before Livvie let her back inside.
Livvie and I joked a lot over breakfast. Livvie is the only person I know who can make me furious one second and laugh the next. She likes to say I’m contrary, but I feel the same dichotomy is present in her. I suppose it keeps things interesting.
Livvie could not have planned a more perfect day. To begin, she assured me we would be spending the day alone. As much as I had come to like Claudia and Rubio, the only person I wanted to spend my first birthday with was Livvie. I never had to pretend with her. I could be myself—whoever that happened to be from one moment to the next.
Livvie was full of charm and whimsy. Since I’d missed out on so many birthdays, she was determined to show me what I’d missed. The first place she took me to was a go-kart racing track. Though small, the karts could reach speeds of up to forty-five miles an hour. Livvie won four out of seven races—she weighs less than me, so her car was inevitably faster. All things being equal, I’m sure I could have won every time. Of course, Livvie didn’t quite see it that way. She is a very sore winner.
After go-karts, we ate pizza and played video games in the arcade upstairs. Livvie was no match for me when it came to shooting games, and I think we spent close to thirty Euros pumping change into a game called Area 51. If the earth is ever attacked by aliens, you’re welcome to stand behind me.
By early evening, we were just finishing up eighteen holes of glow-in-the-dark mini golf. I was having one of the best days of my life and was spending it with the best person in my life. I couldn’t wait to get Livvie home and express my gratitude to her for being everything I needed and far more than I deserved.
“You can’t do that, Pet. You’re cheating.” I glared at Livvie as she picked up her ball and reset it on the mat.
“You distracted me. I should get to try again. It’s the last hole.” She stuck her tongue out.
“I distracted you while I was standing here being quiet?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll let you try again if you tell me you love me.” I smiled my most wicked smile. The one I liked to give her just before I stripped her down and had my filthy way.
“You first,” she said with a grin. She hit the ball and it rolled part way up the green before it failed to make it over the ice cream hill and rolled back toward her.
I laughed.
“That’s what you get.” Livvie kept hitting her ball until she made it into the hole. She was a sore winner and a very quiet loser.
“Are you hungry?” she asked as we were leaving.
“Not really. We’ve had a lot of junk.” I hit the unlock button to the BMW.
“Well, just say you’re hungry so I can suggest a place for dinner.” She grinned.
“I’m starving!” I said.
“Me too! Luckily, I know of this new Italian place that opened up. We should go there.”
I opened the door for Livvie and she gave me a kiss on the cheek before she got inside. I slid behind the wheel, and as I put the vehicle in gear to leave the parking lot, Livvie’s hand was already on my thigh. She explained where to go while her fingers gently stroked me.
“Thank you, Kitten,” I whispered.
“You’re welcome, Sexy. Are you enjoying your birthday?”
“Immensely. I think tomorrow I’m going to try and find that arcade game.” Retirement had opened me up to new hobbies. I discovered I really like video games.
“Men,” Livvie scoffed. “You better not start ignoring me.” She was pouting, but her heart wasn’t in it.
“You’re the one who encouraged me to get a PlayStation. I’m not the only bad influence in this vehicle.” I casually put my hand on top of hers and held it the twenty minutes it took to get to the restaurant. When we arrived, I realized Livvie had lied to me about spending the entire day alone. Claudia and Rubio were already waiting to be seated. They held bags in their hands.
Claudia appeared giddy, and after hugging Livvie, she tossed herself at me.
“Happy birthday!” She planted a kiss on e
ach of my cheeks. I begrudgingly returned the embrace and the kisses. Claudia is a good friend, and though I hate to admit it, I’d do most anything for her and Rubio.
Rubio shook my hand and wished me a happy birthday. He was wearing a pink shirt with grey pinstripes beneath a dark grey sweater and black slacks. It wasn’t bad actually—for a moment he had me contemplating pink. Then I realized the shade matched the summer dress Claudia was wearing and I scrapped the idea. Livvie and I will never wear matching outfits. No!
“There is a fair in town. Claudia and I are going after dinner. You’re welcome to come with us if you don’t have other plans,” Rubio said on the way to our table.
I looked ahead at Livvie, who was busy gabbing with Claudia about beating me at go-kart racing. She conveniently didn’t supply the results of our shooting spree or mini-golf tournament. I smirked.
“We’ll probably head home after dinner. I have one last gift waiting for me and I’m eager to open it.”
Rubio blushed.
“I… yeah, ok.” I nudged him with my shoulder and we laughed.
We ordered appetizers and salad since no one was particularly hungry. The restaurant was quaint and quiet. Most likely it was owned and operated by a single family. The food tasted homemade and was delicious. I almost wished I hadn’t eaten so much pizza earlier, but it was difficult to regret any part of the day I’d had.
“Is it time for gifts? I’m so excited!” Claudia clapped her hands.
“I had to buy her that dress earlier. She always wants a present when someone else is getting one.” Rubio laughed and kissed Claudia’s bare shoulder. She didn’t have the decency to look embarrassed and I found myself enjoying that aspect of her personality the best. With Claudia, what you saw was the truth. It’s more than I could say about most.
“Do you want to open presents?” Livvie asked. She wriggled her eyebrows at me.
“I suppose.” I feigned disinterest.
Claudia shoved her gift toward me first. It was a slender box and weighed practically nothing, but Claudia was nearly bursting with held laughter and excitement. I was instantly suspicious. Especially when she said to Livvie, “You have to make him wear it.”
I tore away the paper and lifted the lid off of the box. I stared and stared and stared some more.
“What the hell is this?” I laughed. I shook the box and two plastic eyes wiggled around.
“Take it out,” Livvie suggested. She had her hand over her mouth to hide her grin.
I obliged the group and regretted it. I had to smile though. It was funny and just the right touch of embarrassing. It was underwear.
“I assume I’m supposed to put my um… in the trunk of the elephant? Very clever. Rubio, do you also have a pair?” I tossed them onto his lap and he picked them up between thumb and forefinger. He slung them back at me.
“Sorry, friend. I don’t do animal prints.” We all laughed.
I received a new video game featuring the Mario Brothers from Rubio. I didn’t know much about the game at the time, but let me assure you that many a day has been spent acquainting myself with the famous plumbers since.
“I’ll be right back,” Livvie said as she stood. “Claudia has my present for you. Open it.” She kissed me and walked away before I could ask where she was going.
The box from Livvie was large and I ripped into it. I laughed hard when I saw the contents. Claudia was out of her seat and hovering over my shoulder. Rubio stayed in his seat but was trying to peer into the box. There was a piece of paper that read: Sexy’s Kung-fu Boo-Boo Kit. Inside were rolls of bandages, band-aids, butterfly stiches, a bottle of peroxide, bath salts, a hand-made massage coupon entitling me to a “full body rub down (with happy ending)”, and hand wraps “specifically designed for boxers.”
I still had a smile on that could crack my face when the singing started. I looked up from my box and Livvie was walking toward me. The restaurant staff was carrying an entire tray of cupcakes with candles in them. They sang:
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday dear, James.
Happy birthday to you.
I stood up and reached for Livvie. She kissed me and whispered in my ear.
“One cupcake for every birthday, my love, and one more for good luck.”
I couldn’t stop staring at her as she pulled away. I love you, I wanted to say, but my throat felt closed and I was afraid of what would come out. There were tears in her eyes, and if I’d been a weaker man, there would have been tears in mine.
“What are you waiting for, the building to burn down?” Claudia chided. “Blow them out!”
I smiled, though I felt on the verge of falling apart. I kissed Livvie on her forehead and let my lips linger long enough for her to feel the depth of my appreciation. Then, for the first time I could remember, I blew out my birthday candles.
Chapter Fifteen
“Tell me how you feel.” I ran the leather tongue of the riding crop along Livvie’s outstretched arm. I watched as she shivered. The tiny hairs on her arm stood on end.
Livvie opened her mouth to speak, stopped, swallowed, and then replied.
“Excited,” she said. She shivered again and the leather straps that held her in place on the cross creaked. There wouldn’t be any kicking or flailing to interrupt me this time.
“Was that your first thought? I don’t think it was.” I continued down her arm and over her shoulder. I knew she liked it when I kissed her down her spine. I let the crop caress her where my lips typically would.
We hadn’t done this before, not as lovers. I had my doubts about doing it at all, but she insisted. Her book was nearly finished. She’d been working on it more aggressively in the weeks leading up to her request. Between Livvie’s writing, work, and school schedule, I’d hardly spent any time with her since my birthday. She needed this, she said. She needed to remember how it felt. She needed to recreate it.
I didn’t want her to remember. I didn’t want to remember. Yet, there I was, crop in hand. It was a pull too compelling to resist. I wouldn’t use the belt. I wouldn’t leave the marks I’d left the first time. If Livvie could re-imagine the events of our past, I could too. I could give her pain and pleasure. I could finally let the fading ghost of our past die and rest in peace. It was time for us to go on living.
I tapped her gently on her flank. She jumped.
“I asked you a question. Was excited your first response?”
“No,” she whispered. “I’m… I’m afraid.”
Yes, she was afraid. I’d learned her fear very well. In fact, I consider myself a connoisseur of fear. I know there are as many varieties of fear as there are colors in a rainbow. Livvie was afraid, but it was a brand of fear I very much enjoyed.
“Fear is part of it.” I slapped at her inner thighs gently. I liked the sound it made. “You’re defenseless. You’re vulnerable. You’re completely at my mercy.” I stood behind her, unmoving, and I smelled her fear. True to her word, there was excitement as well. I leaned in and kissed the shell of her ear. “You. Are. Mine. Say it for me.”
She sagged in her bonds. Her head fell on my shoulder and she nuzzled against me.
“I’m yours, Caleb.” I was always Caleb while she was vulnerable. My name on her tongue reminded me of slipping into a worn pair of shoes. I’d been called Caleb most of my life, and were it not for Livvie, the name would be lost to me. Caleb had done horrible things—he’d been a monster—but he’d also allowed James to survive. Caleb deserved to live. I could be both men. I am both men.
I stepped back and took in the sight in front of me piece by piece. Her long mane of ebony hair cascaded down her slender back. I couldn’t wait to hold it as I fucked her. I’d put her in red satin. Every miniscule movement caused the red fabric to shift and offer a different tantalizing bit of skin. The panties were scant. The meaty flesh of her backside appeared plumper by way of the cut. With her legs spread open on the X-shaped cross, I co
uld catch glimpses of her pussy when she tried to adjust. Thick black straps made of leather held her in place at wrists and ankles.
My heart raced at the thought of whipping her. There was the hum of guilt living within me, but my baser urges banged like a drum in my veins. She was mine. She’d given herself to me, and I would take possession of her as surely as she had taken possession of my battered soul. The void in me had been filled by her love and forgiveness. All that she asked was that I give her all I had in me to give: my heart, my soul, my love, my secrets, my loyalty, and my whip hand.
I took her quickly and unaware across the bottom of her ass. Livvie’s scream rent the air. James flinched at the sound, but Caleb’s blood sang. I am both men.
Livvie’s scream died just as suddenly as it had been born. Her lips were pressed together. Her hands were fisted above the leather straps holding her in place. A red stripe decorated her hindquarters.
“Tell me how you feel,” I grated. I ran a hand along her quivering backside. I could already feel the welt.
“I…”Livvie croaked. “I don’t know.”
“Do you want me to continue?” I already knew the answer. I wanted her to know it too.
“Yes, Caleb.” There was confidence in her voice.
“Anything for you, Pet.” I did show mercy. I caressed her behind with my hand until I felt her muscles relax into my touch. “Let’s start with more familiar ground.” I raised my hand and slammed it forward. I hit one cheek first and then the other in rapid succession. I wanted her nice and warm before I used the crop again.
If Livvie could have moved, she’d have been up on her toes. I’d spanked her harder and not encountered quite so much movement, but it was my belief that restraints often invited slaves to thrash to their hearts’ content. I had to remind myself Livvie had only ever played at the part of slave. She was mine of her own free will.
I stayed my hand from continuing to spank Livvie, but I did not keep it idle. Within seconds, my heated fingers wormed their way beneath the scrap of satin only just concealing her pussy. Her hips pushed back to meet me before she had a thought in her head. I liked that.
