“You would do that?” he asked, incredulous. “You would give up what was surely a very attractive offer because of me?”
Alexander nodded. “Aye,” he replied. “Gates, I could not marry the woman knowing you loved her. It would not be right.”
Gates lingered on the words, on the nobility of Alexander’s attitude. He was deeply stunned but also deeply touched. “But…,” he ventured, “I truly have no idea what to say to all of this. I am genuinely speechless.”
Alexander simply lifted his shoulders. “If the situation was reversed, could you marry the woman I loved?”
Gates shook his head. “Of course not,” he said. “But I… I must admit something. I have seen you with Kathalin over the past few days and I have seen when you’ve spoken to her, and I will admit that my heart was full of jealousy. I have never known such feelings before and they were difficult to stomach. I feel like such a fool for having been jealous. What you are doing now… this gesture of unselfishness… it is the greatest sacrifice I have ever known. But I must ask you a question, Alexander, for my own sake… are you sure you want to do this?”
“It would mean nothing to me knowing that I made you miserable. No bride, nor dowry, is worth that kind of anguish.”
“Then you are positive?”
“Absolutely.” Alexander eyed him a moment, trying to read his mood. “You are not angry with me? Or my parents?”
Gates shook his head. “Why should I be?” he asked. “None of this was done to spite me.”
Alexander sighed, with great relief. “Nay, it was not,” he said. “But I still thought you would take my head off for this. I was fully prepared to run for my life.”
Gates could see how shaken Alexander was. This situation had him reeling just as it had Gates reeling. To share such a thing with Alexander was a bonding moment almost as much as battle had been. Truly, they were brothers in many respects.
“I would never be angry with you about this,” he said. “You did not invite this betrothal. We know that this entire coming celebration has been to entice unattached men to vie for Kathalin’s hand; Jasper has made no secret of his intentions. Nay, Alex, I cannot blame you for anything. But does Kathalin know any of this?”
Alexander shook his head. “Jasper sent me to fetch her to meet my parents but instead I came to find you,” he said. “Jasper is expecting her in the hall.”
Gates’ attention moved towards the great hall situated on the south side of the fortress. “Are your parents still with him?”
“They were when last I saw them.”
Gates quickly considered the situation and his options. “I do not want Kathalin to go into the hall just now, for obvious reasons,” he said. “She is still in the garden. I will go and tell her to retreat to her chamber and then you will go to the hall and tell Jasper that I need his counsel. Bring him to me in the gatehouse, in my chamber there. We will speak with him then, in private and away from your parents. We must do it before he makes any announcements or arrangements.”
Alexander nodded as the two of them began heading in the direction of the hall. “If I know my mother, she is already writing missives to relatives, inviting them to my wedding,” he said, eyeing Gates. “She will be greatly disappointed, Gates. I am doing all of this at the risk of upsetting my mother, who has been known to become quite irate when provoked. You will have to stay away from her for a time when she finds out I refused this marriage for you.”
They reached the point in the bailey where Gates would split off and head for the garden. He paused, facing Alexander.
“Mayhap she will understand that you refused on the basis of true love,” he remarked, walking away, still facing Alexander, even as he headed for the garden gate behind him. “Not many men would do what you are doing. Surely she cannot become overly upset about that.”
Alexander lifted his eyebrows ominously. “You do not know my mother very well.”
“Then tell her I shall name my first daughter after her,” he said. “Mayhap that will soothe her.”
Alexander shook his head and turned for the hall. “It will not work,” he said. “She will only say that your daughter should have been her grandchild.”
Gates grinned as he came to a halt. “Mayhap,” he said, his expression becoming soft with gratitude. “Thank you, Alex. For this… for what you are about to do… you have my deepest thanks.”
Alexander, a normally arrogant man, seemed uncharacteristically reserved. “You would do it for me.”
“Aye, I would.”
Alexander simply smiled, as if that was good enough for him, and turned in the direction of the hall. Gates watched him go for a moment before turning around and making haste for the walled garden. He debated how much to tell Kathalin about the situation and opted, out of fairness to her, to tell her everything. She needed to know what her father had done, and who Henry and Elreda de Lohr were, so she would not be blindsided by any comments or confusion regarding a broken betrothal. It was only right she know the conflict she might be facing.
Nervous.
He felt nervous, edgy that Jasper had already betrothed Kathalin to his good friends and allies, the de Lohrs, and edgy that Jasper would not back down when confronted by him and by Alexander. Jasper was a stubborn man and did not like to be questioned, and Gates was more than certain he was going to have an uphill battle convincing Jasper that he would make a fine husband for Kathalin. Even without the de Lohr betrothal, the task was going to prove difficult. Now, he had even more of an obstacle than simply his roguish reputation.
Your sins will find you out.
He wasn’t quite sure why he thought of those words at just that moment, but somehow, they seemed appropriate. He’s spent most his adult life running from one sin to another, breaking hearts and leaving sadness in his wake. Perhaps those sins were about to catch up to him when Jasper denied his suit for Kathalin, punishment from God for all of those years of being selfish. He and God had never had a particularly good relationship, as he’d told Alexander, but it wasn’t as if he hated God or had no use for Him. It was simply that he didn’t much care so he went through life doing as he pleased.
Now, that lack of faith and respect for living a pious and clean life was about to catch up to him. He just had a very bad feeling about all of it.
A bad feeling that his sins were about to find him out.
And punish him.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
What do girls daydream for when they marry? A home? A handsome husband? Do they wish for babies? I think I would like to have a garden… and I would like for our home to be near a church where I can teach Bible stories to the children. And mayhap I would like for my mother to come with us. She does not seem happy here, confined as she is. Mayhap if she comes with us, I can help her affliction. Mayhap I will come to know her better… is there hope that we could even become close?
All of these thoughts were running through Kathalin’s head as she crouched next to a sprig of lavender that was trying desperately to come to life. After Gates had left her, she had continued assessing the garden but her thoughts wandered to the inevitable ideas of the future with Gates. He loved her. She was still overwhelmed with their conversation, with the reality of the situation, and it was something that brought a smile to her face even as she fussed with the dirt and dead weeds.
It was true!
Never in her life had she dreamed of a home and family, or of a husband, but over the past few weeks her life had changed so drastically that she was now thinking of such things. Truthfully, it wasn’t hard to feel happy about it, either. Even though she was not going to return to St. Milburga’s to take her vows, she truly didn’t mind at all. She considered Gates a fair trade-off. As she’d told him, she could never go back to St. Milburga’s now that they had declared their feelings for each other. It was so strange that her entire outlook on life had changed so much to the point where St. Milburga’s was no longer her location of preference.
It was
wherever Gates happened to be.
Gates. Her smile grew as she thought of him, of his massive shoulders and powerful arms. He had a smile that lit up the room as if the sun itself was shining down upon them, and his voice… God’s Bones, his voice was smooth and deep, like the finest wine. She could drink it all day and all night. She couldn’t even remember the days when she had sworn to hate the man, when he had dragged her out of St. Milburga’s bound hand and foot. At this moment, the man she had met at St. Milburga’s seemed like a totally different person, certainly not the man she had warmed up to and fallen in love with.
Life was funny that way.
As she daydreamed of a future with her chosen knight and inspected the little, green growth in the dirt at her feet, the garden gate opened again. She could hear it creak and slam back against the wall. Turning, she saw that Gates had returned and she stood up, happy to see him once again, her heart fluttering wildly in her chest at the sight of him. He was back so soon but it also seemed as if he had been gone an eternity. Any time away from him now seemed like forever. Brushing the dirt off her hands, she made her way towards him.
“Well?” she demanded softly, conscious that Mary, the servant, was still in the garden, over in the corner helping identify the shoots. “Did you speak with my father?”
Gates looked at her, the hopeful expression on her face, and he felt incredibly sad. The entire walk over to the garden, he had felt nothing but determination and confidence, but now that he saw Kathalin’s expression, that determination and confidence was joined by sorrow. He was so very sorry for what he had to tell her, sorry for the upset it would undoubtedly cause.
Even though he wasn’t entirely sure how Jasper would respond to his plea for Kathalin’s hand now that the de Lohrs held the marital contract, he was fairly certain Jasper wouldn’t jump for joy. There was some doubt there, as there had always been, but he didn’t want Kathalin to see it. It was imperative she see his positive attitude, as if they could conquer the world together, Jasper included.
Reaching out, he took her hand and began to lead her to a stone bench over near the western wall of the garden.
“Come with me,” he said quietly.
Kathalin eagerly took his hand. “Gladly,” she said. “What did my father say?”
Gates didn’t say anything for a moment. “I have not yet spoken to him,” he said as he took her to the bench. “I have not yet had the opportunity. I have, however, just come from a very interesting conversation with Alex that you and I must discuss. It concerns us both.”
Kathalin held on to his hand tightly with both of hers. He didn’t seem concerned as he spoke but she was naturally curious. “What do you and I have to do with Alexander?” she asked.
They reached the bench, partially shaded by a winter-dead birch tree. He indicated for her to sit. “As of an hour ago, quite a bit,” he told her, sitting down beside her. He continued to hold her hand, gazing into those bright blue eyes and starting to feel some angst. It was a struggle to control it. “As you know, your father has arranged for a celebration in honor of your return from St. Milburga’s with the purpose of finding you a husband. This is already an established fact.”
The pleasant expression on her face faded. “I know,” she said. “But why do you mention this? Has something happened to this regard?”
She was starting to get excited and he shushed her gently. “Nothing has happened as far as the celebration is concerned,” he said, being careful in how he delivered the following information. “As far as I know, it is still going on as planned. In fact, Alex’s parents arrived a short time ago and it would seem that your father has already made up his mind on who you should marry.”
Her eyes widened. “He what?” she gasped. “How is this possible?”
“That is simple,” he said, lowering his voice. “The de Lohrs have an eligible son. He has arranged for you to marry Alex.”
Kathalin’s reaction was instant. “De Lohr?” she said in outrage. “I cannot believe it!”
Gates held on to her hands tightly in an effort to keep her seated on the bench so she wouldn’t run off in a fit. It was imperative that she remain calm and listen to him, as he was trying very hard to stay calm himself.
“It is true,” he said quietly. “Alex came to tell me himself. He was there when your father made the offer to his parents and, according to Alex, his parents have accepted the contract.”
Kathalin simply stared at him, her features a mask of grief and horror. It seemed as if she wanted to protest more, to yell more, to deny further what she had been told, but she couldn’t muster the will. She knew that Gates would not lie to her about such a thing. As realization dawned, the horror left her expression and grief was all that was left. She shook her head, slowly.
“It cannot be,” she said hoarsely. “Please tell me this is a mistake.”
“It is not.”
“A misunderstanding, then!”
Gates sighed, caressing her hands. “I wish I could tell you that it was,” he said softly. “But it is the truth. You have been betrothed to Alex.”
Kathalin held his gaze a moment longer before closing her eyes against the devastating news and hanging her head in sorrow. “Oh, Gates,” she whispered. “This cannot be possible. I cannot believe my father has done this already. I thought we would have time… he spoke of finding me a husband but he never mentioned he already had someone in mind. And my mother – she said that she would give me the opportunity to give final approval over anyone they selected. Do you think she knows about this?”
Gates could only shrug his shoulders. “I do not know, sweetheart,” he said, feeling the anguish radiating from her. The sorrow was in her very veins, flowing through her and into him as he held her hands. “But let me speak on what Alex and I discussed; he came to me after Jasper made the offer and wanted to know what my feelings were for you. It seems that I have not been very discreet in my attentions towards you, sweetheart. Even though he already suspected, I told him the truth, that we love one another, and he has told me that he will refuse the contract. He does not wish to interfere in our feelings for one another. It is now our intention to go to Jasper whereupon Alex will refuse the marriage and I will ask for your hand. Between the two of us, I think we can convince Jasper to give his permission for us to wed. That is the plan, in any case, so I do not want you to lose heart. Promise me you will not despair.”
Kathalin was having great difficulty finding any hope in what he was saying. In fact, she was more upset over the fact that her mother gave her false hope that she would be able to approve a husband. That underlying fact seemed to eat at her.
“Then she lied to me,” Kathalin said. “My mother told me that I would have approval over a husband. She lied to me about it.”
Gates wondered if she even heard half of what he had said. “She may not have been given a choice,” he said. “Jasper may have acted without her consent or knowledge. Until you hear her side of it, do not be too quick to judge. Meanwhile, I want you to go up to your chamber and remain there until I come for you. I must have this out with your father and I need to know you are safely tucked away. Can you do this for me?”
She looked at him, confusion now mixed in with her grief. “Why must I be safely tucked away?”
He lifted hands, kissing them. “Because I do not trust what your father will do at this point,” he said. “He already surprised us with a betrothal to Alex and I do not want to return from my discussion with him to find out you have been stolen off to Lioncross Abbey. Technically, you belong to the House of de Lohr now and I do not want to find that they have taken you away. Therefore, go to your chamber, lock yourself in, and do not open it for anyone but me. Is that clear?”
She nodded seriously. “Not even Alexander?”
“Especially not him.”
Kathalin nodded in understanding, feeling incredibly devastated and disoriented by the situation. “Very well,” she said, depressed and struggling not to tear
up. “Then I will go and await word from you. Do you really think you can convince my father to change his mind, Gates? You said once before that he might not consider it given your reputation, but now that he has approached de Lohr with a marriage contract…?”
She trailed off and Gates endeavored not to let his doubt show. Confidence! He told himself. He had to appear confident, if only for Kathalin’s sake.
“Your father is rash at times but he is not daft,” he said. “He will listen to reason.”
“And if he does not, we will leave together and ride north, won’t we?” she insisted, seeking an affirmative answer. “Ultimately, it does not matter what my father says. We will still run away and be married.”
Gates heard his words reflected in her statement and, as she said them, he suddenly felt sick in the pit of his stomach. He had made that declaration assuming she would not be betrothed to anyone and most definitely not to Alexander. But the situation had changed, decidedly; were he to run off with the legal bride of Alexander de Lohr, the consequences could be devastating for them all.
First and foremost, Alexander would be shamed. It would be slander against him for another man, and especially a friend, to abscond with his bride whether or not Alexander wanted to marry the woman. The fact remained that she belonged to him. The House of de Lohr as well as the House of de Lara would have every reason to come after them, to wage war on the House of de Wolfe, and they’d have every right to take back what belonged to them. Gates could end up in the vault at Lioncross, or worse, and Kathalin would be returned to the House of de Lara in shame. The House of de Lohr would not want her after that, assuming she was compromised. She would be returned to her father and there was no telling what Jasper would do with her after all of that.
A quick marriage could avoid some of that because not even the church would intervene to dissolve a marriage, but that would not prevent the House of de Lohr and the House of de Lara from forever being at odds with the House of de Wolfe. De Wolfe and de Lohr had been allies for over one hundred and sixty years, very close allies in fact. If Gates were to run off with a de Lohr bride, all of that would be ruined.
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