“You’re right,” Sunny said again, relieved. “It wasn’t something I was expecting though. You know how your body just gives a big throb and then gets cold all over? That’s what happened to me. And the detectives were worried too. One of them was heading for the door, but then Cas eased up and started talking again.”
“I expect the detectives were as relieved as you were. It would have meant their jobs if Cas had followed through. I don’t think there was any danger of that though. Did it work? Did Ray talk?”
“He sure did. I thought Cas was going to attack him again. He didn’t like what he was hearing.”
* * * *
Raoul squealed like a stuck pig while he still had the air to do so. He was surprisingly easy to control. Raoul had always prided himself on his fighting ability despite his size. Bragged about it constantly, how he was an expert with a gun and trained in martial arts. He’d even showed the younger Cas a few holds. Now he was in an awkward position, sitting in a chair with his legs under a table and Cas’s size negated any moves he tried. Cas’s hands were like steel, his arm muscles corded with effort and nothing Raoul tried could break the hold on his head and neck.
“Casimiro…” he managed to choke out, “don’t kill me. I’ll talk, I’ll tell you.”
Cas eased up on his strangle hold. “Do it then,” he said grimly. “He killed her. He admitted it. What happened?”
“I can’t breathe…”
“It’s as good as it’s going to get until you give me what I’m wanting.”
“She walked in on us,” Raoul said in desperation. “She sees what she is not to be seeing.”
“You and my father?” Cas asked in surprise.
“Caramba no. The Don was not liking of the men. No, it was one of the maids…we were in the bed with her. Often he would let me have them after he had used them. He thought the Senora was out.”
“He killed her because she saw him fucking another woman,” Cas said skeptically.
“No,” Raoul answered quietly. “He killed her because she says she is taking you and leaving him. It is a matter of pride, you understand. The Don has much pride and never would he allow this to happen. He loses his temper. I tell the maid to vaya rapidamente , and the Don, he is never knowing which maid it is. He tells the Senora she is going nowhere, they have the argumento and in his passion, he breaks her neck.”
Cas’s hands tightened. Raoul choked, his chest heaving as he fought to draw air into his lungs. With a conscious effort, Cas managed to loosen his hold once again.
“The Don, he loves the Senora ,” Raoul insisted when he could speak. “He has the pride in her, the way she looks, her voice. She is a lady and the only one he thought fit to be his wife. He is devastated at what he has done. He allows me to see his tears.”
“How kind of him,” Cas grated. “El hijo de puta . Where is she, Raoul?”
“She is dead.”
“She is murdered. But there you were with a murdered body. How is it no one was arrested for her murder? Because no one knew, isn’t that so? Where is she, Raoul? Where is she buried?”
Raoul began to struggle desperately. “He made me do it. I had no choice.”
Cas became very still. “You didn’t bury her.” His voice was soft and deadly. “Did you. Did you?” Raoul’s head hit the back of the chair as Cas shook him like a rag doll. “What did you do with her, you slimy little rat?”
“Don’t hurt me,” Raoul whispered, shuddering.
“What did you do with her?”
“We did not have the time to be digging. The Don must leave for a very important meeting. Inmediatamente . So I…we…Jesus and me…we take her to the old well…she is in the old well. We board it up again and I say the prayer. I did say the prayer, Casimiro, I promise.”
Slowly Cas released his hold and withdrew to his own side of the table. “You stuffed her down a well,” he said, getting slowly to his feet. “You goddamned son of a bitch. You took away not only her life but her dignity.”
He turned to circle the table and stopped short as he caught a glimpse of a stranger in the mirror. The face was terrible to behold, a combination of grief and outrage and hate. The eyes were a bright green, almost luminescent as they blinked away unshed tears. With a jolt, he realized he was looking at himself. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but his revenge. His hands clenched into fists as he began to move again.
“You don’t deserve to live, you think I should feel sorry for you? I spit on you. I spit on you.”
* * * *
“I don’t know what might have happened,” Sunny said, “but one of the detectives, I believe his name was Bearden, seemed to have anticipated and he went in and thanked Cas for his help. Cas just stared at him for a minute, then he said ‘I hope you got what you wanted,’ and walked out the door. I found him waiting in the truck for me and he’s been brooding ever since. Father, I’m worried. I don’t know how to help him, he won’t talk, and now today he’s acting like nothing ever happened.”
“You have to give him time, Sunny. It’s a lot to assimilate.”
“He always thought she’d just walked out. In fact, it was me put the idea in his head that she might have been murdered. And oh God, I was right.” She buried her face in her hands and rubbed her stinging eyes.
“Then it’s doubly hard for him. He’s mourning all over again.”
“Will he always push people away when he’s hurting?”
“A lot of men do,” Father Yuri admitted. “But this is a rather special case, don’t you think? He has to readjust his thinking. I think you’ll find he’ll talk, just as soon as he gets it straight in his own mind. There’s a lot been happening to Cas and in a relatively short period of time. Cut him some slack.”
“I just want to comfort him, but he won’t allow it.”
“You need to come to terms with what happened too. Can you accept this side of Cas? I warn you, it’s a side most men have. The need to provide, to protect. The most easy going man can be provoked into violence, but it doesn’t mean it’ll become a habit with him. It just means he’s a man and he’ll react as a man. Can you accept that?”
“Yes. The way you’ve explained it…yes.” She smiled ruefully. “We’re still relatively new, aren’t we? I expect it’ll take time to really know each other. You can love someone without really knowing them. When you come to know them though, all their little quirks, how they’ll react to a situation, well, that’s when it’s forever. I learned with Jim it takes effort to make a relationship work. I intend for Cas and me to be forever. I love him, so I’ll accept him and I’ll accept him because I love him.”
“You’re a wise woman, Sunny.”
“Don’t know about that, I am a woman in love though. Thank you, Father for your insight, you’ve helped me a lot.”
“I have my moments,” Father Yuri said lightly, kissing his stola before neatly packing it away. “You tell Cas to come see me if he wants, I’m always there for him. Might be he’d feel more comfortable talking to a man.”
“He thinks you’re mystical,” Sunny smiled.
“Whatever’s mystical about me comes from God. I’m hoping to change his mind about God, you know. He really does work in mysterious ways.”
“May I have your blessing, Father?”
“Always.”
Sunny bowed her head.
Chapter 30
The dog days of summer had even the mountains in their hot and humid grasp. The acres of forest looked cool and inviting, but the dappled shade that gradually coalesced into dark shadows was misleading. Heat was trapped under the interlocking branches of the old forest growth, and the grasses in the alpine meadows were yellow and sere. The wild life moved as little as possible during the sultry summer days, crouching in their dens, panting against the hot, humid air. Wise people worked in the very early mornings, or late in the evening when the sun began its journey to the other side of the world.
Cas wasn’t feeling very wise these days, but he�
��d always felt contentment working with plants and the land. He couldn’t exactly call himself content now, but the work helped him to think, even if it couldn’t help him come to a decision.
He was aware he was shutting Sunny out, but couldn’t seem to help himself. It was a problem that had to be settled in his own mind without any other influence, not even Sunny’s. He’d worked off most of his grief and anger and had found some relief from the turmoil of his mind in Sunny’s body. He only hoped to God he hadn’t pushed her too far away and that she would understand. He would talk with her, as soon as he could come to some sort of understanding of himself.
He grunted as he picked up another rock, this one almost boulder size. His muscles trembled from the abuse. He’d been working them for most of the morning, hauling large rocks, picking them up and putting them down, then moving them again. It was becoming an obsession, but the rock garden was starting to take shape.
He could see it in his mind’s eye; different varieties of spreading ground covers blooming at different times so that there would always be color; perhaps something to accentuate the rocks; a vine, or Clay had mentioned something called Creeping Baby’s Breath.
He placed his rock, stood back and eyed it, then moved it several inches closer to another. Satisfied with the look, he rolled it over and started digging. Sweat drenched him, dripping off the end of his nose as he snugged the rock into its new home, turning it so that the best side, liberally covered with lichen, was exposed. He rose to his feet, stretched the kinks out of his back and only then noticed Father Yuri standing a short distance away, watching him.
Cas pulled up his t-shirt, soaking wet from his labors, and wiped his face. He didn’t move, but stood silently studying the quiet figure. Father Yuri wore his usual uniform. From the waist up he was a priest of God. Below the waist he was a blue jeaned, booted Mr. Any Guy who happened to ride a bike and play a guitar. For Cas, it sent conflicting messages. He waited to see what the good Father wanted.
“If the mountain won’t come to Mohammed, then Mohammed must come to the mountain,” Father Yuri remarked, picking his way carefully toward Cas. “I wanted to apologize for my absence. I hope you know I would have done everything I could if I’d known of your trouble. Is there any shade around here?” he asked, wiping beads of sweat from his upper lip. “I don’t know how you stand it, working so hard in this heat.”
“You get in the zone, you tend to forget it,” Cas said. He squinted at the sky. “Sun’s still high. I can take a break since I guess you’re not leaving ’til you say what you came to say. We can use Sunny’s flower room, if you like, I don’t think she’s opened it to the public yet.”
“I’d like. Lead the way.”
The old summer kitchen had been completely transformed into a bower of lush green that provided a soothing background for blooms ranging from palest pink to a vibrant red. Several small round tables, almost hidden behind walls of plants, would provide privacy for those who desired it. Cushioned wicker loveseats and chairs faced the glassed in walls, taking advantage of the spectacular view.
A service bar was at one end of the room, camouflaged by the rioting greenery. Behind it was a small refrigerator where Cas had taken to storing his water. He made his way over to it, pulling out two bottles, handing one to Father Yuri who accepted with gratitude.
“This is wonderful,” Father Yuri commented, looking around him with pleasure. “And so much cooler.” His eyes smiled at Cas as he opened his bottle of water.
Cas poured half his water over his head, running the fingers of one hand through his hair. “Sunny wants to put in a sound system,” he said, shaking off water like a dog. “You know, birdsong, babbling brooks.” He shrugged. “I guess it fits.”
“You sound like you don’t care,” Father Yuri said softly.
Cas shrugged again. “I know how to grow things, I don’t know about music.”
“I think you know more than you think. People are worried about you, Cas.”
“No need.” Cas looked away, reluctant to have this conversation. “Just have a few things to think through, that’s all.”
“People like to help when they see someone is hurting. It’s a natural instinct. Martha’s mentioned it, so’s Reese. And Sunny, her most of all. I don’t think you mean to hurt them, Cas, but you are.”
Cas’s lips tightened. “I don’t see why I need to broadcast my thoughts, my feelings to the whole damn world,” he burst out. “I’ve got some decisions to make. I need time to think it through.”
“You told Sunny you loved her, that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her. You won’t have a long ‘rest of your life’ cutting her out of what’s most important to you. She should have a say too, Cas, it’s what being a couple is all about.”
“What does a damn priest know about being a couple? You talk so slick about something you’ve never experienced.”
“Sit down, Cas.” Father Yuri settled himself across from Cas in one of the wicker chairs. “Do you think priests are born with a pectoral cross on their chests, mouthing blessings? Maybe some are,” he admitted. “Some might know their calling from the beginning. But many of us come to it later, after living a worldly life.”
“I don’t see what this has to do–”
“Just listen.” Surprised by the priest’s sharp tone, Cas nodded abruptly.
“I had a woman I loved, we planned to marry and have a life together. But I struggled. I heard God’s call but chose to ignore it because I didn’t want to give her up. And in my struggling, I withdrew from her, just as you are with Sunny, and never even noticed. It was my problem, I was the one had to solve it. In my selfishness, I couldn’t realize it affected her life too.
“She finally tired of my remoteness and bad temper.” He smiled ruefully. “It’s possible for love to die if both parties don’t work at it. The connection is lost and hiding the truth can kill love faster than anything I know. In the end, she made the decision much easier for me. I came home one day and she was gone, not even a note. It should have made things easier but it didn’t. I still denied God’s call and mourned my loss of her. Those were my rock years.”
He shook his head at his memories. “You shouldn’t make sweeping statements when you don’t know the background, Cas. I can speak to you of this from experience, and I speak only because I want to help. I don’t want you to find yourself in the same situation. Call of God or obsession with the past, if it takes over your life, relationships suffer.”
Cas felt his petulant anger seep away. “You think I’m obsessed?”
“I don’t know, are you? You act like you’re well on the way. You said you had a problem to solve. You need to let Sunny help with that, but I’m here now and I can try to put it in perspective for you.”
Cas frowned at the floor, rubbing the heel of his palm against his thigh as he thought over Father Yuri’s words. The Father sat in a pool of quiet and waited. Gradually the priest’s serenity reached out and surrounded Cas, relaxed his muscles and calmed his mind.
“Did Sunny tell you about Raoul?” he asked, flicking a glance at the Father, then returning to his study of the floor.
“You gave her quite a scare.”
“I scared myself. Father Yuri, for the first time I knew my father was in me. I could have killed Raoul and it would have been like stepping on a bug. That easy, and with about as much regret.”
“Really? Why didn’t you then?”
Cas’s mouth worked but he couldn’t find any words.
“Shall I tell you why?” the priest continued. “In the heat of passion, most anyone can be pushed into killing. Certainly you were passionate, but it was an old passion, wasn’t it? Your mother had been gone for years. For years you’ve known what your father and his henchmen were like. You were morally outraged at their treatment of her and reacted accordingly.
“No, with the right circumstances I could see you committing murder–on your father perhaps when he’d attacked your mother. To pr
otect her against a great evil. But I don’t think you would have killed Raoul, not even if that police officer had never come in. Raoul didn’t kill her. It was your father you wanted to punish.”
“I don’t want to turn into my father,” Cas said, his voice almost inaudible.
“Cas, that’s an impossibility. It’s just not in you. You give life, look what you’re doing in that garden. You give, you don’t take, and you don’t expect the world to revolve around you. Put that thought out of your mind. A whole town doesn’t rally around someone who has made a pact with Evil. That’s what your father did, you know. He embraced the Devil to satisfy his greed and lost his soul in the process. As far as I can see, your soul is doing quite well.”
Cas gave a slight smile. “I believe you about the pact. And now they’re talking about his money coming to me. Blood money, that’s what it is. And that’s my biggest stumbling block, Father. I don’t want it. Sunny says to take it, use it for good. And…”
“Cas, what’s troubling you so?”
“I need the money,” Cas burst out. “Or at least some of it…Father, I want to bring my mother home.”
* * * *
The apartment was mostly dark when Cas finally entered it. A three way lamp was on. It was set to its lowest level but it allowed him to dodge furniture and find his way to the bathroom. He closed the door carefully before turning on the light so as not to disturb Sunny.
He couldn’t stand himself any longer. He almost fell on his ass struggling out of his still damp jeans; he screwed up his face in disgust as he pulled the smelly t-shirt over his head. He must have gone slightly crazy, he thought, fumbling with the faucets, to have pushed himself in that dangerous heat for so long.
He and the Father had talked for a couple of hours, but then Cas had been back out in his garden, this time thinking more rationally. By the time the sun was setting, he’d decided to get all his ducks in a row before talking with Sunny and that took longer than he had figured.
Song of Life Page 23
