“Is she married?”
The silence that fills the car is enough to shatter my heart into a billion pieces. A lone tear falls before I wipe it away angrily. My wife is fucking married—illegally, but according to my death certificate legally. And even though I had suspected it, having it confirmed in not so many words feels like my life is being shredded all over again.
“Fuck,” I yell, slamming my fist into the backseat.
“Her name is Amy Barnes and Claire is now called Chloe. Cara is unsure how long she’s been married, but it’s close to five years. Penny works at the general store in town and her husband is a middle school history teacher. Cara observed that Claire is a happy child, while Penny seems nervous when she’s around her.”
I stop listening because it’s not going to matter that I’m alive. My wife has moved on, rightfully so, even under an assumed name. Deep in my heart I know she’s going to ask me to go away, at least for a few months until our seven years abandonment has expired and she can be with her husband. The shitty thing is, I’ll tell her yes because it’ll make her happy and she deserves to be happy.
Evan gets off the highway and pulls onto a windy two-lane road.
“This area was decimated by a hurricane that came up the coast. It did millions of dollars of damage and took out this road, effectively cutting the state in half. This is the main traveled road from the southern end to the central part of the state. They used granite to reinforce the bank that washed away with the rain.”
Nate fills me on why there’s a massive wall of rock one side of the road. Across the river you can clearly see where the water rose and destroyed the lands. Large trees are uprooted and banks have been torn apart by the rushing waters.
“Seems like a pretty state.” And probably one that I’m going to have to get to know if my daughter is here.
“It’s nice to look at, but frigid in the winter,” Nate replies.
“I hate snow,” Evan adds, and I happen to agree with him.
He pulls into a hotel and I quickly spot Ryley gazing over the balcony. We get out and traipse up the stairs. She pulls me into a hug, already knowing that I’ve been told the bad news.
“She’ll be here soon,” Ryley says, offering me a warm smile. “I’ll talk to her. This will work out, I promise.”
Nate taps me on the shoulder and I follow him to the room right next to hers.
“We’ll listen from here,” he says, pointing at the equipment that Rask is playing with.
“When did we become spies?”
Evan laughs behind me. “When Lawson become senator.”
EVEN AS THE SUN sets for the night, it’s still blistering hot outside. My shirt is drenched with sweat and I’m in dire need of a shower. I should’ve never gone for that last run along the beach, but when Archer dared me, I couldn’t let his cocky attitude beat me at anything.
Music plays throughout our house and knowing my neighbors, they’ll likely call patrol on us because of a disturbance. I’ve told Penny she has to watch that sometimes, but she never seems to remember. Not that I blame her because as I stand in the doorway to the kitchen, watching her dance in her bikini to the likes of the Eagles, I’m mesmerized and forget why I’d be upset because she’s enjoying herself.
It’s easy to tell that she’s been out in the sun today. Her hair is piled high and I can see the outline of her sunglasses resting on top of her head. The straps of her hot pink bikini shake each time she shimmies her hips to the beat of the song. Every few seconds she sings a word or two even if they’re the wrong ones.
That’s one of the first things that clued me in that I was in love with her—her singing. It didn’t bother me, or get on my nerves. I didn’t care that she was out of key and didn’t know the song. The best part is that she’d make up her own lyrics and even though they weren’t right, they made the song better and I quickly found myself using her lyrics instead of the actual ones in the song.
I don’t even know how she’s mine. How did I end up so lucky to be graced with a woman like her? Sure she was dared to talk to me, but what transpired after has been nothing short of amazing. Every day I’m thankful for her friends deciding to take a trip to San Diego and venturing across the bridge. They could’ve walked into any bar, but they chose Magoos instead. They could’ve dared her to talk to any other frog in the bar, but my lonely ass appealed to them and they sent her my way.
“What’s all this?” I step into the kitchen as Penny turns around. The smile that forms as soon as she sees me is the most amazing thing I have ever seen.
“You’re home early.” Penny walks toward me and rests her forearms on my shoulders while clasping her hands behind my neck. When my wife is half naked and standing in front of me, you can bet your ass that I’m going to touch her. My fingertips press into her back, right where her bikini starts. It takes very little effort to slide my hand inside so that I’m palming her ass.
“I’m late, actually, and very sweaty. Wanna take a shower?” I waggle my eyebrows at her, but don’t really need to. She knows what I want because she can feel me growing against her.
“Yes, but I have something to tell you first.”
“Tell me,” I say, eyeing the sweet valley of her neck. I can easily picture myself placing a hickey there. If she didn’t work on base, I’d do it just so everyone knew she belonged to someone. Sometimes a ring isn’t enough.
Watching her face for some indication of what kind of news this is going to be since she’s taking her sweet time spitting it out, I see indifference. I don’t like that. Penny needs to feel like she can tell me anything. I cup her face gently and make sure her eyes meet mine.
“You can tell me anything, you know this.”
“I’m afraid you might be upset with me.” Her voice falls.
“Are you leaving me?” My instincts tell me to step back and put some distance between us, but I don’t. I pull her even closer, if that’s possible, so she can feel my heart beating for her.
“I’m pregnant,” she says so quietly I barely hear the words, but I hear them nonetheless. The words seep in, followed by the images of Penny with a swollen belly, my hands on her stomach feeling a baby kick—a baby we created together. Me, standing in a blue hospital gown holding my son or daughter—a child I never thought I’d have.
“Say it again,” I plead, needing to hear her say the words that will make us parents, the words which are going to change everything for the better.
“I’m pregnant,” she says, shrugging with a look of sorrow across her face, obviously expecting that I’d be upset.
“I’m going to be a dad?” I ask, for reassurance. Penny nods hesitantly and that’s not good enough for me. I pick her up and twirl her around the kitchen, laughing. “I’m going to be a dad!”
I put her down and drop to my knees. “I’m going to be a dad,” I whisper against the skin protecting my unborn child. I kiss her softly, resting my forehead there for a brief moment before standing back up.
“I love you, Penelope.”
“Are you sure you’re okay with this? Some of the other wives said it’s not a good idea to be pregnant so early in our marriage.”
“Are any of those women sharing our bed at night?”
She shakes her head.
“Are any of those women our friends?”
She shakes her head again.
“Well then you let them worry about their own marriages and we’ll worry about ours. I’m fucking ecstatic. You have no idea how happy I am that we’re going to have a baby.”
“Yeah?” she asks, sniffling.
“Yeah, now lets go take that shower so I can show you how happy I am.”
I take her by her hand and lead her to bathroom, kicking the door to as I go by. As soon as we step into the bathroom, I pull the straps on her bathing suit.
“Wait, I saw this news report where this lady was pregnant by two different men. Can that happen if we have sex right now?”
Penny shakes her he
ad and pushes me toward the shower. “No, Tucker. But I hear that I’m going to get really, really horny.”
“Well shit, more sex for me. Bring it on, baby.”
I hate waiting. I feel like I’ve been waiting my entire life to see my family again. For me it’s been a lifetime. The pictures I received didn’t do the longing justice, and each time I think about one of the packages that was sent to me, I wonder if that’s what Claire even looks like. That’s why Cara had the age progression done—there isn’t anyone we can trust. I take out the last photo I have of Claire and study it. When I left her, she looked like me, but does that mean she still does? The picture tells me she does, but how I can be sure?
I can’t. I can’t know for sure until I see her with my own eyes, until I can feel the contours of her face with my fingertips. Even if I see her today, it’ll likely be years before I get to hug her. She doesn’t know me. She won’t remember me.
And worse, she calls another man dad.
I won’t hear that word from her today, probably never, and I don’t know if I can cope with that. It would be one thing if I had done something to hurt her, to lose her desire to refer to me as her father, but I didn’t. I went to work, expecting to return quickly. And when I finally came home, I expected my family to be waiting for me.
A car door slams and the gravel in the parking lot crunches underneath their heavy footfalls. I remember walking up the steps to this room and imagine whoever is outside doing the same.
I stand to go to the door, but Nate steps in front of me and Evan puts his hand on my shoulder.
“Let Cara and Ryley do their jobs,” Evan says lowly. Right now I want to break him; tell him to get out of my way so I can go to Penny. No one stopped him from running to Ryley so why can’t I go to my wife?
“I know she’s next door. I can feel her, Archer. My heart is racing with anticipation knowing she’s just beyond that wall. She doesn’t know I’m alive and won’t believe Ryley. What if she leaves? What if she runs before I get a chance to show her I’m alive? You got these moments with Ryley, why deny me what you had?”
“It’s not that, McCoy. Think about what Rask is going through with his parents. Think about your daughter. She was a toddler when you left, she’s not going to remember you. You can almost guarantee that Penny didn’t bring any pictures of you with her for fear that Claire would say something. Imagine Penny living in fear for the past six years, always wondering who was behind her. Imagine her looking at Claire and seeing you. Or her daughter calling another man dad. I’ve been there, McCoy. I’ve experienced it firsthand. The one I was destined to be with was engaged to another man. I’m there now with my son calling another man dad and waiting for him to say those words to me. Each time EJ looks at me, I think this is going to be the day that he says it, but he doesn’t. He either calls me Evan or doesn’t say anything at all. Part of me wants to demand that he call me dad, but the other part of me wants him to do it on his own.
“This can’t be you, McCoy. Think about Penny and what she’s being told. Think about the shock of knowing she’s been found and what’s going through her head. Her only goal in life is to protect Claire from Lawson and the only way she knows how to do that is hide. We need to treat the situation with kid gloves and trust Cara and Ryley to convince her that they’re safe.
“Penny thinks we’re all dead and yet here we are, McCoy. She doesn’t know if she can trust Ryley and probably doesn’t remember Cara. If you go over there, she’s going to panic and that will be the last time you see her.”
He’s right and I hate it. I hate that Penny is over there and three Navy SEALs are here holding me captive. One of them I could take, but not all three. I’d be down on the ground in the matter of seconds with my hands pinned behind my back. And I’m pretty sure Nate is packing.
Why he can have a gun and I can’t isn’t fair. What if I need to shoot a wild animal or Frannie?
“Evan, Cara is asking for you,” Rask says without making eye contact with him.
Evan’s hand squeezes my shoulder to get my attention. “We cool?”
I nod, but I’m not. Not really. I want to understand, but I’m not there yet. Penny loved me once, surely that love is strong enough that as soon as she sees me, she’d know it was me and not think I’m an imposter.
“Let me go talk to her, show her I’m alive. We need to ease her into this. She didn’t have anyone to help her grieve your death. She did it while she was on the run, protecting Claire.”
“Fine,” I say, holding my hands up.
Evan nods and moves toward the door Nate has just opened. Even if I want to make a run for it, he’ll be there to stop me.
“Tell her …” My voice breaks as I try to compose myself. “Tell her I love her, that I’ve never stopped.”
Evan smiles. “You’ll be telling her yourself shortly.”
Fucking right I will be.
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THEY’VE had their lives flash before their eyes they mean it in the literal sense. It’s the unprepared slam of brakes because you catch a glimpse of a child running and a ball rolling down a driveway in front of you. Your tires screech, and as you slam on the brakes your body jerks forward. Your heart races so fast that the sound is drowning out the radio and all you think is, What if this was my child?
Or it’s when you go to pick your child up from school and they’re not on the playground like they’re supposed to be. So you search and search until tears are running down your face, only to remember you let her go home with a friend for the first time. The images you’ve had to store and recreate in your mind because you have nothing left but your memories, don’t do you justice because you can’t remember the way your baby smelled or how it felt to hold her. Right now you can’t recall what it was like to lie in bed with your husband while you both stared at your sleeping daughter between you. The smile and laughter you thought you had memorized has faded.
And even as you remember, it’s still not enough to quell the thoughts running through your head so you drive by, except this isn’t a suburban area and you can’t see up their almost mile long driveway. You pick your fingers raw on the drive back to your house so you can call the other mother to make sure your only reason for living is there. And the next time your daughter asks you if she can go and stay at her friend’s house, you offer the alternative because you can’t bear the thought of her being away from you.
I’ve had a few moments in my life where my life flashed before my eyes. Regardless of how safe I’ve felt, I’ve lived with fear for the past six years. Fear of the unknown, fear that Ray would find out my life is a lie, fear that the random knock on the door in the middle of the night would reveal Frannie or Ted Lawson and I’d be powerless to stop them.
But nothing has ever prepared me for what I’m feeling now. My life and the life of my daughter is a continuous movie reel showing me everything that I remember and conjured up in my mind.
As I stand here, my heart beats slowly as the fear I’ve been trying to avoid seeps into my system. The shock I’m going through will eventually go away when my endorphins kick in and my fight or flight reactors engage.
I’ve been duped. I should’ve never listened to Cara and jumped at her vague answer regarding Nate. And Ryley—the one person who in a matter of moments made me believe I could trust someone—has lied. They’re not here to flesh out Frannie, they’re here to deliver me to her. They work for her.
I step back from the man in the doorway and shake my head. I’m trapped. I have nowhere to run and everyone in town is at the Village Green. It’s the perfect set up and I’ve walked right into it. The thought of Claire being taken and Ray being hurt as he tries to save her run rampant through my mind. I let out a cry, only to be comforted by Ryley.
“Don’t touch me,” I scream. “You people are sick. I just want to be left alone. Why couldn’t you leave me alone?”
“Penny,” the man in the door says my name, as if he knows me. He doesn’t. He can’t.
I look at Ryley, who has tears rolling down her face. I can’t understand why she’s crying. Has her mission failed?
“Penny, I know you’re in shock right now, but please listen to me,” Ryley says as she reaches for me. I step back and try to remain upright when the back of my knees touch the bed.
“I don’t have to listen. This is sick, Ryley. Having someone pose as your dead fiancé to get me to help you? Why would you do that?”
“I’m not dead, Penny. Give us a chance to explain, please,” the imposter pleads. I slowly shake my head, but know I have no choice. He digs into his pocket and pulls out a piece of paper, handing it to me.
“What’s this?”
He sighs, running this hand over the top of his hat. “Read it, please. It’ll help with what I’m about to tell you.”
Unfolding it carefully, I read the words at the top of the page:
In an instant I think back to six or seven months ago when Ray said he saw a news report, something about a conspiracy. His words are clear, “Anyway, it was about a Navy SEAL who was reported dead, but they found him alive.” Him. He said him, not them.
“What about—”
Ryley sets her hand on my shoulder and then I know. Evan was the one they found alive, not my Tucker.
“Finish the article, Penny.”
Nodding, I wipe away my tears with the back of my hand so I can see clearly.
“Is this some type of joke?”
“No,” he replies, shaking his head. “We’re alive and we’re home. We’ve been back for a little over six months. Shit’s bad, Penny. We had no idea what was going on back home.”
“And we had no idea Frannie was sending the guys care packages,” Ryley says. “They came home thinking we knew they were alive, that they were still on their mission.”
Save Me Page 14
