She made herself look at him, confront him head-on. “I think you know what you did.” She pulled her knees into her chest and curled into a ball. Her foot throbbed. Her sock had been eaten away, exposing her raw skin. At this point she wasn’t sure what hurt worse, her foot or her heart.
“We need to clean your foot. If you don’t get the demon blood off, it’s only going to get worse.” He bracleted her ankle and tugged. She extended her leg, letting him draw her foot closer to him. Not that she had much of a choice. He was too fast. He examined the bottom of her foot. “It’s not too bad. Let’s get you inside.”
Before she could protest, he flipped her into a cradle-hold and sprinted forward. They landed in the kitchen. Janie glanced back at the hideous ivy wallpaper. They’d gone through the wall. She felt sweet breath on her face. Her focus slid back to Kai. She appraised his beautiful features—high cheekbones, angular jaw line, and the lush blond lashes encasing his striking green eyes. He was gorgeous; a monster, but still gorgeous. She wanted to tangle her fingers in his waves and pull him into her. He killed my father. He can’t be trusted. How can I love someone like that? What’s wrong with me?
Kai turned on the faucet and tested the water. “Here, it’s warm. Put your foot under. I’ll hold you.”
She placed her foot under the stream of water. He used small, light strokes to massage the blood from her open wounds. She closed her eyes, imagining them on a warm white sandy beach, splashing around in calm crystal waves. She lay on her back while Kai massaged her feet. She seemed to float weightlessly. He twirled her around and guided her forward and back.
The water shut off and the image faded. She opened her eyes. They weren’t on the beach. They were in her ugly kitchen, and the facts remained the same—they could never be together.
Kai handed her a towel.
After drying off her foot, she hobbled into the living room and flopped onto the sofa.
“I would have carried you,” Kai said. He rounded the corner and smirked, exposing an adorable dimple. He wore a solid orange T-shirt and jeans. He looked good in orange.
“You need to leave.” She tried to make her words sound harsh. Maybe then he would go. He was stubborn—like her. She doubted it.
As she suspected, he didn’t listen. He chose a seat on the neighboring sofa cushion, not close enough to invade her space, but still close enough to be next to her. Clean lavender floated through the air around him. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me why you’re so angry with me.”
The veins in her forehead throbbed. She could explode, like a cherry red tomato squeezed so tightly it burst. “Did you recognize Abram? Is that why he looked as if he could kill you on the spot? Is that why you left so quickly?” She trembled. His rough hands cradled hers. She ripped them from his grasp.
Kai swallowed. “I need you to be more specific.” She could tell by his shaky voice that he didn’t need specifics. He already knew.
“You’re going to make me say it.” She glared at him. “Coward.”
Kai pressed his fingertips into his forehead. “Okay.” He moved closer. She held him back with her hand. “I recognized Abram. He was there that night.”
“What night?” Janie felt as if she could rip him to pieces. All of the anger, pain and questions she’d grown up with rushed back to her consciousness like a crashing tidal wave.
His words were softer. “Janie—you know what I’m talking about.”
“Say it!”
“Janie—” He put his hands out, but this time he didn’t touch her. It was a signal to calm her. It only made her more irate.
“Just say it!”
Kai let out a breath. “The night I killed your father.”
Janie crumpled. The flood she’d been holding in came pouring out. Kai didn’t attempt to comfort her. She’d probably kill him.
Kai continued. His voice quivered, but he did his best to speak calmly, not wanting to upset her any more than he already had. “I recognized Abram. I suspected the man I killed could have been your father, but I wasn’t sure. It’s been years.” He swallowed, a seizure of pain apparent in his forlorn features. He stood and circled the coffee table. He scooped her father’s picture off the side table and stared at it. “Then I saw this picture and knew for sure.” He was silent again. “His face haunts me every night in my dreams. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret—” He couldn’t finish. It didn’t matter. She didn’t want to hear him say it again—killing your father.
Janie wiped her tears with her sleeve. She wouldn’t show him any more weakness or how much she still loved him despite the circumstance. “Abram said something that’s been bothering me.”
Kai didn’t speak. He waited, gently placing the frame back on the table.
She continued. “You weren’t a monster when you killed him. You were part human. I trusted you, thought you were different, but you’re no different. I actually thought that I—” She stopped. She refused to use those words to describe him, ever.
Kai collapsed in front of her. His knees thudded on the hardwood floor. “I am different. Albania returned my soul and my humanity. The only demonic quality I possess is my ability.”
She glanced over at her father’s picture, the handsome, blond-haired, blue-eyed Caucasian who had fallen for her Cherokee mother, a Seeker. She inhaled and exhaled slowly, turning her head to address Kai once again. “Abram said he would never forget your green eyes. True Daychildren have black eyes. Albania had already healed you, restored your humanity. . .or so she thought. You had both of us fooled.” Her voice fell to a whisper. She closed her eyes, once again envisioning them on the beach. A slight smile crossed her face.
Returning to his gaze, Janie said, “Have you ever felt anything human?” Felt anything for me?
Janie’s words sliced through Kai. He’d been laid open, wounds exposed for all to see. Never had he felt so vulnerable, even when he was one hundred percent human. Never had he felt so guilty and broken. The only person he truly loved hated him. She had every reason to hate him for what he’d done. He hated himself for it. He’d live in his own prison for the rest of his life. “I never felt as human as I do when I’m with you.” She had to believe him. She hadn’t turned away from him. Maybe there was a chance he could make this right.
“You’re a monster,” she said. The words were like daggers stabbing him over and over again, like someone held him down and smeared salt into his bleeding incisions. The lungs he didn’t need tightened.
Kai cried out in defense. “Abram almost killed me. I wish he had. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
He tried to look away, but she held his gaze. “But why? If you say you had a soul, how could you kill him?”
“It was my first night as what I am today. I only knew how to be a Daychild—I had an ingrained instinct to kill, granted to me by the most powerful vampire. His power is almost impossible to deny.”
“Tavares,” Janie said.
Kai nodded and clutched her legs. He had to make her see the truth, understand the inner turmoil he’d endured. “I left Albania’s. I was so confused. And the pain. . .the guilt of all those years of killing. . .what I’d done.” He didn’t know whether to continue or how much she knew. It can’t be any worse. No matter what I say, she already hates me. “Your father was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I tried to stop, but when I did, he was already dead. I’d drained him of too much blood.”
“And Abram?” Her words were hard, emotionless. He’d really lost her.
“He was a strong fighter, and I was broken.” Kai held up his arms, exposing the human scars. “He injured me, left me scars to always remember him by, but I got away.” He glanced at the three lines streaking down his forearm. “My humanity was so fresh. I healed like a human, not a vampire.” He placed his hand over his heart. “The only other human scar is here.” He breathed out, he’d forgotten. “And here.” He pointed to his knee. “I fell off my bike when I was ten.”
Jan
ie’s features softened. “I can’t begin to understand how troubled your life has been, the tortures you’ve gone through, but we are talking about my father.” She looked away. “I can’t forgive you.”
He redirected her with his finger under her chin. “I understand. I will never forgive myself. Words can’t express how truly sorry I am.”
All emotion left her voice. “It’s a lot to process. Let’s just get through Friday. We have bigger things to worry about than us.” He knew she’d put up a wall. He wouldn’t get through to her now.
He clutched her jeans. It was only Sunday. She expected him to get through Friday without her. Going from love to loneliness was worse than not knowing love at all. At least then he didn’t know what he was missing. Now that he’d found her, he refused to let her go. “Please give us a chance. I’ll spend eternity making it up to you, showing you how sorry I am.”
“Why do you care?” She seemed defeated. “Humans—we are expendable to your kind. What makes me any different?”
“Humans. . .my kind—have you not heard a word I’ve said to you?” Sometimes the things she said infuriated him. “I’m not like them. I’m more like you than you choose to believe. We have the same purpose—rid the streets of them.” His voice deepened to a growl. “Don’t ever call me one of them again. I’m not one of them.”
“So you felt, for me. Can you feel?”
His palms traveled up her thighs and settled around her lower back. He slid her forward. She wrapped her legs around his waist and locked her ankles. He knelt on the floor, clutching her at arm’s length. Kai knew if it weren’t for his grasp she would fall. He’d never let her go. His eyes stung. They were wild, filled with passion—he could feel it. Any emotion he’d ever felt pierced straight through her, to the depths of her soul. He finally spoke, “I can feel.”
She breathed heavily. Her eyes swirled with fear and yearning, like he was a forbidden fruit she wanted and hated at the same time. “What do you feel?” she exhaled.
Kai drew her into him, placing his lips on the smooth skin at the base of her neck. “You’re beautiful.” He traced a perfect line up to her chin with the tip of his nose. He breathed heavily on her neck. Tiny goose bumps formed along her skin. “You’re smart.” His lips found one corner of her mouth, and slid over to her lips. “You’re strong.” He lost himself in her soft, warm kiss. “Janie—”
“Yes.” She combed her fingers through his hair, causing his body to spasm, creating a sensation he’d never felt before—ever.
“I feel,” he said. More than you will ever know.
CHAPTER 14
Janie opened her locker and a bouquet of red roses sprung out at her. She jumped and quickly slammed the door to hold them in. She let her heart settle back into her chest. It was like snakes springing out of a can—unexpected.
“You don’t like red?” Matt said. He walked up behind her.
She spun around to face him. He smiled. “I do. I just didn’t expect anything to fly out of my locker when I opened it. How did you get in, anyway?”
“Your locker?” His brows rose. “It’s easy. They aren’t secure.” Matt reached around her and pounded his fist into the metal door. It flung open. Flowers showered the floor. “Sorry, I’ll get those.” He knelt down.
She joined him. “Thanks.”
“Did you get my text?” He handed her the seven or so flowers he plucked off the floor and stood up.
She rose to her feet and placed the flowers back in the locker. “Um, no.” Then she remembered—miss u. “Oh yeah, I did. . .I was really busy last night. I didn’t have time to respond.”
“It’s okay.” He interlaced his fingers through hers. She stiffened. “I’ll walk you to class.”
“You don’t have to.” She wiggled her fingers free of his.
“Janie—we’re going to the same class.” He reached for her hand again. She grabbed a book out of her locker to avoid his touch. “So we’re still on for Homecoming?”
“Homecoming?” Luke said. He swaggered up beside them wearing a fashionable black leather coat over a white tee. He looked chic, like a model out of a fifties fashion magazine. “You’re going. . .together?”
“Don’t look so surprised, Luke,” Janie snapped.
“I—I’m not.” Luke looked at Matt in confusion. “I thought you were going with Molly. That’s all she talked about last period. She’s already picked out a couture gown. She had a pic. It’s totally red carpet.”
Janie glared at him. “I’m just sayin’.” He fluttered his hand. “Never mind. You’ll look gorgeous, too.” He hesitated, studying her jeans and hoodie. “We’ll find something for you to wear.”
Ava joined them. She stood arm-in-arm with Luke. “I thought I told you Matt asked Janie to the dance. It must have slipped my mind.”
“Have you asked anyone yet?” Matt asked Luke.
He went catatonic. “Luke—” Janie waved her hand in front of his face.
Luke blinked. “Sorry—I was just picturing the cheerleaders roasting you like a pig. Molly’s going to freak.” He placed his hand on his waist. “And no, I haven’t.” Luke glanced down at Ava. A look of uncertainty flashed across his face.
“Uh—I’ll probably just study that night,” Ava said.
“You’re coming with us. We’ll go as a group,” Janie said. Please, please, please say you will.
“But it’s not like a couple thing, ‘cause that would be weird.” Ava’s eyes shot up to Luke again. “Right?”
“Right.” Sweat beaded across Luke’s forehead.
The bell rang. “We’d better get to class,” Matt suggested. He grabbed Janie’s hand before she had time to dodge him, too busy watching Luke and Ava’s weird reactions to each other.
“Luke—later bro,” Matt extended his free hand for a fist bump. Luke glanced down at his own hand, made a fist and tapped Matt’s. Luke turned around and shook the pain off.
Matt winked at Ava. She started to blush.
Janie slid into her car after school. She’d finally shaken Matt. The Imprinting thing was getting way out of hand. He was always there. She couldn’t wait to get home, where she could be free. It’s not like she didn’t like him. He was cute, popular and courteous, but those crazy I-want-to-see-you-every-second and I-can’t-live-my-life-without-you feelings weren’t there. Not like with Kai. Matt was a safer choice. Could she even move forward with Kai after everything she’d learned?
She started the car, trying to think about how to tell Abram about Friday’s somewhat-put-together plan. As her mentor and “boss,” he had to know—it was against Seeker rules to go rogue. She could make her own decisions, but Abram had to be informed of her actions at all times. She planned to Seek that evening. She’d use that time to think of the best way to tell him.
Janie decided it was best to Seek far from Antony’s lair. She didn’t want to interfere with Friday night. The vampire community had agreed to help defeat Antony. She couldn’t let anything get in the way of that plan.
She straddled the border of Baltimore City, next to Towson. Even though it was a Monday, the college students were out. They sported wrist bands indicating they could get all the keg beer they wanted at a local bar. A group of girls giggled. The bouncer accepted their fake IDs and waved them in. Janie envied their carefree attitudes. They went through a “normal” sequence of life—one round of high school. She realized that by this time, had she been allowed to go straight through school, she’d be very close to graduating from college.
All day, she hadn’t heard from or seen Kai. He usually let himself into her room or snuck up on her while she Seeked. She wondered if he still “felt” for her. She wasn’t easy to be with, and he had his own reasons to be distant.
Her cell vibrated in her pocket. Abram.
“Hi, what’s up?” she answered, hesitant after their last conversation.
“Where are you?” He sounded angry. She didn’t like this side of him.
“I’m in the city, o
utside Towson.” Janie chuckled. “It’s five dollars drink-all-the-beer-you-want night at the local bar.”
Abram grunted. He didn’t seem amused. “You need to come home. We have to talk. The Chapter met this morning.”
Janie shrunk back into a childlike stance on the sidewalk. Abram was not only angry, he was disappointed—in her.
Instead of going straight home, she found herself at Kai’s, standing on his porch. The porch light lit a small area around her. Janie willed herself to ring the doorbell. She wanted so badly to speak with him: to see his green eyes, watch his wavy blond hair fall into his face when he became angry or defensive, trace his imperfect human scars with her finger. She wanted him to hold her. She could taste the scent of lavender on her tongue just thinking about his kiss.
She pulled her hand back. There was a reason he hadn’t come around. Not tonight. I’ll give him time.
Janie left the porch and descended down the concrete steps toward her car.
“Janie—what are you doing here?”
She whirled around. “You’re home?”
Kai smirked. “That’s usually where I am on a Monday night.” He stepped out on the porch, shirtless and exposing every scar. Sweat rolled down his chest. “I was training for Friday.”
“I’ll let you get back to that.” Janie turned to leave.
“Did you need something?” Kai’s words were careful, distant. She felt like they were back at the beginning of their relationship, when they didn’t know where the other stood. It was awkward.
“No. I—” Janie looked past him, through the door, and noticed three boxes stacked just inside the doorway. “What’s going on?” Her lungs tightened. She rustled around in her pocket for her inhaler.
Kai followed Janie’s gaze. “Oh, those.” He cleared his throat. “I’m packing.”
“For what?” She stepped back, tripping off the step.
He stepped out the door. He seemed hesitant to speak. “After Friday. . .I’m leaving. I thought I’d go to Tucson. Check on my family. I haven’t decided whether to approach them. I guess I’ll decide when the time comes.”
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