Source: Cosmetic & Plastic Surgery Advice & Links, http://www.cosmetic-surgery.us.com/cost-surgery.htm.
There’s a war going on. It’s a war of self-consciousness versus self-awareness. This war pits our minds against our bodies, and makes fighting for the “perfect” appearance the only game in town. This cultural battle against feeling good about ourselves is funded in the billions by markets that profit from our insecurities. This constant onslaught against self-fulfillment uses our fear of inadequacy as a most devastating weapon against us.
Spell Working: Building the Body Beautiful
Collage, draw, or paint an image of your body with as much love, admiration, compassion, desire, and hope as possible.
What You Will Need
• Paper or cardstock base.
• Images for collage.
Or:
• Paper or cardstock base.
• Paints, pastels, or pencils.
How-To
• Look at your naked body in the mirror with love and compassion. See the parts that you enjoy, and let them become your focal point.
• Collage, draw, or paint an image of your beautiful body.
Buying It
Even beyond the key marketing ploys that the fashion, dieting, entertainment, and cosmetic surgery industries use to play on our fears related to our image, weight, and age, marketing in general has one primary goal: to create a hunger, a deep need, that you will then ostensibly try to fill with the product that the marketer is attempting to sell you.11 And it works. We buy the products in an attempt to fill our well of intentionally induced lack.
The more insidious, dangerous, and damaging side effects of marketing are that this well doesn’t ever get filled, as it is being hollowed deeper and deeper into our psyches with every advertisement we see, every bad thought we have about our bodies, every movie we watch that shows us how women are “supposed” to act and look, every TV show that creates a desire for us to go out and purchase a $300 pair of Choo’s or Blahniks just because we’re having a bad hair day.
For the duration of working this chapter (and then the rest of the book, and the rest of our lives), let’s make a vow to fill that marketing-inspired void with self-love, nurturance, understanding, and self-acceptance.
Magickal Act: Media Fast
For the duration of this chapter, abstain from looking at—or even leafing through—any mass-market mags, and I mean avoid even Jane. While Jane is head and shoulders above the rest of the market for edge and sexual empowerment, the models are still unrealistic and the advertising is still catering to our insecurities, because that’s what advertising does. Avoid watching any movies or TV shows that have a consumeristic message or present a one-dimensional portrayal of female characters, and avoid dwelling on advertising displayed in public spaces.
Considering how pervasive and insidious negative messaging about women is in the media in general, it may be more realistic to do a complete media fast. If you feel up for this, I highly recommend it. This means avoiding all media for the duration of working this chapter—no newspapers, no books, no films, no advertisements, and no surfing of the internet, if you want to take it really seriously. Even though the internet is not totally controlled by the consumer market, advertising is very pervasive on the web.
One idea behind this exercise is that if looking at images of models has a negative effect on our self-esteem,12 and marketing is built upon tearing us down, maybe we can slowly undo the damage done by giving our heads and hearts some time to heal. On a more mystical level, this is a rite of purification that may make it easier for you to work toward some stillness in the center of your world and yourself. This media fast is a magickal act that will begin the process of purification that leads to gaining the ability to hear your own inner voice.
Filling the Well That Lack Built
It’s time to claim your right to enjoy life, on your own terms and in your own way. Now that you are beginning to have the space cleared in your mind to find out what things make you most profoundly happy and at home in your skin, it’s time to act on them. What makes you feel good? What makes you happy? What makes you dance with joy, or sing your self-love at the top of your lungs? Put your joy into action, and make the time and space for celebration of the unique being you are.
★ Daily Practice: Nurturing the Self
I know that sometimes it’s a challenge to do nice things for yourself, so maybe this advice will make you want to run for the door. You’re probably thinking something like, “Oh, jeez . . . can’t my self just nurture itself?” But, really taking care of yourself could be the beginning of a beautiful love affair! So at the risk of sounding indulgent, I’m going to command you to take time every day that you are working this chapter to give yourself some lovin’.
Don’t get lazy or bored: each day, at whatever time is convenient, do a different thing that’s good for you and makes you feel good. This exercise is similar to last week’s daily practice, but this week, instead of doing the same thing every day, you will challenge yourself to find a new thing to savor and delight in every day of the week.
Take a long walk. Buy yourself flowers. Take yourself out to eat your favorite kind of food (mmmm, sushi!). Plan a date night with yourself. Masturbate. Take baths (see appendix i for a magickal bath mix). Create art. Write. Read. Make time to do what you love, because you deserve it.
★ Daily Practice: Another Measure of Water to Fill the Well
Many of us bond over our perceived imperfections. Think about it. Are you one of the millions of us who attempt to create common ground with female friends (and possibly win the endearment of the men in our lives) through self-deprecation? Have you ever caught yourself trying to create intimacy through revealing some embarrassing tidbit or talking badly about your body? I know I have. It seems to come easily and shockingly naturally to dish to our pals about our belly flab, silly habits, and sagging breasts, all in an effort to find something we hold in common.
Here and now, I give you permission to release the fear of your power and glory, and revel in your complete okay-ness. Positive thought begets positive thought, and positive thought turns easily into positive living. For this week, I challenge you to speak of yourself lovingly, to congratulate yourself on your successes, to own and honor your strengths, and to encourage your friends to do the same. Instead of diving into the pity party we all play at for acceptance, channel your inner diva and SHINE!
Fashioned into Submission
Beyond the consumeristic and marketing-driven aspect of our desire to fit into a soulless cultural ideal, there are other levels of programming and conditioning going on here. Fashion has been used to mold women into variations on the theme of the weak and helpless, vapid, dangerous, childish, and ultimately useless and burdensome creature that needs the men in her life, be they father, husband, brother, or son, to care for her. Why? Because it has been one of many useful tactics in keeping women unwilling and unable to step out of line, afraid to create a disturbance: owing, and owned by, the men in an androcentric paradigm.
This may seem to be an extreme view. I mean, fashion as a weapon against women? What? Fashion is our friend, right? Well, with enough research you find stories of the laws that kept women confined to “womanly dress,” and stories about the women who broke those laws.
Dr. Mary E. Walker: A Hero of Dress Reform
In the American Civil War, more than 400 women are rumored to have dressed as men, and fought beside them. The second woman in the United States to graduate medical school, Mary E. Walker, M.D., was the first female doctor to serve in the military. She did not have to hide her gender, but adopted the male military uniform while in the service, and refused to go back to women’s clothing after the war.
Dr. Walker was not the only woman thus inclined. Women continued dressing in men’s clothes for many reasons. Some went so far as to disguise them
selves as men to get work that paid often twice as much as the work available to women.
Women’s clothes of this time period were uncomfortable, a threat to women’s health and safety, and even carried the potential for death. Women died from corseting, and from their large, unruly skirts catching fire, tripping them and weighing them down.
Dr. Walker wrote two books, Hit and Unmasked. They both dealt with the dangers of women’s dress, as well as tobacco and other vices. But Dr. Walker didn’t confine her fight to the pages of her books. She campaigned in both word and deed against the confining and dangerous dress of her day. She and many others were arrested in the years after the war for dressing in men’s garb.
Dr. Walker served time as a prisoner of war, and received the Congressional Medal of Honor in 1866 for her military service and stellar conduct as a physician and as a prisoner. She also served briefly as a spy. The medal was fairly earned.
In 1916, her right to a Medal was rescinded in the process of a government cleanup. It became illegal to wear the Medal without government consent, but Dr. Walker kept her medal, and wore it proudly until her death in 1919. After a lobbying effort by Dr. Walker’s descendants, President Jimmy Carter restored Dr. Walker’s Medal of Honor posthumously in 1977.
How Women Have Been “Formed to Perfection,” and How It Has Injured Us
Then:
• Foot binding. In China, from the tenth century to the early 1900s. Adverse effects: severe limitation of mobility, lifelong pain, rot, death.
• Corseting. In Europe and the United States, 1700s to 1800s. Adverse results: organ damage and failure, broken ribs, expulsion of uterus from the vagina, fainting, death.
• Hoop skirts. Limited mobility. These skirts were also known to catch fire when women were cooking at campfires.
• Crinolines and petticoats. When paired with the corset, the yards of cloth, wire, wicker, bamboo, and other reinforcements made mobility nearly impossible.
Now:
• High heels. Habitual wearing of high heels can create lifelong problems with skeletal misalignment, knee problems, foot problems, and pain.13 As anyone who has worn them knows, wearing heels also impedes mobility.
• Thong underwear. May cause an increased risk of vaginal and urinary tract infections.14
• Tight jeans. Wearing tight jeans can cause urinary tract infections, bladder problems, and low sperm count in men.15
• Hip-hugging pants. Can cause paresthesia, a nerve pinch that produces tingling in the thighs and legs.16
• Bras. Research is currently being performed on a possible link between wearing a bra and an increased risk of breast cancer. The theory is that compression of breast tissue restricts the effectiveness of the lymph system, leading to toxic congestion of breast tissue.17 18 There is also a lot of data out there on the link between badly fitting bras and nerve pinches, shoulder pain, and headaches.
How Free Are We?
It hasn’t been so long that we have been permitted to dress in “men’s clothing” without risk. And, sad but true, the laws against cross-dressing are still on the books. While applied with discretion, it’s still illegal for men to dress in women’s clothing, and often men cross-dress at huge risk to their personal safety. It is far less socially acceptable for a man to head out on the town in a skirt than for a woman to hit the street in slacks.
The fact that we are even aware that some men like to dress in women’s attire and some women wear nothing but slacks and a tank top shows that we are moving away from such rigid rules of dress. But what are the bargains we are making now? We work hard and then spend more than we can afford on designer labels. We sometimes wear heels that make it hard (if not impossible) to run. We wear clothes that look good, but feel like crap. We rely on our uniforms to say something about us, as everyone does. What are we really trying to say through the image we present?
Feral Cheryl: This eco-conscious, spunky retort to Barbie Culture is bound to improve your self-image and your sense of humor. Cheryl has tats, sports dark, natty dreads, and has natural-shaped feet that wouldn’t even fit into Barbie’s hobbling little heels. Lift her skirt, and you will see that Cheryl also has a healthy little bush covering her pantie-less snatch.
Feral Cheryl is crafted in Australia (no sweatshop labor here!), and is modeled after the Ferals of Down Under.
Journaling Prompts: Fuck Fashion/Fashion Fuck
• When I hear the phrase “The clothes make the man,” I think . . .
• My relationship with clothing . . .
• I like to wear . . .
• I feel most comfortable in . . .
• When I go out, I . . .
• Wearing ______ makes me feel . . .
Magickal Act: D.I.Y. Fashion Statement
What do you want your clothing to say about you? Well then, make it say it! It’s easy, and fun, to make your clothes speak for you. Then you never even have to open your mouth if you don’t want to, and you’ve still been heard loud and clear. Talk about magick!
What You Will Need
• Shirt, whatever cut and color you like to wear.
• Fabric pens, bedazzling kit, iron-on letters, fabric crayons, or fabric paint.
• Rhinestones, glitter pens, stars, or other creative additions (optional).
• Fabric glue (optional).
Or:
• Create a cardboard stencil.
• Spray paint your message on your shirt (and every other available surface, if you want to!).
How-To
What phrase do you want to wear emblazoned across your chest? Some possibilities: “I think, and I vote!” “Mother” on the front and “Whore” on the back. “Talk to the Face!” with an arrow pointing up. “Curvy and Loving It!” “This is What a Bi-Curious Femme Looks Like.” “My Mother Said I Can Be Whatever I Want, So F**K You!” “Future Senator.” “Like My Boobs? They Grew This Way.” “Mine.” Whatever you want to say, use this space to say it.
• If your shirt is new, wash and dry it before you do this project.
• Choose or create a slogan that says something you want people to hear.
• Set up your supplies.
• Stretch your shirt over cardboard.
• Paint, draw, write, or bedazzle your message onto your shirt. Follow the directions for whatever medium you are using.
• Make sure you do whatever is necessary to set the medium.
• Wash.
• Wear!
Gender Is a Construct
Gender awareness and gender identity are key components of self-esteem. Gender is a culture-specific, collective, subconscious set of agreements about how people of each sex are required to present themselves in order to be accepted. Gender is different than biological sex or sexual orientation. We all have ideas about what behaviors are appropriate to our gender, and some of those concepts may have held us back at times from acting in accordance with our desires.
Gender is a fluid concept, one that can change dramatically in a very short amount of time, on both the personal and the cultural levels. Looking back over less than a generation, we can see how rapidly changing a concept gender really is. In the past twenty-five years or so, we have seen enormous changes in gender-based expectations and assumptions in the United States. It wasn’t long ago that in the Western world it was considered appropriately “ladylike” for a woman to vacuum in heels, fix all the meals, and surrender her career upon marriage.
Zeitgeist:
A German word meaning “time spirit.” The spirit of an era, age, or generation.
• • •
Eugenics:
From the Greek eugenes, meaning “wellborn.” Eugenics is the science of selective breeding, the method of “improving” the human race though socially controlled breeding.
Po
sitive Eugenics:
Breeding to improve “quality.”
Negative Eugenics: Breeding out “defective stock.”
Science-based explanations have been both foe and ally in our ongoing effort to clarify just how gender works. Gender is different than sex, and it is different than sexual orientation. Gender is an idea, and, as one learns through any study of the topic, a very subjective one. Gender is a system of categorization. It is far from a valid excuse in support of keeping things the way they are or have been, though that is often how the concept is used. And, it is rare that the distinction between sex and gender is made.
Biological determinism is a scientific discipline that attempts to take gender behaviors and find scientific bases that are then used to support whatever the current ideas around sex-based capability are. Theories based in biological determinism have been used to support the notion that women are not fit for business, politics, or careers outside of the home. It has been used to justify men’s “tendency” toward infidelity, and women’s (assumed) desire for love over sex. Biological determinist theories were also used in attempts to maintain black slavery in the United States, and are still used to justify eugenics. These theories also come into play in discussions of homosexuality. Biological determinism is faulty science, to say the least. Don’t buy the theories!
Gender-play has been a zeitgeist of sorts for years. Gender-bending cultural icons such as Prince, David Bowie, Annie Lennox, Laurie Andersen, Boy George, RuPaul, and many others have thrown their distinct flavors of gender-fuck into the mix. For more than a generation we have been publicly disassembling and reconstructing our cultural relationship with gender norms.
Sex and Gender:
Sex is a biological term meaning “the genetic or genital sex of an individual.” Gender is a set of cultural and sociological identifiers. A person of the female sex may present as the male gender, or vice versa.
Sexy Witch Page 5
