“I believe so. If not, I’m sure Wade won’t be opposed to your flying back earlier.”
I chew on my bottom lip as we walk into the spa’s interior. A calming sense washes over me for a brief moment of time before I see Liam and Wade stand up together when they see the two of us enter.
My heart seems to speed up and slow down all at once, and I’m suddenly the definition of chaos.
I may look calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside, I’m screaming for help and gasping for a single breath of air. How do I convince myself that I don’t feel anything for this man—a man who has always been by my side—when my heart knows the truth?
Hadley walks into Wade’s arms, and I stay a couple of feet away from Liam, forcing a physical distance between the two us, even though I don’t want it to be there.
Of course, he breaks it. He takes the three steps over to me and places his hand on my shoulder. “Everything all right?”
Do I tell him?
When I refuse to respond to him, he pulls me into a hug and my entire body stiffens, but my heart starts to beat faster, and I know that I’m in for a long, ugly ride ahead. I feel like I’ve just trapped the both of us with this illegitimate pregnancy.
My body loosens up slightly when he places his lips on the column of my neck. I glance over at Wade and Hadley, but neither of them are paying any attention to us as they walk to the spa’s front desk.
“Isla?”
My entire body seems to thaw at my name coming from his lips, and I don’t know when I became this girl, but here I am, swooning over one of my best friends.
“I’ll be fine.”
He pulls back to look at me, and I’m sure that he’s able to tell that was a lie, but he decides to keep it to himself if he does.
He glances over his shoulder at our friends before speaking. “They’re going in for a couple’s massage. I wasn’t sure what you’d want to do.”
“What did you make an appointment for?”
He takes my hand and squeezes it once before answering. “The same thing.”
I’m thrown off guard, and I know that this isn’t a good idea, but I don’t want him to realize that there’s something wrong while we’re here—where I can’t easily escape.
“Okay. When is it?”
His fingers intertwine with mine as he leads me to the front desk. “In a few minutes.”
Hadley glances over at me and mouths, “Are you okay?”
As much as I feel like I need to lie to protect myself and cover up my pain, I decide against it. She’s the only one who knows where my head is in this moment. I shake my head from side to side in a negative answer, and her facial expression changes from one of delight to sorrow.
My eyes fall to my Converses because if she looks at me like that once more, I’ll fragment and fall to pieces at Liam’s feet. I can’t lose it, at least not while he’s around me. He’ll just suggest some sexual healing bullshit, and I don’t necessarily want that right now.
Lies, lies, lies. I always want him.
“Mr. Jensen? Your room is ready for the two of you.” A spa attendant announces, and he tugs on my hand.
“Are you ready?”
“I suppose so.”
As we follow the attendant to the back, she shows us around the interior of the spa and where we can get changed before leaving us to our own devices. Before we part ways, Liam pulls me to his chest, demanding my attention.
“We’ll need to talk. If you don’t tell me what’s bothering you now, then I’m sure a tumbler of whiskey or two will do it.”
“I need to get changed,” I say as I pull back from him and walk toward the women’s locker room.
“Isla?”
“Yeah?”
“You look beautiful.”
Instead of replying to him, I cast him one last glance and disappear out of his line of sight to get changed into a fluffy white robe. I know that I’m going to end up messing things up at some point, whether it’s with our friendship or more, but I don’t want that point to be right now. I know that once I’ve hit that high point or that rock bottom with him, I won’t be able to change it back to what it was before.
I’m scared of losing my best friend, but I’m terrified that I’ll go on with life and never tell him exactly how I feel and how everything has developed into so much more than friendship for me. Liam Jensen currently carries my heart around with him whether he is aware of it or not.
I stuff my crap into an empty locker and huff out an annoyed breath. I know that I’ve taken our friendship for granted, and my getting pregnant is just my dumb luck. I mean, what girl wouldn’t want to fall in love with her best friend if she was given the option? But what girl would potentially throw away or risk a friendship to possibly pursue those more intense yet way more fragile feelings? Me, that’s who.
Once I’ve changed and locked my belongings away, Hadley struts her ass into the room with a larger-than-life smile on her beautifully pale face. If I didn’t know any better, I’d take bets on her hair color being factory-developed, but it’s not. Her almost white platinum hair has men drooling after her, and if I swung both ways, then I’d be doing the same thing.
“Hey, I’m glad that I caught you,” she says as she pulls me into a hug.
Why does everyone feel the need to hug me? Do I look that pitiful?
I allow her to comfort me until the emotional buildup in my eyes is too much to take and is threatening to spill over. I rear back and wipe the corners of each eye, trying to not ruin my mascara.
“I think that this will be good for you. Just go in there and relax . . . even though it’s with him. I remember the first time that I saw you two together in Sydney. You both seemed to calm each other down somehow. It’s odd, but I’m sure that it has to mean something.”
I have to laugh at her comment. “Hads, I was beyond drunk that night.”
“You were happy. Now, I need you to be happy and pregnant.”
I wish I could tell her that it’s not that simple. If she got pregnant, she’d have Wade by her side every step of the way, but I know without a doubt that Liam will feel imprisoned and retreat from me.
“I’ll see you afterward,” I say before leaving her to get changed as I exit the room, only to find Liam leaning against the wall across the hall, waiting for me in a robe that matches my own.
He’s too damn attractive for his own damn good. Dickweed. A smile cracks through my shame and I step toward him, telling myself to forget just for today, just enough to allow myself to enjoy being with him.
“All set?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
Ten minutes later, I’m looking down at a dark wood floor while a female massage therapist is working on my lower back. Liam wasn’t impressed when two males walked into the room earlier. He refused to have them lay a hand on me and insisted on two females.
For a moment, I allowed myself to enjoy the jealousy that he had over the idea of another man’s hands running over my exposed skin. I confess that I actually like the fact that he might have been envious.
Our beds are directly beside each other, separated with just enough room for the massage therapists to walk in between. Once both therapists have moved to the other sides of our tables, he reaches for my hand. He finds it underneath the blankets that cover my body, and I don’t fight him off when he laces his fingers through mine.
I’ve heard that slight touches help relieve stress from one’s body, and if this massage doesn’t do it, then I’m almost positive that Liam’s touches will.
“You good?” he asks, and I squeeze his hand in response because if I speak right now, he’ll hear the obvious emotion in my voice, and I think that I’ll keep my pretty mouth shut for the time being.
“After this, we can head out to the hot springs.”
He’s pushing me to speak, and I really don’t have a choice about it now, so I answer him, but I manage to keep my voice low. “I . . . uhm . . . I think I might skip that.”
/> “Are you sure? I have us scheduled for a hot-springs water massage after lunch.”
“I’m sure. I’m not too big on sharing large hot tubs.” It’s the single most pathetic excuse that I can come up with, but it’s all that I have at the moment. He doesn’t respond for a minute because experiencing the milky waters is what we’re here for.
“All right. Is there anything else you’d like to do?”
“I’m not sure. I just want to enjoy this right now.”
He runs his thumb along the inside of my palm, which causes me to adjust myself on the table. His touch seems to be distracting and healing me all at once, so I force my eyes to close and focus on the back-and-forth movement of his thumb against my palm. With each additional touch, though, the following one turns into more attachment.
This type of affection doesn’t often come from him, so I find myself getting lost in thinking about my fondness of him rather than the hands moving up and down the length of my thigh.
He might not know it, but this simple touch between us is intensifying the already-deep affectionate feelings that I hold for him. It’s become so much more than a sexual attachment for me. It’s turned into a budding romance with beloved intimacy. He’s my favorite place to go when things get rough in my mind. He knows how to dull the ache that the dark disease threatens me with.
Liam came into my life like a fucking train wreck. He changed my reality and made me question everything about myself. He’s revolutionized my world in a matter of years, and when I’m with him, hours feel like seconds, and seconds feel like hours when we are apart.
Liam and I have always shared a mutual connection, one that is robust, bottomless, and complex, but I’m unsure if he sees it. He has to see it, but I think that he’s choosing not to. This man helped me prove to myself that I was worth more than the hand that I’d been dealt.
I’ve fallen in love with the most unexpected person in a time of chaos.
When a fairy tale doesn’t come true, do I fight for it?
I get lost in her, and it’s the kind of lost that makes being found frightening. I want her. I want all of her. I want her flaws, her imperfections, and her dirty mouth. Isla. I simply want all of her, but my choices have been limited by my own decisions.
Here’s my admission: I like her more than I originally planned for, which is reason enough for this week to be the last of what we’re doing. Fuck, I even smile like an idiot when I think about her. Her roots are deeper than they appeared to be from the surface now that I’ve acknowledged the fact that she means more, but I need to dig those roots up. I have to remain in control of whatever this is, and I’ll be unable to do so if I allow them to stay.
I’ve decided that once I’m back in the States and the construction of my place is well underway, I need to put all of my effort and energy back into RW. After speaking to both Wade and Gage on separate occasions, I’ve decided to go ahead and open up an RW recovery center in Chicago—a silent safe house—and focus on the trafficking that happens right in front of our eyes in our own city. If it’s successful, I may venture out to other cities in the States as well.
I’ve been keeping up with my teams on the ground in Mexico as well, and I’ve been asked on more than one occasion to join them. A week ago, I wouldn’t have considered going back into the bounds of hell, but I know that I need to go. They would not ask me once to simply fuck around, and seeing as they’ve asked twice, I cannot keep denying them.
With my mind made up, the hands that were massaging the back of my neck let up, and the two massage therapists excuse themselves from the room.
I turn my head to the side and wait for Isla to open her eyes and look at me. Isla wears her scars as she does her beauty. They aren’t physically visible, but the actions and stance of a strong woman cannot be overlooked. When I look back on the time that I first met her, I would have never assumed that she would be so unbelievably significant to me.
“Doll?”
“Mmm?” she replies and stretches out her arms in soft movements.
“How’d that feel?”
“It was exactly what I needed today. Thank you.”
“Can I get my spirited bitch back now? She’s been missing since we left the States.”
Her smile is hesitant, but it’s there. “I can try, but I can’t promise you a thing.”
I swing my legs off the bed and stand, shamelessly naked in front of her as she peels her eyes open.
I watch as her eyes travel the length of my torso and down to my appendage that hardens beneath her glittering gaze. My want for her is inevitable and sure. The serenity of the room morphs into something more captivating and heady, and my entire body comes alive with it. She manages to catch her breath before I speak.
“If you didn’t have a facial scheduled, I’d lock us in here for the remainder of the day.”
She pushes herself up, and the sheet that was covering her breasts slides smoothly down her skin, revealing them to me. I have to refrain from taking her on the fucking table as she loosens her hair from the braid that she put it in earlier.
“Tempting,” she says before getting up and walking to her robe hanging from a hook near the door.
“Don’t deny your need for me, Isla.”
I can feel the energy shift in the room, and I’m well aware that she can too. I won’t stand by and watch her deny it.
“Have I ever?” she asks while she ties the sash around her trim waist.
“I wouldn’t know.”
“Well . . .” She turns to face me. “I’ll tell you the next time that I require you to satisfy a need within me. Deal?”
“I thought that deal was already in place.”
She shrugs and pulls the door open, but I take quick and purposeful strides to intercept her before she can exit the room. I grab hold of her wrist and yank her back against me before closing the door and pushing her back up against it with more force than I mean to.
“I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you,” I hiss, fury slicing through each word, “but if it has anything to do with my disappearing on you, then I’ve already apologized, and I refuse to do so again. Clear your head of whatever the fuck it is that you’re thinking and live in the moment instead of whatever the fuck you are doing right now. Get your shit together, Isla.”
I don’t expect it until it’s over and the side of my face is left stinging. I turn my head to face her again, and she’s got her hand cupped over her mouth, shaking her head from side to side.
“I’m—oh God, I’m so sorry.”
Instead of pushing away from her, I press my entire body hard against hers and sweeping her hand away from her mouth, I crush mine against hers, willing her to part her lips for me. When she does, I don’t hesitate to take the kiss further and run my tongue along hers. Her arms link around my neck, and I lift her up by her waist to move her legs around my torso before carrying her over to one of the tables and sitting her down on it.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I ask against her addictive lips.
Her grip around my neck tightens, and I pull her closer to the edge of the table until her front is flat against mine. I could easily slide into her right now and fuck the truth out of her, but I know her, and that’s not what she needs. I won’t allow my need for her to make her feel used.
“Nothing,” she lies easily and then continues to kiss me as if I’m her air. As if she needs more of me than what I’m providing her at the moment.
I think I might be losing my mind, but I cup her cheeks and use all of my self-restraint to pull back from her. “It’s something, doll, and I want to know exactly what is going on with you. I won’t let you down, Isla. Have I ever?”
She shakes her head before leaning against my bare chest. “No. It’s just . . . I just need time, okay? Please?”
“If you’re sure.”
“I am. Just don’t take me for granted.”
I pull back until I’m able to get her to look up at me. “Why would
I do that? You know me, and as much as I enjoy fucking around, I don’t play games like that.”
She shrugs and wipes beneath her left eye quickly. “I’m a mess, I’m sorry.”
The last time I saw Isla this frail was when I first met her. She was beside herself and wrapped in a depression so deep that you could physically feel the misery radiating off of her in waves.
“You’ve got nothing to apologize for. Why don’t you cancel the facial, and we’ll grab something to eat and possibly arrange something to do later—something other than the water massage?”
I know that I need to do something, but what? What can I do if she’s refusing to let me in? Can I force my entrance? Or will that be too much for her. I know that she’s learned to let me in, but if I do that, will she put up her guard against me? Fuck.
“All right,” she says through a sniffle and slides off of the table, pushing on my chest with the palm of her hand to put some distance between the two of us. “I’m sorry.”
“There’s more to this shit than you’re telling me. Just know that I will figure out what’s going on. I won’t let you sulk for our entire vacation.”
She shrugs and kisses the cheek that she slapped before leaving the room and me standing bare with the door wide open.
I glance over my shoulder at her retreating back before I grab the robe off of the hook and cover myself up. I’m not entirely sure what the hell has gotten into her, but it’s not necessarily something that I plan on sticking around for once she has that smile on her pretty face once more.
After I’m dressed, I head back into the main lobby, and Wade walks up to me from behind while he types something out on his phone.
“It looks like the women have decided to head to lunch.”
“Without us?”
He glances up at me with a knowing expression. “What happened?”
I shake my head and move to the seating area as I pull on my jacket. “I’m not entirely sure. She won’t tell me what the fuck is going on, and I refuse to dig any deeper.” He knows that it’s a lie; I’m merely unsure of where to start.
Intertwined: A Redemption Novel Page 11
