by Ali Parker
At the bar, I slid onto one of the familiar seats. “Whiskey,” I merely said. The bartender had worked at the club for years and knew which bottle I preferred.
As I adjusted my coat so I wasn’t sitting on it, my fingers brushed against my cell phone. Unable to stop myself, I pulled it out.
One little text message. Just to see how Lanie was getting on. Surely that couldn’t hurt?
Hope you’re doing well, I wrote.
My fingers twitched with a need to say more, but anything else would be pushing the envelope. Sending the text, I took a drink of whiskey, savoring the way it burned on its way down.
From where I’d set it on the bar, my phone lit up with a text.
I’m good. How are you?
My inhale stung even more than the whiskey had. Awful, I wanted to say. But I couldn’t. I’d decided to cool things and with good reason. I might not have had the most glowing personality, but I stuck to my guns. That I could always say.
Fine, I typed back.
As soon as I sent the message, I hated myself. If I was going to make basic, one-word small talk, I shouldn’t have gotten in touch at all.
“I’ll have another one,” I told the bartender and then slammed the rest of my drink.
I eyed my phone as he filled me up, waiting to see if Lanie would write back, and knowing she probably wouldn’t. Not until I had something more substantial to say myself.
I rubbed my closed eyes, hoping I’d suddenly wake up and find this had all been a dream. I’d wake up in my bed with Lanie by my side. She wouldn’t be my close friend’s daughter. She’d be the woman I planned on making my first girlfriend in years, the woman I wanted to spend the holidays with, the woman I’d take on vacation next summer.
But reality doesn’t budge that easily. Lanie was still Bob’s daughter, and I still lived a lie.
Every day I went without telling Bob the truth, I became a more despicable person. Us not seeing each other in person that much anymore didn’t matter. I had his number in my phone, just as I had Lanie’s. I could call him up and spill the news any moment I found the guts to.
And yet I hadn’t. Because I was a coward.
I understood why Lanie was so resistant to telling him about our relationship, but I couldn’t stop holding our silence against both of us. Mainly me. If I couldn’t step up and take responsibility, how could I be the kind of man Lanie or Raven—or anyone else for that matter—needed?
Someone took the seat next to me, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“What are you doing here?” Saxton asked with a laugh.
I snorted, the depressive cloud broken by his appearance. “Just having a couple of drinks.”
He accepted my handshake with a skeptical look. “I never see you here during the week. Not unless you’re having a meeting.”
“And I never see you here without a woman.”
Saxton caught the bartender’s attention. “I’ll have what my good buddy is having.”
I chuckled, either because of the whiskey I’d pounded or out of pleasure from seeing Saxton. “So what about it? Why are you here all by yourself?”
He turned to face me straight on. His hair was different again, the highlights he’d had the other week replaced by darker tones. “I figured it might be best to give that a breather. Just around here, you know. If I keep showing up with girls at the country club, how am I going to pick up girls at the country club? They’ll all think I’m—”
“Exactly what you are?”
Saxton winked and put a finger to his lips. “Shh.”
“My lips are sealed.”
“I know they are.” He swirled his drink around. “You don’t even talk about your own life.”
I shrugged and looked down at the bar. My phone’s screen was still dark. Lanie was probably hating me for bothering her.
“Come on,” Saxton urged. “I’m waiting.”
I eyed him. “You just accused me of not talking.”
“And that was supposed to open you up.” He rolled his hand through the air, telling me to get on with it. “So let’s go. Why are you here all by yourself on Wednesday night? No business meeting. No daughter. No lady friend. Last we talked, you were seeing someone on the regular. What happened with that?”
“Nothing.” I couldn’t keep the bitterness out of my answer.
“Then why do you sound so pissed?”
I pushed my fingers through my hair. “It’s not going that well.”
“Well, you know what I think about that.”
I gave him a hard look. “Not because we’re not getting along. We’re amazing together.”
The memory of Lanie’s mouth pressed to mine hit fast and hard, but I shoved it away. Nostalgia was for the weak.
“We’re not working out due to things beyond our control,” I explained.
“Sorry to hear that.”
I scrutinized Saxton’s face, eventually deciding he meant it.
“You know this isn’t worth it, right?” he seriously asked. “Getting all fucked up over one woman?”
I just blinked, annoyed but knowing there was no point in arguing. Some people were set in their ways, and Saxton was one of them.
“You need to be having fun, Andrew.”
“That’s what you always say.”
“Yeah, because I’m right.” He leaned back in his seat, his suit’s jacket falling open.
“This may be a surprise to you, but a serious relationship comes with its own brand of fun.”
“What?” he guffawed. “Sitting at home and arguing over where to go for dinner or whose friends to see?”
Saxton didn’t get it. He’d never been married. He had no idea what it was like to have someone you could count on every day, how it felt to wake up next to your best friend. Combine those experiences with a little bit of chemistry, and you didn’t need anything else.
“You did your duty, Andrew,” he quietly said. “You have a kid, you’ve added to the world’s population or whatever. It’s time to have fun.” Saxton took a drink, eyeing me over his tumbler’s rim.
Just as I figured. Saxton would never understand.
For some reason, I couldn’t retreat. “What we were having wasn’t only fun. It was more than that.”
“And now it’s making you sad.”
“For now,” I forcefully answered. “But that’s because there’s some shit going on. And look.” I turned in my seat to face him straight on, just as he was with me. “I get your philosophy. Most people cause drama, and that’s not worth it.”
“Amen.” Saxton raised his half-empty glass.
“But sometimes it is worthwhile.” I quickly went on. “Some women are worth the hard days because the good days are a thousand times better.”
“So you’re not breaking up with her?”
My ears grew hot. “I don’t want to.”
“Look, I get that you’re a romantic, but how much good has that done you? Take me. You never see me moping around, crying in my drink while alone at the bar.”
Nearby, the bartender chuckled.
“He gets it,” Saxton smiled, pointing the man’s way.
“I’m not crying,” I growled.
“It was a metaphor for whatever it is you’re doing.”
“Right.” I stared into my drink, the desire to take another sip gone. “I’m gonna go. Let’s do lunch soon.”
Saxton gave me a nod and pulled out his phone, probably preparing to text whatever girl was on the menu for the night. Popping my jacket’s collar up, I crossed through the lobby and out into the front area.
The country club was on the edge of a residential neighborhood, surrounded by trees and with downtown in the distance. I stuffed my hands into my pockets and stared at the skyscrapers’ lights. The past few days, I’d tried every trick in the book to get Lanie off my mind. Work. Exercise. Sleeping aids. Hell, I’d even tried porn, which didn’t work at all, since seeing other girls only made me miss my own woman more.
&nbs
p; The truth couldn’t be run from. I needed Lanie. I wasn’t entirely sure how we would sort out the mess we’d found ourselves in, but I was tired of it keeping space between us.
Taking out my phone, I sent the best text that I had all week.
I need to see you.
Chapter 27
Lanie
Latte clutched in hand, I stepped around a group of chatting girls and beelined for the table by the window. Judging by the quick stakeout I’d performed upon entering the cafe, it was the best spot. With a round table surrounded by cozy, plush chairs, it also provided a good view of the street.
Which meant I’d see Andrew before he saw me.
Just thinking about him had my stomach twisting into knots a sailor would have been proud of. The only contact we’d had all week was the sparse text messages on Wednesday night. Even though Andrew had said he wanted to see me, he hadn’t been able to meet until tonight, Friday. Apparently, just like me, he’d been filling up the calendar.
I only hoped this meant Raven wasn’t being pushed to the side again. If, after all the work Andrew put into repairing their relationship, life reverted back to its old way, I would feel awful. Like I had something to do with it all.
I suppose I did.
Taking a careful sip of my latte, I set it down on the table. I didn’t usually drink coffee in the evenings, but I’d ordered it so my hands would have something to do. Plus, I had a late night ahead of me anyway. Though I desperately wanted Andrew to breeze in, kiss me like there was no one watching, and invite me home with him, I hadn’t gotten the sense that would be happening.
No. He’d invited me to a public place, not to his home. And not to a romantic dinner, either—just to a standard cafe across from a park.
“Hey.”
I looked up, expecting to see Andrew, but finding a blond guy in a flannel shirt instead. He was smiling, showing off deep-set dimples.
“Hi,” I tentatively said.
He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking kind of uncomfortable. “I hope this isn’t weird, but I saw you from across the room, and I wanted to come over and introduce myself. I’m Joe.”
“Nice to meet you. I’m Lanie.” I stood, and we shook hands, his hazel eyes on me the whole time. He was undeniably handsome, and I couldn’t understand why he’d come over to talk to me.
“I was studying with my friends.” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder, toward a large table of college-aged students talking and peering at books and laptops.
“Oh. Nice. Let me guess. UW?”
“Yeah.” His smile lit his whole face. “Where do you go?”
“Oh.” I laughed. “No, I’m not in school.”
“Cool. Much respect. Everyone needs to pave their own path.”
I stifled a second laugh. “I did go, but I graduated some time ago. I’m twenty-eight.”
Joe’s jaw dropped. “No, you’re not.”
“Yep.” I surreptitiously peeked at the door. Andrew still hadn’t arrived.
“But you can’t be any older than twenty-two.”
“Twenty-eight,” I repeated.
I waited for his comments about how lucky I was to look young, and how I would age well, and blah blah blah. I’d heard it all before. None of it made me feel better about having to constantly wear a baby face to my big girl job.
“I’m sorry,” Joe earnestly said. “It must be annoying to be mistaken for being younger.”
I tilted my head, studying him. “Yeah,” I slowly answered. “It is.”
Usually, people didn’t understand that. That Joe should was kind of shocking.
He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I saw you were sitting over here all by yourself, and I was wondering if you wanted to join me.”
I bit down on a smile. “Don’t you have studying to do?”
His gaze was unwavering. “That can wait.”
My eyes darted to the closed door again. “Thank you for the offer, but I’m waiting for someone.”
“A date?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh.” Joe frowned. “Well, thanks for talking to me.”
“Yeah. Good luck with studying.”
His bright smile was already back. “I’m sure it won’t be as much fun as hanging out with you would be. Oh, well. Good luck with the lucky guy. I guess you can’t blame me for trying.”
I opened my mouth to tell him we were good, but someone else spoke instead.
“No, you can’t,” a deep voice said from right behind me.
I spun on my heel to see Andrew, tie loosened and briefcase in hand. His eyes flicked down to me, bringing with them a shiver that shot from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.
“Have a good night,” Joe said, already retreating. He was gone in an instant, leaving me with Andrew’s still intense gaze.
“Wh-when did you come in?” I sputtered.
A corner of his mouth twitched, and I couldn’t tell if he fought a frown or a smile. “Just a moment ago. You were busy.”
“Ah.”
If he was looking for an apology for my talking to a guy, it wasn’t coming. Andrew wasn’t my boyfriend, no matter how much I wanted something like that from him. He’d pushed me away, and I owed him nothing.
“Would you like anything?” he asked, loosening his tie further, though that didn’t seem necessary.
“No, thanks. I have something.” I picked up my drink as I took a seat. Anxiety was already flooding me, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to take another drink of the coffee, but it felt good to have my palms wrapped around its warmth.
Andrew sat across from me, face guarded. “Do you know that guy?”
“No. We were just talking.” I evenly looked back at him, waiting for whatever came next.
Andrew cleared his throat, shifting his weight around like he couldn’t quite get comfortable. “Thank you for meeting with me.”
Of course, lingered on my tongue, but that was too rude of a response.
“You’re welcome,” I answered instead.
“How have you been doing?”
“Okay. You?”
“Fine.” He tersely nodded, and revolt filled me. This was like a conversation between two strangers.
Without warning, Andrew sighed and dropped forward, his arms coming to rest on his spread legs. His head hung down, and for a long moment, he stared at the floor. “I’m sorry about this.”
I bit back a strangled cry. Despite the frustrations I’d been harboring, seeing him looking so broken had me coming undone. “Me, too,” I whispered.
Andrew looked up at me with sad eyes. “I haven’t spoken with your father.”
“Neither have I.”
His inhale sucked up all the air in the vicinity. “I’ve been trying to work this out, to figure out what we should do.” He paused. “What do you think?”
I slowly licked my lips. “It’s complicated.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I know I’m a coward.” My voice cracked on the last word, and I shut up, afraid that if I said any more, I’d break down.
Andrew stiffed. “No, Lanie, don’t say that. It’s not true.”
“It’s silly, but I still have this fear of disappointing my parents, you know? Like I’m ten or something.”
“A lot of adults feel that way.”
“I know.” I nodded thoroughly. “I’ve taken classes on the subject, for god’s sake. But that doesn’t make things any different for me, oddly enough.”
He smirked. “If it’s any comfort, I’m here right alongside you.”
I watched him warily, not sure what he was getting at. “You are?”
“Yes,” he softly replied.
His answer made warmth spread through me. I put the coffee cup down and laced my fingers together, leaning forward just as he was. “It’s been weird not talking to you.”
“It’s been driving me crazy.”
Awful as it was, hearing that brought me some pleasure. I’d spent the week half-believing Andrew
never wanted to see me again. Being proven wrong almost made the pain of the last few days’ worth it.
Andrew worked his jaw around. “I don’t know what we have, Lanie. I know it’s a little soon to call it, but I like whatever it is. I want to keep exploring it, to see where we can go.”
My eyes stung as I worked to stop myself from smiling too wide. “I feel the same way.”
“Good.” Andrew’s smile lit up his face, allowing me to finally break into a full-out grin. “But if we’re going to keep seeing each other, we need to be honest with your parents.”
“I know,” I immediately answered.
He planted his hands on his thighs and sat up straighter. “I’ll talk to Bob.”
“No. I should do it.”
Andrew skeptically paused. “Are you sure? You don’t have to do this on your own, Lanie.”
“He’s my dad. It’s important.”
“Maybe I should be there with you.”
“I think that would be a little too shocking.”
I could tell he agreed but was offering his accompaniment because he knew it was the right thing to do.
“You’re his friend, but I’m his daughter. Let me talk to him first.”
He slowly nodded. “Okay. When will you tell him?”
“He’s out of town until tomorrow morning, so I’ll do it then.”
Andrew nodded again. I could already feel the nerves collecting deep in my stomach. Sleep would not be coming easy that night. Maybe if I wrote down what I needed to say and rehearsed it, I’d at least have a chance of not fainting from fear.
Andrew cleared his throat, looking uncharacteristically nervous. “What are you doing now?”
I felt my eyes widen in surprise. I’d previously figured our meeting would end here. “My mom and I are going to some play.”
“Ah. That sounds nice.”
There was real disappointment in his voice, and for a second, I desperately wished that I could blow off my mother to spend the evening with Andrew. I couldn’t do that to her, though. She’d been so excited when I suggested we do something that night. With Erica busy, and my relationship with Andrew up in the air, I’d been doing everything I could to fill my schedule up.
