by Ali Parker
“I’d like to visit her, too. In the hospital. I mean, if I can.” Jason gave me an imploring look.
“I don’t know if she can hear us.”
“But she might be able to?” Hope danced in his eyes.
“Possibly.”
“Either way, I’d like to see her. Please.”
“All right.” I nodded. “I’ll call the hospital and set it up—but listen. Keep it light. Don’t go in there and unload on her. She needs to use whatever strength she has to get better.”
He nodded like a bobble head on a car’s dashboard. “I will. I promise.”
“Good.”
Karen knocked lightly on the door before opening it. “Here’s the water,” she softly said, entering carrying a tray that held two glasses.
I narrowed my eyes. It had been a while since I’d asked for the water. Had Karen been listening in the hall?
If she was, it was probably for the best. I hardly trusted myself at the moment. Having someone close to keep me in line wasn’t a bad idea.
“Thanks,” Jason said, standing. “I have to go, though. I have my mom’s car, and I’m not allowed to drive past sunset anymore.” He cast me a grateful look. “Thanks again, Mr. Marx.”
I nodded. “Sure thing.”
“I’ll get your coat.” Karen smiled at him and set the tray down on my desk.
As soon as they left the office, I closed the door behind them.
Alone again—in the state that suited me.
Turning to look out the window, I surveyed the backyard. The outdoor pool had been drained months ago, and dried leaves and sticks coated its cover. Gnarled, twisted branches reached across the dead grass. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone into the yard.
Fingers curling into my palms, I looked down. My head spun from Jason’s visit and showed no signs of slowing down. What was wrong with me? Everyone had told me Jason wasn’t on drugs, that he was a normal kid. The hospital staff. The police. Jason’s parents. The private investigator.
And still, I’d believed what I wanted to. I’d gone on a wild goose chase in the hopes of making myself feel better. The truth was there was no feeling better. Not at that moment. For a while, I would just have to feel shitty.
Knowing that brought a fraction of peace.
And yet I couldn’t shake one truly dark thought. I couldn’t trust myself. I’d been so emotional over what happened to Raven that I wasn’t able to think through what I was doing. I’d seen plenty of people act that way before. I never thought I would be one of them.
Again, my thoughts turned to Lanie. I couldn’t wait to see her. I needed to see her. But hadn’t the time apart to focus on myself and Raven given me some of the clarity I needed?
Sighing, I turned from the window. I needed to shower and clean up before Lanie arrived. I had no plan for what we would do or what we would say.
I just prayed the answers would come when I needed them.
Chapter 51
Lanie
Standing on the front porch of the house that was already so familiar, holding a plastic shopping bag of groceries, my knees shook. Gulping, I went to ring the doorbell, but the door flew open and Karen stepped out.
“Hello, dear.” She gave me a one-armed hug. “Just in time. I’m headed to the hospital now.”
“How is she?”
Karen’s lips twitched like she was trying to smile but couldn’t. “Oh, you know.”
I nodded. So the same.
“It’s good you’re here,” she said in a lower voice. “He can use the company.”
Patting me on the shoulder, she went down the steps and to her car.
“Hello?” I called, stepping into the front hall.
Andrew appeared from the living room. “Hi.”
“Hey.” I couldn’t stop my eyes from sweeping over him. Tight, long-sleeved shirt. Hair damp and slicked back. The aroma of his soap filling the air. Despite the awful situation, we were in the middle of, the sight of Andrew still brought butterflies to my stomach.
I started to ask how he was, but he stepped forward and took my mouth in a kiss. For a second, I didn’t know what to do. The last time we’d seen each other, he could barely look at me.
As his kiss deepened, his arms went around my waist, and then I snapped out of the daze and kissed him back. Shivers began in my lips and traveled into my toes. I wanted to melt into the embrace, to disappear in it forever.
Too soon, Andrew’s hands trailed across my waist and slipped away from me. “Are you hungry? Dinner should be in the kitchen.”
“Not tonight.” I raised the grocery bag. “I already talked to Karen. Tonight, I’m cooking.”
“Ah.” Andrew smiled, but I could tell it was forced.
“Don’t.” I took his hand. “You don’t have to act happy.”
His throat twitched as he swallowed, and he nodded and looked away. “Let’s get into the kitchen.”
“I have this,” I told him once I’d hung up my coat and taken the bag to the kitchen table.
“Don’t you want any help?” His voice was close behind me, making me shiver. Turning around, I found him just a couple feet away.
“It would be nice.” I worked my heavy tongue around. His gaze was so intense. I didn’t know what to make of it. “Will you prep the veggies?”
He didn’t answer, just got to work pulling the onion and carrots from the shopping bag and rinsing them off. I watched him out of the corner of my eye as we worked, wondering if he would bring up what happened at the hospital.
Instead, the talk through cooking was about everything else, how Principal Stafford sent a card signed by lots of students, how strange it is to be taking so much time off work. Nothing Andrew said even veered close to us.
“How about the dining room?” Andrew asked once the stir-fry was done.
“Sure.” I carried the plates into the long room that I’d only eaten in once or twice. Andrew followed behind, two tumblers and a bottle of whiskey in his hands. As soon as he sat, he filled our glasses. I eyed mine, noting he’d poured about triple the amount I would normally drink.
“Tell me about work,” Andrew said.
I caught my bottom lip between my teeth. School had been awful because of Raven’s situation, but maybe I could focus on the positives and share those instead.
“Well, someone drew a penis on the gym teacher’s car.”
Andrew laughed, and I grinned. Spurred on, I searched for more stories to share while we ate.
“Jason came by today,” Andrew said abruptly, once I’d run out of things to talk about and dinner was almost eaten.
My hand stilled, fork in the air. “What?”
He filled his tumbler to the brim again with more whiskey. How had he managed to already drink that whole thing?
Andrew’s mouth drew into a tight line. “To apologize.”
“Wow,” I breathed. “And how did that go?”
Andrew shrugged a shoulder; took a long drink from his tumbler. “He wasn’t drinking or on drugs.”
I know. That’s what the police said.
I checked that response and instead reached over and touched Andrew’s forearm. “That’s good.”
“He wants to visit Raven in the hospital.”
He took a swallow of his drink, not going on.
“She would like that,” I cautiously suggested.
“Yeah.” His gaze jumped to mine. “I called already and cleared him, so he can go anytime.” His cheeks turned red, an odd sight on him. “I fucked up, Lanie.”
My inhale caught in my throat, and I tightened my hold on his arm, almost afraid he would slip away from me if I removed my fingers for a second. “What are you talking about? No, you haven’t.”
Andrew wore a look of disgust. “I made a bad call, but what else is new? My whole life I’ve made one poor choice after another. I’m surprised I know my damn head from my ass.”
I wanted to plug my ears. “Andrew, stop. I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
“What are you talking about, exactly? Which poor choices?”
Another drink. The tumbler was half empty, and he’d only refilled it a minute ago. “Does everyone else have their shit together? Am I the only one floundering around?”
It was like he hadn’t heard my question. “No. They don’t. People act like they’re doing great all the time, but you know that’s not the case. Andrew. Hey. You have a giant company and an amazing, smart, creative daughter. You haven’t screwed up.”
And you have me.
The thought made me pull my hand back. I would be by Andrew’s side no matter what, but he had to invite me over first. And I didn’t know what this evening spent together meant. At any moment, he could open his mouth and announce he wanted to be alone again, and I would have to respect that.
“Sit with me on the couch,” he said, his eyelids heavy.
I nodded and stood. Andrew took my hand, leaving his drink behind.
In the living room, he pulled me into his shoulder and ran the back of his hand down my face. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured.
Tears filled my eyes, but I didn’t know why. Maybe they were the result of the all-around emotional week. Or the result of mine and Andrew’s entire relationship, which had been a roller coaster from nearly the beginning.
“Is this all right that I’m here?” I asked, the question having been burning in my mouth since I walked through the door. “You said you wanted some time alone, and I want to make sure—”
“I know.” Andrew dropped his hand and looked at the cold fireplace. “I needed that time to myself. Thank you for giving it to me.”
“Of course,” I murmured. I wanted to rest my hands against his chest, but I held back. After the days spent apart, things felt different. Falling back into our natural rhythm didn’t seem possible—especially not with Raven’s absence constantly looming above our heads.
“Lanie.” Andrew took my hand in his, our fingers interlacing. “You’ve been the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. I want you to know that’s the truth.”
“It’s the same for me,” I choked out. The tears threatened to resurface. “I had basically given up before I met you.”
He guffawed. “I had given up. I thought all women were the same.” His demeanor quickly switched again, and he sighed. “You’ve done so much for me and Raven. I don’t know how to thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me.” I turned more toward him, bringing my legs onto the couch and finally gathering the courage to rest my hands on his chest. His warmth filled my palms. Just going a few days without talking or touching had been horrendous. I never wanted to go through that again.
“You changed me. You changed Raven.”
“All I did was give you some suggestions. You were the one who implemented them.”
“You’re one of the few people who isn’t afraid to boss me around.” His lips twitched their way into a smile.
“I’m not so sure that’s a good thing.”
“It is,” he whispered.
Andrew’s hand found the back of my neck. I closed my eyes and collapsed against his chest, my face nuzzled against his firm pecs. His face swept across the top of my head, and he pulled me closer, bringing me into his lap. For a long time, we just sat there, breathing in and out together.
With Andrew’s arms around me, I almost forgot the rest of our world was up in flames. In a reality where his touch existed, nothing bad could.
Eventually, I pulled back slightly so I could look into his eyes. “I’m surprised you want to talk about all of this.”
His eyebrows pinched together. “I want you to know that when I take space, it’s not because I don’t want to see you.” He pressed his palm to my cheek. “It’s never because of that.”
“Everyone needs time to think and be alone. I get that.”
Andrew lethargically nodded. “And to focus on what they need to.”
Without warning, he pulled my face to his. His lips nearly swallowed mine up with a hunger, but I was only too happy to comply. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kissed him back. There was a desperation in my touch, but I didn’t care. The same aching need was in Andrew as well. It simmered in the air between us, seeped from our skin and our gazes. We were in a bad way, but we got a little bit better when we came together.
Andrew broke the kiss but kept his hands on me. Dropping my forehead to his, I closed my eyes. Maybe when I opened them, everything would be different. Raven would be awake, Andrew would be back to his best self, and we would all laugh and watch a movie together. Life would be the perfect way it was supposed to be.
“I don’t know what to do,” Andrew painfully whispered.
My heart must have shattered. What could I say? I had nothing to offer but myself.
“I’m here,” I earnestly replied.
His hands pressed into my back so hard it started to hurt, but I didn’t care. He could cling to me as tightly as he needed to. I wasn’t going anywhere.
“I just want to forget about everything for a while,” Andrew murmured.
I ran my thumb down his lips, and he kissed it back. Forgetting sounded perfect. If only it was that easy.
“I know,” I answered. “I want the same thing.”
“Come to my bedroom.” It was more of a desperate plea than anything else. “Let’s just be together for a little bit and forget about everything else.”
“Can we?” I sadly asked.
Andrew squeezed my waist. “We can try.”
Chapter 52
Andrew
Kissing Lanie with everything I had, I picked her up. Her legs went around my waist, latching tight to me. She’d never know how much I needed this, but maybe I could give her a hint. With every touch, with every kiss, I wanted to show her that she was something special.
She’d always hold a cherished spot in my heart. No matter what came next.
I didn’t need to look to see where I was headed. I knew the dark house well. Navigating the hallway, I carried her up the stairs and into my bedroom, where the floor lamp in the far corner cast a soft glow.
Laying Lanie on the bed, I gently eased my weight onto hers. Her arms were still around my neck, and her face was painted with a soft passion.
“I missed you,” she said.
I nearly convulsed from the force of the words. “I missed you,” I repeated, dipping down and taking her lips.
Our tongues danced, familiar heat and unknown desire mixing together. I pushed my hands under her back, bringing her closer to me. I couldn’t get her near enough. No matter how much of our bodies touched, my heart still throbbed with pain.
Standing up, I stripped my shirt and pants. Lanie watched from the bed, her only movement the rising and falling of her chest. With only my boxers on, I climbed back onto the bed and kissed her cheek. Kissed her neck. Kissed her wrist. My lips sought out every exposed inch of skin, looking for whichever spot was the sweetest.
Wrapping my hands tightly around hers, I kissed the line of naked waist between her pants and sweater before going back up and finding her lips again.
Our mouths moved together like waves caressing a beach, and I straddled her, rocking my hips against hers. Heat grew, stretching into every corner of my body. Lanie wiggled against me, a sign that her desire was peaking.
Pausing from sucking at her neck, I pulled her sweater and shirt off and then undid her pants. She eagerly helped me by kicking her pants off and unhooking her bra.
That porcelain, soft body stretched out in front of me, curves soft and ready for my touch. Round, pink nipples stood out against Lanie’s pale flesh, and my mouth watered.
Bending down, I seized one breast and gave it a light squeeze as I ran my tongue over the bright tip. Lanie panted, legs locking over mine and hips driving upward.
She tasted like candy. My candy.
The thought made an ache return, but I pushed it away. Tonight was about the good things.
We’d left everything that wasn’t perfect at the door. Only me, Lanie, and what we could do for each other now existed.
Suckling gently on her nipple, I ran my hand down her side and sent it between her thighs. Her eagerness covered my hand in the form of wet heat. I stroked her gently, finding the pattern that she liked so much, and located her mouth again. This kiss was even better, the touch deeper. I was falling into a rabbit hole of lust, being sucked down into the unknown.
It was a place I wanted to never leave.
Seizing Lanie’s waist, I rolled over, bringing her on top of me. She shimmied down, finding my mouth once more. As we kissed, I squeezed every handful I could get. Ass. Hips. Breasts. They all belonged to me.
Lanie’s breathing became faster, and we rocked against each other as we tongued. She pushed at my boxers, sending them down my thighs. With a kick, I tossed them to the floor. Pulling Lanie closer, I pressed my face into her neck and inhaled long and deep. She made a little noise of need, and my dick stiffened.
Holding her against me, I raised my hips, letting my length slide along her inner thigh. Lanie gasped, driving her mound down and grazing my dick’s tip.
Keeping her on top of me, I awkwardly scooted sideways and yanked open the drawer next to the bed. It tumbled to the floor, but I ignored it. I was already ripping open the condom and sliding it on.
Taking Lanie’s hips, I guided her onto my dick. She cried out as I pierced her, her back arching. Reaching behind me, she grabbed the headboard. Hanging on, she began swaying against me. Pleasure twisted through me, and I dug my nails into her skin. Red marks popped up where I touched her, but she didn’t seem to notice. Her face was the picture of ecstasy as she rode me with a passion.
Up and down, I moved her, forcing her to fuck me. She let me take the wheel, giving me what I wanted by relinquishing control. Our strangled breaths filled the room, each exhale louder than the rest.
“That’s it,” I told her, taking her short hair between my fingers and pulling it. Lanie twisted against my touch, her back arching and her hands still clinging to the headboard. I drove up as she pushed down, burying my length all the way inside of her. The sounds of the bed creaking blended with Lanie’s moans. The room spun. Sweat trickled down my face.
