by Ali Parker
"I doubt that, mom. He loves you very much." I wrapped my arms around myself as if trying to protect myself from the hell that was sure to reign down on me. Matthew had protected me from her wrath the last time I'd come to visit, but he wasn't there now.
Hell, he might not ever be with me again. The thought sent a cold chill down my back. What would I do if things didn't work out with us?
"And you? Do you love me?" She turned her head and bore into me with the same hateful stare I'd seen all my life.
"Of course I do." I was proud of myself for not skipping a beat.
"You're a terrible liar, Erica. You've got too much of your father in you." She cackled loudly.
I sat in a stony silence, not sure what to say or do. I had nothing left to give, and even if I had... she wouldn't have accepted it. My father's passing hurt her too much for her to be around me. I looked like him, acted like him, was him in feminine form.
"Everything okay in here?" The nurse poked her head in the room, and I glanced up, not realizing that an hour had gone by. We hadn't said another word to each other. There was nothing to say.
"Yes. My daughter was just packing up to leave." My mom turned her face toward the window. "Don't bother coming again. I know you don't want to be here, and you know I don't like seeing you."
"Mom-"
"Don't. Come. Again." She jerked her head around and narrowed her eyes. "Period."
I nodded and stood up, knowing better than to fight with her. I picked up my purse and walked to the door as an odd numbness settled in around me. I paused by the door and glanced back to see her one more time. She would die alone because my brother wouldn't make time for her and she refused to let me into her heart or her fucking room.
"I love you," I whispered and walked out into the hall, not having the strength to stand there in hopes of hearing it back. I hadn't since I was a girl. Nothing was going to change with her now.
"Miss Hall," the nurse started, "she didn't mean those things."
"Thank you, but save it. She's always been that way. This is nothing new." I walked to the door and paused, looking back. "Make sure you call me if something happens. My brother is useless."
"Of course." She nodded, the look of pity on her face almost too much for me to bare.
I walked out of the home and made a beeline to a little park bench by a pretty waterfall. I dropped down and pulled out my phone, calling Matt. I needed him more than I needed my next breath.
"Erica?" Damon answered the phone.
Panic consumed me. I jolted up to my feet. "Damon. Where's Matt? Is everything okay?"
"Yeah. He's just not having a good day. He'll give you a call-"
"Let me talk to her," Matt barked.
I stiffened as my knees went weak. "Matt?" I choked out.
"We're not getting together today. We are not getting together ever. I'm not sure what the fuck to say to you right now, but I need some space to figure things out."
I choked on a sob. "No. Please. Just let me-"
"Oh. So you do know why I'm upset. Fucking perfect." He growled loudly, and I could almost hear the sound of his heart breaking. "I'm hanging up now, Erica. We'll talk when I figure out what the fuck I'm supposed to say to you."
The line went dead.
"Okay. I love you," I whispered to no one and reached down to get my purse. I dragged it back to the car as the color drained from my vision. I got in the car and closed the door before the first of many screams ripped from my lips.
My heart wasn't just broken; my soul was shredded.
There was no way in hell he was going to listen to me now. Jonathan must have gotten to him first, or fuck, maybe Mitch did.
I got back to the house and walked in to find it still empty. I sat down and pulled out a piece of paper, putting together my resignation for McKenzie and Bryant. I needed time to mourn the loss of everything I loved. No one in my family cared for me, and though I had Lanie, she wasn't enough.
Matt was. Matt was more than enough.
I cried as I folded up the resignation and put a stamp on the envelope. I didn't belong in a big building downtown. I never had. It was all part of the hope that my brother and mother would see me as someone worthy of loving. It was a compromise of sorts, and it was draining me more and more every day.
After cleaning up a little, I packed a bag, called an uber and walked back down to the parking lot. I texted Damon that Matt would need to keep Zek for a few days and then I'd get him back, or Lanie could come get him. I got a quick text back that Damon would deal with it. And to be safe.
Funny how he knew that I had nothing left to do but run.
I dropped the letter in the mail at the edge of the yard about the time the uber drove up. I got in, told the guy where I was going and leaned back. It would be expensive, but I didn’t give a shit. Lanie called moments later, and it was almost uncanny that she knew I was hurting.
"Where are you?" She asked as I picked up the phone.
"I'm in the back of an uber, leaving town." I wiped the back of my hand under my nose as I sniffled.
"What happened?"
"I'm not doing this right now. I'll be in Canada for a few days or a week or a month. I'll keep in touch. Please help me with Zek until I get back."
"Of course, Erica. Let me come with you."
"No. You have your job and stuff. Just help with the puppy."
"I can do that, but I wish you wouldn't-"
"I wish I wouldn't too, but I did. I fucked up on so many levels. I cannot sit here and wallow in what could have been. I need time to myself away from this place, away from everyone. Please just respect that. You're the only friend I have in the world. I need your support right now."
"Then you have it. Be safe and check in. I love you."
"Thank you. I love you too." I dropped the call and rolled down my window. I'd lost everything by trying to be someone I wasn't.
I wasn't a fixer or a gambler or a business woman with high hopes of making millions.
I was just me, and once again... that wasn't nearly enough.
Chapter 53
Matt
Four days. It had been four days since I reamed Erica on the phone, and I hadn't gotten a text or a call since then. Lanie came and picked up the dog from Damon a few days after our last conversation, but I'd stayed in the bedroom. I wasn't sure what to think or how to feel, so I just didn't.
"Dude. You have to get out of this fucking house. Today." Damon walked into the living room and glanced down at me. I hadn't gotten off the couch for four days for anything other than to shit occasionally. I wasn't eating much, and my sleep was horribly dicked up. "You look like hell."
"Fuck off." I turned over on my side and faced the couch as my thoughts tormented me. All I wanted was to be loved by a woman like Erica. I would have given her everything. The heart from my goddamn chest, but that wasn't enough for her.
It was almost comical how stupid I was.
"Matt. Get your ass up now. I'm not messing around with you."
I lifted my middle finger in the air. He might have been able to take me to the floor when we were kids, but there was no way in hell he could do it now.
A knock at the door had me stiffening. "I don't want to see anyone. I'm serious."
Damon growled and walked away, leaving me in peace. The sound of Sophie's voice caused me to jerk up. She had been my best friend since we were kids. There was no one in the world who knew me better.
"Where is he?" She walked around Damon and stopped a few feet from me, putting her hands on her hips. "Get up. Get dressed and let's go. We're going out for food."
"No. I'm not." I stood, not caring that I was in boxers and nothing else. The girl had seen every inch of me and laughed at most of it. "You and Damon go eat. And what the hell are you doing here anyway?"
"Damon called a few days ago and told me what happened. I took a reporting job here in Seattle and hopped the first plane I could." She walked closer, reaching out and touching t
he side of my face as worry clouded her expression. "You have to eat."
"I am eating." I pulled her hand down carefully. "I'm not a child. I don't need everyone crowding around me right now. Seriously."
"Get dressed. We're taking you to eat." Damon moved up beside her. "We're not taking no for an answer. Keep dicking around, and I'll have Dad and Karen come up here."
"This is fucking stupid." I turned and walked to my bedroom. "I don't need a goddamn intervention. My love life is shit. So what? I'll get over it."
I slammed the door behind me as sickness danced around my chest. That was a damn lie. I wouldn't ever get over Erica' cheating on me. Not ever.
After throwing on some dirty jeans and a t-shirt, I slid my feet into some flip flops and walked out to find them talking about me.
I moved past them and grabbed my keys. "I'll go eat, and then the two of you find somewhere else to meet about my health. I'm not interested. It's a broken heart. It will heal."
"You're being a dick." Sophie walked past me, snatching the keys. "You could at least give me a hug. I flew all the way up here to see you."
I pursed my lips and glared down at her. If I showed anyone softness, I would crack in half.
"I can't," I mumbled and grabbed the keys back before walking out the door. "Let's go. Now."
***
We sat awkwardly at breakfast after we ordered, the two of them watching me like I was a new species about to crack from a fucking egg.
"What?" I barked as I glared at both of them. Being mean was so much easier than feeling the devastation that I knew was coming again.
"Matt. Did you talk to her?" Damon leaned in a little, his eyes kind. "She's not a whore. There has to be more to the story. The woman has wanted you for two fucking years."
"No. And I'm not going to." I snorted. "What would I say exactly? Why did you wax Mitch's cock? Mine wasn't enough?"
The sound of several shocked gasps reached me, and my cheeks burned.
"You don't know if she slept with him, Matthew. I'm with Damon on this one. You need to at least hear her side of the story." Sophie leaned back in her chair and shook her head. "You know that things aren't always as they appear to be. If you love her-"
"Loved her. I did love her."
"You still do." Sophie leaned closer. "Otherwise you wouldn't be so fucked up over this. You're not a prideful guy like this bastard." She pointed to Damon.
"Hey! I'm right here." He grinned over at me.
I gave him nothing. "I'm not talking to her guys. There is no reason to."
"You know what? Let's go to the office. We'll talk to Mitch and see what the hell is going on." Damon wiped his mouth and stood up. "Let's go. You want to close the door on this? Let's do it like men."
"Finally." I stood up and walked out of the restaurant with them behind me. We reached the car, and I got in the back, so tired all of a sudden. I pulled out my phone and scanned through my text with Erica over the last few months.
There was so much love. So much promise, and yet it seemed to be completely gone now.
Mitch had to be the answer. If I couldn't force myself to talk to her, then Damon was right. I could at least get in the old bastard's face and figure out what happened. Was it him or her?
Did it matter? Yeah. It kinda did.
We got to the office in record time with Damon behind the wheel. It was nice to know that my brother supported me, even when I was acting crazy.
"Let's talk to him in his office first, okay? No dragging him out into the hallway and beating him to death until we know what's going on."
"Fine, but if he's the one that started this with Erica, I'm going to kill him." I got out of the car and walked with purpose toward the office. Never in my life had I wanted to be violent with someone, but the old fucker who stole my woman was at the top of my list.
"Matt. Maybe we shouldn't do this here." Sophie jogged up next to me, her eyes filled with worry as she slipped her arm into mine and slowed me a little.
"I have to know, Soph. I need to start moving toward getting over this." I got into the elevator, grateful that we were the only ones in it. "You would want to know too."
"I know. I'm just worried about you making a big scene at your dad's office. That's all." She pressed her cheek to my shoulder as she leaned against me. "I wish I could take this from you. I would."
I reached out and took her hand. "I know you would. It's my problem to deal with though. I just need to deal with it."
"Agreed," Damon grumbled as he stood at the front of the elevator, facing us. "If this bastard is at fault, you can whoop his ass. I'll fire him."
The door opened, and I moved around my brother. The sound he made let me know he wasn't too thrilled with me taking the lead. I didn't care.
Mitch's voice rose up as we approached his office. "Absolutely. We'll get those packets over to you this afternoon. Nothing to worry-" He paused as we walked in.
I glanced over my shoulder and nodded toward the door. "Get out. This is my conversation to have."
Damon nodded and took Sophie's hand, pulling her out. They closed the door, and I turned to face Mitch.
"Alright, well, have a great day, and we'll be in touch." He put the phone down and lifted his eyebrow. "Matthew."
"What happened between you and Erica?"
"Have a seat." He motioned for me to sit down, but I couldn't force myself to take a step forward. All I could see was red. I'd thrown him out the window ten times in my mind since stepping foot in his office.
"Answer my question. Now."
He nodded and slipped his hands into his pocket, looking like such a nice guy. "I asked her to break things off with you before we started out love affair, but it would seem that she didn't."
"Who started your love affair, Mitch?"
"She did." He shrugged. "I, of course, found her attractive. Who wouldn't." He walked around the desk toward me. Brave mother fucker.
"And she just decided to date both of us at the same time." I crossed my arms over my chest to keep from reaching out and strangling him. "And you were good with that? Knowing she had her lips around my dick just a few days ago. That shit sits well with you, hm?"
His shoulder tightened, and a look of intense disapproval moved across his face. This mother fucker could be my dad. How could Erica find that shit attractive?
"I didn't know she was with you a few days ago. I hadn't seen her since the art event we attended with your friend Jonathan."
"Right. The night your little ruse was up." I tilted my head to the side. "So you're telling me that she came to you? That she started your relationship even though she was still in one with me?"
"I am." He held my gaze. "And I'm sorry that you were hurt in the process of this. I didn't want that to happen. Your father is one of my oldest friends, Matthew."
"I wonder what he would think about this sudden change of events." I glanced back as someone knocked on the door. Damon poked his head inside. "Mitch. I want to talk with you when my brother is done."
"I'm done." I turned and walked toward the door, letting Damon in before I walked out. I didn't have anything else to say. If Erica wanted a man like Mitch, then she could have him. I couldn't compete, and I was too tired to try.
"Matt. Hey man!" Lewis walked down the hall toward me; his hand lifted in a high five position. We clapped hands, and he pulled me into a warm hug. "Fuck, dude. You just quit and disappear? We missed you like crazy around here."
"Sorry, man. I had to stay true to who I was. You know?" I moved back, glad to see him, but suffering so damn much internally.
"I know it's true. I'm glad to see you inspired boss-lady to do the same. We're going to miss her so fucking much too." He nodded toward Erica's office.
"What?" I stiffened. "Erica left the firm?"
"Yeah, man. We just got word this morning." He shrugged. "She needs to get out of here though." He popped me in the chest. "So you guys can live your dreams of being painters together." Realization r
aced over his expression. "Wait. You didn't know she left?"
"No. We broke up on Sunday. She was fucking Mitch." I motioned toward Mitch's office. There was no need to save face for the whore that ripped my heart out. Everyone should know what a piece of shit she was.
"What? No way, man. I don't believe that for a minute." He moved closer to me. "He creeped her out completely. She didn't love anyone but you."
"Right. Tell that to her and Mitch." I reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "Good to see you. Take care of yourself."
"Matt. You're wrong, brother." His voice followed me as I walked back to Sophie and got into the elevator. His eyes were wide, pleading with me. "Matt. Listen to me. Something was up. I promise you, man."
The door closed and I leaned my head back and let out a painful sigh. Who was telling the truth and who was a fucking liar?
I wasn't so sure anymore.
Chapter 54
Erica
Today is the day. I laid in my hotel bed and chanted the same words over and over again. Today had to be the day. The day where I felt like eating, touring the city, breathing deeply again.
I missed Matt so bad that my body hurt, my brain ached, my teeth even felt sore. Forcing myself into the shower, I turned on the hot water and pressed my back against the cold tile wall. I wanted him so fucking bad that I honestly felt as if I were willing to do anything to get him back.
"Then tell him what happened. Make him listen to you!" I yelled at myself in the shower as a torrent of emotions raced through me, threatening to force me to my knees in anguish.
But he wouldn't listen. I knew it for a fact.
Memory after memory assaulted me, each one weakening my resolve to leave the hotel room. I cried out and closed my eyes, pressing my palms against my face and trying hard to hold myself together.
"What am I going to do without you in my life?" I let another sob go as the first time we made love raced behind my eyelids.
