“No, Jane, I told you the news in Town was that your entire family died in the fire. Darcy had traveled to Scotland before the fire. Do you not remember? His sister was quite ill from a dreadful fever. I told you that Darcy’s cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, heard the news from Caroline, and, when he read the same in the paper, he went directly to Scotland to inform Darcy in person. My friend has been devastated, thinking that Elizabeth had died. He felt he could not even return to his home in Derbyshire and face all the preparations being made for his taking Elizabeth there as his wife. Lord Matlock and Colonel Fitzwilliam had been attempting to find him since they learned of your and Lizzy’s survival. It was by coincidence that Darcy and his sister were recently in Ireland, and he overheard your aunt and uncle speaking of their journey here. That is when he was informed that you and Elizabeth had survived the horrible event. He stated that nothing could keep him from Elizabeth’s side, now that he knows that she is alive.”
“He will not want Lizzy now, not how she is. She is nearly a skeleton and so pale. And she might never be able to walk again. I cannot believe that Mr Darcy will wish to have such a wife.” Jane shook her head. “You heard her, Charles. She wishes she were dead. She has given up all hope and wishes to die. My sister is not the same as she was when Mr Darcy last saw her.”
Bingley placed a finger gently under Jane’s chin and lifted it so that she would look him in the eye. “Darcy is aware of her injuries. He wrote that they do not matter to him. I believe we owe it to both of them to give him a chance to get through to Elizabeth. Perhaps he will be able to reach her as we have not. He cannot do any worse than we have.”
Jane’s tears continued to flow. There was a soft glimmer of hope in her eyes. “I will pray that Lizzy will allow him the chance.” Wiping the tears with the back of her hand, Jane stood and straightened her gown. “Well, that will be dealt with later. Right now we have the first obstacle to overcome.”
“Will you need assistance in carrying Elizabeth to and from the tub?”
Shaking her head, Jane smiled. “For this obstacle, it is good that she has lost so much weight. She is so light that I imagine even my young cousins could carry her. No, Mrs Hill and I will be more than able to tend to Lizzy.”
“If you need anything, call out. I will remain here in the hall until you have her settled back into bed. While you have her in the bathing tub, I will have the maids clean her room and change the linens. Perhaps having a fresh room to return to will assist in improving her disposition.”
Jane lifted his hands to her lips. Placing a gentle kiss on the back of each hand, Jane looked into Bingley’s eyes. “I do not know what I did to deserve such a dear man as you, but I am truly grateful to God for sending you to me.”
“As I am grateful that God allowed me to keep you here with me. I love you, Jane. Hold on to that love while you are dealing with Elizabeth.”
“I will. Well, here goes nothing.” Jane said with a smile as she opened the door and returned to the bedchamber.
Jane had no sooner closed the door when Elizabeth began abusing her. “I do not care what you have planned, Jane, but I refuse to be carried to the bathing tub. I have no desire to have a bath. And I insist that you close the window and shades this minute.”
“Do it yourself, Lizzy. If you wish the drapes closed, do it yourself. And as for the bath, you will be carried into the next room and given a bath. You reek from lying in bed for days on end. If you will not behave yourself, I will have a footman come to assist us in carrying you. Is that what you wish, for a footman to join us or will you behave for Mrs Hill and me to manage? Either way, you will be having a bath today.”
The ladies moved to each side of Elizabeth’s bed, and began to slide her towards Mrs Hill’s side of the bed. Elizabeth cried out to them to stop and swatted at them with her hands. As she had not used her arms and legs for so long, she had no strength to her and was soon exhausted. By the time she had been bathed, her hair washed, dressed in a fresh nightgown, and her hair plaited, Elizabeth was nearly asleep. Jane pulled the fresh bedding up and tucked her sister in before placing a kiss on her forehead. As she stood up, she could see that Elizabeth had fallen asleep. “I truly love you, Lizzy. I will do whatever I have to for you to recover.”
~~ ** ~~
It was late in the afternoon, the following day, when two carriages pulled up in front of Netherfield Park. Bingley walked out to meet his guests as they climbed out of the carriages. “Welcome, welcome; it is such a pleasure to have you all here.”
Mr and Mrs Gardiner stepped up to their host. “Mr Bingley, we wish to thank you for your kindness to our family. Not only for offering us to stay here, but also for all that you have done for Jane and Lizzy. From what your letters said, you have had a great deal to contend with.”
“It is not something that I would wish to do again, but I am grateful that I was here and could be of assistance to everyone. And you are welcome to stay here as long as you wish.” Bingley then turned to his friends. It was obvious that the stress of thinking that the lady he loved had died had taken a toll on Darcy as well. From the way that Darcy’s clothes fit, he had lost more than a little weight. “I am pleased that you were found and are now here. I apologize that I had no notion as to your devotion to Miss Elizabeth.”
“We had decided to keep it quiet until I could come to speak with Mr Bennet. Then Georgiana took ill and I had to hurry to her side. I could not write to Elizabeth herself, so I had no way of letting her know of the change in plans. I was supposed to return within a month of her return from visiting Hunsford.”
“We will have plenty of time to discuss everything. Please, everyone, come inside. I have refreshments prepared so that we can speak. I know that you wish to see Miss Elizabeth, but it is best if we speak with you with regards to her health. Jane is in the drawing room waiting for us.”
When her aunt and uncle entered the drawing room, Jane could not hold back her tears. She ran to her loved ones, throwing herself into her uncle’s waiting arms. Mrs Gardiner patted Jane gently on the back, speaking in a soothing, motherly tone. The Gardiners had been like a second set of parents to Jane and Elizabeth, and it was apparent in the way they behaved. When Jane finally let go of her uncle, she immediately wrapped her arms around her aunt.
“Jane, let us sit on the sofa. You appear to be exhausted.” Mrs Gardiner said as she guided her niece towards the sofa.
“It has been a very difficult time.” Jane said, dabbing her eyes with her handkerchief. “Oh, Aunt Helen, if it were not for Mr Bingley and his devotion to us, I do not know what would have happened.”
“It was my honor to be able to do anything for my beloved and her family.” Bingley said with a smile filled with love as he looked at Jane. “I only wish that I could have done more.”
Darcy got to the point of his concerns. “Elizabeth, how is she?”
“It has been difficult.” Bingley said as his expression turned dark. “The first month, we lived day to day not knowing if she would survive. The injuries were tremendous. If she had not been so healthy before the fire, she most likely would not have survived. She has recovered somewhat, though she has no will to live. We had been humoring her and trying desperately to encourage her to rejoin life outside her room, and she has refused. Yesterday, Jane finally broke down and refused to allow Elizabeth to continue her behavior.”
“Aunt Helen, I did not know if I could do it, but I could not sit by and watch what she is doing to herself. She stays in bed, hardly eats, and she insists on having the drapes closed at all times and the room barely lit. And yesterday, oh, Charles, I cannot repeat it.” Jane said as she burst into more tears.
“Elizabeth told us yesterday that we should have allowed her to die. She does not wish to live. And, to be honest, if Jane had not set her foot down, Elizabeth most likely would not survive much longer. Before you see her, I must warn you. She is skin and bone, and has no strength. She still cannot feel her legs. Her skin is nearly white a
s snow; her hair is even dull and lifeless. There is no spark of life in her eyes. And there are scars. Some from burns, some from cuts, her body was damaged severely and without her will to live, her body cannot heal properly.”
Darcy listened to all that was said, all the while cursing him for not having been here at Elizabeth’s side. “What happened yesterday?” He asked.
“Hearing Elizabeth telling me that she wished we had allowed her to die, I finally set my foot down. We have been washing her in bed and trying to take care of her needs as she has insisted on us not moving her from the bed, but Mrs Hill and I took her into the bathing tub and gave her a proper bath. We also opened the drapes and the window slightly so she could have some fresh air and light in the room. And we made her come down to the dining room last night while we ate. She did not eat much, but she was forced to remain in the room with us until we were finished. It was so difficult to treat her against her will, but I will not sit by and allow her to give up on life.”
“Did she know that I was coming?” Darcy asked.
Shaking his head, Bingley replied. “You asked that we not tell her, so she has no knowledge of it. Darcy, I must warn you, she stated yesterday that no one would ever wish to have her as a wife and that she sees herself as being a monster.”
“I wish to see her first, if you do not mind. So much time has passed and both of us have suffered a great deal. It is time that she knows I did not abandon her, as my absence has most likely convinced her.” He looked at Mr Gardiner, his eyes pleading with the elder man. “I told you while we were on the journey that I will never abandon her and I asked your permission to court her with the intent to marry her. Do you stand by your word to allow me to convince Elizabeth of my love for her, no matter what her injuries are?”
“I do stand behind my word. And after hearing her sister’s words of having to force Elizabeth into what is best for her, you might need to employ some of her methods in your approach. Most likely, Lizzy will push you away, forcing you to abandon her. You must ignore her words and actions. She will need your constancy and devotion to convince her that you will not walk away.”
“I will allow her to behave like a petulant child until she realizes that I love her and will not leave her. Forgive me, Miss Bennet, Bingley, I have read the letters that you sent to Mr and Mrs Gardiner. Elizabeth has not been forced to deal with the fire or the loss of your family. That, along with her injuries and my appearing to have abandoned her, I understand how she must be thinking. Perhaps it is time to follow the lead of my future brother.” Darcy turned and walked from the room.
~~ ** ~~
Standing outside the bedchamber door that separated Darcy from the woman he loved. Taking a deep breath, he knocked lightly on the door. Jane had spoken with Mrs Hill with regards to Darcy coming, so when Mrs Hill opened the door, she stepped aside to allow him into the room. His eyes immediately sought out the woman he believed had died. And there she was, on the bed, with her head turned away from the door. Mrs Hill indicated that she would be in the sitting room, with the door ajar, so he could have some privacy with Elizabeth.
Even though he had been warned of her appearance, Darcy was shocked to see how ravaged her injuries and her melancholy had made her. Stepping closer to the bedside, Darcy spoke softly.
“Lizzy, my dearest love, will you not look at me?”
Elizabeth turned towards him, shocked to hear his voice. “Leave. You have no reason to be here.”
“Forgive me for not coming sooner. I only happened to learn that you were alive when I met your uncle in Belfast. I had been told that you died with your family in the fire. I would have been here sooner if I had known the truth.”
“I told you to leave. I have no need for you here. It is best if you find someone else to marry, for I will never be fit to be Mistress of Pemberley.”
“Elizabeth, I know that you are devastated by what has happened. I cannot find fault in that. I am here and I wish to pledge to you that I will be at your side for the rest of my life.”
“I do not wish you to be here. I do not wish anyone to waste their life with me out of pity. Can you not see that I am no longer a person? Elizabeth Bennet died. She no longer exists.” Elizabeth said with fury. “I wish that everyone would just allow me to finish dying.”
“I will not sit by and allow you to kill yourself. You are not dead, Elizabeth. You are here, and I have been given a most precious gift of having you return from the ashes. Do you know what a phoenix is?”
“Of course I do, I was well read on many things.”
“Then, my dearest Elizabeth, I believe that you are my phoenix. You are my beautiful bird that had burst into flames and rose again from the ashes. Elizabeth, you have felt alone through this ordeal. Having your sister and Bingley at your side must have given you some comfort, but you have been allowed to wallow. You were not given a chance to grieve for your loved ones. You have not given yourself a chance to release the anger you carry inside you for their deaths.”
Darcy walked over to the bed, drawing back the covers and picked Elizabeth up in his arms. She began protesting his action, insisting that he put her down immediately. Darcy refused to acknowledge her words, and as he walked from her bedchamber into the sitting room, he asked Mrs Hill for a wrap to place around Elizabeth to keep her warm. The former Longbourn housekeeper brought a heavy blanket and tucked it around her. He then continued to carry the frail body of his beloved out of her rooms, down the stairs and out the front door. He had asked his carriage remain prepared for him, and a footman moved to open the door for his master.
Everyone watched the man carry the woman he loved from the house and no one made a move to stop him.
~~~~~~~ ** ~~~~~~~
Chapter 9
The carriage made its way towards Longbourn. The months had carried away much of the scarring the land surrounding the main house had suffered. New plants grew where charred remains had been. Most of the remnants of the main house had been cleared as Mr Collins was in a hurry to build his new home, though there were still parts of the structure standing. Plant growth showed nature’s way of recovering. It was also obvious that Mr Collins had not managed to build his new home in the manner he wished, as the framework and little more had been accomplished in the months since he took over as the Master of Longbourn.
Beyond the location of the new building, Darcy could see the chapel that was part of Longbourn. He knew from speaking with Mr Gardiner that the family cemetery was located near the chapel.
Everyone in the neighborhood had had a chance to say their farewells to the Bennet family with the exception of one. Elizabeth had been critically injured at the time of the funeral services and was unable to attend. After she was healed enough, the bitterness and anguish overwhelmed her and she did not know how to speak of it to anyone. It would not have dawned on anyone that she was overwhelmed with her grieving. They had been able to live with their grief and come to terms with it. Darcy was on his grand tour on the continent when his father died. He could not return in time for the funeral, and, until he could stand at his father’s grave and say his farewell, Darcy could not come to terms with the death.
Once they arrived, Darcy carried Elizabeth from the carriage to the graves of her family. As he carried her, Elizabeth begged for him to return her to Netherfield. She cried for the first time since the fire, for the first time she was able to truly allow herself to feel the pain that she had stored inside her, allowing it to rise to the surface and give it the freedom to leave her.
The graves were placed in two rows. The front row held the graves of Mary, Kitty, and Lydia, with their parents in the back row. Kitty’s grave was in the center of her sisters’ graves, and Darcy carried Elizabeth to it. Still holding Elizabeth tightly to his chest, Darcy sat down on the dirt covering the grave. He held her tightly, though turned her so that she could see the graves. At first, she kept her eyes closed, pleading to return to the carriage. Darcy spoke to her softly.
�
�Elizabeth, when my father died, I was unable to be at the funeral. I was in Italy at the time of my father’s accident. I was angry that he died, angry that I would never see him again, and that I had not been there to properly farewell him. In many ways, you have been on a trip far away and were unable to say farewell to your loved ones. For you, though, is the fact that you lost so many members of your family at one time and you were so severely injured as well. I understand your anger and your bitterness. I understand your feeling of loss. I can even understand you questioning God as to why it was them and you were spared. Your sister has questioned why she survived as well. Bingley said that she felt that it was wrong for her to have survived, practically unharmed due to your waking her and helping her to escape, but that you were harmed so extensively. He had to force her here as well.”
“I wish I could have saved them all. I was trying to reach Mary. I can still see her on her bed; it is the last thing I can remember.” Elizabeth said as she finally turned her head towards the headstones. “If only I could have moved a little faster, I might have been able to reach Mary.”
“And you might have been inside the house when it exploded. You would most likely be here, alongside your sisters and parents. My dearest, from what I knew of your parents and sisters, they would not have wished your life to have ended with them. Especially your father, as you were his favorite. He would want to know that you recovered and spent the rest of your life surrounded by love.”
Elizabeth looked at the headstone with her father’s name carved in it. Jane had requested that the words “loving father” be carved under his name. Elizabeth knew that Jane would have had something sweet and kind written on the headstones. A small smile came to Elizabeth’s lips. “Papa’s stone should say that he was an observer of human folly. Papa found great pleasure watching the behavior of others.” She then looked at her mother’s stone. “I pray that someone placed Mamma’s smelling salts in the casket with her. She must have had such fits of her nerves.”
The Ashes of Longbourn Page 8
