“No mama I’d love to help make some though. I’m sure Stace would love something homemade when he wakes up. We’ve been living out of the bus for weeks and him even longer and he’s yet to have a home cooked meal.”
“Okay then.” She slaps me on the legs and shoves them over the edge of the couch. We both stand at the same time and go into the only real kitchen I’ve ever known like the back of my hand.
I crack the eggs and beat them in a mixing bowl, she fry’s the bacon. And we both take turns pouring pancake batter into the Belgian waffle marker that I bought my mom five years ago for Christmas. It’s state of the art and cost me a pretty penny but knowing how much my mom and I love waffles it was well worth the investment for both of us.
“Woo Wee… What smells so good in here?” Stacy says with a big smile standing in the doorway of the kitchen. His eyes have that sexy I-just-woke-up appearance.
“Making breakfast doufus.” I tease and wag the fork I’m whisking eggs with at him.
“You’re making breakfast? Or is this sexy woman standing in the kitchen next to you doing it and you’re just taking all the credit?” he teases.
“Oh, come here the son I never had.” My mom says and opens her arms for an embrace. He nearly runs across the room and snatches her up picking her up off the floor twirling her around. She laughs like a child and my heart melts to see the two most important people in my life so happy and in the same room at the same time.
“Beautiful as ever mom. I’ve missed you.” He sets her down and kisses her cheek. The smile on both of their faces will forever be burned into my memories. I could almost cry at the happiness I feel at this very moment.
“Now get back to work wench and make me my breakfast.” He says to me when he turns around and slaps me hard on my behind. I yelp and he laughs as does my mother.
I sit the eggs next my mom and her old but functional electric stove. I think that thing is older than me by maybe ten years but she loves it and for some stupid reason she refuses to upgrade. Part I think is the nostalgia but she swears it cooks better than newer stoves. Although I doubt that, because it’s not like she’s tried a new one out.
“The docs office is just opening I think I should shoot them a call and see if I can get in today.” I say heading toward the door to call my gyno.
“No, honey. I talked to Stacy a few days ago and I already made you an appointment for today at one. Sorry I forgot to tell you. Completely slipped my mind.” My mom says hunched over the stove finishing up the scrambled eggs and bacon. Making the house smell fantastic.
I shoot a look at Stacy. Please oh please don’t tell me he told my mom I had unprotected sex with Johnathan. That would so ruin this week for me. He smiles and shakes his head. It’s like he knows what I am thinking. Thank the lord she doesn’t know or she would kill me.
We eat our breakfast at the farmhouse table. I eat two waffles and six pieces of bacon and a huge pile of eggs.
“Jesus Em, are you from Ethiopia?” he teases and pinches my thigh under the table.
“No I’m just starving. I haven’t had a real breakfast like this for a very long time.”
“I can tell and you ate the whole plate of butterscotch cookies last night too.” He chuckles.
Oh, no I didn’t! He did. I had three. He ate the rest and I am sure my mom had like twelve on the plate.
“No I didn’t, you did. You always eat them all. You can blame eating too much breakfast on me but those cookies are all on you.” I giggle and steal a piece of bacon off his plate.
“So ha!” I rip it between my front teeth, tormenting him. I know how much he loves bacon. Especially the thick cut that my mom always buys and fries up extra crispy, just like when we were kids.
“So when are you going to see your mom Stacy?” my mom asks sipping on her coffee. She always takes it black.
“I was thinking today sometime. Maybe while Em goes to the docs. I think I should go by myself first if that’s alright?” he looks at me for validation.
“Ok. If you need me there I will be you know that.” I reach over and give his hand that had the broken fingers, a gentle squeeze.
“I know you would. And that’s why I love you so very much. I just think it might be better for me to get it out of the way on my own. You hate her and I know she’s not your biggest fan.” He leans over and kisses me on the cheek.
“You two are so cute!” My mom squeals. She has been rooting for me to date Stacy since I can remember. But I’ve always said we are just friends. And up until nearly three weeks ago I thought he viewed me the same way. Things have seriously changed since then.
“Yeah, well tell her that. I proposed marriage like fifty times and she keeps playing hard to get.” He nudges me with his elbow and chuckles, shooting me a sly smile. I resist the urge to slap him across the back of his beautiful head. So I go for a very hard pinch on his thigh instead. He rubs it and his legs is red I can see it under the table. Serves his ass right!
All the blood rushes out of my face. He can’t say that stuff to my mom. She will get her hopes up and there are no hopes to have up. I don’t want Stacy that way, EVER.
“Mom, no he didn’t. I promise.” I blurt rather loudly and defensively.
“Yes, yes I did. She swears I am the sexiest man alive and all but something bout the fact that I don’t make enough money and I sleep with too many woman. I guess those are deal breakers for her.” He taunts me more.
Oh this asshole! He can’t be doing this! Not here!
“First off MOM” I shoot him a mean stare. “Don’t believe a thing he is saying. Yes, he sleeps with too many woman but that’s not why we aren’t going to be together. We are JUST FRIENDS.” I pronounce tossing my hands over my chest. Frustrated.
My mom breaks into a loud and contagious laugh and I start in with her and soon so does Stacy and that breaks the tension I felt building inside of me.
“You two are nuts.” She teases, stands and stacks the dirty plates to take them to the sink.
“I can help clean up mom.” I say and stand up to help.
“Nonsense you two take your coffees and go enjoy the morning on the porch. Your dad greased the swings hinges so it should be nice and quiet.” She waves us off to leave.
I meet Stacy on the porch both of us still in our Pajamas after I fill up my coffee. He doesn’t do coffee so he’s sipping on hot chocolate with more marshmallows than hot chocolate. Something he’s loved since we were kids. I’d get the chocolate and he’d steal all of my marshmallows. Nowadays they sell the marshmallows separately and last year for Christmas I bought him a case and had them sent to him in the mail as one of his presents.
I drop down beside him on the white, high back, floral cushioned swing my dad built.
“So you decided taunting my mom this morning was the way to go about telling her that you are in love with me and that she should know?” I elbow him again in the side. This is so not over.
“Do you seriously find your mom that naive Em? That she hasn’t known how I’ve felt for years?”
“Yes. Well… no not naïve but I didn’t know. So how could she?”
“I think you chose not to see sweetie. She’s no dummy. I’m sure she knows deep down already. I just like joking around with her and I like to get you all riled up.” He smiles, placing his cup to his mouth for a sip. Wiggling his eyebrows.
I stare over at Kyle’s house and I can’t help but think about when we were kids. He’s spend all his times split between my house and Kyle’s. Almost a switch off nightly.
“What cha thinkin about?” he asks.
“Kyle and us growing up. It seems so long ago. I never liked Kyle. I wanted to. But he was so intense when it came to you. I remember sitting on this porch swing one night when you were on his porch.” I point over to the Kyles. “You two were arguing about whose place you were staying at. He wanted you to stay and play super Nintendo and you wanted to come back to my place. He ended up punching you in the arm and you
two didn’t talk for like a week or so.”
He laughs and tilts his head back. “Yeah that was some intense night.”
“Do you still talk to him?”
“Kyle? No, not for a few years. We lost touch four years ago right after I started working for Stricken.”
“Is he married? Have kids?”
He runs his fingers through his hair his face is grim. He seems uncomfortable talking about this.
“Um… Kyle was gay so I don’t think he’s married unless it’s in one of those states that allow it and kids? I have no idea. Probably not.”
Whoa! That was a brick seriously just thrown at my face. Kyle was gay? I never saw that. He was so intense and manly and dominate. But gay? Wow.
“So… Did he know he was gay in high school? Or just afterwards?” I ask.
I seriously want to know this. I have no problem with gay or bi or straight or blue or black or pink people. I could care less. People are people and as long as they are happy that’s all that matters to me.
“Yes.” He blurts and runs his fingers through his hair again. He’s so nervous I can feel the anxiety radiating from him.
“So…”
He cuts me off. “Kyle was the first man I ever had sex with.”
Holy shit! I knew I was right! Stacy is Bi! Oh my god and nothing like telling me now after ten damn years. This is a month of revelations for him. Why I haven’t a damn clue but it’s like one brick wall after another. I take a deep deep deep breath in.
“Oh…” I choke out. My mouth is dry all of a sudden. I take a sip of my coffee.
“So… was he your first all together? Or just your first guy?”
He laughs nervously and tosses his head back again. I can tell this is a conversation he doesn’t want to talk about. But I am not letting up. He knows all about me. Well except my medical problem. But everything else he does.
“You find out I’ve fucked a dude and the first question you ask me is that one? You don’t sound mad or angry or anything.”
Well no shit I don’t. It doesn’t matter to me if he is gay or straight or Bi. He’s still Stacy my best friend, the second greatest man in the whole world to me. Right behind my father.
“I kind of figured you might be Bi Stace in Tucson when I found out you had a ‘night companion’ and you slipped up calling ‘it’ a him first.”
“You don’t hate me or think I’m gross because I do guys as well as woman?” he asks cautiously. His vulnerability is out and shining.
“No, I don’t care. As long as you’re happy and you like it.” I shrug. I seriously have no idea what to say about that. I’m not comfortable talking about my best friend possibly bottoming for a bunch of men. Like buff Kyle my old neighbor.
“So if I told you my first sexual experience was with a boy and not a girl you’d not think I’m sick?”
Smooth Stace, real smooth. Tell me that you had a dude before a chick by forming it in a question. That’s so not the way I wanted to hear this come out. I’d rather get it out and lay all the cards on the table. It can’t change things now anyhow. Not that I’d want to.
“Stace, you must have had your first experience with a boy or you wouldn’t be telling me this. I thought it was with Sheila Otherton your senior year but from what you’re saying it was someone else before that. If you want to share I am here to listen. If not that’s fine too.” I say calmly and making sure I choose every word correctly.
He sits is cup down on the windowsill and wraps his arms around me tight. I pat his back and hug him the best I can with my coffee still in hand.
“You don’t know how much that means to me Em, you are amazing.” He kisses my cheek and pulls away.
“Well thanks bud, right back at cha.” I wink with a grin and give his arm a good reassuring squeeze.
“I’ve been wanting to tell you this forever. Kyle was my first. That’s why when we were in high school he was so possessive over me. We sort of dated behind closed doors for like two years before I met you. That’s why he hated you.”
Oh that makes total sense now!
“So… I know this sounds weird but how’d did you know Kyle was the one you wanted to do it with? Or have the urge to do it with?” I ask and I feel all gross inside of asking. I shouldn’t need to know this but I’ve never had a close bi or gay friend before and this is something I’ve always kind of wondered.
He chuckles and shoots me an over-the-top smile.
“Oh Em, how I love you! You care for me so much. It never ceases to amaze me. I dunno Kyle and I had a lot of sleep overs. Known each other since first grade. So he was familiar. One night we were sleeping next to each other in his bed and his hand kind of accidently brushed my cock in my boxers. I liked it enough to get a boner and that’s sort of when I realized that I like both sexes. I’ve always checked out other men. Found some of them to be hot but I never thought anything of it at the time. I chalked it up to curiosity. Until that day and then I knew different. Kyle felt the same except he never liked girls. So we experimented with each other for nearly five years. Then I cut him off when I moved to LA and he wanted a serious relationship with me and I never wanted that from him. I feel kind of bad being with him for so long and not wanting that. But I never loved him like I love you. It was more sexual than emotional. I think with men for me it’s the sexual need and men are so much hornier than woman anyhow so that turns me on. But emotionally and esthetically woman are what I prefer if I had to choose. I love the soft skin, breasts, long hair, curves and the folds of a pussy. Cocks are hot but it’s purely erotic not emotional. I hope that makes sense.” He says.
I nod. Everything he said made sense. Quite a bit of information for me to process but I’ll get around to it one of these days.
“Yeah I guess it does make sense. I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that you bottom and you suck dick. I mean I kind of thought you might since you’ve always been open with telling me this guy or that guy is hot. But it’s kind of hard to fathom. Ya know?”
“Yeah tell me about it. Try growing up checking out those hot men and not knowing why you find them appealing and when you’re in the locker room you catch yourself looking around desperately for a glimpse of anyone’s cock. But just so you know not that this matters. I don’t always bottom. It’s about fifty-fifty for me. The cock sucking thing. If I want my cock sucked I have a woman do it, rarely do I let a man unless he begs for it. I just find that women believe it or not, do it better. They’re more sensual about it. Men just want to do it rough and firm and I don’t like that. I won’t lie and tell you I haven’t sucked a guy off myself. I have especially Kyle and since him maybe two or three men. But most guys I run into are gay and they want a gay man not a bi man. So I stick to chicks who could care less.”
Wow that was too much TMI. I guess I wanted to know those things deep down. But there goes my very handsome best friend laying it all out on the table and I can’t scrub this imagine of him sucking on Kyle’s cock out of my head. It’s not a good imagine either. I hated Kyle. Ok, I never hated him but he did me. So in turn I didn’t like him. I guess that’s how things work when you’re a teenager.
“Do you miss Kyle?” I ask without even thinking. I am such a moron.
“Honestly? Yes. A lot sometimes. The friendship part you take care of completely but that half gay man inside of me really wants to be in his arms again. I know he hates me because the last time we talked he told me he wanted to try and be together again. Like together, together as in a couple and I told him to fuck off and that I’m not bi anymore. I said he was just an experiment gone badly. I was such an asshole but he wouldn’t stop trying to get me to come back to him. The sex is what I miss the most. He was my first and that I’ll never forget. I have a big soft spot for him. What can I say?”
Awe, I think my heart just broke for him. Even though I couldn’t stand Kyle all those years I can see why he was so protective of Stacy. He’s gorgeous and I wouldn’t want to share him either. Espec
ially if I was in love with him as much as it seems Kyle was or maybe still is.
“You should call him Stace. Tell him the truth. Tell him what you just told me. Maybe he’s still pining over you and if he is I can’t imagine how painful that might be. I’m only two and half weeks out of my pining over a one-night fucking stand and look where I am?”
He pats me lovingly on the leg.
“I’m sorry babe, I shouldn’t be shoving all this heavy stuff on you. You did care for Johnathan didn’t you? I guess it shouldn’t surprise me. I’m sorry.” He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into him. I lay my head on his shoulder with a sigh.
“Yeah the more I think about it. The more I feel like I was in love for the first time. It only lasted a day. But I think it might have been the real deal.” I shrug sadly.
“I know babe.” He kisses my forehead. “Johnathan is handsome and I’ve seen him work his cock. He’s got skills. And when he gets all emotional in bed I’m sure it tugs at your soft heart.”
“Yeah.” I exhale. “I just thought when he said he fell in love with me when he first saw me at in the front row of the concert. That he was being honest. It felt honest at the time, I guess. Then when he said I was his and he wanted to be with me and take care of me. I had to beg him to have sex with me. Looking back I know it was all a game. But it meant something to me. Especially when he cried.” I tuck my arm through Stacy’s resting my hand on his thigh.
“He cried?” he asks softly.
“Yeah. Twice. Almost made me cry too. Like I said he’s good.” I mutter.
“I know of his game but I’ve never heard there were ever tears involved. I’ve known him for over four years and never seen him cry once.”
“Guess he’s upping his game this time.” I pout. “Okay enough of the heavy for now. I need to shower. I stink. And you need to get around to go see your mom. I have to hit the docs and talk to them about my girly shit and then we can meet up back here for dinner tonight. Sound good?”
“Yep.” He says with a lovely soft smile. Without a shower still in his Pj’s and he looks like a damn fashion model.
Stricken Desire Page 13
