‘We don’t need the crows,’ Jimmy snapped, gouging an eyeball from the sardine head and squishing it. ‘Atticus Grammaticus Cattypuss Claw may think he’s so smart snuggling in with Inspector Cheddar and his cheesy little kids.’ He snorted. ‘Well, they’re not going to help him. I’ll teach him to climb up here and steal my jewellery.’
‘We still gonna frame him, Boss?’ Slasher grinned. He liked it when the boss got nasty as long as it wasn’t with him. ‘Even though he’s not gonna take the tiara any more?’
‘We sure are.’ Jimmy squished the other eyeball. ‘Like a bloomin’ Picasso.’
‘We’re gonna frame him! We’re gonna frame him!’ Thug sang, jumping up and down, flapping his wings excitedly. ‘YIPPEE!’
‘He’s going to jay-el! He’s going to jay-el!’ Slasher chanted, doing a little dance. ‘HOORAY!’
Jimmy cackled. ‘I can’t wait to see the look on that cat’s face when he gets arrested! Then, when Inspector Cheddar thinks he’s got the thief safely behind bars, we’ll swoop on the antiques fair and steal the Tofflys’ tiara. And there’s nothing Atticus Grammaticus Cattypuss GOODY-GOODY Claw can do about it.’
‘Oh, Boss, you’re so clever!’ Thug said admiringly. ‘Can I have your claw-tograph?’
‘SHUT UP!’ Jimmy yelled. ‘Now get the plastic bag and fill it up with swag.’
Twenty minutes later Jimmy Magpie landed elegantly in the back garden of number 2 Blossom Crescent. Thug and Slasher tumbled head first after him and crash-landed in the rockery. The plastic bag was heavy. Their beaks ached from carrying it.
‘You wait here. I’ll check that the coast’s clear.’ Jimmy took off again and circled the house, checking in all the windows to see if anyone was there. He left the kitchen until last. His beady eyes glittered as he peered in from the window ledge.
‘Over here!’ Jimmy hissed. ‘The cat basket’s in the kitchen.’ He fluttered down from the window and hopped towards the back door.
Thug and Slasher heaved the bag along the patio.
‘Pick it up!’ Jimmy ordered. ‘We don’t want it to burst!’
‘There’s not much “we” about it,’ Thug grumbled. ‘You’re not doing anything!’
‘Don’t let him hear you say that!’ Slasher hissed ‘Or he’ll pull our feathers out and boil us!’
Thug picked up the bag smartly.
The two magpies struggled towards the cat flap.
‘I’ll hold it.’ Jimmy pushed it open with one powerful wing.
‘Heave!’ The birds swung the bag through the cat flap. It landed on the other side of the door with a loud CLINK.
Jimmy bowed at Thug and Slasher. ‘Ladies first,’ he said sarcastically.
‘Thanks, Boss,’ Thug said.
The magpies hopped in.
‘Nice gaff!’ Slasher said, gazing round the kitchen. ‘Wouldn’t mind living here myself.’ He flew over to the washing machine. ‘This would make a perfect nest if you put a few twigs in it.’ He jumped in. ‘Very cosy!’
‘Here, let me help!’ Thug closed the door. It gave a click. Slasher’s face peered out of the drum. He tapped frantically at the glass with his beak. There was a muffled squawk. ‘Help!’ he yelled. ‘I’m trapped! Let me out!’
Thug ignored him. ‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka!’ He jumped into the laundry basket and bounced up and down on a pile of clean washing. ‘A knicker trampoline!’ he cried in delight. ‘I’m in magpie heaven!’ He picked out one of Inspector Cheddar’s socks and pulled it over his head. ‘Help!’ he yelled, keeling over in fright. ‘Somebody turned the lights out!’
‘PACK IT IN!’ Jimmy pulled the sock off Thug’s head and pecked him.
‘Let me out!’ Slasher’s voice came from inside the washing machine.
‘YOU DODOS!’ Jimmy flew on to the counter above the washing machine and bent his head forward over the control buttons. It wasn’t at all obvious from upside down which one opened the door. Jimmy hesitated.
Thug landed beside Jimmy. ‘It’s this one, Boss,’ he said confidently. ‘Trust me, I’m a pro.’ He leaned over and tapped a button with his beak.
There was a sound of running water. ‘GLUGLUGLUGLUGLUGLUGLUG,’ Slasher gurgled. ‘WHOOAAOOAA …’ The drum started to rotate.
‘PUT THE JEWELS IN THE CAT BASKET,’ Jimmy roared. ‘Before I put YOU in the waste disposal!’
‘All right,’ Thug muttered. ‘Keep your feathers on.’ He fluttered to the floor and pushed Atticus’s basket towards the plastic bag.
‘Stuff them under the mattress,’ Jimmy ordered, ‘so it looks like he’s been trying to hide them.’
Thug lifted the mattress with one foot and emptied the contents of the bag on to the base of the basket. Carefully he re-made Atticus’s bed so that only a few inches of a diamond necklace were visible.
‘Very nice, Thug,’ Jimmy said approvingly. ‘Very nice.’
Thug sighed. ‘Thanks, Jimmy.’ He eyed the necklace. The diamonds twinkled back at him. ‘It’s so lovely,’ he sniffed. ‘It seems such a waste to leave it here!’
‘I know,’ Jimmy said consolingly. ‘But you’ve got to think of the bigger picture, Thug. Think of Atticus Claw in the slammer. Think of Beaky all mangled and mushed. Think of the Tofflys’ tiara.’
‘All the same …’ Thug looked longingly at the diamonds.
‘CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA!’ Jimmy glanced at the washing machine. Slasher was still going round. ‘Here, Thug,’ he demanded. ‘What time do kids finish school?’
‘’Bout three, Boss, I reckon,’ Thug sniffed.
Jimmy looked at the kitchen clock. It was only one-thirty. ‘We’d better stay here and keep a lookout in case the cat rocks up before the fun starts,’ he said. ‘We don’t want him busting our plan.’ He stretched out the tip of his wing towards the necklace. ‘You know it does seem a pity,’ he said, stroking the stones thoughtfully, ‘to let the diamonds go for the sake of that cowardly cat. I wonder if there’s anything we could put there instead.’ Jimmy’s eyes glittered. ‘You don’t suppose Mrs Cheddar has anything shiny upstairs, do you?’ he said slowly.
Thug’s eyes gleamed. ‘Bound to!’ he said more cheerfully. ‘Stands to reason, Boss, given how she’s into antiques and all that.’
‘That’s what I was thinking,’ Jimmy nodded. He put his wing round Thug. ‘How about we go and take a look?’
Leaving a soggy Slasher to complete his cycle, they flew upstairs.
‘So, it’s a fight you want, do you?’ Inspector Cheddar was daydreaming. In the dream he was an expert at karate. He’d just caught the burglar, who was dressed in a Santa Claus suit with a sack marked BOOTY, sneaking down a chimney. HI-YA! KER-CHUNG! SMACK-POW! With a few clever kicks and chops the burglar was at his mercy. Inspector Cheddar whipped out the handcuffs. ‘You’re under arrest, mate,’ he whispered. Then he stared in disbelief. The burglar had grown wings. In a flash he’d turned into a black-and-white bird and flown back up the chimney and away, cackling loudly to himself. ‘Chaka-chaka-chaka-chaka …’
‘What are you babbling about now, Cheddar?’ The Chief Inspector of Bigsworth roared.
Inspector Cheddar woke with a start. He was in the police station at Bigsworth puzzling over paperwork, not catching burglars at all! ‘Sorry, sir!’
‘You should be!’ The Chief Inspector shouted. ‘Your wife’s on the phone. You need to get over to the school. The headmaster wants to see you. NOW!’
Mrs Cheddar was waiting for him in the headmaster’s office. So were Callie and Michael.
‘Dad!’ Michael cried as soon as he saw him. ‘We know where the stolen jewellery is!’
‘It’s under the pier, Dad!’ Callie said excitedly. ‘In the magpies’ nest. We saw it!’
‘Huh-hum.’ The headmaster interrupted sternly.
Inspector Cheddar sat down opposite the headmaster. He looked at Callie and Michael, puzzled. Callie’s face was flushed. Michael had seaweed in his hair. Little piles of sand leaked out of their trainers o
n to the headmaster’s floor. Inspector Cheddar couldn’t understand it. They were clearly in trouble but they both looked as if it were Christmas.
‘I’m afraid your children ruined the entire school outing,’ the headmaster sighed. He was a kind man and he didn’t like telling people off, but spoiling the school trip was going too far, even for him. ‘It seems they decided to go off by themselves to do a bit of detective work when they were supposed to be on the dodgems.’
‘But, Dad!’ Michael protested. ‘Mrs Tucker was right. The magpies are involved in the burglaries!
‘Huh-hum!’ The headmaster interrupted again. ‘Luckily, the alarm was raised before they got too far. Mrs Cooper, the Year 3 assistant, spotted them in Sea Shell Drive.’
‘We saw Atticus!’ Michael told him proudly. ‘We followed him to the pier.’
‘He was having a row with the magpies,’ Callie gabbled. ‘He’d taken off his handkerchief.’
‘Without the handkerchief he answers the description the Pearsons gave of the cat they saw at the window!’ Michael explained. ‘He’s been working with the magpies. He’s been taking the jewels.’
‘But don’t worry, Dad,’ Callie said quickly. ‘He’s not going to do it any more.’
‘Obviously this is quite a serious matter,’ the headmaster began again.
‘He’s changed his mind about being a burglar!’ Callie rattled on. ‘He’s started to give things back!’
‘We followed him to Sea Shell Drive,’ Michael said. ‘He returned the lady’s emerald necklace!’
Callie swung her legs to and fro. ‘We saw him, Dad!’
‘Normally I’d involve the police when a child goes missing …’ the headmaster said to Inspector Cheddar.
‘Can’t you see?!’ Michael shouted. ‘He’s trying to say he’s sorry!’
‘But as you are the police,’ the headmaster gave up. He had never known such rude children. ‘I think on this occasion I’ll just let you handle it.’
As soon as they got into the car, Michael and Callie started talking at once.
Inspector Cheddar held up his hand for silence. ‘I don’t want to hear another word about it!’ he said in a dreadful voice. He turned the key in the ignition.
‘But, Dad …’
‘I said, ZIP IT!’ he shouted. This was an expression Inspector Cheddar usually reserved for people who complained about parking tickets. Now he was using it on his own kids!
Callie started to cry.
Michael bit his lip. ‘We were just trying to help,’ he said quietly.
Mrs Cheddar glared at her husband. She put an arm round Callie.
Michael held her other hand.
‘They might be telling the truth, you know!’ she hissed. ‘Have you thought about that? Maybe they’re right. Maybe Atticus was the burglar, but now he’s changed his mind. Maybe he was trying to say sorry. Maybe the magpies are involved. They tried to steal your badge, didn’t they?’
Inspector Cheddar gripped the wheel. Magpies! Nests full of stolen jewellery! He’d never heard anything so ridiculous in his life. Everyone had gone mad since Atticus Grammaticus Cattypuss Claw arrived. He needed a cup of tea!
A few minutes later they pulled up outside number 2 Blossom Crescent. Mrs Cheddar let them out in silence and drove off back to Toffly Hall for the final preparations for the fair. Inspector Cheddar marched up the path and let himself in. He threw open the kitchen door and went to fill the kettle.
‘WHOAOAOAO!’ He tripped over the cat basket and banged his head on a cupboard. Inspector Cheddar swore. Atticus again! What was the cat basket doing there anyway? It was normally tucked away beside the fridge. He nudged it with his foot.
CLINK! Something clattered on to the tiled floor from beneath the spongy mattress. Inspector Cheddar stared. His wife’s best brooch! What was that doing in the kitchen? She normally kept it upstairs in a jewellery case in their bedroom.
Inspector Cheddar bent down to pick it up. He examined the mattress. It was all lumpy and bumpy. Something else was hidden underneath. He picked it up gingerly. A tangled heap of jewellery tumbled out. His mouth fell open.
‘Atticus!’ he whispered. His face went green. ‘So the children were right. It was you all along!’
Michael and Callie stood in the doorway aghast.
‘No!’ Callie cried. ‘It’s not Atticus’s fault! We told you! He was stealing for the magpies! But he doesn’t want to any more. He’s taking things back!’
‘He’s changed his mind, Dad,’ Michael yelled. ‘I promise you, he didn’t steal Mum’s brooch!’
Just then Atticus’s head appeared through the cat flap, followed by one paw, then another. He looked down. Something was wrong. There were feathers on the floor.
‘Run, Atticus!’ Michael shouted. ‘Run!’
Atticus stared at the cat basket. The jewels blinked back at him. The magpies! They had framed him!
‘Quick, Atticus, run!’ Callie yelled frantically. ‘Dad thinks it was you!’
Inspector Cheddar loomed towards him, hands outstretched.
Atticus gulped. Inspector Cheddar’s face had gone from green to red, like a traffic light. ‘Gotcha!’ he hissed. ‘You … you … CAT CRIMINAL!’
Terrified, Atticus tried to wriggle his way backwards out of the cat flap. But backing out of a cat flap is like reversing a car. It’s much harder than going forwards. And he wasn’t as skinny as he used to be. Mrs Tucker was right. He’d been eating too many sardines. He pulled in his tummy and wriggled again. It was no use! He was stuck!
Inspector Cheddar lunged at Atticus and grabbed him firmly under his armpits. He dragged Atticus into the kitchen, picked him up roughly and held him tightly under one arm.
The children watched in horror.
‘AFTER ALL WE’VE DONE FOR YOU, YOU MISERABLE MOGGY!’ Inspector Cheddar shouted. ‘THAT IS WHAT YOU DO TO REPAY US!’ He whipped a set of handcuffs out of his pocket with his free hand. He clicked one end round Atticus’s neck and the other round his wrist. SNAP! ‘You’re under arrest, Atticus Claw,’ Inspector Cheddar said.
Atticus’s ears drooped.
‘CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA-CHAKA!’ From some where outside came a harsh chattering cry.
‘The magpies.’ Callie started to tremble. She clung on to her brother.
‘They’re laughing at Atticus.’ Michael shivered.
Atticus had never been to a police station before. He didn’t like it. The first thing that happened was someone took his pawprints. Then a flashlight went off in his face as someone else took his picture. Finally he was thrown into a cell.
The cell had a bench with a thin grey blanket on it. There was a bowl of water in the corner. Apart from that it was completely bare: not the sort of place a cool cat like Atticus would choose to spend the night.
Desperately he looked about for a way to escape.
There was a grille in the door at human eye level where people came and peered at him from time to time, but the mesh was too narrow for him to squeeze through and it was nailed into the wooden frame with about a thousand tacks. It would take him the rest of his nine lives to pick them out with his teeth. His molars ached at the thought of it.
The window looked more of a possibility. It was quite high up but at least it was open. The only problem was it was covered with thick iron bars. Atticus sat down and patted his tummy with his front paws. He sighed. If he couldn’t get through the cat flap it wasn’t very likely he would squeeze through those bars even if he could jump up there. It was hopeless! He was doomed to spend the rest of his life in jail. He knew he deserved it in a way, but it meant he’d never be able to take the rest of the jewellery back. He’d never make Inspector Cheddar realise that the magpies had been involved. He’d never be able to say sorry to Mrs Cheddar and Mrs Tucker. And the worst thing was, he would never see Callie and Michael again.
He crawled under the blanket and closed his eyes.
Later that evening, Inspector Cheddar was called in to see the Chief Inspe
ctor of Bigsworth.
‘Great work, Cheddar!’ The Chief Inspector beamed. ‘I knew you’d find the culprit.’
‘Thank you, sir,’ Inspector Cheddar said heavily.
‘To think you had him under your own roof the whole time!’
‘Yes, sir.’ Inspector Cheddar sighed.
‘I’ve told the Tofflys.’
‘Good.’ Inspector Cheddar nodded glumly.
‘And I’m pleased to say they’ve decided to go ahead with the antiques fair tomorrow.’
Inspector Cheddar managed a smile. That was one good thing at least – his wife still stood a chance of getting a job on Get Rich Quick! But it didn’t make up for the fact his family hated him. The children weren’t speaking to him. Mrs Cheddar refused to take his calls. And Mrs Tucker had ridden all the way back to Littleton-on-Sea Police Station on her motorbike to pour cod-liver oil in his tea. It was tough being a Police Inspector. He almost wished he was back on traffic duty.
‘I suppose I should be getting up to the Hall to check the security, sir.’ Inspector Cheddar made to leave the office.
‘What’s the point?’ The Chief Inspector of Bigsworth helped himself to a chocolate biscuit. ‘The burglar’s behind bars. You should be out celebrating!’
Inspector Cheddar wished he could feel as cheerful about Atticus’s arrest as the Chief Inspector did. For some reason though, catching the world’s greatest cat burglar had left him feeling empty inside. He hated to admit it, but he’d got used to Atticus being around. The kids had been right. It was nice to have a pet. It made Blossom Crescent feel more like home.
‘I’ll just go and have a quick look anyway,’ he said, putting on his cap.
‘By the way, Cheddar,’ the Chief Inspector said. ‘Where do you think the cat’s hidden the rest of the jewellery?’
Inspector Cheddar shrugged. That was a question he’d been asking himself. Only some of the stolen goods had turned up in Atticus’s basket. ‘I don’t know, sir,’ he said, ‘but I’m sure we’ll find it soon.’
Atticus Claw Breaks the Law Page 8
