by June Belfie
“I think he should get married again,” Noah continued. “Then I bet Alice would want to go home.”
“Do you wish she would?” Naomi asked, surprised at his remark.
“Nee. I like it with her here. She’s cute,” he said. “But kids should be with their mamms and daeds.”
“Maybe someday your onkel will remarry. Just not yet. Now let me go downstairs and be with your daed for awhile.”
“Are you going to bed soon, too?” Tommy asked.
“Pretty soon.” She headed toward the door and blew kisses as she removed the kerosene lamp from their night stand and made her way to the staircase.
When she reached the kitchen, Abe came through the back kitchen door. “Am I too late?”
“She’s still awake, Abe. Go on up.”
“I got busy and didn’t realize how late it was,” he said as he took the stairs, quietly, two at a time.
When he approached the bedroom where the four little girls slept, he heard his nieces conversing. He stopped for a moment to listen. Emmy and Liz were talking about his daughter. “She’s so cute, isn’t she?” Emma asked her sister. “I hope she lives with us forever.”
“Jah, me too. She hates to go home. Maybe she’s scared of her daed.”
“I don’t think so. She just needs a mamm, is all.”
“Jah, probably. Look at her asleep already. I really, really love her,” Liz whispered.
Abe turned and tiptoed down the hallway to return to the kitchen. No point in waking the child. She obviously wasn’t waiting for his hugs. His stomach churned. Mary would be so upset to know their youngest wasn’t living with him and their boys, John and Benny. After the holidays, he’d have to spend more time with her and insist on her returning to his home. It just wasn’t right.
If only there was someone on the horizon who would make a good mother for his children. He couldn’t think of a soul he’d marry. Women were always pushing him to meet their daughters or granddaughters, or whoever was single and marriageable. Could he actually marry someone who didn’t appeal to him? So far, he had absolutely no interest in any woman.
He said a short prayer, asking God to bring someone into his life who would love his children—and maybe eventually even love him. For now, all he had to do was get through Christmas. A mighty big task.
Chapter Thirty
Anna watched as the children sat around in circles on the floor of the sitting room with the adults perched on sofas and side chairs to watch them unwrap their gifts. Each child received several small items, much of it clothing, and their excitement was a joy to watch. She plastered a smile on her face, attempting to look joyful, but her heart was heavy from grief. Her dear Jeremiah should be with them. Why, Gott? Why? It must be accepted. She went through the questioning constantly, but there were no answers. It was the will of God. Pure and simple. No need to question, and yet…
“Schwester,” Beth said softly by her side.
Anna was swiftly brought back to reality. “Sorry, did you say something to me, Beth?”
“Nee. I just read your eyes. The sadness. They don’t match your lips.”
Anna shook her head. “It’s so difficult. Will it ever be easier?”
“In time.” Beth moved closer and placed her arm around her sister’s waist. She tried not to dwell on her own misery. How could it possibly compare to her sister’s grief? She wouldn’t discuss the events with Anna. Not yet. Maybe when Anna returned from her trip. No point in upsetting her.
“Beth, get another trash bag for the wrappings, would you?” Rose asked as she sat on the floor next to Rachel who took out three new crayons and colored a page in her new Bambi coloring book. “You like your present, honey?”
“I love it. It’s my mostest favorite one, Mammi. Denki.”
Beth rose and went into the kitchen and reached for a fresh trash bag from under the sink. She wiped her eyes with her sleeve. It wouldn’t do to put a damper on this special day. After all, Josiah wasn’t the only man in the world. Until recently, she hadn’t even thought of him as a potential husband. Maybe it was just as well he read the note. She didn’t believe that, though. She shook her head and returned to the living room.
Anna’s sons behaved well most of the day. Around four, all the boys in the family bundled up and went out to throw snowballs while the girls grouped off by ages and played board games. Anna’s father, Isaiah, went out with the boys to make sure they abided by the rules of the house, and to give his adult children a break.
After cleaning up from the big meal, the women sat and chatted. Anna tried not to think about the absence of her husband and instead concentrated on the family discussions. Rose brought out new fabric she was planning to use in her next quilt. “Maybe I should start a quilt for my Beth,” she said, grinning over at her daughter.
“Way too soon, Mamm,” Beth said quickly.
“I’ve seen the way Josiah looks at you in church–all dewy eyed.”
Beth felt a blush rise from her neck. Her sister-in-law Lottie nodded in agreement. “Jah, he’s smitten, that’s for sure and for certain.”
“And what about you?” one of her other sisters-in-law asked. “Do you feel the same?”
“I like him only as a friend, Ruth. I’m sure he’s not the one.”
Anna looked over and smiled. “I think he is.”
“You could do a lot worse. He’s ambitious and most of all, he’s a strong Amish man,” Ruth said.
“Please. Let’s not talk about him.” She could feel the tears rising again, but she was able to prevent them from being displayed.
“So how do you like the colors I’ve picked?” Rose asked the girls.
“Beautiful.”
“Lovely.”
“Perfect.”
Rose grinned. “That’s what I thought. How about you, Beth? Do you like them?”
“Jah, they’re fine, Mamm, but I don’t want you to make a quilt for me. Not yet.”
“We’ll see. As long as you like them. That’s all I’m asking.”
Rachel got up from her job coloring and went over to stroke the material. “Will you teach me someday, Mammi? I want to make pretty things like you do.”
“Of course, honey. Come let me give you a big hug.”
Rachel received her hug and then sat next to her mother, reaching for her hand.
“Your dochder’s going to miss you, Anna,” Minnie, another sister-in-law said as she watched Rachel sidle up to her mother.
“I won’t be gone that long. She’ll be fine.”
“Oh jah. She’ll get spoiled real gut while you’re away, I’m sure,” Minnie added, smiling over at her mother-in-law.
Rose smiled back. “She’s such a sweetheart. We’ll have a real gut time together. We’re going to make sticky buns, aren’t we, Rachel?”
“Jah.” Her eye lids lowered and her lips quivered.
“Now, honey,” Anna began, “Don’t be sad. I’ll be home before you know it. You have to save a sticky bun for me, okay?”
The child nodded without looking up. Anna’s heart was sorrowful. Maybe she should cancel her trip. When she considered it though, something stopped her. Could it be God nudging her?
She knew in the end things would be all right with the children. Her nerves were so shot, she definitely would benefit from a short separation. She’d take Rachel with her, but it wouldn’t be right for the boys to be excluded. Besides, Rachel’s nose had been runny for a few days. She couldn’t take a chance with the new baby. That would be wrong.
Around nine, everyone left and went to their homes. Beth insisted her mother sit while she mopped up the kitchen floor. There had been several minor spills, but it wouldn’t do to leave the mess for the next day. Then she went and sat down with her parents.
“It was a gut day, wasn’t it, Beth?” her father noted, as he looked over his newspaper.
“Jah. I felt badly for Anna though. It was not easy on her.”
“Or her older children,” Rose said. �
��I caught Luke once with tears in his eyes. Poor bu. He was so close to his daed.”
Isaiah nodded, his eyes slightly moist. “My poor Anna. She was always the tender one.”
Beth looked over. “And I was the hard one?” Her eyes sparked.
“I didn’t mean that, Dochder. You just seemed stronger, is all. More able to handle the rough days. You don’t even seem to mind being unmarried.”
“Goodness, Isaiah, she’s still young!”
“Oh, there I go again. Saying the wrong thing.” He lifted his newspaper to cover his face and muttered some indistinguishable words.
“I guess I’ll turn in,” Beth said, as she stood.
“Hey, Beth,” her father said, dropping the paper once again. “Weren’t you supposed to knit me some gloves this year?”
“Uh, oh. I should have made more.” She went over to her father and kissed his forehead. “I’ll knit some for you right away. At least I bought you those new suspenders.”
“Jah, and fine ones they are, too. Denki. But I sure would appreciate gloves. What happened to the ones you were working on?”
“I gave them to Josiah for Christmas.”
“Well, I’ll be. So my dochder likes an Amish man. Praise the Lord.” He winked and turned the page of his paper.
Too late, Daed, she thought to herself. Your dochder is a fool. Josiah will make a fine husband for someone someday. Just not your dochder.
Beth made her way slowly up the stairs. Hopefully, she’d sleep soundly in spite of her thoughts. That was one of the good things about being Amish. You work hard physically, which helps when the mind is in torment.
Chapter Thirty-One
It was time for the driver to arrive for Anna. She stuffed a few last minute items in her suitcase while Rachel sat on the edge of the bed, silently watching.
“What’s in the pink box?” she asked her mother.
“The booties I was making. Remember?”
Rachel nodded and flopped back on the bed, her arms behind her head. “Will you forget what I look like?”
Anna forced back a grin. “Nee, honey. I’ll remember. I promise.”
“Will you promise to come home?”
“Goodness, what made you think I wouldn’t return?” Anna sat on the bed next to her daughter after shoving the suitcase to the floor.
“I don’t know. Daed went out to work and never came back.”
“That was different, honey. He had a bad heart. My heart is just fine.”
“No one knew he had a bad heart. Maybe you have a messy one too.”
“Nee. I’ve had check-ups. I’m fine. Rachel, I will be back. I promise.”
“What if Gott wants you in heaven with Him?”
Anna was at a loss for words. Could she really promise that nothing would happen to her? “Rachel, if something bad happened and I couldn’t get home, you have Mammi and Daddi and Aenti Beth and lots and lots of people who love you and would take care of you. You would never be alone.”
“Luke said if you die, we’d be orphans and that’s not gut.”
“Well, he shouldn’t put thoughts like that in your head. The chances are ever so slim that something will happen to me. I’m only going away for four nights.”
“That’s a long, long time.”
“Oh, Liebschdi. My dear child.” Anna gathered her slim daughter into her arms. “I’ll think of you every minute and maybe I will get to a store and pick you up something special. Would you like that?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Oh, sure it does. Maybe a stuffed animal. What kind would you like?”
She shrugged.
“Come on. Surely you have a favorite.”
“Well, maybe a giraffe. I think they’re cool.”
“I’ll do my best, honey. Would you bring the package for the boppli while I carry down my suitcase and my Sunday frack?”
Rachel nodded and slid off the bed, reaching for the pink package as she made her way to the door.
When it was time to say goodbye, Rose was already there preparing breakfast for the children. As Anna kissed the boys, she called out to Rachel, but no one answered. Frantic, she called louder and asked the boys to search the house.
“Go, Dochder. She’s hiding somewhere,” Rose said. “We’ll find her. Your driver is waiting.”
“I can’t leave without saying good bye.”
“Maybe it was too hard on her. Now go and have a gut time.”
Anna shook her head, her eyes smarting from salty tears. Then she caught sight of her daughter hiding behind the refrigerator. “Rachel, please don’t do this. You’re making it so hard on me.”
Rachel walked slowly to her mother, tears streaming down her face.
“That’s it. I can’t go,” Anna said, removing her cape.
“Now don’t be ridiculous!” Rose took Rachel by the hand. “Your mudder needs to get away for a few days, Rachel. Now stop with the tears. You’re a big girl now and we’re going to be just fine while she’s away.”
“Okay,” she said in a barely audible voice.
“Now go, Anna, before I push you out.”
Anna took her cape and placed it around her shoulders. Then she leaned over and kissed Rachel on her head and turned. It was a difficult moment, but for some unknown reason, she felt it was important to make her visit to her friend. Perhaps God was involved in her decision. As painful as it was to leave her daughter, she got in the car and avoided looking toward the house again. The driver loaded the suitcase in the trunk and started down the drive. Anna prayed for safety for everyone and then took a long, slow breath.
She began her adventure. It was the first time she had ever traveled alone. She was gaining strength and it wasn’t from her own efforts.
It seemed to take forever to arrive at Dinah’s home in Ohio. It was a good thing Dinah had sent good directions, since she lived way out in the countryside. Some of the lanes were un-named.
As soon as the car pulled up to the farmhouse, her friend’s head popped out the doorway. She ran out without a jacket and embraced Anna and the girls jumped a couple times from excitement.
“You look wonderful-gut,” Anna said as they headed toward the house hand-in-hand, while the driver carried the luggage. After Anna paid him, Dinah called down to her husband, Hosea, who was tightening the clotheslines in the basement.
He came upstairs and shook Anna’s hand as they made their way into the kitchen. A cradle sat near the cook stove and they tiptoed over. Baby Hannah was sound asleep. She had a mop of curly red hair just like her mother’s and Anna grinned at the parents. “She’s beautiful,” she said softly. “And big!”
“She’s such a gut boppli. I only have to get up one time at night to feed her.”
“Oh, my. Not like my Rachel. She was up every three hours,” Anna said, kneeling beside the cradle. “I’m so happy for you both.”
Hosea grinned. “I think she looks just like Dinah, don’t you?”
“Jah. The very image of her.”
“If you ladies don’t mind, I’ll finish my job. I’m helping my wife by scrubbing the basement down.”
“Jah, for the third time since the boppli arrived,” Dinah said, hugging her husband.
Unexpectedly, a wave of sorrow and envy ran through Anna’s mind. She immediately prayed for forgiveness. It was wrong to feel that way and she also prayed for God to keep those negative thoughts from her mind. After all, He’d blessed her with four wonderful children.
Dinah put a kettle on for tea water and the girls sat at the kitchen table to catch up on their lives. “You like living here?” Anna asked her friend as they waited for the water to boil.
“Jah, everyone is so nice to me. Of course, Hosea has a big family and everyone lives nearby. Tomorrow you’ll get to meet a lot of them at church time. We’re holding it at his parents’ home, the Stutzmans. They have a huge basement.”
“It will be interesting to attend a different group. I hope I can remember people’s nam
es.”
“Oh, they won’t expect you to. Just smile and they’ll all love you.”
About half way through their teatime, Hannah woke up to be fed. First Dinah changed her cloth diaper and then she nursed her. When the baby was satisfied, she handed her over to Anna, who held her gently on her lap. “Do you think I’ll ever have another child?” she asked her friend, as tears formed.
Dinah reached over and patted her shoulder. “Of course you will. Have you met anyone you could care about enough to marry?”
Anna shook her head and choked back her tears. “I’ll never find anyone to take Jeremiah’s place.”
“Nee, not to take his place, but maybe someone to help you with the loneliness and the work. Sometimes we need to marry for other reasons than love.”
Anna looked over at her friend. “I don’t know if I could. It would be difficult.”
“But for the children’s sake?”
“Perhaps.” Anna held the baby in her left arm as she stirred sugar into her cup with her other hand. She continued to swirl her spoon in the amber liquid until the sugar dissolved. “I think Beth may be interested in someone now.”
The conversation turned toward her sister and Dinah asked all kinds of questions about Josiah and his business and the growing relationship. “I’m happy for her. Do you think they’ll marry?”
“You never know with Beth. I hope so. Problem is, she’s also interested in an Englisher.”
“I wondered sometimes if she’d leave the Amish.”
“Once she was baptized I felt better about it, but even then, jah—she has always shown too much interest in Englishers.”
“Do you want me to take Hannah yet?”
Anna’s mouth turned down. “Not yet, unless you want to. She’s sleeping so soundly. I love to hold a new boppli. You’re right. I should consider marriage again sometime. I hate the thought of never having another infant of my own. They’re so dear.”
“They are. I feel so blessed. And she came so easy for me. I was only in labor for about three hours.”
“Wow, that’s gut. My Luke took nearly fifteen hours. He weighed only six pounds, but it seemed like he was a baby elephant.”
