Emotion balled in her throat. ‘It’s not that. I don’t want everyone knowing my business. Not again. I feel too vulnerable, too raw.’ At the prickle of tears, she bit into her bottom lip. ‘I explained all of this and you agreed. If you want to change your mind—’
‘About seeing you?’ He gave a sharp shake of his head. ‘Not a cat in hell’s chance.’
Slowly she felt her muscles unclench. ‘Okay then.’ She looked straight into those dark eyes and decided it was time he knew how much he was starting to mean to her. ‘You have no idea how happy that makes me.’
This time his smile reached right into his eyes. ‘Maybe you can show me tonight.’
Her belly fluttered. ‘Maybe I will.’
‘Deal.’ He shifted to sit back in the chair, his eyes falling to the floor before coming back to meet hers. ‘Need a foot massage?’
‘What?’ Suddenly she realised he’d seen she’d taken her shoes off. ‘You weren’t meant to notice my feet.’
He started to laugh. ‘Relax. I’ve seen plenty more of you naked.’ He nodded to the frosted glass. ‘And it’s something I can do without anyone knowing.’
At the thought of having his big warm hands touching them, her feet tingled. Did she dare?
As if he could read her thoughts, he bent suddenly and tugged both of them onto his lap. ‘So, these meetings that keep taking you away from the office.’ He spoke as if his strong fingers weren’t massaging her soles, sending waves of bliss rolling through her. ‘Am I allowed to ask what they’re about?’
‘Umm.’ She wanted to close her eyes and give in to the pleasure.
‘Boss?’ His eyes were alive with mischief.
‘Yes, sorry.’ She shifted, trying to focus on his question. ‘The investors are getting twitchy. I’ve being doing the rounds, trying to allay their fears, which is hard when I’m feeling twitchy myself.’ Some of the pleasure vanished as she recalled the conversation from this morning. ‘Please tell me the beta version will be ready soon. I desperately need something to show them before they start turning words into actions.’
His busy hands stilled. ‘They’re threatening to pull out?’
‘It’s been mentioned by one of them. Maybe just a bluff. Maybe not. I can’t tell.’ She used to be able to read people at will, she thought crossly. Now she doubted her judgement too much to make the call.
Something flickered across his face. Worry? Resignation? ‘It’s not quite there but it can be, if I work on it tonight.’
‘Would you?’ It was hard to keep the hope out of her voice. ‘I know it’s a lot to ask—’
‘Sure.’ He eased her feet back onto the floor. ‘I’d better get back to it.’
‘Wait.’ There was something off with him. He wasn’t Mr Chatty, but this was crazy. ‘You haven’t even told me what you came to see me about.’
He shook his head, eyes not looking at her. ‘Doesn’t matter.’
‘Ryan.’ Her voice pleaded with him. ‘Come on, what is it? Talk to me.’
He smirked then. ‘What do you think I’ve been doing?’
She rolled her eyes. ‘God, you exasperate me sometimes.’
‘Only sometimes? I really must be growing on you.’ As he rose to his feet, his face straightened. ‘The reason I came to see you is no longer important. You need the beta version finishing. I’ll sort it.’
As exceedingly stubborn was one of his more annoying traits, she decided not to push it. ‘Thank you. And for the foot massage, too.’
Those dark eyes held hers. ‘Next time maybe you’ll consider dropping the pencil, after all.’
Though he smiled, his statement held enough of that stubbornness to warn her he hadn’t accepted her argument about keeping their relationship quiet. He was going to keep pushing. Well, she could be stubborn, too, when it was important enough. And right now, with everything going on with the business, protecting herself came under that category. ‘Will I see you later?’
He shook his head, hands slipping into his pockets. ‘It’s going to be a late one. I don’t want to disturb you.’
He wouldn’t if you gave him a key. It stunned her that she was even contemplating it, considering they’d only been officially, albeit secretly, dating for two weeks.
While she was inwardly debating with herself, he quietly let himself out.
PART SIX
The Unscheduled Visit
Chapter 28
Ryan glanced at the clock on his screen; 8pm. Five hours since Erin had phoned, worried about their mum. Five hours since he’d told her to let him know how she was doing. And still no phone call.
Probably he was fretting about nothing. Probably her indigestion was just a frigging stomach ache and not the huge heart attack he’d been having nightmares about ever since Erin had called. Sadly his plan to zoom up the motorway to check on his mum for himself tonight had been aborted the moment Sam had told him about the investor meetings, and the need to have the beta version ready ASAP.
Hard to refuse the boss when you were more than halfway in love with her.
So now he was stuck with useless worrying. He bloody hated that. With a grunt of frustration, he focused back on the programme.
‘Hey.’
He jerked his head up to find Sam standing behind him. ‘Checking up on me?’
Her eyes flashed back at him. ‘Wondering if you wanted a coffee. I’ll take that as a no.’
Yep, he deserved that. ‘Crap, sorry. You caught me at a bad moment.’ He wanted to take her hand. Hell, just to touch her, and it frustrated him hugely that he couldn’t. That out here he had to pretend nothing had changed between them, when actually everything had. He was falling so fast he was spinning out of control.
‘Anything I can do to help?’
Stop standing where I can smell your perfume. Stop making me hide my feelings. ‘I’m good.’
He heard her gentle exhalation. ‘You’re not.’
‘Fine. I’m not.’ Frustrated with her, with himself, with Erin’s lack of communication, he pushed his chair away from the desk. ‘The beta’s still a mess. At the moment, it’s more likely to convince people to disinvest than keep the faith.’ He sighed, hanging his head. ‘Sorry, but I can’t fix it tonight. I’m going to need a few more days.’
‘Then we’ll have to live with that.’ Her head tilted as she studied him. ‘There’s something else. The reason you came to see me, which got sidetracked by the investor meetings.’ She lowered her voice. ‘And the very welcome foot massage.’
He found he couldn’t make a flirty comment back. His worry was too acute. ‘Erin phoned earlier. Said Mum’s had indigestion on and off all day.’
‘Has she taken any antacids? I get it from time to time …’ She trailed off, a frown creasing her forehead. ‘You think it’s something more?’
‘Probably nothing.’ But he knew it could also be something, especially considering the angina.
Sam’s expression looked troubled. ‘It’s enough to have you sitting here fretting, though?’
‘Maybe.’
She screwed her face in disbelief. ‘What happened to the famous Black honesty?’
‘Look, I’d thought of shooting off early to go up and see her. You need this done urgently, so I knocked the idea on the head. I’ll go up at the weekend, when this is finished.’ God, those bloody eyes of hers were almost drowning him in sympathy.
‘Your mum is more important.’
‘Well, yeah, but she’s only got indigestion.’ Keep telling himself that and he might believe it. Suddenly Sam jumped off the desk and turned off his monitor. ‘What the hell?’
‘Go and see your mum. If you’re satisfied she’s okay, you can come back to this tomorrow.’
Just as he was deciding whether to be outraged by her bossy manner or pathetically grateful for it, his phone rang. Erin.
Heart racing like a pack of wild horses, he pressed answer. ‘Hey.’
‘Mum’s in hospital. She’s had a heart attack.’
There was both panic and accusation in his sister’s voice. As the blood drained from his face, Ryan felt the cold hand of terror press against his chest. ‘Is she …’ Christ, he couldn’t say the words. As he sat, frozen to his chair, immobilised by fear, Sam calmly slid the phone from his hands. Vaguely he heard Sam talk to Erin, but his mind was on overload and he couldn’t take anything else in.
‘Ryan.’ Those incredible eyes shone through the fog in his brain. ‘Your mum’s having tests but her condition is stable.’ He felt the comfort of Sam’s hand as it pressed against his face. ‘Come on, I’ll drive you up there.’
Heart attack. He seemed stuck on the words, unable to speak, to move.
Then Sam’s hands were on his face, cupping it in their soft, warm hold. ‘Ryan, look at me.’ Once again he felt the power of her gaze. ‘She’s going to be okay. Now move your arse so you can go and see her.’
The cloak of fear lifted a little, at least enough that he felt he could breathe. ‘Right, yes, sorry. I need to go.’ Numbly he stood, automatically reaching for the wallet and car keys he always left on the desk. ‘Which hospital is she in?’ He rubbed at his face, trying to get his brain working again. ‘Shit, you said she was stable, yes?’
‘That’s right.’ Once again she clasped his face. ‘You’re not driving, I am.’
‘What?’
Ignoring his confused question, she took hold of his hand and started to propel him out of the office. Woodenly he followed, still not sure what was going on but relieved someone was taking charge because he sure as hell couldn’t.
It was only when they were on the motorway, him sitting in the comfy leather passenger seat of a snazzy Mercedes coupé, that he fully realised what was happening. ‘Shit.’ He leant back against the headrest, feeling the weight of the last hour dragging down on him.
‘Are you okay?’ She winced. ‘I mean, apart from the fact that you’re stressing out about your mum.’
‘You forgot the bit about me making you drive two hours up the motorway at nine o’clock at night.’ He looked over at her, but her eyes were fixed on the road.
‘Nobody made me.’
‘True, but did anyone see you? Or is this the type of service you’d provide for all your employees, whether you’re sleeping with them or not?’ And why the hell was he trying to pick a fight with her over this now?
Because you need to take your mind off what you’ll find when you get to the hospital.
‘I’m not going to argue with you. Not now.’ She gave him a fleeting sidelong glance and gentled her voice. ‘I’m driving you to the hospital because the alternative, staying at home and wondering how you are, how your mum is, was unthinkable.’
Emotion flooded through him and he shut his eyes, turning his face away from her so she wouldn’t see how close he was to totally losing his shit and bawling like a baby. ‘How long till we’re there?’
‘The sat nav says another hour.’
‘Right, thanks.’ He focused on breathing for a few seconds until he felt, not steadier exactly, but less likely to break down on her. ‘I’ll phone Erin and get an update.’
Sam tried not to listen to the tense conversation between Ryan and his sister, but it was hard not to when he was sitting right next to her.
And when she felt every ounce of his pain, his frustration, each time he spoke.
‘I’m sorry you had to cope alone.’ He hung his head, squeezing his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. ‘I should have been there.’
And wow, now the guilt he was so clearly feeling wound its way through Sam, too. Why hadn’t he told her he wanted to leave when he’d first come into her office?
Because you pressured him into staying. How could he say no to you when you’re not just dating him, you’re also his boss?
Oh God, what a mess.
‘Can we not have this argument now?’ His voice sounded heavy, dragged down by worry, sorrow and whatever it was Erin was beating him up about. ‘We’ll be there in an hour.’
His sigh, when he ended the call, seemed to come deep from his soul.
‘How’s your mum doing?’
‘They’ve taken her into surgery.’
His whole body shuddered and Sam desperately wanted to wrap her arms around him. It was so hard, watching him hurt like this and unable to help. ‘What’s the story between you and Erin?’ She blurted after a few minutes tense, silence. ‘Before you tell me you don’t want to talk about it, remember we’ve still got sixty minutes to kill and you could do with a distraction.’
‘I can think of better distractions.’ Instead of his usual smirk, he sighed heavily and leant his head against the headrest. ‘Erin thinks I abandoned her.’
When no other words were forthcoming, Sam prodded. ‘Why?’
‘Because I did.’
She swallowed her frustration – he was going through a tough time. ‘That’s not an answer. Come on, talk to me.’
‘I wasn’t being difficult. I did abandon her.’ From the corner of her eye she saw him turn his head away to stare out of the side window. ‘She was eight when I left home.’ The words were spoken slowly, reluctantly. ‘Sounds simple enough, but it wasn’t. Mum was … hell, she was a mess. The drinking led to her being fired, so then she had nothing to do all day but drink and wallow.’ He gave a bark of humourless laughter. ‘Buying booze when you’ve got no income isn’t recommended.’
It wasn’t hard to fill in the parts he hadn’t said. ‘You left home to work?’
‘Yeah. Not many places are prepared to pay an eighteen-year-old kid a decent whack, but I’d been doing some stuff from home now and again for this tech company up in Manchester and they offered me a good job. Just basic programming, but it was a lot more than I’d been able to earn up to then.’ His head turned again, this time to stare down at his hands. ‘I told myself I was doing it for the family. You know, earning money to send back to Mum so she and Erin would be okay.’
‘You were doing that.’
He shook his head, letting out another sharp laugh. ‘I was escaping. Fact. I was done with babysitting them both. I wanted to get on with my life, so I buggered off to Manchester and left the pair of them to it.’ His head dipped again, and he rubbed at the back of his neck. ‘Six months later social services got involved and Erin was taken into foster care.’
Sam could feel his remorse, his guilt. It was a living, breathing thing that went beyond the droop of his shoulders and the hanging of his head. ‘That’s not on you,’ she told him softly.
‘Yeah? That’s what I kept telling myself, too, but you know what? It’s a load of bollocks. They both needed me at home more than they needed the money I sent them.’
His guilt was buried deep, she realised. It would take time to get him to see he was being too hard on his younger self. ‘How long was Erin with foster parents for?’
‘A few months. Just long enough for Mum to sort herself out.’ He paused and she heard him inhale several deep breaths. ‘Mum knew she needed help, it was done voluntarily, but if I’d been at home, it wouldn’t have happened.’
‘If you’d been at home your mum would have had no reason to sort herself out, either.’
He laughed, quiet and humourless. ‘Or maybe I could have helped her give up the booze for good, instead of just … managing.’
‘Only she can do that, Ryan.’ She cast a quick glance his way and saw that his head was tipped back, his eyes shut. ‘Did you and Erin get on before you left?’
‘She’s my baby sister. Of course we got on.’
His face looked so strained, her heart ached for him. ‘I’m guessing you went from hero to zero in her eyes.’
‘Something like that.’ Suddenly he shifted, sitting bolt upright. ‘What junction are we up to?’
‘Is that your subtle way of saying you’ve had enough of the conversation?’
He exhaled heavily. ‘I just want to see her.’
And there went another sharp tug on her heart. ‘I know you do
.’ She reached across and squeezed his hand, the contact as much for herself as for him. ‘She’ll be okay. Erin said your mum’s in surgery so she’s probably having an angioplasty. Maybe a stent inserted. That’s what happened to my dad after his heart attack. And you saw him in Cornwall. I’d say he’s back to his old self yet better, because he’s fitter.’
Ryan didn’t say anything, just nodded, but his hand continued to hold hers, his thumb rubbing gently over her knuckles.
Chapter 29
Ryan fought to control his emotions as he walked into the small side room his mum had been put in. There she was, looking horribly fragile as she lay in a bed surrounded by monitors and intravenous drips. The back of his eyes stung as he bent to kiss her.
Her eyes fluttered open, and he felt a vice-like grip on his chest. ‘You gave us a scare.’
She smiled, face as pale as the pillow she lay on. ‘The things I have to do to get my son to come and see me.’ Guilt washed through him and she immediately snatched at his hand. ‘You visit me plenty. That was me making a joke.’ She glanced around. ‘Where’s your sister?’
‘She went to take a piss.’ He took comfort from her frown. Maybe his mum was still his mum, despite the fright. ‘Fine, she went to powder her nose, or whatever other crap you women use. She’s been here with you the whole time.’ Unlike your son, who only arrived when the drama was over, he thought heavily.
Her hand, bonier than the hand he’d held on the journey up here, the skin not as soft as Sam’s, but the grip still strong, tightened round his. ‘I know what you’re thinking, and you need to stop. You’re twenty-eight, you daft sod. I’m thankful you live only a couple of hours away. Grateful you could drop everything to come and check on me, even though you didn’t need to.’
‘Shit, Mum, you had a heart attack.’ A shudder ripped through him and as his legs started to tremble, he grabbed at the chair and shoved himself into it. ‘Of course I needed to be here.’
The New Guy Page 22
