by Nick Stead
I’d already guessed the male voice belonged to another vampire and sure enough he strode out of the barn, pausing to give me a look of utter disdain before he took off into the dwindling shadows, fleeing the sun’s first rays creeping over the land. I watched him go, a part of me hoping he wouldn’t make it to shelter in time. I didn’t know what the conversation I’d heard had been all about but it was clear he was one of the vampires who had no love for my kind. Lady Sarah had warned me that there were still plenty of them out there who remembered a time when our races were at war, before the rise of the Slayers forced us to ally against the threat of extinction they posed. It seemed he still held a grudge for events long past.
“Nick?” Lady Sarah called. “The sun is almost up, hurry!”
I’d almost forgotten she still needed the coffin and it was growing too light outside the barn for her to come out and retrieve it herself. One corner of the barn still offered enough shadows for her to stand in without burning and I took the coffin over to her, placing it down for her to test. It would have been too late to fetch another if she didn’t fit the one I’d brought but we could have buried her in the ground without one if it had come to it, less comfortable though it would have been for her. But as it happened I’d chosen a good size for Lady Sarah, even if it was purely by luck.
The barn was really no more than a large shed made from wood and we were easily able to rip the floorboards up and dig down into the earth beneath. The coffin alone would have provided enough shelter from the sun, but if the Slayers attacked again and I couldn’t fight them off, burying the coffin added an extra layer of security for the vampire. There was always the chance they might not find her if I could cover the hole over well enough, and perhaps they’d assume we’d split up again if they couldn’t find any evidence of her sleeping nearby.
“What was that all about?” I asked as I helped her dig.
“Nothing you need concern yourself with.”
“Yeah right, I heard him talking about a wolf and we both know that could only have been me he was referring to. Even if we found more surviving werewolves out there, I’m the only wolf companion you’ve got.”
“It is merely vampire business. If there is a need for you to know more I will tell you, but for now you are better off staying clear of it.”
“How can it be ‘merely vampire business’ if it involves me somehow?”
“Leave it, Nick. I will say no more on the matter and besides, even if I could talk to you about this we are out of time this night. I left your meat in the corner over there, but bury my coffin before you eat please. We seem to have lost the Slayers again for now but it is better to remain cautious.”
Reluctantly I filled in the hole once she’d closed the coffin lid and placed the floorboards back over the patch of earth. I did my best to ensure the spot where she was buried wouldn’t be noticeable at a glance and then stalked over to investigate the kill she’d left me. I was pleasantly surprised to find the carcass of a small deer which she didn’t seem to have drained of any blood, and I ripped into it hungrily, the most appetising meal I’d had since the last full moon. As I ate, I thought over the conversation I’d heard between the two vampires. What was this thing that had happened, and why would they think I was responsible? Were they simply blaming me out of the prejudice many of them held, or was there more to it than that? The more I puzzled over it, the more questions I had. Then a thought occurred to me – what if my reckless actions had provoked the Slayers into more aggressive action? Could it be that it was not just me and Lady Sarah they’d been hunting so actively, but all of the undead in general? And if that was the case, perhaps they’d even succeeded in killing some of us. It was the only thing I could think of that could be considered my fault.
My thoughts turned to killing again. I hadn’t been feeling the need to kill since the last full moon, but I wanted to. I wanted to reawaken my bloodlust and let it rise up to fill the gaping chasm of the emptiness within, and since my anger had deserted me it seemed killing was the only way to do that. Yet no matter how badly I wanted to hunt down more prey, Lady Sarah’s power wouldn’t allow it, and so my thoughts turned to all those I’d left behind with my human life. Images of the pain those closest to me must be feeling passed unbidden in my mind. I didn’t want to dwell on what my friends and family must be going through, wondering if I was alive and there was a chance I’d return or if my body was lying in a ditch somewhere. But with little else to do I couldn’t seem to help myself, despite the homesickness such thoughts began to stir, which only made the emptiness worse. That dark chasm only seemed to gape wider with the sense of loss creeping over me, and when night fell again I was grateful for the distraction the vampire offered, even if she insisted on giving me more lessons in survival.
We hunted together, Lady Sarah making the kills, and I quenched my thirst in another pond, but when the time came to bury her again for the day she said “You may hunt for yourself today but only small animals and you are not to go anywhere near the human world. Understood?”
I nodded and helped hide her again, wasting no time in going off to hunt once she was safely back in the ground.
The nearby town was just coming alive when I first set out and if it hadn’t been for Lady Sarah’s hold over me, I might have given in to the temptation to fall upon the hapless mortals and slaughter them to my heart’s content. As it was, the small animals she’d given me permission to kill would have to suffice for that day.
I prowled the fields in wolf form and soon caught a rabbit, but this wasn’t how I had been picturing it. The simple act of killing my prey hadn’t brought the pleasure I expected, nor the bloodlust that had ruled me so completely before it had waned with the moon. I’d thought the simple act of killing my prey would cause it to rise back up and bring me that bloodthirsty joy again, thought that was all that had been missing since my last kill. Yet the thrill at the sight of blood jetting out from an artery punctured by my fangs wasn’t there. The desire to rip the carcass apart until limbs and organs lay scattered around me in a bloody circle remained quiet.
And without it what was there? Nothing. In its absence there was nothing but the emptiness, akin to how I’d begun to feel before the rage and hatred filled the void. Without that fire burning it seemed the joy of hunting down prey now lay solely with my wolfish half. The knowledge was of little comfort. Without the bloodlust what did I have to live for? Survival was far from a trial for a supernatural predator such as myself – not without the threat of the Slayers at any rate and they had yet to find us in this latest area we’d temporarily claimed as our own. When no prey existed that could escape my jaws what was there to enjoy from the simple pleasures of life? Without the struggle for survival experienced by most animals that left room for boredom, just like a caged animal or humans with little to do all day. Unlike humans I couldn’t indulge in any of their hobbies to pass the time, and I had no human captors to provide me with enrichment like many caged animals (the lucky ones at least). What meaning did life hold for me now, then? Without any hobbies or kindred spirits to share this existence with, there was nothing but this growing emptiness inside, and these thoughts were doing little to help with that chasm re-opening in my soul.
Though she had been my constant companion for the last two months, Lady Sarah was still very much a stranger to me in many ways. Perhaps I would have to make a more concerted effort to get to know her, cold and distant as she often seemed. Yes, I’d try talking to her when darkness fell and see if I could get her to open up to me, share some stories from her past maybe. Or maybe she could give me some insight into how she managed with her eternal existence whenever she wasn’t hunting, fighting or fleeing, or putting me through more of her damn lessons.
I looked back down at the dead rabbit and sighed in reluctant acceptance of the fact there was no fun to be had in my kill, and surrendered myself to the wolf so I might escape the troubling thoughts that had plagued me the previous day.
I s
tripped the small carcass of the flesh from its bones and gnawed on them for a while, but the rabbit was barely a snack which merely took the edge off my hunger, doing little to appease it. I really wanted to hunt something larger and more filling but I knew the risk was too high, so I buried the remains to hide my kill from any prying eyes and went in search of more prey.
The human may be having trouble adjusting to life on the fringes of humanity, but I was content to be closer to the natural world, if not quite a part of it. I belonged out in the wilderness, and truth be told I was glad to be living further out from man’s festering heart, ever spreading their pollution outwards and smothering nature in the thick smog they wreathed their settlements in.
Yet despite my pleasure at no longer living among them, a part of me was drawn towards the nearby town and the hunting grounds that lay therein, though Lady Sarah’s power kept me from wandering too close. The curse caused me to hunger for human flesh above all else, the one thing that truly set me apart from other wolves. Or at least it had been before the human half of me started to spread its poisonous nature into our lupine half, and had since given me a bloodlust that was not my own, one I despised but could not fight, so intertwined with my unnatural hunger as it was. The human seemed to think it was beginning to accept my nature and in doing so we were becoming one, yet it still did not understand the sanctity of life and the predator’s place in the world, just like the rest of its wretched species. And until it learnt to respect our prey and only to hunt and kill in the name of survival, I wanted nothing to do with my other half.
My sensitive ears picked up the flapping of a bird’s wings and I scented the air, struggling to pick up the bird’s scent through my bloodied muzzle. I heard the bird’s talons grip a nearby tree branch and pinpointed its location. Upon investigation it turned out to be a crow, which I also killed and ate. The fields around me grew quiet after that, the mortal animals knowing better than to venture from their dens when a werewolf stalked the lands. I headed off back towards the barn, since there was nothing else to hunt.
One of Lady Sarah’s recent lessons had been on evading any would-be hunters and covering my tracks, so I doubled back on myself a few times before finally going back to our current shelter. Once inside I settled down to rest for the day, keeping an ear cocked for sounds of any potential threats.
My hunger was far from satisfied but I was still weary from the vast distances we’d had to cover over the past three weeks to keep ahead of the Slayers, and finally lose them. Exhaustion took over and I let myself doze off into a light sleep. The human would reassert itself while we lay unconscious, but I could bide my time. In the first few months of my awakening I’d struggled for control whenever the human did something to give me a strong enough grip, like when it let anger take hold, or hunger, or when the smell of blood called me forth. And once it learned the true nature of the werewolf, the truth of our hunger for human flesh, it had fought to keep me locked deep down in our subconscious. But much had changed since then and with this new sense of despair creeping over my human half, I knew I would be given more free rein between full moons, especially if there was no longer any pleasure in hunting for that other side to me. Though I still despised the human’s nature, I knew to continue to fight each other was a pointless waste of energy. Neither of us could remain in control indefinitely, and our survival was more important than my distaste for humanity and that part of my being. I knew I’d have chance to hunt and explore our current surroundings soon enough, so I was content to surrender to the human for now. The full moon was close and I hoped Lady Sarah would give me more freedom this time, as long as I didn’t become consumed by rage again. My time would soon come.
I awoke to the sound of knocking coming from somewhere beneath my paws, still in wolf form. The vampire was ready to rise for the night but she needed me to dig down to her coffin, otherwise she would have had to damage it to free herself.
“Come, there is much more you need to learn,” she said as I returned to human form. “It is about time we worked on your self-control.”
She’d noticed the absence of my rage and seemed to think it was time to risk coaching me to control my hunger for human prey, despite the moon nearing almost full, but the idea filled me with little enthusiasm. I didn’t feel like putting myself through something so taxing when I was still feeling dismayed over my bloodlust seemingly deserting me.
In order for me to learn to resist my instincts, I knew Lady Sarah would have to put me in the way of temptation, so she could then teach me the self-control she had already learnt centuries ago. I had once considered myself to be slave to the hunger that plagued me after each transformation, especially at full moon, and I knew what it would cost me to attempt to resist it. I didn’t think I could face the torment I’d have to put myself through, not with the despair I was currently feeling after the kill earlier had failed to fill the emptiness inside once more. And there was also the possibility that even that temptation, which had for a time filled me with anticipation and excitement at the prospect of the kill, would also prove to be empty and meaningless to my human mind. If that proved to be the case my existence would truly have lost all meaning, and I didn’t want to face that possibility anytime soon.
I was about to protest but my feelings must have already shown. “You need these skills, Nick, and we must make use of whatever time we are given for me to teach you.”
“Can’t we hang on, just till the full moon’s over with for another month?” I replied. “Those three nights will be exhausting enough as it is.”
“Do you think the Slayers will wait for you to rest? You are no longer in the human world. You cannot afford days off; you must continue to push yourself if you wish to survive. It is precisely because of the full moon I would rather work on your self-control now. We have done well to lose the Slayers again for the time being, and it is imperative we remain hidden for as long as possible.”
“But if I can’t control the hunger, surely putting temptation in my way is only going to make me more frenzied during the full moon again. It’s only a few more nights, then I’ll work hard to master my instincts in time for the next one, I promise.”
She was quiet for a few minutes, probably debating with herself the wisdom of waiting. “Very well. I need to feed, then we will see if you can concentrate on something easier. You may hunt as well, if you wish.”
“Wait, don’t go yet,” I said. She paused and turned back to look at me. “I was hoping we could spend some time together beyond simply hunting and teaching me new skills. It’s been over a year since we met but I feel like I still barely know you.”
“I need to feed and I would do so alone tonight. You know it is not in the nature of vampires to live and hunt in groups: we value our solitude. I will return in time to give you another lesson before daybreak, if you are willing, but until then I wish to be alone.”
Before I could argue she was gone, moving so fast it was as if she’d vanished into the night. She might have been able to take a wolf’s form, but there was nothing in her nature that was wolfish, or particularly human for that matter. I was determined to learn more about her and how she coped with an eternity of living as an outsider, but I knew better than to attempt to follow her that same night. With little else to do, I hunted more of the field’s inhabitants to satisfy the hunger from the transformation back to human form, though the act of killing them remained just as unsatisfactory, then returned to the barn to catch up on more sleep while I waited for Lady Sarah to return. Once she did so I tried to focus on the latest skill she decided to teach me. There’d been a noticeable drop in temperature over the last few nights so she deemed it time I learnt how to make a fire, which took me a while to get the hang of, especially as my mind kept wandering miserably back to my unsatisfactory kills. But I picked it up just before the new day dawned, grey and overcast like my mood.
The next few nights passed in much the same way, until the full moon was upon us again. It was a clea
r night and I barely had time to dig down to free Lady Sarah before the transformation took hold.
Without my rage, I was much more aware of the pain of the full moon transformation that night. I’d long since developed a higher pain threshold so it didn’t have me screaming in agony like it would’ve done just a year earlier, but it still had me on my knees, digging lengthening nails into the dirt and gritting sharpening teeth. Blood boiled and sweat rolled down my grimy body, despite the chill of the autumn air. My guts felt like they were being moved, stretched and even squeezed by some invisible, sadistic surgeon. Some bones stretched outwards while others ground down to a shorter length. Fur erupted down the length of my body, and a tail grew from the base of my spine. The change complete, the wolf took control. I couldn’t have fought him even if I wanted to, but given my current emotional state it had become a welcome reprieve whenever my wolfish half ruled us. I gave myself completely to the full moon madness once more, silently praying it would leave me feeling alive again when the sun rose.
I was much calmer that night than I had been through my last two full moons, but I still hungered for human flesh. The vampire watched me warily, ready to intervene if I showed any sign of becoming frenzied again. Once it became clear I wasn’t completely out of control this time, she decided the easiest way to manage my hunger was to allow me to hunt more animals under her watchful eye. I wasn’t entirely content, even with the deer I tracked down and killed, but at least I was allowed the freedom to run beneath my lunar master and answer its call with more blood. And at least I had fresh meat to feed the hunger, unlike the nights I’d been forced to feed on cold, rotting flesh.
This full moon was fairly uneventful. The human’s rage hadn’t rekindled as it had hoped, meaning I retained my ability to reason and didn’t give in to the temptation to attempt slipping away from Lady Sarah and taking human prey. Though the bloodlust did return on the third night, rising up when I made my first kill and completely lost myself in the moon’s embrace, causing me to savage another deer I’d found much more violently than the previous two nights. But the vampire was prepared for the sudden return of my bloodthirsty fury, and when I rose from my kill to bound off into the darkness in search of more, she wrestled me into submission in wolf form, muzzling me again until it passed.
