by Nick Stead
Hours later, I’d been trying to find my way back to the old building the vampires had used to put me on trial without success. If I could just find my way back there and then head north, I should be able to find the mansion. But I seemed to be lost in the heart of the moorland and I suspected I may well have been going in circles. It seemed I had to rely on the lupine half of my mind after all, so I came to a stop and mentally reached out for him.
“What do you want, human?” he snarled.
“I know you lurk and watch on the edge of my consciousness; you’re well aware what’s going on. If you still want to live, you need to help me find this vampire’s mansion.”
“And what makes you so sure he will help us?”
“I’m not,” I sighed. “But if we go to Ulfarr alone, he’s not going to listen. Lady Sarah seemed pretty certain of that. Our only hope is to get another vampire on side and find some proof they can take to him, and it doesn’t look like we can rely on Lady Sarah anymore. What choice do we have?”
“I don’t like this,” he growled. “We know nothing about this vampire.”
“No, but he stood up for us when Lady Sarah wouldn’t.”
“Very well,” the wolf said reluctantly, and he rose up to take control. I retreated into our subconscious, trusting his survival instinct was still strong enough for him to go along with my plan.
When the wolf surrendered control back to me, I found myself in a big clearing in a patch of woodland, stood before the gates to a large building. Still in wolf form, I padded cautiously forward. The gates swung open for me even though the grounds seemed deserted. I assumed there was a hidden camera somewhere, and it was still dark which meant the vampire would still be up. He was probably watching as I prowled along the path towards his mansion, but no undead came running to drag me away for another trial, nor did any Slayers appear with more guns. Emboldened by the lack of any kind of ambush, I made my way up the stairs to a front door flanked by two huge stone lions. Whoever this vampire was, I guessed he’d been around for a few hundred years and had therefore acquired vast amounts of wealth over the centuries. Clearly he wasn’t afraid to live with the human luxuries he’d become accustomed to in his mortal life, though I had to wonder how he’d lasted so long in this place when most of us had been forced into hiding on the fringes of the human world. Granted the mansion was hidden by the woodland surrounding it, but it would still be visible from the air. It seemed unlikely the Slayers wouldn’t know of its existence, and the true nature of the man residing within.
I transformed back to human but just as I was about to pound on the door, the vampire opened it and gestured for me to enter. I didn’t waste any time with pleasantries.
“I don’t know if I can trust you, but it sounds like Ulfarr is convinced I’m guilty and I guess that means he’ll be looking to execute me again before long. I know who the real killer is, but I need your help to clear my name.”
“Of course. I will do everything in my power to save you from the others,” he said.
That raised my suspicions again. I’d been expecting to have to convince him to help, but this was beginning to seem all too easy. “Wait, why are you so keen to help me?”
“You are believed to be the last of your kind, and it was you who led a force of undead into battle against the Slayers. You have become the object of much curiosity amongst our kind, despite the hatred so many feel for your race. I offered you my companionship merely with the intent of satisfying that curiosity. And while there is much hatred for werewolves among my kind, I have only ever had respect for you. It would be a shame to see your race die.”
“Come to think of it, how is it you just happened to be in the town to clean up after me when I was in no state to do so myself?”
“I was out hunting and I sensed you in the area. Again, curiosity led me to you and I realised you were on the verge of a breakdown. I hoped by helping that it would sway you to accept the hand of friendship I’d offered you, and here you are. I simply want to learn more about the werewolf who successfully united our races on the battlefield and led us to victory.”
“No,” I growled. “There’s always some fucking ulterior motive with you vampires. Forget it, this was a mistake. I’m done with the lot of you!”
I was about to retreat back outside, but he pointed out “You are hardly in a position to refuse my aid. You know this, or you would not be here. If you leave, the others will hunt you down eventually. It’s only a matter of time before Ulfarr gives the order, if others don’t take it upon themselves to kill you first.”
“So what is this, some glorified prison? Did Ulfarr talk you round to seeing things his way? Has he put you up to luring me here while he decides when to execute me?”
He shook his head, his expression neutral. “You are free to leave, if you wish, but I would advise against it. And I believe we can be of some help to each other if I could persuade you to stay. I realise you have little reason to trust us vampires given the recent mistreatment you have suffered at our hands, but I assure you I am sincere in my offer to aid you. Ask yourself why I would go to the trouble of standing up to Ulfarr if I bore you any ill will.”
I couldn’t argue with that but I was still filled with doubt and perhaps a touch of paranoia after so many had turned against me. In the end I had to remind myself that I’d come to him of my own free will because he’d seemed like my best hope if I didn’t want to die at the hands of Ulfarr, for crimes I didn’t commit. And at least I could be certain he was real, and not another product of my tortured mind like Luke had turned out to be.
“Come, spend the day here at least where you may rest in comfort.”
I let him lead me to one of the many guestrooms. It was much larger than my own bedroom had been back in my family home, which had been a good size for a growing teen. This room was luxuriously big, with enough room to fit a king size bed, what looked to be a wardrobe along one wall, and a desk and drawers on the other wall, as well as a bookshelf, and there was still plenty of floor space to walk around. I gazed in amazement at the number of human comforts I’d never expected to see again. Not only did the bed look soft and inviting after so many months sleeping rough, but the room was warm compared to the wintry world outside and the bookshelf looked to be lined with several interesting titles. There was also a TV on the desk and a door to what turned out to be an en suite.
“Dawn approaches and I must retire to my own chambers. I will leave you to consider my offer. My home is yours to explore as you will, or if you wish to venture out there are towels in the en suite and clothes in the wardrobe which should fit well enough. I ask only that you try not to slaughter the locals in the nearby village. I would hate to have to abandon this place, and a massacre in the area may be all it takes to bring the Slayers to my door,” he said, and with a sly smile added, “It might be as well if you avoid the human world for the next few days, with your time of the month at hand.”
“Really, time of the month jokes?” I growled. “I’m not some bloody girl due a period.”
“I’m sorry, it was just too easy,” he laughed. “Anyway, you will find plenty of prey in the surrounding woodland, should you wish to hunt. Whatever you decide to do with the day, I hope to find you here come dusk. There is much I’d like to discuss if you’ll hear me out, before we lose you to the moon’s clutches for the three nights it’s full.”
With that he stalked out, so silent he might have been no more than a shadow. I watched him go, still wondering if I’d made a mistake in coming here. But the temptation of all these things I’d been missing from my human life was enough to keep me in the mansion for the day, and I wasted no time in making use of the en suite, in which I found a large bath and a separate shower. After months of living like an animal and having to wash in icy cold waters when the need arose, I was going to enjoy washing the filth from my body. It would probably be the first shower I ever truly appreciated, since in my human life I’d still been young enough that it had alwa
ys been a chore. But having been deprived of so many of the things humans take for granted, I was going to make the most of the comforts the mansion had to offer, for as long as it lasted.
I enjoyed a hot shower first to wash the thickest of the dried blood and gore off my body. My skin was so caked in it that the water ran red down the drain, and when I stepped out I was still not entirely cleansed of it. I felt the need to bath as well, even though I’d hated bathing in my old human life even more than I’d hated showering.
I filled the tub high enough to immerse my body in its warm embrace from the neck down. I could easily have nodded off in the soothing hot water, but when I closed my eyes I could still see the corpses I’d made during my last massacre. Fresh torment awaited me if I gave into sleep, where they would rise and condemn me for their murder, and as tired as I was after spending the night running across miles of open moorland, I didn’t want to face the nightmares just then. So I opened my eyes before sleep could take me to find the water in the bath had also turned bloody, and I felt new despair creeping in. What meaning did life hold for me when the only true companion left to me was death?
“So find a new reason to fight,” the hallucination said, reappearing as Lizzy once more. “Rekindle your anger and let it grow into rage, then channel it into a purpose and put all this senseless slaughter behind you.”
“And what am I supposed to do?” I asked her. “March on back to Lady Sarah and try again to get her to arrange another meeting to rally what little forces we can muster?”
“Maybe that’s exactly what you’re meant to do,” she replied. “You led them into battle once before; you can do it again. You can’t just give up because she wouldn’t hear you out last night.”
“It won’t make any difference, their minds are made up,” I answered, somewhat bitterly. “Even Lady Sarah didn’t seem convinced of my innocence without any proof.”
“And what do you have to lose by trying? Your freedom? You’re hardly free. Your life? You already admitted to yourself you’re no longer living. You need a reason to live and killing is all that’s left to you. You might as well kill with a purpose. You know you have to try.”
“I am tired of running, that’s for sure. But I don’t really feel like fighting anymore either, despite what I said to Lady Sarah last night, and I sure as hell don’t want to hand myself over to the vampires so they can chain and torment me some more, nor the Slayers for that matter.”
“Then what reason do you have to go on? Part of you must have come to the same conclusion or you wouldn’t be having this conversation. I’m not her, remember? This is all coming from you.”
She had me there. If the hallucinations I’d been having over the last few months were my brain’s way of working through my innermost thoughts, then deep down I knew I needed to embrace the war to give me something to exist for. Otherwise I’d just carry on in the same vicious cycle, letting my inner darkness tempt me to shed more innocent blood, only to feel worse for it afterwards. And why else would I have raised it with Lady Sarah when I’d gone to see her about clearing my name? But when my situation seemed so hopeless, my will to fight had been crushed again. Even proving my innocence didn’t seem so important in that moment.
“Bollocks to it all,” I growled. “I’m done with the other vampires, and I’m done with the Slayers. I’ll stay here for as long as I can, then at least if this new vampire proves to be untrustworthy like the rest, I’ll have enjoyed some of the human comforts I’ve been missing.”
Once my mind was made up, I climbed out of the bloodied water and dried off, not worrying about staining the towels. The vampire was no doubt used to blood stains, and he clearly had enough wealth that replacing them wouldn’t be much of an issue.
Though the walls of the mansion provided welcome shelter from the elements, the air was still chilled enough to raise the hairs on my skin. As unaccustomed to wearing clothes as I’d become, I searched the wardrobe for the warmest garments it had to offer, finding fleecy jogging bottoms and a jumper, and socks in the drawers underneath the desk. It felt so good to be warm again that I almost wanted to throw caution to the winds and place my trust in the vampire completely if it meant I could spend the rest of my days as a guest in his mansion, but I knew that was one luxury I didn’t have. It would be hard to give up human comforts a second time, yet I had to remain wary in case he also proved to be false, and be prepared to return to my exile at a moment’s notice. If it came to that I could only hope it would be when the weather had turned warmer, though my loneliness would be no easier to bear.
I was hungry after transforming back to human when I’d first reached the mansion, but I was curious to see the rest of the building that was to be my haven for the time being, and curiosity overrode my hunger. So I left the bedroom to explore the building, hoping I might also learn more of the vampire and the wisdom in placing any trust in him.
As I padded down the corridor, I took in more of my surroundings than I had when the vampire had first led me to the guestroom. The building had a sense of history to it, though I couldn’t say what era it might have been built. Despite its age it appeared to have been well kept through the centuries, though there was no evidence of any human servants within its walls. I found it hard to believe the vampire would trouble himself with its upkeep, however, so he must have some dealings with mankind. How he could live on the edge of their world and treat with them as necessary, yet still escape the notice of the Slayers was a mystery to me. Especially when it seemed I couldn’t set foot within a few miles of human settlements without setting off some silent alarm to alert the Slayers to my presence in the area.
From the view out of the windows I passed I could see more of the grounds, and that they were a modest size compared to the building, surrounded by the dense woodland which no doubt helped to hide the building from most humans. Assuming the vampire had the mental power to manipulate other beings as Lady Sarah and Ulfarr did, perhaps that and the trees were enough to hide the home he’d made for himself here. Yet surely if it was that easy no vampire would choose to live the life Lady Sarah had insisted we led for the past few months, driven from town to town and sheltering in abandoned buildings and graveyards. She’d been leading that life for centuries from what little I knew of her past, sheltering in a mausoleum with not even a coffin to call her own when we’d first met. How was it this vampire had managed to make a life for himself in human comforts, as if he was still one of them, when so many were forced to live as nomads, hunted at every turn? The more I took in of the vampire’s mansion, the more questions and doubts I had. It seemed the only answers I would find would be the ones the vampire chose to give me.
I paused before a large framed painting depicting the portrait of a woman and her young son. A relic from the vampire’s life as a human perhaps; the family he had once known and loved? I’d always said I had no need of love, only sex, yet the thought that no wife would ever wait for me to come home to her, no children would ever run into my arms, suddenly saddened me. I would never father children, only spawn monsters that would never be permitted to reach adulthood. The loss of my family and friends was partly the reason for the hole that gaped ever wider in my soul, such a vital part of being human and one I could never know again. Even a wolf has his alpha female and his pack, but I had no one. And as the last of my kind, what hope did I have of ever finding someone? How could any human love a monster like me? To accept the bestial side of my nature and the involuntary full moon transformations was one thing, but how could anyone ever love the empty shell I had become; a being so dead inside that it was quite possible I had no love to give in return. I might have felt I had no need for relationships in my human life, but somewhere in the empty abyss within was the need for the simple comfort of the affectionate touch of another, to be held in the arms of a woman who could love me as more than a friend. The very things that would forever be denied to me.
Even though I’d never had any interest in married life before,
my treacherous mind saw fit to show me a vision of what might have been if my lupine half had never been awoken and I had remained a mortal. Perhaps it was partly down to the time of year. It had to be sometime around February by then which meant it was the mating season again, though I hadn’t yet felt those instincts taking over like they had in my first year as a werewolf.
A beautiful woman greeted me after a long day’s work and our son dashed out, but moments later the flesh sloughed from their faces with decay, as if any such life could only ever be corrupt and rotten at the core for the monster I’d become. The boy looked at me with accusing eyes glaring out from that gruesome, skeletal face, and then I recognised him as one of the kids I’d slaughtered in the playground. I’d seen enough horrors that it no longer turned me to a shivering wreck as it once did, so I snarled and swiped at the vision, and the gruesome hallucinations vanished instantly. But the anger remained quiet in my deepest recesses and with a heavy heart I stalked away from the portrait, wondering how long this mourning for the life I’d lost and the future I could have had would go on for.
