Never Enough

by Sarah Clay

  When our meals arrive we all tuck straight in, but I notice Eden’s playing with hers more than eating it. She’s looking down at her meal but listening to everything the guys are talking about. “Imagine that though, living in that” Brad shudders as he speaks. “Yeah fuck that” I nod along with him. “I think it’s kind of sad, I mean alcoholics come in many shapes and sizes” Max adds in. “What do you think Edes, what did you take away from this project?” Jase asks her trying to engage her in the conversation. But she shrugs her tense shoulders “I don’t know, I just tried to take the pictures as quickly as possible and get out of the way. I wanted to capture the moment, I mean they’re not ALL sad photos” she’s being honest but I don’t see how she can think they’re anything less than devastating. Before I can ask her, her phone rings and when she cheeks it, I notice her posture has stiffened even more, she excuses herself from the table.

  She’s been gone for 10 minutes now and I wonder who she’s talking to. I’m starting to get impatient again. “Alright boys lets settle the bill and get out of here.” I say standing up. “I’ve got Eden’s half” Jase throws over his shoulder walking past me. “Unless you want to throw a hissy fit over it first?” He smirks at me. I don’t answer, I just pull my card out of my wallet and push it in to his hand as I’m walking past him. I hear him laughing but keep walking. “Why brother, how generous of you to pay for Eden, very chivalrous of you.”

  I step outside and find her leaning up against Jase’s car, when she sees me walking towards her she ends her phone call and drops it back in to her little bag. I don’t stop walking until I’m up in her space and our feet are touching. Leaning one arm against the car beside her and letting the other rest on her hip. Looking her over again I can’t help myself. She is fucking stunning. Our faces are so close, their nearly touching, our noses slightly grazing each other’s. “Have I mentioned how fucking good you look tonight?” bringing my lips just a breath away from hers. I’m about to kiss her, I have to kiss her. But before I can she pushes on my chest a little “I have to go.” I pull back a little but not much. “What do you mean, you have to go?” She looks down the street and then back at me. “I just called a taxi. You guys should go on to the club.” I feel like she just dropped a bucket of cold water over my head. Where the fuck would she need to go, dressed like that and at this time.

  “Who was on the phone Eden?” I have to know, I have no right to, but I have too. It will eat at me if I don’t. She shakes her head “No one important, just an old friend doing me a favour.” Taking another step back and pulling my hands through my hair, letting out an unamused laugh. “A favour right…” I draw out. “Ryan stop. Go with the boys, have a fun night please, don’t let me ruin it.” I scoff, feeling my anger rise “Who was on the fucking phone Eden?” I growl but she just shakes her head and looks away. She’s not going to tell me. Well fuck this. “Ok Eden. No worries, have a great fucking night.” I spit out. She hasn’t done anything wrong, I know that logically, but I’m pissed she’s leaving. I’m pissed she’s not telling me who was on the phone. I was just plain pissed at this point; the alcohol I’d been drinking catching up to me out in the night air.

  Fuck it, I turn to walk away but I only get a couple of steps before I hear a car pull up. Looking over my shoulder, I see the taxi idling. Eden hasn’t moved yet, she looks torn between going and staying so I turn around completely and look over at her meeting her eyes. “Better getting going Eden, your ‘friend’ is waiting” I mock. She nods, like I’ve given her an answer to some unanswered question. She moves over to the taxi and climbs in the back seat. Just as the Taxi pulls away the boys crowd out of the restaurant. “Where’s Eden? Brad asks looking up and down the street. “Who the fuck knows?” I bark out, Jase steps closer to me, I just shake my head at him. “Some old friend called who’s doing her a favour and she just left in a taxi, now are we going to the club or what?”

  Chapter Twenty-three

  EDEN

  I’ve been standing outside, staring up at my mum’s apartment complex for 10 minutes now, talking myself into going in and checking on her. When I’d been out for dinner earlier and seen a familiar number calling I knew I had to step outside to take it. As soon as I answered, Andrews voice come across the line telling me my mum was causing a scene. I knew the drill, If I could get down there as quickly as possible they would let me take her home and not call the police on her. Andrew was a bartender, he’d been helping me out for years, knowing it was a massive inconvenience and lack of funds that we already didn’t have, to bail her out when she’d go on a public binge. When Ryan stepped out of the building I had just finished calling for a ride to the train station. Then he’d stepped closer to me and I could smell the alcohol on his breathe, any thought of telling him what was going on evaporated with it. He’d told me to go, so I’d listened. Was it walking away if someone was telling you to go? I wasn’t sure, but I’d got in the taxi and then caught the express train out to Penrith.

  From there I caught another taxi the short distance to mums local watering hole, when I’d gotten there Andrew had greeted me with that same tired smile he always had waiting for me. He’d told me she’d stumbled off in the direction of home about 20 minutes ago when they wouldn’t serve her any more alcohol. So I’d thanked Andrew and walked the distance to her apartment. I don’t know why, but I felt like it was the right thing to do to check on her, make sure she had made it in to the apartment for one. Next step was to make sure she fell asleep on her side so when the inevitable happened she didn’t choke on her own vomit.

  Forcing myself to walk up the path and in to the building, I still had a key but it wasn’t necessary. She hadn’t even locked the door. Stepping through the door and closing it behind me. I couldn’t see her anywhere, I take another tentative step in. “Mum?” Walking further in to the house now, she’s not in the lounge. I check the kitchen and don’t see her. Just dishes piled up everywhere. Over flowing bins and empty bottles littering the floor. Most of which were smashed up, like she’d swiped them off in anger. I notice something on the table and reach for the light switch to turn it on. When the old overhead light buzzes to life I see what’s sitting there and I freeze.

  I feel the hairs on my arms stand to attention. Sitting on the table is todays Sydney Herald and it’s opened up to my page. The photos just glaring back at me. Her muffled voice comes from behind me. “was dropped off at my door today, no idea who left it” I feel her step closer to me but I still have my back to her, still just staring at the offensive item. “but whoever did, apparently wanted me to see something” She slurs her sentence and I turn around just as her fist meets my cheek, causing me to lose my footing a little. “Mum” I try to say in a calming voice, feeling anything but. “do you think they thought I would feel proud that my daughter was publishing photos?” she asks “Or do you think they were trying to tell me something else?” she inquires.

  Taking her eyes off of the paper to bring them back to me, looking over what I’m wearing. What I would give to have the biggest and baggiest clothes on right now. She shoots me a filthy look but just as quickly she smirks “You don’t think they published your photos because you have some special skill do you?” she’s cackling at herself now “Look at you Eden, whoever published that shit” she sneers while pointing at the paper behind me “probably just wants to get in your pants.” When she steps closer, I step back. “I mean not that I know why they would want too” she reaches her hand out towards me, before thinking better of it and letting her hand drop down beside her. “You’re making it pretty easy for them nowadays huh Eden, you’ve barely got anything on” She hisses.

  I side step her and try to get around her put she grabs my arm. She may be drunk, but she has perfect precision as she smashes her fist in to my stomach. I bend over in pain and she lands another to my ribs. Falling to my knees, but quickly pushing back up. “Who the fuck gave you permission to take photos in my house Eden?” she screams at me and grabs me by my hair.
I try pulling away from her but she yanks harder. I’ve had years at the end of my mums’ anger and I know I shouldn’t fight against her, it just makes it worse. I try to think of anything else, but her fist smashes into my lip, instantly feeling my mouth filling with blood a few seconds later. I spit it out on the floor, hating the metallic taste. I meet her scowl with a pleading look of my own. “You think you’re so much fucking better than me, but if you’re better then why’d they leave you too huh?” She’s bellowing, repeating the question over and over again. “I don’t know what you mean mum” I try to get through to her “you know what I’m asking you Eden, don’t play dumb now after acting so much smarter than me and my friends for all these years.”

  The friends she’s referring to are the few people that she hangs around with that drink just as much as her and think it’s a good time to have me wait on them hand and foot, even going as far as to knock me around if I didn’t do things quick enough. “If you’re so much fucking better precious Eden then why didn’t your daddy want you. Why didn’t your nanna and pops want to know you?” she spits the vicious words at me that she knows will hit the open wound I’ve always carried with me. I waited for years for someone to show up and save me from the life I was living. But no one ever did, no one showed up and no one cared. Mum had always told me they knew I was no good from the start, they didn’t want me ruining their lives like I had hers. She finally let’s go of my hair and I pull away. She’s angrier then normal tonight and I just want to leave. I spit out some more blood and look over to her.

  “I’m going to go mum, I just wanted to check that you were okay.” Turning, walking towards the door. I’ve barely taken a couple of steps when I feel her kick me, it knocks my legs out from under me causing me to fall to the ground, not before knocking my head hard against the corner of the hallway cabinet first. I feel instant pain shoot through my skull and I’m struggling to get my bearings. Rolling on to my back, I feel her climb on top of me and start screaming over and over as she lands a punch to my lip again, another to my eye. “You did this. I’m not this person. You did this. It’s all your fault.” I try knocking her off of me but everything is blurry. She pulls me up slightly by my shoulders and then throws me back down as she climbs off. Letting my head smash against the hard floor. But I don’t move, I can’t. Everything feels heavy and it’s hard to keep my eyes open. I just lay there. When I hear the front door open and close, I finally let my eyes drift closed; knowing she’s gone.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  EDEN

  “Mmm…” I moan as I start to come to. I’m on the ground and everything is hurting. Trying to sit up is a horrible idea, it hurts so bad. I give myself a second and breathe through the pain. Not sure how much time has passed, but eventually pulling myself up to lean against the cupboard. All my movements feel slow and my head is pounding. I reach for my bag and feel around for my phone. I call the only person I know to call in this moment.

  “Hey you! I’ve been trying to call you.” She answers in her normal chirpy voice.

  “Bree” I barely get her name out. And I know she hears the pain I’m in.

  “Eden! Eden where are you!?” She stutters through the phone.

  “Bree I need help. Can you come get me, I’m at mums?”

  “EDEN! Oh my god, are you okay… of course you’re not okay!” she’s panicking.

  “Please Bree”

  “I was trying to call you, I won’t be back until tomorrow night now” I start to panic myself, but before I can say anything she speaks again.

  “I’ll call Jason”

  “NO!” I don’t want him here, to see this place, to know where I’m from. “he’s been drinking any way, it’s okay. I’ll figure it out.”

  “No he hasn’t I was talking to him earlier. He went home early, wasn’t feeling it after you left. I’ll call him now!”

  I don’t fight her this time; I don’t know how long mum will be gone. Hell she could be in her bed asleep for all I know, she could have just stepped over my body and went on her way. I let my head drift back down towards the floor, deciding to close my eyes for a little bit while I wait. They feel so heavy.

  I don’t know how long I’d been asleep for, but I wake to the sound of banging. Taking a second to try an orientate my surroundings, but I just feel so dizzy. I moan as I try to stop the vomit I feel coming up my throat. Whoever’s on the other side of the door must hear me because the door swings open. I don’t open my eyes, I can’t. They feel like there laced with led. “EDES!” Jason. I hear him kneel down in front of me. I want to tell him he probably shouldn’t do that. That he’s going to get his clothes dirty; but I don’t. He has eyes, he can see the space he’s in. “Edes, I need you to talk to me. Fuck, I need to get you to a hospital” with that thought, I gather all my strength and reach out in his direction to grab him.

  “No, no hospital Jase. This isn’t my first time; I’ll be fine” I’m trying to focus on him, but I’m struggling. He runs his hand over my cheek and I flinch. “Please just get me out of here, please Jase” I beg him. “You’re coming back to mine then, don’t fight me on this Eden.” He snaps when he sees me try to move away. “It’s me or the hospital” he offers. Knowing his forcing my hand. I nod slightly but I stop immediately when my head pounds in protest. The next thing I know, his picking me up and carrying me out to his car. He puts me in it so gently and when I force my eyes open again a minute or so later, I see him outside the car just staring up at the apartment building. I watch him for a few seconds before he rounds the front of the car and jumps in, starting it up and pulling away.

  I start to drift back off to sleep but he shakes my shoulders gently, “Edes I need you to stay awake, you’ve definitely got a concussion. Talk to me, stay awake” I groan but try an obey “Sorry you had to drive out here” I mumble. Embarrassed doesn’t even begin to cover it. He doesn’t say anything back. “I’m really, really sorry Jase. Her bartender called me and told me they were going to have to call the police if I didn’t come get her. I thought I’d just come and take her home, make sure she was safe and then I would have come back.” He doesn’t speak for a few minutes and I’m worried I’ve really pissed him off. “Don’t apologize for this Eden, just tell me what happened” I hear his plea and whether it’s the concussion or something else I let what happened tonight just tumble out of my mouth.

  I tell him about the paper on the table and how angry my mum was with me, what she’d said and done. I feel exhausted when I’ve finished talking and allow my eyes to drift closed again. He tries talking to me to keep me awake but I mumble something and block him out. I’m sure I hear him yelling Ryan’s name in to the car before finally giving in to the sleep.

  I feel movement around me as I slowly open my eyes, groaning at how much it hurts. I’m in Jase’s arms and his carrying me through his apartment, he walks us towards his bedroom and slowly, oh so slowly deposits me in his bed. Pulling the blanket up around me. “Edes I’m just going to get you a drink and to make a phone call, I’ll be right back” I reach out and grab his wrist, turning back to me he waits for me to speak. “Promise me you won’t tell Ryan” trying to stay awake until I hear him say it. He sighs and shakes his head, “I can’t promise you that Eden, not this time.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  RYAN

  “WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE?” I demand as I throw our apartment door open. Jase is pacing the living room and he looks pale as shit, but I just need to see her. Jase had called me 30 minutes ago to fill me in. To say my heart felt like it was about to beat out of my chest wouldn’t have been a stretch. Apparently Aubree had called him begging him to go get Eden, telling him that she wasn’t safe and she was at her mums’ house. Of course Jase had done it, but the whole time he’d kept a crying Aubree on the phone drilling her for more information. He’d broken a few speed limits and finally arrived at the address, he was at a rundown block of apartments and had legged it for the one he knew Eden was in. He’d heard Eden moan
ing and barged straight in, the sight he’d explained to me made my stomach curl. It was like he’d walked in on a live version of Eden’s photos we’d seen just earlier in the night. Except in this version Eden was curled in to the fetal position on the floor. Blood next to her, her lip was split open and she had bruises forming on her face.

  He’d told me she was pretty motionless to begin with but she’d come too long enough to beg him not to take her to the hospital. He’d tried calling me while he drove back in to the city but I couldn’t hear shit at the club we were at. I felt like the worst kind of bastard for not protecting her, fuck I’d been the one to tell her to get in the cab. If I’d known, I would have never. Punching the couch beside me just at the thought. I needed to see her for myself. “Where the fuck is she?” I yell as he walks towards me “you need to calm down before you go to her.” I scowl over at him; I just want to see her. I know his right so I take a few deep breaths, not taking my eyes off of him.