Facing the mirror, she wiped away the steam with a towel. Then she raked her fingers through her wet hair, shaking off the excess water. Her eye caught on the amber scar trailing across her shoulder, and she furrowed her brow. It was a constant reminder of something she couldn’t remember. She took off her military dog tags for the first time since she could remember, and with a twinge of regret, hung them from the bathroom mirror. Walking into the bedroom, Aidan slipped on her new clothes, and inspected herself in the mirror. I wonder if this is what I usually wore. Instinctively, she knew that wearing dresses was not for her. Still, she wanted to make an impression on the first day of her new job. She knew she couldn’t wear her fatigues any longer, so she opted for a starched white shirt, leather field jacket, with starched black chinos, and tan slouched boots. At the thought of her new job, she shrugged off a pang of nervousness. You’ll be fine, Cassidy.., if that’s who you really are.
Dr. Kline had warned her not to think too much about what she’d forgotten. It would only push the memories further away. They would surface when the time was right, when the healing was complete, he had told her. But it wasn’t in her nature to wait for something to happen. Especially since the only things she knew about herself, were told to her by the Army doctors. Her name and age, the fact that both parents were deceased, where they had lived, her rank, and what her job was in the Army. Superficial things, which only fueled her need to know more.
Now that she was back in her home state, she planned to visit the town where her parents had lived. Maybe even go back to her parent’s house and talk with the neighbors. She hoped that might trigger a memory, or at the very least, give her some glimpse into her background. But first, she needed to get a job, so she could keep her new apartment. The Veterans Affairs had assisted her in finding it, and helped her with the rental agreement. They had also set up the employment opportunity at the hospital. Now, the rest was up to her.
Changing back into her blue jeans and t‒shirt, it was time for her weekly session with Dr. Kline. For reasons she couldn’t remember, Aidan had trust issues with people, and the psychiatrist was no exception. She had trouble at first, partly because the sessions were held at the Veterans Hospital. Now, going to his office in the Heights, she felt more relaxed, and, in a word, safe. That was important to her, because today, she decided she would give voice to a question she’d been holding onto for some time.
“Doc, was I a good person?”
He put down his pen and tablet, took off his glasses, and pinched the bridge of his nose, smoothing out the dents left by the bifocals. He had purposely not given her the details before now, because he didn’t feel she was strong enough to accept it. But now, as he looked at her intently, he decided it was time to tell her. “Aidan, you’re not only a good person, you’re a hero.”
“No offense, Doc, but being called a hero doesn’t mean a thing to me.” She knew the story, at least the unclassified, double‒spaced, perfectly formatted report, the Army had given her. But she didn’t know the details. For that reason alone, she couldn’t begin to visualize what had actually happened to her.
“Just because you can’t remember it, Aidan, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Listen, I finally got your files in. I made some calls, and talked with your Commanding Officer. Here’s what I know. Your records show that you had some demerits, apparently for getting into a couple of brawls, but it doesn’t tell us why. What I find curious, though, is that you didn’t get into these fights until the last couple of years of your service.” He stopped, and made a few notes, then continued, “When you get your memories back, Aidan, you’ll have to tell me about them. Anyway, your CO says you were, and I quote,” Kline put his glasses back on, and read from his notes, “A real hard ass. But that’s what made her a good soldier, who never refused an order or a job. I’d take one of her, over ten perfect soldiers, any day.”
“That doesn’t sound like me, at all. I’m too much of a wuss to be that person.”
He continued, imperviously, “The day of the insurgent attack, you were on your way to the 31st Battalion, as their assigned photographer. You hitched a ride on a Stryker that was escorting supply trucks, heading in the same direction. The Stryker hit an improvised explosive device, an IED, hidden on the side of the road. It caused damage to the track wheels, permanently disabling it. Then it was hit again, by several mortar rounds. The soldiers disembarked to protect and retaliate, but they were gunned down by insurgents hiding in the grass, beside the road. You took pictures from the forward hatch.” Kline searched through his folder, and pulled out an 8x10 photograph of the disabled vehicle, with smoke swirling around, flashes of light from the grass, and wounded soldiers lying beside it.
“That’s it? All hell was breaking lose, and all I did was take some fucking pictures?”
“No, you did much more than that, Aidan. They think the enemy’s intent was to capture the supplies from the trucks. When the first mortar round hit, your Commanding Officer was dead. The soldier on the M240 Machine Gun was also dead. Others were wounded and dying. You dropped your camera, grabbed up the machine gun, and began firing back. By the way, when did you learn to fire one of those things? It wasn’t standard training for women.”
“Master Sergeant Farley taught me. He was the Weapons Training Sergeant at Fort Leonard Wood," she pause, searching for the rest of the memory, until she realized, "Doc! I remembered that!" Aidan remembered that Farley took pity on her, knowing that she wanted to do more than peel potatoes, and drive trucks.
“That’s very good, Aidan, very good, indeed. And that’s going to happen a lot, where you remember bits and pieces. You need to hold onto those memories as they come, okay? Maybe write them down, to reference later. And don’t get frustrated, when they don’t all come back at once. It will take some time.”
When no other memory would surface, her excitement turned to disappointment. “I understand. I was hoping for…, anyway, go ahead.”
“Let’s see, where was I? Oh yes. The strafing was intense, but you fired back at the insurgents, killing several of them. When you ran out of ammunition, you left the safety of the Stryker, and started saving your fallen comrades. You dragged a soldier back into the Stryker, then went back for another one. By then you had been hit in the shoulder, but that didn’t stop you.” Aidan rubbed her sore shoulder, trying to remember. “You went back for the third wounded man, dragging him with just one hand. That’s when the Stryker took another direct hit from a rocket propelled grenade, and that’s when you went down for good.” Kline put down the report, and looked at her. He expected her to be as impressed as he was, but she wasn’t.
“That can’t be right. I’m not that person.”
“I believe you are exactly that person, Aidan.”
“Doc, if I am that person, I’d feel it. I’d feel something, anything.” As it was, she felt nothing but the bottomless pit of desolation, the amnesia was causing in her heart. Shaking her head to relieve that feeling of dread, which dogged her every waking moment, Aidan changed the subject. It was useless to argue over something she wasn’t equipped to win. “What happened to the others, the ones in the supply trucks?”
“They were either killed or captured, along with the trucks. One man was wounded, one woman was killed, another man and the other woman were captured. Everyone else, including yourself, were left for dead.”
“Damn it! I wish I could remember all that.”
“You will, soldier, you will.” And God help you when you do. “We’ll come back to that later. For now, tell me about your dreams? Are you still dreaming about the little girl?”
“Yeah, she’s six or seven year’s old, and wearing pink boots. But now when I dream about her, I also see a woman standing beside her, wearing combat boots. The frustrating part is that I can’t see their faces. They seem to be alike in every way, but they’re different people. They both are calling to me, wanting me to do something, but I wake up before I can find out what that is.”
; “What wakes you up?”
“A bright light, and a loud noise.”
“A mortar shell, perhaps?”
“Could be. I can’t remember.” Aidan was growing tired of saying those words, over and over again.
“Next time you dream about them, try to hold onto it. As soon as you wake up, write everything down, no matter how trivial it might seem. Your dreams are the key to your memories, Aidan. You need to hold onto them.”
“Doc, you sound just like a shrink.”
Laughing, he replied, “Well, I certainly hope so. Now, let’s talk about the new job you’ll be starting on Monday. I think you’re going to be a real asset to St. Frances Hospital.”
“I’m looking forward to it. During my rehab, they taught me how to use the computer, a camera, and different electronics. I just hope I don’t mess up.”
“You won’t. Listen, would you mind if I shared your information with the CEO? She’s the one who hired you, and I’ll be seeing her, this evening. Her name is Victoria Montgomery. Perhaps you’ve heard of her? Most people call her Vicky.” He watched closely, to see if Aidan had any recollection.
“No sir, sorry, haven’t heard of her, but I’ll be sure to thank her.”
“Well, anyway, I think it would help in your transition, if I spoke with her.”
“Sure Doc, I don’t mind, I have nothing to hide…, at least, I don’t think I do.”
***
After seeing Dr. Kline, Vicky canceled the rest of her meetings, and drove straight home. She couldn’t possibly work now. Not after finding out her best friend, the love of her life, the woman she wanted to marry, was not only alive, but coming to work for her. She hurried into her living room, where she threw her keys and briefcase on the ottoman, and took down a framed picture of her and Aidan, as children. Looking at it closely, a flood of fresh memories came surging to the surface. Clutching the picture to her chest, she tossed off her shoes, and slumped onto the couch. My prayers have been answered! She ran her fingers over the sentiment across the bottom, and read it out loud, as she had done a thousand times before. “Best friends forever, kid, love Aid.”
“Oh Aidan, I’ve missed you so much.” She put her feet up, and let her mind drift back fifteen years, to the day she came of age. The day of her thirteenth birthday.
Though Vicky received many gifts, that day, her favorite came from her best friend. An eight by ten glossy of her and Aidan together, arm in arm, smiling for the camera.
“I love it!” she exclaimed, “It’s the best present ever!”
Victoria Ann Montgomery was the very essence of the good girl next door. She also came with a tenacious streak that, when activated, made her freckles stand out. Petite for her thirteen years, with a charming nature, Vicky was the girl everyone wanted to be friends with. She grew up in a typical southern home, with typical loving parents who worked hard, paid their bills on time, and went to church on Sundays. And they doted on their only child. Vicky wasn’t spoiled, but she wanted for nothing.
Aidan leaned in and whispered, “Can you meet me later tonight, in the tree house?”
Aidan Marie Cassidy, whose Irish name means born of fire, was a year and three months older than Vicky, and where Vicky was all girl, Aidan was all tomboy. She was a foot taller than her best friend, and had a mischievous side that Vicky frequently was the recipient of. As different as oil and vinegar, Vicky was a cheerful extravert, and Aidan was a somber introvert. Perhaps that was because Aidan’s Irish mother, Brigid, died in childbirth, leaving only her abusive American father, to raise her.
Vicky went to the kitchen and poured herself a Scotch, and carried it and the photograph back to her bedroom, where she sat on the bed. And though she wasn’t cold, she pulled the covers up over her. Like a movie playing in her head, she couldn’t stop the memory of that dreadful day from playing out in her mind.
*
Fifteen years ago in Beebe, Arkansas
After the evening meal was finished, the dishes washed and put away, Vicky snuck out the back door, and ran toward the tree house, in Aidan’s back yard. It looked to her like it was glowing. A soft orange glow. She poked her head up into the small makeshift hut, and giggled when she saw a blanket lying on the floor, and candles flickering in the corners.
“Wow, what’s all this for?”
“It’s a surprise for your birthday.”
“Oh, I love surprises.” Vicky did indeed, love surprises. Aidan, however, loathed them.
“Well uh...,” Aidan ran her fingers through her hair, “I hope you’ll like this one?” She had thought about it for the past year, and because she was the oldest, felt she had to take the lead. Something she rarely did, when it came to Vicky. So, taking a deep breath, she continued, “I’ve been thinking, now that you’re a teenager like me, that it’s time we, uh..., well, that we see what all the fuss is about.”
“What fuss?”
“You know..., S. E. X.” As grown up as Aidan thought she was, saying the word out loud, just didn’t come easy to her, yet.
“Oh, okay, sure. How do we do that?”
“Well, I think we start with a kiss, and then we tear off each other’s clothes. At least, that’s what I’ve seen on TV.”
“You’ll have to show me, okay? I’ve never had S.E.X. before.”
“Well, neither have I. You’ll be my first.” Aidan loved how grown up that sounded. “Okay, first we say, I love you, then we kiss, and then we touch a lot. Ready?”
“I really do love you, Aidan.” Her best friend, her confidant, was also her first and only love. When they first met it was a schoolgirl crush, hero worship, then somewhere along the way, their roles reversed, and now it had transformed into love. Vicky didn’t know what all that entailed, but she did feel, this was the next logical step.
“I love you too, Vick. You’re my best friend, and I think, maybe you’re more than that now.” It took a lot for Aidan to be able to say the “L” word. In her house, she would be chastised for saying it. With Vicky though, it came naturally, and was usually rewarded with a giggle and a hug. That’s because Vicky was so much more to Aidan, than just her best friend. She was her moral compass. Her foundation for right and wrong, and the only love she had ever known in life, from anyone, adult or child. And though they were best friends, there was something more developing in both their hearts that they welcomed, but didn’t yet recognize, as true love.
The girls closed their eyes, and leaned toward each other. Clunking heads, their lips touched so quickly, that neither of them was sure they had actually kissed. Aidan tried again. This time, with more deliberation, and exploration.
Touching her fingers to her lips, Vicky giggled, “Oh wow, my lips are tingling.”
“Mine too. That’s a good thing. I think. Want to try it again?” Vicky nodded, she was ready for more. “Okay then. This time, when I kiss you, open your mouth.” Aidan leaned in for the kiss, but Vicky opened her mouth as wide as it would go.
“No silly, I don’t want to climb inside,” she scolded, “look, I’ll show you what to do,” she opened her mouth halfway, stuck her tongue out and sputtered, “They call this French kissing. Try it.”
“It looks like you’re sticking your tongue out at me.” Vicky emulated her example and spat out, “How’s this?”
Instead of answering, Aidan leaned in, and they touched tongues. “Oh!” Vicky looked to see if there were fireworks emanating from her lips.
“Was that okay?”
She giggled, “Oh yes, that was really fun. Did you feel the sparks?”
“Yeah, that was awesome!”
“What’s next?”
Aidan told Vicky to lie down on the blanket, and then she crawled half on top of her. She kissed her hard, and Vicky moaned. Hoping that was a good thing, Aidan kept kissing her. By now, euphoria had taken over, blocking out everything else, including Vicky’s mother calling for her from the yard, and that she was now poking her head inside the tree house.
“What t
he hell are you doing to my baby?” She screamed, shocking the girls back to reality. Aidan immediately moved away in fear, as Vicky tried to straighten her blouse. But it was far too late for that. Her mother had seen everything.
Vicky tried to explain, “Please mom, it’s not what you think, we were just kissing.”
“Get your butt in that house, right now young lady!” Her mother’s anger left no doubt that Vicky should do as she was told. Aidan watched helplessly, as Vicky climbed down the ladder, sobbing. She turned for one last look at her best friend.
“Your father is going to knock some sense into you, when he hears about this, Victoria Ann!”
“No!” Terrified that Vicky would be beaten like her father beat her, Aidan quickly climbed down the ladder and confessed, “It was my fault, please don’t punish her for what I did.”
Alice Montgomery was like a wild tigress, protecting her cub. “Your father will hear about this, as well. Make no mistake about that, Aidan Cassidy. If you come near my child again, I’ll have you arrested!” One last chilling look, and then she stormed off.
Robotically, Aidan climbed back into the tree house and blew out the candles. Sitting alone, in the now darkened hut, she drew her knees to her chest in a tight ball. “What am I going to do now?” Her mind was spinning with a thousand different thoughts, until finally, she settled on one single idea. She had to save her best friend from punishment. This was her fault, and she had to set things right, but how? Then her fourteen year old mind settled on a solution. She would run away. With her gone, Vicky’s mom wouldn’t be so upset, and maybe her dad wouldn’t hit her. The decision was made. She jumped down, and hurried into her house.
I Remember You Page 2
