“Aidan?” She called out. Oh, please, God, be here. Carefully climbing up the rickety ladder, she peeked inside. Drawing in a sharp breath, she saw Aidan laying in the corner, in a fetal position, sobbing. “Aidan, oh, my God, Aidan!” she hurriedly climbed inside, “Can you hear me?”
The treehouse was as dilapidated as the house. Boards protruded out, having broken free from the nails that held them. The window was a big gaping hole now, with a rain ringlet staining the wood inside. The tree limb that the hut had been affixed to, had doubled in size, and took up twice the space. Only the floor looked relatively solid, though the wood had turned ash with age.
Vicky had to do some maneuvering, in order to make her way inside. She managed to squeeze past the protruding tree limb, and over to where Aidan lay, wedged under the limb. Gently, she guided her childhood friend into her arms, “You’re safe now, I’m here, honey, I’m here.”
Aidan grabbed her, jerked her close, wrapping her arms tight around her, sobbing until she had no more tears left to shed.
“You’re safe now, Aidan,” Vicky repeated, through her own tears.
“Vicky? Oh God, Vicky!” Aidan grabbed her again, trembling with relief, regret and recognition. Finally, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she asked, “How did you find me?”
“It doesn’t matter now. Are you all right, sweetheart?”
“I am now,” she replied, as she tenderly wiped away Vicky’s tears. “Please, don’t cry, kid. I remember you now.”
Vicky looked up into her lover’s eyes, “You…, you do? And you don’t hate me for not telling you?”
“No, baby, I could never hate you. Remember when you held me like this, after my father lashed me with his belt? From that moment, I’ve never stopped loving you.”
“Oh! You do remember!” She looked at Aidan, lovingly at first, then her lips quivered, her eyes almost closed, her eyebrows furrowed. She couldn’t help it, the tears rush out of her like a dam bursting open. Aidan held her close, and let her cry. She knew these were tears of joy, just as her own tears had been. Finally, as the sobbing abated, Aidan handed her the small picture of the two of them together. “I also remember we had S.E.X. here.” As the memory came back in full, she pulled Vicky into a protective hug, “Oh, God, Vicky, did they hurt you?” It was as if time had reversed, and she was fourteen years old again, remembering that night, so long ago. The night she ran away, to protect her best friend.
“No, darling,” Vicky wept, “My parents didn’t hurt me.” She held Aidan’s hand, promising herself that she would never let go of her again, “Aidan, how did you remember this place?”
“I found the grave of my parents, and ask around about my father. Some folks pointed me towards this house, and when I saw this treehouse, it hit me like a sledgehammer. I remembered the old man, and school, and… and you, oh God, Vicky, I’ve missed you so much!” Vicky melted into tears again, and went weak in her arms. “It’s okay, baby, it’s all going to be okay now,” Aidan whispered in her ear.
“I love you so much, Aidan.”
“I know, kid, I read it in your book. I love you too, and I’m so thankful to you, I can’t put it into words.”
“Then you’re really not mad at me?” Vicky raised her head to look into her lover’s eyes. Eyes that had never lied to her. Eyes that for the first time since her return, shone crystal clear.
“No, baby, I’m really not mad at you.”
“Dr. Kline told me not to shock you into remembering, but that’s exactly what I did, and I was so terrified for you, and‒‒”
Aidan stopped her lover’s rambling with a reassuring kiss. “It’s okay, kid, none of this was your fault. It happened for a reason, and I think that reason, was because of our love. You just can’t hold something like that down for too long.”
“Oh, Aidan, I do love you.”
“I love you too, baby. Everything’s going to be all right now.”
Finally, Vicky pulled back, and asked in a playful voice, “So… wanna come over to my house, and play?”
Aidan smiled down at her, and replied, “Only if your house is not the one next door, with your parents in it. Seriously, can we go back to the city, I just need to talk. You know, just talk.”
“Absolutely. There’s so much I want to tell you!”
*
Driving down US Highway 67/167 toward Little Rock, and Vicky’s home, both women sat quietly, each lost in their own thoughts. They were too preoccupied to see the luscious green pine trees that lined the side of the road, or the red clovers beautifying the medium between highways. Even the calming view of the farmer on his tractor, tilling his soybean crop, couldn’t distract them from their thoughts.
Vicky finally broke the silence, “Are you okay?”
“I’m okay, don’t worry.”
“Do you remember everything, now?”
“No, actually I only remember us as kids, but it’s like light bulbs flashing in my eyes. The memory is there one minute, and then it’s gone the next. It’s giving me a damn headache.”
“Why don’t you lay your head back, and try to rest. We’ll be home in a few minutes.”
But Aidan was too wound up, “I don’t need rest, I need to remember. There’s still a big chunk of my life that I can’t remember. It just won’t come back to me.”
“I think I can help with some of that.”
Aidan looked over at her, “You just being here, helps me so much. I remember how much I loved you, as a kid, and now…, I love you so much more, Vicky.” She picked up Vicky’s small hand, and tenderly kissed each fingertip, “I remember these hands, these wonderful, loving, beautiful, little hands,” she lost herself in the warmth of their friendship, feeling completely safe, for the first time in a long time.
Vicky smiled at her devotedly, “I love you too, darling. God, it feels so good, being able to say that out loud.”
They made good time, and were back in the city by early evening. Arriving at Vicky’s house, the two women walk to the door, discussing arrangements to have Aidan’s car brought back to the city.
“Yvonne can drive you back for your car in the morning, okay? I would, but I have a meeting, first thing.” That I think I’ll get out of. Want some coffee?” she asked, as she laid her purse and keys on the table, and walked into the kitchen.
“A beer would be better, if you have.., damn!”
The excitement in her voice, caused Vicky to stop what she was doing, and look up.
“I just remembered about the pizza! That’s how you knew what to order.”
Sheepishly, she nodded her head, but relaxed when she saw Aidan grinning. “Here, take your beer, and let’s go into the living room. I have something to show you.” She led the way, carrying her coffee in one hand, and picking up the shoebox with the other.
Aidan saw the framed picture on the couch, where she had thrown it. Picking it up, she handed it to Vicky, “I’m so sorry, I was such a jerk.”
“Stop that now. You had every right to be upset, Aidan, it’s okay.” She hung the picture back up where it belonged, in the center of the family photos. “There, that’s much better,” then she took her shoes off, and sat on the couch in a cross leg position. Patting the couch for Aidan to join her, Vicky put the shoe box in the middle between them.
“It must have been pretty tough for you, Vick, pretending you didn’t know me. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, on my account.”
“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, Aidan, but you know what? I’d do it all again, in a heartbeat, because you are worth waiting for. I’m just sorry I messed things up‒‒”
“Whoa, back up kid. You did not mess anything up. I was just… you know, I was shocked to find that picture…, I mean, our picture in your bedroom.” Aidan looked up at the picture now hanging on the wall, and smiled approvingly.
“Well, there’s more for you to find, Aid. It seems that all these years, my mother had been keeping a secret from me. You wrote to me,
Aidan, but I never got the letters,” she sighed with remorse, “until just the other day, when my father told me about them. I’ve only read a few so far, but…, what I’ve read has broken my heart.” Vicky strained to keep the tears from escaping, but it was no use. They flowed softly down her cheeks.
“Oh baby, it’s okay, it’s going to be okay,” Aidan reached over and held Vicky’s hand, rubbing her thumb over the soft skin, “we’ve found each other again, and that’s all that matters to me.”
“Me too. My prayers have been answered, and my dreams have all come true, now.”
Aidan looked at her intently. A thousand years washed away in an instant, and here she sat, with the very person she had been longing for, since she was fourteen. A smile spread across her face, “God, I’ve missed you so much, Vicky,” she gently stroked her cheek, “I just want to sit here and look at you for the rest of my life.”
Vicky tried to speak, but she was to choked up to form syllables. She wanted to say that she felt the exact same way. She just wanted to be close, and assure herself that this wasn’t another dream.
“Could you…, just hold me for a little while?”
Aidan smiled, happy to obliged. She set the box to the side, and scrunched over beside Vicky, wrapping her arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. The feeling of belonging was immediate, and so comfortable. A year of loneliness and fear, washed away in an instant.
The two sat quietly, and after a while of absorbing Aidan’s warmth, her closeness, and her strength, Vicky was ready to give back to her. “I think these letters might help you remember some of those gaps, through the years, but I don’t want to rush you.”
“Oh yeah, the box,” Aidan finally came out of her reverie, and looked in the box, with mostly unopened envelopes. For some reason, she felt intimidated by what might be inside them. She could only remember parts of her childhood with Vicky, and the unique, unbreakable bond they shared. Even the part about her running away, was vague at best. Do these letters hold the key, or the condemnation? “Would you…, would you read them to me, Vick?”
Vicky smiled, and snuggled close, “Of course.” She began to read the letters, in the order that they were written, stopping occasionally, to see if it triggered any memories in Aidan…, it did not.
She pulled out the next letter, and hesitated, “Aidan, I’m afraid for you to remember this one.”
“Don’t worry, I doubt I will. I haven’t remembered any of the others yet. If you hadn’t told me that I wrote them, I wouldn’t know the difference. So go ahead, it’s all right.”
Vicky looked at her confused, “You remember our childhood together, but can’t seem to remember anything after you left?”
Aidan thought about it for a minute and replied, “Well, I think Dr. Kline would say it’s because I was happy being a kid, because of you, and I would have to agree with him on that.”
“Oh Aidan,” she squeezed her hand, “That’s so sweet.”
“It’s true, kid. Everything else sounds like it was a struggle, if these letters are any indication.”
“Here’s the bad part…”
… then there is this guy in Springfield that…, that isn’t very nice. He’s a drug dealer that I stupidly accepted money from. Now he says either I deliver his drugs for him or he’ll rape me, or break my legs, or shit like that, because I owe him. I’m trapped, and don’t know what to do. What should I do Vick?
She could feel Aidan tense up beside her, “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine, I just wasn’t expecting that, you know? Don’t worry, I don’t remember it, so it’s like it didn’t happen to me.” Oh, my God! Did he rape me? Do I have a child somewhere?
“Should I stop for now?”
“What? No, let’s keep going, I have to know…”
Vicky pulled out the next letter. It was unopened, so they both would be reading it for the first time.
Hi Vick, it’s been almost a year, and I’m now one year older. I’ve outgrown the boots you gave me last year. Guess I hit a growth spurt, or something. Gosh I miss you. I hope you are all right and are getting my letters? Anyway, I’m all right and I’ve got a job busing tables. When that guy was busted for soliciting a minor (not me), I ran away from Springfield, and now I live in a tiny, is there a smaller word for tiny, teeny-tiny flat, in the projects in Chicago. I am so out of my element here. I miss Arkansas. Oh and I joined a gang just to stay safe, so don’t worry about me, okay? I miss you.
“Oh God, that is such a relief. I was so worried.” Vicky said with a tremble in her voice.
Aidan noticed that Vicky was more emotional than the letter seemed to warrant. She took the paper from Vicky’s hands, and laid it to the side. Then she wrapped both arms tighter around Vicky, pulling her best friend and lover into a safe embrace.
“Do not take any of this on yourself, Vicky. None of this is your fault, none of it.”
“But, I wasn’t there for you, Aidan. I should have been there. You were so homesick, and I wasn’t there for you.”
Aidan sat up and looked into her lover’s watery eyes, “Listen to me, none of this is your fault, understand me, none of it‒‒”
“If only my mother had let me know about these letters, I could have written you back, Aidan. I could have asked you to come home. Every night I prayed for you. Prayed that you would come back to me. I’ve missed so much of your life, so much.”
“I can’t imagine what that was like for you, baby, but at least we have the future to look forward to. Let’s not be sad about the past. We can’t change the past. Listen, I can’t continue with this, with us, if I think you blame yourself for anything that happened. It’s not right. I’m the one who ran away, not you. I need you, Vicky. I need you in my life, now more than ever before. But not at the expense of your feelings. I won’t allow it.” She ran her fingers over Vicky’s soft jaw line, and wiped away a tear with her thumb, as Vicky leaned her cheek into her caress. “I’ll admit that I’m scared, kid. But I’m more afraid to face this without you. Like you say in your book, life is a choice. Let’s choose to live in the here and now, and celebrate that, not what might have been. Please… promise me?”
“God, I love you so much, Aidan.”
Even though the letters were very important to Aidan, she felt it more important to alleviate Vicky’s concerns. In her mind, the best way to do that was to claim her lover’s heart, her body, her soul, as her own. She leaned in, and cupped her lover’s breast, squeezing a little too aggressively, as she kissed the tears away from Vicky’s cheeks.
“Oh God,” Vicky moaned, which only served to ignite Aidan’s hunger more. She took her hand, and helped her up.
“Follow me,” she demanded.
Vicky dutifully obeyed, and they went to the bedroom.
“Lay down,” she pointed to the bed.
She laid down, and was quickly followed by Aidan climbing on top of her.
“Vicky, I love you and I’m going to make love to you now, as I wanted to do when I was fourteen years old. I’m going to make up for lost time, do you understand?”
Vicky giggled, she understood completely, and welcomed it.
Aidan unbuttoned Vicky’s blouse and unlatched her bra, throwing them to the floor. She leaned in, and began kissing Vicky’s breasts, causing the tips to harden in anticipation.
“This is what matters to me, Vicky,” she slurred, “You and me..,” she kissed the soft skin between Vicky’s breasts, and her hot lips seared through to Vicky’s heart and beyond, “And nothing is going to take that away from me. Not again!”
Vicky’s response was to pull Aidan’s head up to hers and kiss her so deeply, so fiercely that it lit a fire in both their bodies, that ached to be put out. Finally, after their lust was abated and they both lay exhausted in each other’s arms, their fingers entwined, Vicky giggled, “Give me five minutes, and I’ll be ready to go again.”
“You’re insatiable!”
“Is that a bad thing?”
&nbs
p; “Oh, hell no! But would you mind if we just talked for a bit? Something’s been bothering me.”
Vicky suddenly switched from playful to worried, “Sure, Aid, what’s wrong?”
“Well, those letters will tell me about my life growing up, but what about yours? What was it like for you, Vick, after I left?”
She propped herself up on one elbow and looked into her lover’s eyes, “Oh, honey, you have always put others before yourself, that’s one of the things that made me love you so much, when we were children.”
“Vicky, what happened, after I left?” Aidan sensed she was trying to avoid the subject.
“Oh, um, it was like I said, I prayed every night for you to come home. I cried a lot, because I knew it was my fault, and‒‒”
“Your fault? Oh baby, I told you, none of this is your fault.”
“Aidan, you can keep saying that until the cows come home, but I will always believe it was my fault. I was thirteen, I had just made love to you, then suddenly, it was all gone. It was my mother, who caught us. How could I not think it was my fault? Come on now, saying it’s not, isn’t going to change the fact that, I grew up believing it was.”
“Okay, I understand what you’re saying, but can you at least see it from my point of view? I left you. I ran away, like a coward in the night, and left you to face your parents.” She tried to interrupt but Aidan would have none of it, “I thought at the time, I was saving you from a beating, like the ones my father gave me. I thought I was doing the noble thing. Instead, all I did was make you think it was your fault, when in fact, it’s all my fault. If I had only known…” she took a breath, which gave Vicky a chance to speak.
“We are two of a kind, you and I. It can’t be both our faults, because that cancels us out, so then two negatives equal a positive.” Aidan looked at her, completely confused. She smiled at her and finished, “It’s neither of our faults, Aidan.”
I Remember You Page 11
