by Nan Dale
Meanwhile, there were other developments in the Beard household. John’s father was diagnosed with a rare spinal condition that would make it difficult for him and his wife to continue their weekly visits to Brooklyn to visit their grandchildren. Ruth and John decided to buy a house close to his parents in Montclair, New Jersey. She kept their move a secret from Vanessa—anxious to see which direction her relationship with Patrick was headed. Was it a fling or a long-term relationship? With one month to go before the move, the relationship showed no signs of faltering. Ruth had to do two things.
She pulled out a piece of paper from her pocket on which she had taken down a number from John’s phone, and dialed. A man’s voice answered on the other end. “Aaron Wright speaking.”
“Hi, it’s Ruth. I need to talk to you.”
An hour later, Ruth headed toward the Brooklyn Heights Promenade, which was a five-minute walk from her home on Garden Place. She chose her outfit carefully: a light green Calvin Klein jacket, a cream blouse, and knee-high boots over skinny black jeans. In her dark sunglasses, she was the caricature of a New Yorker. The Promenade was one of the reasons why she and John had moved to this neighborhood. It was the perfect place to think, run, walk, and inhale the intoxicating views of lower Manhattan. Often, she would go there in the mornings with her coffee after dropping off the kids at school, and she would look down at the traffic on the bridge below, while simultaneously admiring the Statue of Liberty and the Manhattan Bridge.
A well-dressed man about six feet two inches with a medium build met her around the Pierrepont entrance to the Promenade, and they walked slowly south along the pedestrian walkway, eventually stopping in front of a bench that was shaded by a large tree. It was a beautiful day in May—the wind was light, and the sun’s rays reflected pleasantly over the East River. The two of them moved toward the edge and looked across to the Manhattan skyline. The view was breathtaking. No one spoke for the first five minutes. Eventually, Ruth broke the silence. “How have you been?”
The man took a seat on the bench and gestured for her to join him. “I have been good. You?”
“Great. We have two kids now. Two boys.”
“That’s terrific. I know. John has been keeping me up to date through the years.”
“Yes.” Ruth looked down at her hands. “He often speaks of you. Our tenth anniversary is coming up.”
“Has it been ten years already? I haven’t seen you since your wedding day.” His voice quieted. “You looked so beautiful that night.”
“Thank you,” Ruth replied. “And you—how have you been? Anyone special in your life?”
“Sadly no. You know that.” He looked directly at her and she immediately lowered her eyes and looked away.
“Aaron, that was fifteen years ago and we were together for only six months.”
“It was the happiest that I ever was in my life.”
Ruth was silent. “We are moving to Montclair.” The air suddenly felt very still. “We bought a house in Erwing Park. The house needed some work, but we are almost done and plan to move in a month. This means that we may run into you. I wanted to give you a heads-up. It may get awkward. John has not seen us together since the wedding and he is very perceptive. I don’t want him to know about our past.”
“Don’t worry. I will keep my distance if you want me to. Selfishly, I am pleased that I will get a chance to see more of you, even if only in passing.”
“Aaron, it’s … we have been down that road before and it didn’t work.” Ruth stood up and, before she turned, looked at Aaron for a moment. He had been her first love and she could still see the hurt in his eyes. She suddenly felt moved. He looked like a helpless dog. Instinctively, she bent down and hugged him. His broad arms encircled her and for a moment, she felt at peace. She closed her eyes and then from the side of her eye, she saw Vanessa and Patrick heading their way, but then they changed their minds and walked in the opposite direction. Guiltily she abruptly let go of the embrace and returned to her aloof stance. “I have to go. It was nice seeing you again. Take care.”
She didn’t turn around but walked quickly along Montague Street, wondering how she would explain her encounter to Vanessa and Patrick or whether to just ignore it altogether. She decided that she would wait until they brought it up.
As fate would have it, she would see them both that evening.
“Hey, love birds,” she brushed it off. “Any great plans for Friday evening?”
“Not really,” Patrick replied. “We are meeting some friends for dinner. Apparently, there is a cute South African restaurant in Fort Greene that we must try.”
“Nice,” Ruth replied, trying hard to sound light and interested. “I am so pleased to see you both since we have some news of our own.” She turned away from the front door for a second and yelled into the living room, “Boys, please turn the TV down, we can’t hear ourselves.” She turned back. “As you know, John’s parents haven’t been well.”
“Yes,” Vanessa said anxiously.
“Well, I am afraid this isn’t great news, but we have decided to move to New Jersey to be closer to them.” Vanessa and John shared a pained look.
“When?” Vanessa almost whispered.
“At the end of the school year—so in about a month,” Ruth continued. She hated to be bearer of this news and wondered what the move would do to their relationship.
Chapter 6
Patrick retreated to his apartment, spending several days alone a couple of weeks after the Beards’ move to Montclair. He felt panicked; his love for Vanessa was so intense that it scared him. Whenever they were apart, he would feel a deep longing for her, picturing what she was doing and sending her frequent text messages throughout the day. In Vanessa, he had found his soul mate. The thought of life without her being within a short walk from his apartment was unfathomable. It made him sick to his stomach to think that she was a forty-five-minute train ride away. It was crazy. All his life he had imagined settling down at thirty-five. Now everything was different. He had a nagging feeling that he would never find anyone like Vanessa. When he was with her, he felt whole and totally at ease. Nothing mattered. He’d had a pretty drastic change in his life since he had moved to New York. While money had never been an issue in England while he was living with his parents, he now had to budget and plan. Things that he had never had to think about were now a privilege. He had deliberately kept his past a secret from her. What if she started to judge him?
Despite his lack of money, he had felt an unbelievable degree of freedom, adventure, and peace. The two of them had taken camping trips in the Finger Lakes region in New York and had spent two nights camping by the beach in Cape May. They had spent long evenings attending free concerts and shows in Central and Prospect Parks. New York became alive with her. And now, it felt vast, hurried, and empty.
Still, New York had changed him. He had stepped into his own shoes and was free from the image of his father and the expectations of society. He had a chance to start afresh.
Vanessa’s move from Brooklyn made him realize that good things didn’t come too easily and that if he didn’t commit to her, she would move back to Germany at the end of her au pair year in the next four months.
And yet, a part of him didn’t feel worthy. In his current struggle to become a successful actor, he battled with the next steps. So far, I have shown that I am capable of changing my future one step at a time. I love Vanessa and I can make it work. Where there is a will, there is a way.
Chapter 7
Cutting through the herds of people all headed to Penn Station, John just managed to catch the New Jersey Transit train to Montclair at five p.m. This was an express train, so he would be home in just over thirty minutes. He was pretty excited, since he and his high school lacrosse friends had planned an evening out. Feeling hot and flustered from his walk, John stood at the front of the train by the doors. The conductor came by, took a look at his ticket, and a typical train conversation ensued.
&nbs
p; The conductor: “Sir, you are not allowed to stand here. You are blocking the doors.”
John: “I think I can stand here.”
“Nope, you are blocking traffic.”
“May I sit down, then? Is that allowed?”
“Sure, do whatever you want.”
John smirked and sat at the end of a four-seater toward the front. In a usual New Jersey Transit style, some folks were drinking beer and eating chips. The lady next to him offered him a plastic cup while holding on to a cheap bottle of merlot. He shook his head. He wasn’t the talkative type. He just wanted to listen to his iPod. He surveyed his surroundings; the train had a slight scent of old socks and aging perfume. As the train approached Secaucus station in New Jersey, he watched multiple people get up and stand in the aisle, anxious to get out. The train stalled a bit and he felt the tension of his fellow passengers waiting in the corridor for the doors to open. People always had somewhere to go or be. Even though it was a Friday night, and most were commuters heading home, they still carried that aura of urgency from working in New York City. He looked at a man in the corner who had headphones on, bobbing his head up and down while downing a second Budweiser. That man clearly feels completely at home on the train.
As the train pulled into Watchung Avenue station in central Montclair, New Jersey, fifteen minutes later, he spotted his wife’s car outside.
Ruth looked relaxed—and pampered. She’d had a busy six months selling their duplex in Brooklyn and finalizing the Montclair renovation. No longer working, Ruth was now actively playing tennis and swimming at the local club. She looked younger and happier than she had ever appeared.
After joining three couples for drinks and a convivial dinner, they all headed to a fortieth birthday party. Situated on Highland Avenue, a well-to-do part of Montclair, Moses’s house sat on a hill and had a picturesque view of New York City. Moses, a teammate from his high school lacrosse team, was famous for his parties. He greeted them with wide arms as soon as they came in.
“Aha, my guests of honor have arrived.” He had a big booming voice that could be heard a mile away.
“Moses, happy sweet sixteenth! I can’t wait to see the entertainment,” said John. Moses was notorious for having “entertainment” at his shindigs. He had recently settled down and married an exotic Moroccan girl whom he had met while running his dance clubs in Vegas. It was a miracle that he was finally in a long-term relationship.
“Ha! Khadija was responsible for that! I have no idea what it is. For all I know, it’s a bunch of fire-eating belly dancers. She says we need to be PG-13 now that we are forty.”
“Didn’t you used to sing a cappella?” John joked. Moses was the very antithesis of a cappella. He was all about girls, car racing, and boys’ nights out with a lot of booze. Khadija must have done some magic on him to get him to give it all up over the last three years.
“Ruth, you look lovely as always. Khadija has been dying to spend some time with you. She is redecorating the house and would absolutely value your opinion.” As if on cue, Khadija arrived and whisked her arm in Ruth’s and took her away. Ruth looked back and winked at John. Decorating and home furnishings were a nightmare for Ruth. Why would you spend so much time stressing over all of that stuff when you can hire a great interior designer to do that for you?
As John headed to the bar, he ran into a few more buddies from his old high school, including Aaron, one of his dearest childhood friends. The party was booming, with a DJ, strobe lights, and tons of people on outdoor patio which was now serving as the dance floor. John and his crew found a quieter area away from the music. The night wore on and the couples peeled off. John found himself fully engaged in a game of poker with a group of ten guys. At one a.m., John had the winning hand. Grinning with pride at her husband and knowing that he was in heaven, Ruth took him aside, gave him an ostentatious kiss, and then made her excuses to the host before leaving. She had done well. Ruth wasn’t big on parties or dancing and this really was his hometown and his high school friends. He imagined her secretly looking at her watch throughout the evening as she listened in on conversations about Pilates, schools, fund-raisers, and old high school friends. John wasn’t one to skip out on a winning game and planned to stay for another hour. Plus, he hadn’t had this much fun in a while and he needed to take his mind off the last twenty-four hours.
Things got a little out of hand as people doubled their bets and raised their stakes. At two a.m., they decided to call it quits. Most of the spouses had left. It had turned into a bachelor party, only there was no entertainment. John, Aaron, Moses, and a few other bods headed to the lounge chairs around the pool and reminisced about high school escapades while downing a few more drinks. Being back in his childhood town with his friends gave John a comfort that had been missing in his life.
Chapter 8
John awoke, startled, in a lounger beside the pool. His mouth was dry, and he felt greasy and sweaty. What happened? He had never blacked out before. He slowly surveyed his surroundings: a few bottles on the grass, a drink next to him (half-full), and then there was that pleasant and calming smell of honeysuckle. Where was Moses? Why had Aaron left him there? His phone was still in his pocket. He checked his wallet. Everything was intact. Something was very unusual about that night.
He had one text message from Aaron, which read: “Great night man! See you tomorrow morning at Bluestone. 10 am ok?” What on earth happened last night? He felt like he was in college all over again. He pulled out his phone and located the Uber app. He stood up and sat down again. It felt as though someone had taken a knife and started to slice his brains in half. He booked an Uber; it was five minutes away. He got up again and stumbled slowly up the garden, each step corresponding to an unbearable throbbing. As he sat in the Uber, he realized that he couldn’t remember anything. … Did someone drug him? Oh man, he groaned as he remembered he had scheduled the drug test on Monday morning.
As soon as he got home, he tiptoed up the steps into his bedroom. It was 6:22 a.m. “Hey,” said John, as he groggily slid into bed beside Ruth. She shot him a teasing glance, raised her eyebrow, and said, “You look well rested. Did you just get a ride home?”
“Ha. I know a guy or two,” replied John, unable to decide whether to give Ruth the full details of the evening. Thinking better of himself, he said, “Well … just when you think that your friends are completely trustworthy and have your back …” He closed his eyes, relieved to be in his comfortable bed.
“Sshhhh. It’s fine, I don’t need the details. Boys’ night out!” Ruth responded, giving him a peck on the cheek as she wheeled herself out of bed. John gave her a confused look. “It’s so peaceful out, I want to take advantage of it and go for a quick run just before the boys get up. By the way, we are out this morning—Sam has a soccer game and then we are heading to the Alliance Française. They have French.”
“Ah, I see.” John felt like he was fighting off sleep.
“Enjoy your lie-in,” said Ruth. “The boys won’t get up until seven thirty—and I told Vanessa to be up in case I am not back from my run. Oh, and you told me to remind you about your brunch this morning.”
Aaron was one of his good friends from Montclair. John had been avoiding him lately, but this time he sensed that his dear friend needed him. They had met at the then Mount Hebron middle school, on the first day of school. Both loved lacrosse and were in Model United Nations. Aaron was an activist and an entrepreneur. When he was younger, he was always discussing a new venture. When they were in middle school, they started a comic library in his basement, where kids could read as many comic books as they would like for twenty-five cents each afternoon. By high school, Aaron started a business of “Cliffs Notes” for kids who cut class. He would attend classes, take notes, photocopy them, and distribute them for a quarter a page to high schoolers. Aaron was also not one to be crossed. John knew this firsthand and had witnessed the other side of his friend going against a nemesis.
Both Aaron and Jo
hn had gone on to get lacrosse scholarships at top universities. After college, Aaron joined a large consulting firm and made partner at a very young age of thirty-two. Two years ago, he was approached by a real estate firm that owned multiple buildings in New York. The opportunity to become a partner at one of the largest real estate businesses in New York was very appealing to him, and Aaron became an equity partner at the firm in the last year. However, since he became a partner, Aaron had become increasingly mysterious and reflective. John felt that something was bothering Aaron. It seemed that Aaron had been initiated into a bad-boy club with access to all the secrets behind the Manhattan wealth scene. John suspected that Aaron may even be part of a secret society and was probably participating in some type of hazing. John was not sure whether he welcomed this change in his friend.
The scene at Bluestone was busy for a Saturday morning when one would typically expect most families to be at soccer or some other activity. When John arrived at five minutes past ten, his eyes were bloodshot and he wore dark sunglasses. Aaron was already seated and waved him over to a booth.
“Hey,” said Aaron. They gave each other a halfway side hug. Before last night, it had been several months since John and Aaron had seen each other. Aaron looked a little worn, with some bags under his eyes, and he even appeared to be slightly thinner.
“Breakfast is on you, Aaron. Thanks for abandoning me to the elements last night. I could have been eaten by a pack of raccoons,” John said half jokingly.
Aaron smiled and winked knowingly, throwing back a chuckle while gesturing to the waitress.
“A double espresso,” said John as soon as the waitress appeared.
“Make that two,” echoed Aaron.
“So what’s going on? How have you been? You’ve been a bit amiss.”
