But I couldn’t stop sneaking glances at them. My old insecurities about my riding abilities had hit me full force at YENT camp this summer. I’d felt alone without Callie in the arena. That anxiety was hitting me again and making my chest feel white-hot with panic.
Charm jerked his head and sidestepped. I pressed my right boot into him and moved him back to the arena wall. “Cool it,” I murmured to him. He strained against the reins, wanting to trot faster. I held him back and didn’t let him out. This was just a warm-up.
Mr. Conner walked into the arena and motioned for us to line up in front of him. I angled Charm between Aristocrat and Phoenix.
“Hi, girls,” he said. “I don’t want to waste time talking since you know how my lessons work.”
Charm, mouthing the bit, fidgeted and sidestepped—again—causing my boot to bump against Heather’s.
“Sorry!” I said. My face, already flushed from the heat, turned what I was sure about five different shades of red as I sat deeper in the saddle and tried to quiet Charm with my hands.
“Go ahead and move out to the wall at a walk,” Mr. Conner said.
Jasmine, Heather, and I turned the horses away from Mr. Conner.
“Wow, Sasha,” Jasmine said, lowering her voice. “You benefitted so much from YENT camp—it’s just ridic. I’m jealous.”
I ignored her and tried to look as if I didn’t care.
But I did. And Jas knew it.
“Starting today,” Mr. Conner called. “I’m going to be treating some of the lessons as equitation practices.”
I didn’t know whether to cheer or freak out.
“Remember that for equitation,” Mr. Conner continued. “My focus is on you, not your horse. I will be watching your hands, seats, and legs, and will comment on your horse only if he exhibits extraordinarily bad behavior.”
The good: Mr. Conner wouldn’t hold it against me that Charm was a little off today.
The bad: My focus was on controlling Charm and not on my posture.
I took a breath, trying to relax. Charm was feeling my tension—that was usually the only reason why he ever acted up.
“Sitting trot,” Mr. Conner said.
Charm bounded forward from a light tap of my heels. He jerked on my hands and I fought to regain my posture before Mr. Conner saw.
“Sasha,” he called out. “Your body needs to be just a few degrees in front of vertical. Sit back a little.”
I pushed my shoulders back, knowing I looked stiff instead of relaxed like Mr. Conner wanted, but I couldn’t focus on myself when I had to concentrate on Charm, too.
“Halt,” Mr. Conner instructed.
Within a few strides, we’d brought our horses to smooth stops.
“Back up five strides,” Mr. Conner said.
We did and Charm snuck his muzzle in the air instead of tucking his chin. Phoenix and Aristocrat backed up without hesitation. I chewed on the inside of my lip, trying not to cry. My first lesson on the Canterwood YENT was a disaster.
“Halt, then move into a trot for a lap,” Mr. Conner said.
We stopped our horses, then urged them into trots. Charm mouthed the bit—playing with it with his tongue. His ears pointed forward and he didn’t pay attention to me. I closed my fingers around the reins, trying to get his focus. He flicked an ear back at me, then pointed them forward again.
“Canter,” Mr. Conner said.
Charm shot forward—taking Mr. Conner’s command as a verbal cue. Charm pulled me forward and the reins slipped through my fingers.
“Sasha, watch your shoulders,” Mr. Conner called. “Pull Charm back to a trot, then tell him to canter. He should not have started on my cue instead of yours.”
My face burned.
I slowed Charm to a trot and he shook his head, tossing his mane. I held him back as he watched Aristocrat and Phoenix canter ahead of him. Charm hated it when other horses were moving faster in front of him. But I didn’t give in—I made him trot even though he swished his tail hard from side to side. After a few more strides, he started to settle and respond to me. I relaxed my fingers on the reins and gave him more. He broke into an even canter and I tried to shake off my nerves.
By the end of class, my arms were sore from fighting with Charm and I was exhausted from worrying about how I looked next to Heather and Jasmine. My T-shirt was soaked from sweat, and strands of hair that had escaped from my ponytail were plastered to the back of my neck.
“Good work, girls,” Mr. Conner said. “Take extra time to care for your horses because of the heat—make sure you give them small sips of water while you cool them out. See you tomorrow.”
We dismounted and I walked Charm in front of Heather and Jas. We got inside the stable and I walked him up and down the side aisle, both of us still sweating.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to him. “That was my fault—not yours.”
Charm rubbed his cheek against my arm and turned his head to look at me. He was trying to tell me something. I hugged his neck. “You’re right—I wasn’t alone in the arena. I’ve got you, boy.”
It took over half an hour of walking before he was cool. I led him to the wash stall and rinsed the dried-up sweat from his coat. Charm sighed happily as the cool water ran over his back. After he was clean, I dried him with a couple of towels, then put him in his stall.
I started out of the stable and groaned to myself when I saw Rachel carrying a water bucket down the aisle. The seventh grader had an obvious crush on Eric and she wasn’t shy about showing it. She was petite with light brown hair and natural reddish highlights. I noticed she’d switched from glasses to contacts over the summer.
“Good summer?” Rachel asked, stopping in the aisle. She looked perfect—not at all sweaty in the heat.
“Awesome. You?”
“Pretty cool. I went on an overnight trail ride with my friends. Sleeping outside kinda sucked, but the rest was fun.” Rachel shifted the green bucket from one hand to the other. “Bet it was hard to be separated from Eric all summer. And now you guys don’t even have lessons together anymore.” She stuck out her bottom lip.
I shrugged. “It’s cool. We iChatted all summer and now we can see each other whenever we want.”
Rachel smiled. “Oooh, good. Mr. Conner said the intermediate team could watch an advanced lesson once a week and everyone’s, like, so excited to go.”
You are because you get to watch my boyfriend! I thought. But I kept a nonchalant expression on my face. I still couldn’t forget that I’d overheard Rachel and her friends talking last spring about how hot Eric was.
“That’s great. I’m sure you’ll learn a lot.”
I walked away from her, glad that I’d been cool. I had no reason to worry about Eric. Rachel could go to every one of Eric’s lessons if she wanted—he’d never be interested in her.
6
STALKER, MUCH?
WHEN IT WAS TIME FOR LUNCH ON TUESDAY, I went to the salad bar, skipping the hot lunch line, and grabbed a plateful of fruits and veggies. The most eventful class of yesterday? History. Both Eric and Jacob were in my class. They’d sat at opposite ends of the room and hadn’t looked at each other once. At least our teacher, Mr. Spellman, had been awesome enough to let us go after taking attendance and going through the syllabus. He’d understood that we’d all felt overwhelmed after the first day and needed a few minutes to breathe.
I took a seat at the table I usually shared with my friends. We all kind of rotated around the caf since we had friends in different groups. No one else was here yet, so I speared a forkful of lettuce and started eating.
A tray clattered onto the space in front of me and I looked up at Jacob.
I dropped my fork and stared at him for a second. “What are you doing?”
“Sasha, c’mon, would you talk to me, please?” Jacob sat down and, instinctively, I scooted back a few inches.
“No. I don’t want Callie or Eric to see us talking. They’ll be here any second.”
Ja
cob shook his head. “Callie’s science class ran late—some kind of lab thing. And since Eric’s in that class …”
“Okay, fine, whatever. But you still can’t sit here. Please just go.”
Jacob stared at me for a second, looking as if he wanted to argue. But a look—hurt, maybe—flashed across his face. He gave me a half smile. “Okay. Sorry.”
He picked up his tray and I watched him walk away, his shoulders slumped a little. I hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings, but I also couldn’t be worrying every two seconds about running into him. I’d stressed all summer over what he’d told me and it was a thousand times harder now that I was on campus and had to actually see him. Suddenly, I wasn’t so hungry. I left the caf and took my time walking to math class. My phone buzzed and I opened it to see a text from Eric.
Sry I missed lunch! :(
No prob. Skipped anyway.
I regretted the text as soon as I sent it. I hadn’t meant to lie. But I was feeling so on edge about Jacob, it had just slipped out.
In math, Callie slid into the seat across from me. She smiled in my direction, but didn’t take her eyes off her BlackBerry as she texted.
“Should I leave you two alone?” I joked.
“Sorry,” Callie said, putting it down on her desk. “I’ve been texting Jacob, but he hasn’t written me back yet.”
I stared down at my desk. “Oh, he’s prob just running to his next class or something. You know how things are still crazy and it’s only the second day and he’ll totally text you back because, you know, he’s your boyfriend. So …” Stop rambling! I shouted to myself. I closed my mouth.
Callie nodded, straightening her sky blue T-shirt. “I know. You’re right.” She laughed. “Ugh, I can’t turn into one of those girlfriends who thinks her boyfriend’s up to something if he doesn’t respond to her in five seconds.”
“You’re not. Trust me.”
Yeah, trust me after I’ve been keeping a giant secret from you.
We got out our math notebooks. I’d been up past lights-out just to finish all of my homework. I was probably going to have to get up at the same time I used to last year for lessons just to keep up with homework and riding.
“Oh!” Callie said, turning to me. “I didn’t even get to ask you about your lesson yesterday! How was it?”
I froze—unsure what to say. Did I tell her the truth that I’d been a mess? Or would she think I was being ungrateful since I’d gotten on the YENT and she hadn’t?
“It was tough,” I said, deciding not to lie. “I felt intimated up against Heather and Jasmine. It was weird without you there and I was tense, which made Charm nervous.”
Callie winced. “Sorry it was hard. But it was just the first class. It’ll get better. You know you’re just as good as they are—don’t let Jas freak you out. She does that on purpose.”
“I know, you’re right.”
Callie munched on a potato chip. “Yesterday was weird for me, too. I was sad that we weren’t in the same class. It’s not as fun without you!”
I stared down at my plate. Here Callie was telling me how much she missed me and I was hiding a huge secret about her boyfriend. But you’re keeping Callie and Jacob together, I reminded myself. Jacob made Callie happy. If I told her the truth, she’d be crushed.
***
At my riding lesson, I walked to the indoor arena sans Charm. Mr. Conner had e-mailed the YENT team this morning and had told us to come without out horses.
I stood by Heather, who, like me, was dressed in boots and breeches.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
She shrugged. “No clue. I hope nothing’s wrong. I know I didn’t do anything. Did you?”
“No! Maybe—” I stopped talking when Jas walked in. I’d been about to say that maybe Jas had done something. But Mr. Conner walked in right behind her, leading three stable horses. We all looked at one another.
“Hi, girls,” Mr. Conner said, smiling at us. “I’m going to give each of you a new horse for this lesson.”
He walked to Heather and handed her the reins of a gray gelding. Jas got a blue roan and Mr. Conner gave me a dun. I patted my horse’s shoulder and looked at Mr. Conner.
“Go ahead and mount,” he said.
We mounted and I let out my stirrups a notch.
“I’ve said before that I want to focus on you, the riders, and not so much your horses. A great rider is able to get the best out of her mount—no matter what horse she might be riding.” Mr. Conner looked back and forth among all of us. “Riders on the Olympics often train with at least two horses in case one becomes injured. So, I want you all to ride new horses today. Over the year, you’ll continue to ride different horses.”
I raised my hand and Mr. Conner nodded at me. “What are the horses’ names?”
Mr. Conner smiled. “Of course. You’re riding Knox, Jas has Summer, and Heather’s riding Perry. Walk and trot them for a few minutes to get them warmed up and get a feel for how they handle.”
I walked and trotted Knox for a couple of laps and while his stride wasn’t as smooth as Charm’s, he was a great horse. He listened to me and I could just tell that he wanted to please his rider.
Jas looked comfortable on Summer and Heather had no problem with Perry.
“Good,” Mr. Conner said. “Let’s do a few basic exercises, then we’ll try something a little more difficult.”
Knox didn’t falter once through the next twenty minutes of exercises. I fell more in love with him every second. He was one of the sweetest horses I’d ever ridden.
“Cross over the center and reverse directions,” Mr. Conner said.
I trotted Knox to the center of the arena and Heather, Jas, and I started trotting the horses in the opposite direction. Knox could have developed bad habits from being ridden by dozens of riders because of his career as a school horse. But instead, he responded to every command in a second and never questioned me.
Mr. Conner worked us for another half hour before dismissing us. I dismounted and handed Knox’s reins to Mike—my fave groom. I hugged Knox’s neck and made a mental note to take him a carrot later.
“Thanks,” I said.
“Sure thing.” Mike smiled and led Knox out of the arena.
I walked to Charm’s stall to hug him good night. He leaned into me before his gaze shifted back to his hay net. Then, he craned his neck back to me and sniffed my shirt.
“What, boy?” I asked.
Charm smelled me again. “Oh! You probably smell Knox.” I smiled. “I rode him because I had to. I would have much rather ridden you—you know that.”
Charm eyed me, then nudged my arm with his head. “So we’re okay, huh?” I asked. I hugged him again and he wandered over to his hay net.
I latched his stall shut and thought about today’s lesson. I’d been able to relax instead of worrying about what Jas and Heather were doing. It had made all of the difference and I realized that’s what I had to do—block them out.
I started out of the stable, glad Eric wasn’t here to see me. I was a sweaty mess. Bits of hay were stuck to my old black breeches—the ones with holes in the knees—and my boots were covered in arena dust.
“Sasha!” A fake cheery voice called me from behind.
I turned and saw the Belles. Violet, Brianna, and Georgia—three ninth graders who thought they ruled the stable—walked my way. I brushed my hair off my forehead and folded my arms.
“What?” I asked.
Violet and her friends had tried to initiate Callie, the Trio, and me into their circle. We’d met them at the stable at midnight where they had dared us to ride our horses across campus. Heather and I had refused, but Callie, Julia, and Alison had agreed to do the dare. Before they could start, we’d all been caught by Mr. Conner. All of us were temporarily banned from riding and even though it had all been their idea, I had a feeling they hadn’t let it go. To make things even worse, none of the Belles had been extended invites to try out for the YENT.
&n
bsp; “How was your summer?” Violet asked.
“Oh, you know,” I said, slowly. “YENT camp was amazing. Too bad you weren’t there.”
For a second, I felt a flash of guilt. My snarky comment sounded just like something Heather would say. But those girls deserved it.
Brianna stepped closer, her eyes on me. “Who wanted to spend all summer riding, anyway? We actually have lives. And whatever—we can still make the YENT at the next tryouts.”
Georgia smirked. “BTW, did you check your e-mail much this summer?”
My hands clenched at my sides. Georgia Drake, the headmistress’s daughter, had somehow used her mom’s computer to hack into my e-mail account. She’d been the one who passed an e-mail to Violet that had started this whole mess in the first place. I’d written the e-mail pre-Eric and pre-Jacob-and-Callie, confessing I still had feelings for Jacob. But he never got it. Until, that is, right before the end of school while I was happy with Eric, and Callie and Jacob were together.
I started to reply to Georgia, but Jasmine sidled up next to the Belles and the older girls enveloped her in their group. I didn’t know if Brianna, Georgia, and Violet trusted Jasmine enough to tell her what they’d done with the e-mail, but I definitely wasn’t about to bring it up if Jasmine didn’t already know.
“I’ve got to go,” I said.
“Like always,” Jas taunted behind my back. “Sasha Silver just walks away.”
Ignoring Jasmine’s comment, I walked around them and left the stable. There wasn’t room in my brain for the Belles and their nasty tricks.
7
SASHA STARBUCKS
AT BREAKFAST THE NEXT MORNING, PAIGE AND I swiped our usual table. Paige eyed the cappuccino beside my plate of pancakes.
“What’s with that, Starbucks?” she asked. “You never drink coffee in the morning.”
I sipped the drink. “I know, but this week is insane. I think I’ll fall asleep by history class if I don’t have caffeine.”
“Okay, but only because I don’t want to be known as the BFF of the girl who drooled on her desk,” Paige said, smiling.
Little White Lies Page 4
