Mr. Conner patted Charm’s shoulder. “Whenever you’re ready.”
I sat deep in the saddle and let Charm into a walk. He broke into a trot a few strides away from the group. I circled him, warming him up for a few seconds, and then let him into a canter. I couldn’t help but smile. This was our shot to redeem ourselves after a round of bad lessons.
“All right,” I said to Charm. “Go!”
I gave him more rein and he moved into a canter over the grass. I got him collected before pointing him in the direction of the first brush jump. Charm, controlled and focused, cantered up to the brush and at the right time, I leaned forward and rose out of the saddle. Charm tucked his knees and jumped into the air, his body arching over the brush. He landed on the other side.
This was how Charm and I worked together. We should have been doing this since the first YENT lesson of the year.
I relaxed in the saddle and gave Charm another bit of rein. We reached another brush fence, a couple of inches higher … Charm’s takeoff was perfect.
We landed and had to canter uphill to reach the next jump. I slowed Charm’s pace and adjusted my position, leaning forward slightly to prevent myself from slipping back in the saddle.
I tried to hold my focus, but my mind started to wander and I flashed back to lunch. All day, I’d been sure that Eric hadn’t suspected me of lying when I’d told him that I hadn’t talked to Jacob. But what if he found out? What if he’d seen me talking to Jacob and pretended to see Jacob for the first time in the hallway?
Oh, stop it, I told myself. I was being ridiculous. Eric wasn’t like that—he would have said something if he’d seen me talking to Jacob. All of my lies were making me paranoid. But now I felt like I couldn’t stop lying. If I did, everything would unravel and—
I almost flipped over Charm’s shoulder as he slid to a stop in front of a log jump. My chest slammed into Charm’s neck and I lost a stirrup.
“Omigod,” I said aloud. Way to lose focus! I hadn’t even realized where we were on the course. Charm could have rammed into the log and been hurt.
Charm backed out of his braced pose and straightened, shaking his head.
“Charm,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”
I readjusted my feet in the stirrups and rubbed Charm’s neck. Turning him away from the obstacle, I urged him into a canter and circled him twice before pointing him back at the jump. Charm took it this time without a pause and I forced myself to stay focused.
The breeze picked up and whipped Charm’s mane into the air. Clouds shifted overhead and blocked the sun. The next jump, a wooden gate, was seconds away. I counted down the strides—determined not to make another mistake. Charm reached the gate and jumped into the air, and I moved into the two-point position. I raised my hands along Charm’s crest, giving him rein but not enough to let him pull me forward.
We made it over the gate and took the rest of the course without a problem. I trotted Charm back to the group, trying not to look at Jasmine or Heather. Jasmine snorted under her breath when I eased Charm to a halt between Phoenix and Aristocrat. My whole body burned with embarrassment. Charm and I always killed at cross country. But we kept blowing lesson after lesson. Correction: I kept blowing lesson after lesson.
“Sasha,” Mr. Conner said. “You started strong and then something happened at the log jump. Tell us about that.”
I wanted to turn Charm and gallop away from Heather and Jasmine. Fessing up to my mistakes in front of them was the worst. But I had to—Mr. Conner was waiting.
“We did well over the first jump and I got confident,” I said. “I let my attention wander, thinking the rest of the course was going to be easy.”
“You went on autopilot,” Mr. Conner said.
I nodded. “It was a huge mistake. I know you have to pay attention every second on cross-country, and I didn’t.”
Mr. Conner stared at me, but his expression wasn’t angry—it looked more like concern. “It was a dangerous error, but you did recover. I want to reiterate to all of you how crucial it is to focus not only during cross-country, but also during every phase of riding.”
We all nodded.
“Jasmine, you may ride now,” Mr. Conner said.
Jas cantered away from us almost before Mr. Conner finished his sentence. She and Phoenix took as every jump as if they were inches high. Phoenix stayed collected and relaxed under Jas’s hands and she didn’t rush him once. Jas had been the worst at rushing fences and pushing Phoenix too hard. But since she’d made the YENT, she’d made an effort to become a softer rider.
“Excellent, Jasmine,” Mr. Conner said. “Your timing was perfect.”
Jasmine beamed at him, then turned to smirk at me when he signaled Heather to go.
Aristocrat and Heather were a near-unbeatable team and they showed it on the course. Heather had a finesse that Jas lacked and she knew how to get the best out of Aristocrat. She was a cooler rider than I was because she was somehow able to turn off her emotions when she rode. Or, if she was thinking about anything that was bothering her, she didn’t let it show when she rode.
Mr. Conner talked through each of our strengths and weaknesses, then dismissed class. I dismounted and spent extra time cooling Charm. I groomed him in his stall, hiding from everyone in the main aisle. I didn’t know what was wrong with me! I knew all of my lies were in the best interest of protecting my friends, but I couldn’t stop stressing about any of them finding out the truth.
I leaned against Charm’s shoulder, letting my weight rest against him. Charm, seeming to know I needed someone, didn’t even go his hay net. He stood still and let me rest on him.
“Sasha?” Mr. Conner’s head appeared over the door. “Let’s talk in my office for a minute.”
“Okay.” I could barely get out the word. I latched Charm’s stall door shut and walked behind Mr. Conner, feeling as if I was in an a daze. This was it. He was going to tell me I’d messed up too many times to be on the YENT. He’d say there was no way he’d be able to help me improve enough to impress Mr. Nicholson when he taped one of our riding lessons.
Mr. Conner motioned me inside ahead of him and I took a seat in front of his desk. He shut the door, sat at the black leather chair behind his giant desk, and folded his hands on top of his desk. He looked up at me.
“Sasha, I just wanted to talk to you for a minute. First, I want you to know how much I believe in your talent as a rider. I’m proud that you’re on the YENT and I know how important it is to you.”
I swallowed. I couldn’t say anything.
“Is there anything going on at home or with classes that you’d like to talk about?” Mr. Conner asked. His brown eyes were kind as he looked at me. “I’m here if you need to talk—it doesn’t have to be riding-related.”
I shifted in my seat. “Thanks, but everything’s fine with school and at home.” I stared down at my clenched hands and then looked up at him. “I thought you asked me in here to tell me that I was off the team.”
“Sasha, no,” Mr. Conner said quickly. “Not at all. I’ve just noticed that you’ve seemed stressed since school resumed. I know it’s difficult to get back into a routine after summer break is over. But if there is anything going on that’s affecting your riding, please know that you can talk to me.”
I let out a breath.
“I’ve been trying to find the balance of being back to school, seeing my friends, handling homework … just normal stuff,” I said. “But nothing’s wrong. I promise I won’t let it affect my riding again. I know the YENT is a huge opportunity and I’d never waste it.”
Mr. Conner shook his head. “You’re not wasting anything, Sasha. I just want you to take some pressure off yourself, to block out whoever you think is your competition, and to learn everything you can from this experience.”
Mr. Conner knew I’d been watching Jas and Heather. Somehow, he was able to tell that I’d been paying more attention to them than to my own riding.
“I will,” I promised. “
I’m going to get everything under control. I’m sorry I lost focus.”
Mr. Conner smiled. “You’ll have plenty of time to correct that. We’ve got a long competition season ahead of us.”
I sat back in my chair and nodded. He had no idea how long the year already felt.
20
JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING
WHEN I WALKED INTO MY ROOM, PAIGE jumped up and hurried to shove a bunch of papers into a yellow folder. She turned, grinned at me, and held the folder behind her back.
“Sasha!” she said. “Hi!”
I folded my arms, pretend-staring her down. “What’s in the folder, Parker?”
Paige shrugged. “Oh, you know. Like, homework. Boring stuff you wouldn’t want to see.”
“Really? ’Cause I love boring stuff of the homework variety.”
Paige and I held each other’s gaze for a second, then started laughing. “You’re not getting one peek at your birthday party plans. Not one.”
I walked over to sit at the edge of my bed and pull off my riding boots. “Nothing?” I clapped a hand to my chest. “It’s only Tuesday. Give me something to survive till Friday.”
Holding the folder away from me, Paige opened it and thumbed through the papers. “Okay, okay,” she said. “I’ll be supergenerous and tell you the guest list.”
“Oooh, yay!”
Paige pulled out a light pink sheet of paper. “All right. We’ve got … Callie, Eric, Jacob, Heather, Julia, Alison, Nicole, Troy, Ben, Andy, Annabella, Suichin, and Ryan. They’ve all RSVP’d yes. Pretty awesome, huh?”
“Very!” I said, smiling. I didn’t want Paige to see how I really felt. “It’s going to be great ’cause you’re planning it.”
Paige grinned. “Duh.” Then she stared at me for a second. “Hey. You okay?”
“Totally,” I said. “Just thinking about one person not on that list.”
Good cover, I thought to myself. I’d never tell Paige that her guest list was probably going to give me hives before the end of the week.
Paige scrunched up her face. “I know—Jasmine. I wanted to talk to you about that. She lives on this floor, and since we’re holding the party in the common room, she’s going to show up.”
“I know. So do we just invite her instead of letting her crash?”
Nodding, Paige put down the folder. “That’s what I’d do. Fingers crossed that she’ll just think it’s going to be an uberlame party and not even show up.”
“True,” I said. “Really, why would she want to come to my party anyway? But go ahead and invite her.”
“Speaking of Jas … how was riding with her?” Paige asked. “Was she awful?”
“No, I was,” I mumbled.
“What? No, you weren’t.” Paige made a don’t-talk-like-that-about-yourself face.
“It’s true. I messed up during cross-country and, ugh, so mortifying, Mr. Conner asked me to his office to talk.”
Paige sat on her bed, looking at me. “What did he say?”
“That he knows I’m trying and if I needed to talk him about anything, I could.”
“That was nice of him,” Paige said. “He wasn’t saying your riding wasn’t up to YENT level or anything.”
“No, but he got that I was too focused on Heather and Jas. I mean, he didn’t come right out and say it, but he knew.”
“He is Mr. Conner.” Paige smiled.
I smiled back. “I know. I messed up today, but I’ve got it now. I don’t care about Heather or Jas!”
“Good!” Paige nodded and went back to work at her desk and I headed for the shower.
Leaning my back against the closed bathroom door, I rubbed my eyes with my fingers. I’d covered my nerves about the party with the story about riding, which had been true. Paige was planning a blowout party that would be amazing. But I felt so guilty that everyone was coming for me and I was such a liar. Plus, what if Eric and Jacob got into it again and Jacob told him the truth?
The whole party—no, my life—would be ruined. I’d just have to make sure I didn’t make one mistake.
21
GIRL TALK
ON WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON, CALLIE AND I scanned the chalkboard with the Sweet Shoppe’s specials of the day.
“Um, we’re so getting frozen yogurt,” Callie said. “They’ve got strawberry-mango today.”
“Done,” I said. “Large, of course.”
Callie grinned. “Natch.”
We got our orders and picked out a table in the back of the shop, where it was quiet. We started to eat and I smiled to myself, thinking how good this felt. Callie and me hanging out with no pressure and zero weirdness. Maybe things were finally going to be back to normal.
Callie stuck her spoon into her yogurt and leaned forward. “So, did you hear the latest about Julia and Ben?”
“Nooo! What?” My spoon hovered in the air halfway between my cup and my mouth.
“They just got back together,” Callie said. “They’re keeping it on the DL, though.”
“Why? No one cares if they’re back together.” I took a bite of yogurt.
“You’d think, but I heard Julia telling Alison that she’s sure Jas will try to steal Ben if she knows they’re together just because she hates Julia so much.”
“Maybe,” I said. “But we’ve all got to stop being afraid to go public with our boyfriends.” I laughed. “It’s just wrong!”
Callie raised her spoon and we touched them together. “Agreed! And we really need to work on said boyfriends. The hating-each-other thing is getting old.”
“Totally. It would be so much easier for all of us to hang out if they’d chill.”
Callie rolled her eyes. “Jacob can be so stubborn. He just won’t get over his thing with Eric. They both need to grow up.”
“You think?” I smiled at her. “But no matter what—even if they never even look at each other again—we’re still best friends. They’ll have to deal.”
Callie nodded. “Yeah! I mean, we can have boyfriends, but it can’t take up all of our best-friend time.”
I smiled. Callie sounded more like herself than she had in months. She wasn’t clinging to Jacob and she wanted to do things with me. We were gossiping and joking like we used to.
I took my time eating my yogurt and so did Callie. We got into a long and very important conversation about whether or not Amberlynn, a ninth grader, had made the right decision to get bangs.
“You could totally do them with your face shape,” Callie said. “They’d look amazing.”
I touched my hair. “It’s too wavy. I’d be attached to my flatiron.”
Callie giggled. “I can imagine you keeping it in your purse and straightening your bangs in between classes with one of those portable ones.”
“But you could do bangs,” I said. “Your hair is straight. Sideswept bangs would be pretty.”
“I might,” Callie said. “And whatever. If I don’t like them, they’ll grow out.”
I ate a few more bites of yogurt, then my phone buzzed. I checked it.
“A reminder from my calendar,” I explained. “I’ve got to tell Livvie that I’m going to stay with Paige during fall break.”
“You guys are going to have sooo much fun,” Callie said. “My parents are excited that I’m coming home for a week—I’m totally taking advantage of them.” She grinned. “They’re going to take me to all of my fave local restaurants and Mom will probably take me shopping.”
“I love the way you think,” I said. “I know Paige I and will do some serious shopping in Manhattan. She was telling me about sample sales and how you almost have to fight people to get the good stuff because the prices are so awesome.”
“If you see anything I’d like, you better snag it for me,” Callie said.
“Duh.”
We gossiped and talked about what to look for at the sample sales—purses and shoes—for another hour before hugging and starting back toward our dorms. I wrapped my arms across my chest as I walked. Maybe I’d
been making too big a deal out of everything over the past week and a half.
22
WISE ADVICE FROM A LIAR
PAIGE AND I CLIMBED INTO OUR BEDS THAT night and I reached to flick off the light.
“You’ve been quiet since you got back from the Sweet Shoppe,” Paige said. “Everything cool between you and Callie?”
“Totally,” I said, pausing. I finally didn’t have to lie for once. “We had fun.”
“But something’s been going on since school started,” Paige said. “I’m your BFF—I do notice these things.”
I knew I wasn’t going to get away with the I’m-completely-fine-and-stop-asking routine with Paige much longer. We did live together.
“The only weird thing with Callie is the YENT,” I said. “She’s happy I made it, but I don’t know how much to talk to her about it. I don’t want to make her feel bad that she’s missing it. But it would be obvious if I didn’t talk about it at all.”
Paige made a sympathetic face. “That’s true. But you know Callie’s proud of you. I’m sure it’s okay if you talk about the YENT like you guys talked about riding last year.”
“I know,” I said. “I’m probably reading into it more than I should. Things are great with us and I don’t want it to disappear.”
Paige tossed her small purple star pillow at me. “It’s not going to disappear. Everything’s going to be fine. And let’s talk about something happy before we go to sleep—like your party.”
“A most excellent idea,” I said, grinning.
“It’s going to be so amazing,” Paige said. “And I’m excited, too, because …”
I looked at her. She blushed and covered her face with her pillow.
“Because some guy you might like named Ryan is going to be there?” I asked. “Could that possibly be it?”
“Yesss,” Paige said, her voice muffled by her pillow.
“I’m glad he’ll be there,” I said. “It’s another no-pressure-of-being-alone type of situation where you guys can hang out.”
Paige removed the pillow. “Right. And that just makes me feel more comfortable. I know! I know! I’m such a dork. I like Ryan a lot, but I’m totally intimidated by the idea of a date with him.”
Little White Lies Page 11
