Jacob shook his head. “I can’t do that. Sasha, how can I let you go again?”
I had to chew on the inside of my mouth to keep from crying. “I’m going back to my party,” I said. “Paige worked hard on it. No one’s going to know what just happened. Eric won’t tell anyone—he’d never risk my friendship with Callie, no matter how mad he is.”
Jacob dropped his head, then looked back at me. “You really want me to go back to Callie and pretend not to like you?”
“Yes. Or break up with her, if that’s what you really want, but not for me. I can’t be with you—not ever. Not after you’ve been Callie’s boyfriend. She’d never forgive me. And Eric was the perfect boyfriend. He didn’t deserve this.”
Jacob and I fell silent.
“Okay,” he said finally. “If that’s what you really want, if it means that much to you, I’ll do it. Just know that it’s you I’ll always be wishing for. I’ll never tell Callie—don’t ever worry about that. And never say a guy doesn’t deserve you, Sasha.”
I blinked back tears and walked around Jacob, leaving him behind.
27
NO GOING BACK
I PAUSED OUTSIDE THE COMMON ROOM, holding back tears and taking deep breaths. All I had to do was get through presents and then I could escape. I wasn’t going to ruin this party for everyone. I’d done enough of that before. I pasted a fake smile on my face and walked inside.
Paige and Callie were standing together by the gift table.
“Ready to open presents?” Callie asked, smiling at me.
“Definitely,” I said. I tried to keep from looking directly at Paige or Callie so they wouldn’t see how upset I was.
Paige looked around. “Everyone’s still here except for Jacob—he disappeared. But I’m sure he won’t mind if you start opening them.”
Callie nodded. “He’ll understand. Open!”
Everyone in the room turned to watch me, curious about what I’d gotten. Andy turned down the music and everyone’s attention was on me.
I reached for the present closest to me—Heather’s gift bag. I started to pull out the purple tissue paper that fanned out of the opening when Jasmine stepped up to the other side of the table.
“Wow,” she said, shaking her head.
I looked over at her. “What?”
Jas smiled widely and her eyes didn’t leave mine. “I’m just shocked that you feel up to opening presents after that.”
“After what?” Paige asked, frowning at Jas.
“After what? Oh, I’m sorry.” Jasmine covered her mouth with one hand. “Sasha, did you not tell your BFFs what just happened? Omigod, I thought you did. I’m so sorry.”
I gripped the table for support.
Jasmine knew.
“What’s she talking about?” Callie asked. “What’s wrong?”
I stood—staring at Callie and Paige—not able to say a word.
Jacob, silent, walked into the room and sat on the couch.
Callie reached over and touched my arm. “You look sick. What happened?” She looked over and seemed to remember that the room was full of people. “Want to go in the hallway and talk or something?”
Jasmine smirked. “I don’t think you want to be alone with Sasha when she tells you what happened.”
I shut my eyes for a second and tried to stop things from feeling swirly. I had to do something to stop Jas—to end this. I’d lost Eric. I could never be with Jacob. Paige was going to be furious with me for lying. Callie was about to hate me.
But I could keep Callie with Jacob. One final lie and Callie and I would never be friends again, but she’d have him.
I forced myself to look at Callie and let go of the table. I had to make every word convincing so that she wouldn’t doubt any of it. Not one bit of blame could fall on Jacob.
“I went to my room,” I said, my voice flat. “Jacob walked by and I asked him to come inside. He thought I was upset about something and needed to talk.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jacob shift on the couch. I silently willed him not to move and to let me do this.
“Okay, so you talked to Jacob,” Callie shrugged. “I don’t care.”
“He sat down on my bed,” I continued. I kept my eyes locked on Callie. “And I told him I’d wanted him back for months. That I still liked him and wanted him to break up with you and be with me.”
The room went silent. Callie’s and Paige’s mouths fell open. I forced myself to keep a cold look on my face—doing what I’d seen Heather and Jasmine do so many times. Heather moved beside Jasmine and looked at me. She knew I was lying. Somehow, she just knew. For a split second, I looked at Jacob and saw his face pale. I had to keep going before he stopped me.
“You what?” Callie sputtered.
I fought to keep from sobbing. Lie by lie, I was destroying my relationship with my best friend. There was no going back after this. Callie would never trust me again. But I couldn’t stop.
“Jacob realized I didn’t really have anything to talk about and he got up, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back.”
Callie’s eyes squeezed shut and tears slid down her face. She looked as if she wasn’t even breathing.
I wanted Callie to believe it. Every detail would make her hate me more. I had to keep going before I broke down.
“I put my hands on his chest and went to kiss him,” I said. “He started to push me away and Eric walked in. He saw me with Jacob, left, and Jacob told me to get out so he could figure out what to do.”
Callie looked at Jacob. “Do you want her back?”
Jacob’s face was paler than I’d ever seen it. He was careful not to glance at me, but I could see the pain in his eyes. He knew I was destroying my friendship with Callie.
Jacob got up and walked over to Callie, looking into her eyes. He was almost unsteady on his feet for the first couple of steps. “No.”
Paige shook her head slowly. “This doesn’t make any sense. I know you, Sasha. You’d never do this to anyone. You’re covering. Something else is going on.”
“No,” I said. “I’m not.” I had to make Paige believe me.
Paige just stared at me for what felt like hours. She walked toward me, stopping long enough to lean by my ear. “I don’t believe a word of this. I don’t know what you’re doing, but I’m going to figure it out.” She walked out of the room and Annabella hurried after her.
Across the table, Jasmine clapped. The sound was deafening in the room.
“Now this is a party!” she said. “I’m so glad I didn’t miss it.”
Heather stuck her face in Jas’s. “Get. Out. Now.”
Jasmine widened her eyes and put a hand on her hip. “Excuse me. I’m not—”
“Now,” Heather said. “Everyone but Callie and Sasha get out of here before I make you leave.”
No one needed to be told twice by Heather. But Jacob was the last one to leave. I could feel him wanting to stay—wanting to tell the truth. But he finally left and the room emptied.
Callie and I, still on opposite sides of the table, stared at each other. I wasn’t sure if she was going to sob or scream at me.
I kept my face expressionless. I’d gone this far—I had to hurt her enough that she believed every word.
“You …,” Callie started. Her voice shook and tears spilled down her cheeks. I struggled to keep my composure, but I was about to start crying at any second. “You know this is it. We’re done. We will never be friends again. I don’t care if you apologize for the rest of your life. I’ll never forgive you for this.”
A sob rose in my throat, but I held it down.
Callie started crying. She slammed her palms on the tabletop, then swiped at her tears, smearing mascara across her face. I wanted to run around the table, hug her, and tell her the truth. That it had been Jacob. Not me. That I wanted to be her best friend. That I’d been confused, but would never have gone after her boyfriend.
But instead, I stood there watching my best frien
d cry. I didn’t move.
“We just got our friendship back, Sasha,” Callie said. “That meant everything to me. You were my best friend. I would have done anything for you. And you went after Jacob? I’ll never speak to you again.”
I had to say something—anything that would wipe any possible trace of doubt from her mind when she went through this over and over in her head tonight.
“It was worth it,” I heard myself say. It felt like it was coming out of someone else’s mouth. “Losing our friendship was worth it for a shot at Jacob.”
My own words made me sick. My stomach swirled and my face started to turn red. This had to end now before I blew it and told her the truth.
Callie swallowed, wiping tears from her face. “I’m glad,” she said. “I hope you’re happy alone. I hate you and I never want to see you again.”
Callie walked around the table and I kept my back to her as she left the room. The door slammed shut behind her. I crumpled to the floor, sobbing.
I’d just given up my best friend to protect her. And in the process, I’d lost everyone. I was alone—just like I’d been on my first day at Canterwood.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Twenty-two-year-old Jessica Burkhart is a writer from New York City. Like Sasha, she’s crazy about horses, lip gloss, and all things pink and sparkly. Jess was an equestrian and had a horse like Charm before she started writing. To watch Jess’s vlogs and read her blog, visit www.jessicaburkhart.com.
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