“Actually I think this is the definition of the worst person. How could you just abandon your child? He’s a fucking billionaire, he could at least give you some money,” Mariah said enraged, thankfully she whispered the last sentence.
“In his defense, he did tell me to call him if I needed anything, but I’m not going to ask him for money. I’d rather he played no role at all than to be some sort of absent bankroll,” I explained.
In some ways, I wondered if Aiden was testing me. Maybe he wanted to see if I was just after his money, so he wasn’t calling to see if I would reach out to him with a request. I guess I was reaching for straws refusing to embrace my inevitable future as a single mom.
“Emily, I know you’re a very proud person, but don’t force yourself to struggle to prove a point. He’s just as responsible as you. And if you need something, you should hit him up to help,” she spoke in her gentle tone that let me know she was serious, and she felt sorry for me. I hated that Mariah pitied me.
I’d envisioned myself pregnant many times before. I imagined shopping for cribs with my husband, having a maternity photo shoot, planning a baby shower and even going to ultrasounds together. My dream life as I envisioned it was ruined. I tried not to give it much thought because I didn’t want the birth of my baby to signify the death of my dream life.
Instead, I wanted to create a new dream life for myself, but it was difficult with nothing about my reality being ideal. Everything seemed to be stressful and frankly quite exhausting. I couldn’t even bring myself to tell Mariah about Dr. Lindsey’s suggestion that I plan for 6-months off, or how that would financially strain me. I knew she would only stress the option to ask Aiden for help and I wasn’t ready to look at him as nothing more than financial aid.
“I will if it ever comes to that,” I said instead, hoping to end the entire debate.
The rest of our lunch was uneventful. Mariah told me about a new guy she had met and their upcoming date. For the first time ever I felt a pang of jealousy, realizing my best friend was doing something I would never have the opportunity to do again. Every other date I would ever go on would be an interview process for a potential stepdad. My desires were going to have to take the backseat while I focused on what was best for my baby.
After lunch, I decided to walk around downtown for a while to clear my head. I had taken the day off for my doctor’s appointment, and although it sounded quite tempting, I didn’t want to sleep the entire day away. I was standing at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to change when I saw a woman leaning into her stroller, checking on her baby. She looked so happy, and I silently imagined myself to be like that in a couple of months.
Maybe motherhood would make me more confident and sure of myself. I mean, if you can birth a child there’s not much anyone can say to make you feel inadequate. I was smiling at the thought when the movement around me disturbed my daydream. The light had turned red, and everyone was preparing to cross the street when a yellow Lamborghini flew through the light, causing several women around me to audibly gasp before mumbling about how careless the driver must be.
I instantly thought of Aiden and how it could have very well been him behind that wheel, speeding to nowhere. He didn’t seem to be ready to stop his playboy lifestyle for a child, and I couldn’t blame him. Unlike me, he had a choice. His body wasn’t changing so he could pretend none of this was happening. I envied that about him because I hadn’t been able to spend a second of my life thinking about anything other than my doomed future since finding out I was pregnant.
The time when I was with Aiden was the only exception. The two hours we’d spent together were the only time I didn’t worry about the future. For that short period, it kind of felt like everything was going to be alright. Just thinking about that day made me begin to crave him, and his touch, so I tried to push the memory to the back of my mind.
I’d considered every possible scenario and decided that it was all or nothing with him. There was no way we could maintain a sexual relationship, while I raised our child as a single mother. No, we were either going to officially be together, or there would be no relationship at all. And Aiden had made it very clear that we were not going to be together. Admitting that I would never get to experience that mind blowing sex again was almost as devastating as facing the fact that I would be a single mother.
My life had taken a bit of a nosedive. Three months ago I was daydreaming about finding my perfect man, marrying him and only stressing about which white picket fence would look best for our home. Now, here I was sad that I wouldn’t be able to casually fuck my child’s father. I laughed and shook my head at the realization; it was too funny not to.
Rubbing my belly, I quietly whispered to myself, “it’s just you and me, baby,” before admitting defeat and hailing a cab to go home and nap the day away.
Chapter Nine
AIDEN
It had been exactly ten days since Emily showed up at the arena, and not a day had gone by when she didn’t dominate my thoughts. Before I knew her name, I couldn’t get her out of my mind, and now that I knew she was caring my child, it was unreal how much she was on my mind. Everything seemed to remind me of her, and our, situation.
I’d set a deadline for me to contact her because in the back of my mind I knew I could keep pushing it off forever. It was so unexpected, but I kept reminding myself that it must have been the same, if not more startling, for her. Hell, she’d never even had sex before.
In a way, I wanted to be the only person she would ever have sex with, but I knew I didn’t deserve her. I guess I knew that she deserved better than me. She was so innocent and beautiful, I didn’t want to ruin or disappoint her in any way. She seemed like the type of girl to expect a fairy tale, and I was anything but. At the same time, I did want to be a part of her life. I wanted to raise our child together if she’d be open to that.
The look in her eyes when she left my penthouse made it clear that she did want it, and that she was humiliated by my need for time, but that look is exactly why I was apprehensive about the whole thing. I knew she’d constantly be let down and disenchanted by me. It hurt more than I could bear to see her hurt, especially knowing I was the culprit. I would do anything to avoid seeing that again, even if it meant depriving myself of the only woman I’d ever wanted.
Wanted was actually too weak of a word to describe what I felt for Emily. I craved her. I thirst for her.
Every night I turned over wishing she were there. The thought of waking up to her every morning instantly made my cock hard. I don’t feel like I’d ever need another woman, but I can’t help but wonder if that will fade and I don’t want to figure out and end up breaking her heart.
I debated just calling to let her know how I was feeling, but I decided she at least deserved to hear it in person. Besides, I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to see her.
I wanted to plan a date. It was something I’d never done before, but I knew she was worth it. After days of pulling up her contact info in my iPhone, I finally found the guts to call, instantly hoping she didn’t answer.
“Hello?” She answered on the second ring, and I immediately began pacing throughout my living room.
“Hi, Emily. It’s Aiden,” I clenched my eyes closed, feeling like an idiot. Of course, she knows it's you. You saved the number on her phone!
“Yeah, I know. How are you?” She asked, her voice was even sweeter over the phone. I could hear the innocence in her tone.
“I want to see you.” I blurted out like a moron. Running my fingers through my hair, I tried forcing myself to pull it together.
“Oh. Okay. Uh, when?”
“Are you free tonight?” I asked, wondering why I didn’t call in advance, so it didn’t seem so last minute.
“Umm, yeah tonight is fine,” she said casually, but I could hear her moving around. I wondered what she was doing. Did she have company? The thought of her with another man brought on a rush of jealousy.
“Ar
e you alone?” I asked, against all of my common sense. Not only was it none of my business, but I didn’t want to know if she was with anyone.
“I’m at Mariah’s… My best friend? I think I told you about her,” she seemed nervous like I could have possibly forgotten anything she’d said to me.
“Yeah, the hockey fan,” I chuckled, finally relaxing a bit. Something about her made me nervous in a way no other woman ever had.
“Yeah, that’s right,” she was smiling. I could hear it in her voice. Maybe I’d impressed her with my memory. The possibility thrilled me.
“So, tonight?” I asked, getting back to the reason I’d called.
“Right. Tonight. Do you want me to meet you somewhere?” She volunteered. I couldn’t believe how kind she was. Any other time I’d met a woman they wanted me to do everything, and here was an insanely beautiful woman offering to meet me halfway.
“No, I’ll pick you up… Is that okay?” I quickly added, realizing that she may not want to be in the same car with me after the way I’d left things the last time.
“Yes! I mean, if you want to,” She exclaimed eagerly before trying to downplay it. I could tell that she wanted to see me as bad as I wanted to see her.
“Okay, I’ll pick you up at nine,” I smirked, already planning the night out in my mind.
“Could we do eight instead, please? I get tired really early now, and I don’t want to fall asleep on you,” she countered, and from her tone, I could tell she was a little embarrassed.
“How about we do seven, just to be safe,” I teased, hoping she would appreciate my flexibility.
“Oh my god! That’s perfect!” She agreed excitedly.
“Okay, text me your address, and I’ll see you soon,” I requested before ending the call.
I continued pacing as I called my assistant Jessica to set up the date. I knew I wanted to take her to a nice restaurant, somewhere quiet so that we could talk. Luckily, Jessica knew just the right place and would make all of the arrangements. She suggested I get a bouquet of roses and then decided she would send them directly to me, after questioning if I would remember.
Afterward, I called the concierge of my building to make sure my driver was ready before deciding that I wanted to drive instead. I didn’t want to show up in a chauffeured car, it seemed too pretentious. She’d made a joke about Josh’s Lamborghini, so I made a point not to drive mine. Instead, I chose to drive my black Porsche 911, Carrera.
I spent the rest of the time preparing for our night out. I had my barber come to the penthouse, and I chose an outfit from the rack of options my stylist picked out for me. I wore a black Tom Ford suit with a slightly lighter black button down shirt underneath. I left the top two buttons undone rather than dressed in a tie and paired it with my favorite black and gold Audemars Piguet wristwatch.
I stared in the mirror critiquing my appearance for twenty minutes before leaving to pick Emily up. My heart was beating out of my chest while I waited for her to come down from her building. When she finally walked through the glass doors of her condo lobby, I felt all the breath escape me as I jumped out to open her door for her. She was wearing a sleek black sheath dress with matching stilettos that made her calves look amazing.
“Hi,” she said nervously, before awkwardly extending her hand while I opened my arms to hug her. She promptly readjusted and gave me the friendliest hug I’ve ever received from a woman I’d slept with.
I opened the car door and helped her in before taking a deep breath as I circled the car. Settling into my seat, I glanced over to Emily as she buckled her seatbelt. Her blonde hair was falling over her shoulder, and without thinking, I brushed it behind her ear. Suddenly I sensed the spark; the same spark I felt the first time I ever touched her at the fundraiser. Hoping to stay focused, I only smiled and buckled my own seatbelt before heading to the restaurant.
Jessica had reserved a table for us at the most popular restaurant in the city. When we arrived there was a line outside, as well as paparazzi, so I pulled around to the back entrance to avoid the hysteria.
“I’m just avoiding the chaos in the front,” I volunteered as I helped Emily out of the car, just in case she felt as if I were hiding her.
“Oh, it’s fine,” she flashed a genuine smile as if it didn’t matter to her either way.
I started to feel uneasy about her behavior. It was as if she had moved on from me, or given up on the possibility of us. She seemed to be at a business dinner, her feelings for me completely dissolved. Walking into the restaurant I considered if that could be a good thing since I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pursue a relationship, but as I led her to our table with my right hand rested on the small of her back, I knew I wanted more. Every man was looking her way, and I’m used to having eyes on me, so I know when I’m garnering the attention, but tonight it was all about Emily. I felt a territorial sense of pride desperately wanting her to be mine.
“Can I get you something to drink?” The waitress asked with seductive eyes trained on me, just as we settled into our seats. She was biting her lip and subtly pressing her chest forward, blatantly flirting with me. Looking over I could tell Emily noticed the boldness of our waitress, so I decided to acknowledge her.
“Whatever the beautiful lady wants,” I watched Emily try to hide her shock and bashfulness as she stumbled through ordering sparkling water for the two of us.
“I wasn’t expecting that. I was enjoying her fawning over you,” she joked once the waitress was out of earshot.
“She was rude. I didn’t like it,” I surveyed the room as I spoke, wondering if anyone would interrupt our date. Luckily I didn’t spot any women that looked familiar, so I doubted there would be any typical Aiden confrontations ruining our night.
“So how have you been?” She asked with her sweet smile that always made me smirk. She was adorable and sexy at the same time. Her perfect balance of class and sex appeal made me want to skip dinner and take her straight to my penthouse.
“I’ve been okay. I got the go ahead to get back on the ice, so I’m really excited about that. I’ve needed the stress reliever,” I shared my good news. The doctor had just recently cleared me for play, and I was ecstatic about the news. We had a short break before our next game, and I was counting down the days to get back to the rink.
“Oh! Congratulations! That’s so great. I’m glad you’re better,” she was genuinely happy for me, and her word choice didn’t go unnoticed. She was glad I was better, not glad I could play. The difference was subtle, but I picked up on it.
“Yeah,” I paused, unsure of the best way to transition to what I really wanted to talk about before resorting to my blunt approach and simply blurting out, “I can’t do this small talk.”
Emily smiled and nodded her head as if she felt the same before dropping her right hand to her stomach, “the elephant in the room,” she glanced at me, and her blue eyes twinkled in the dimly lit dining room.
“How are you?” I fidgeted in my seat, feeling like a dickhead for not asking her that the moment she got into the Porsche.
“Umm, I’ve been better,” she paused as the waitress sat our glasses down before requesting our orders.
I stared at Emily the entire time she placed her eggplant Parmesan order. She was radiant and overly polite, her smile seemed to put everyone at ease, even the nervous waitress who had embarrassed herself earlier in the evening. I was so caught up in watching her that I failed to hear the waitress when she requested my order.
“Oh… Uh, I’ll have the same,” I rushed my answer; sure I would hate the meal. I was more focused on Emily and her giggling at my mishap.
“So, about the, uh, baby,” I reminded Emily of where she’d left off before the waitress interrupted her.
“Right, the baby,” she again rubbed her belly, and I couldn’t ignore how she seemed to smile every time she touched our unborn child. She was already in love with the baby whether she knew it or not.
; “It’s been difficult, ya know, but I’ve just been trying to deal with it as best as I can,” she reasoned with a smile that didn’t reach her beautiful eyes. It was a rare occurrence for her eyes not to glisten when she was happy or amused, so I knew there must be something she was holding back.
“You’ve been stressed?” I wondered, hoping to be wrong.
“Yeah,” she quietly admitted while looking away.
“Do you need money or something? Because you know that’s not a problem,” I leaned in and whispered. I could tell from the way her eyes squinted as my words hit her that I’d said the wrong thing.
“I said from the beginning I didn’t need your money, Aiden,” she bit out.
“I didn’t mean it that way. I just want to help. I don’t want you to be stressed, Emily,” I reasoned while gently placing my hand over hers. She took a deep breath, and I could feel the icy wall I’d created between us melt away.
“It’s just stressful… Planning to be a single mom. I never saw this for my life, so it’s a lot to take in. And now I can’t even use gymnastics as a stress reliever, so I’ve just had a stressful week,” she again looked away while talking. I couldn’t read the emotion on her face. Was she embarrassed? Or scared?
“Maybe you could keep using gymnastics until your belly grows,” I suggested.
“I thought so too, but I had a scare, so I’m definitely not doing that again,” she said while looking down at her belly.
“A scare? When? What happened?” I didn’t give her time to answer. My mind was racing. I didn’t realize I’d begun squeezing her hand until she placed her free hand on top of mine.
“It’s okay. I went to the doctor, nothing was wrong. The baby is healthy, but they definitely don’t like bouncing on the trampoline. Maybe they’ll be more of a skater,” she smirked, and I could feel the grin spread across my face thinking of our child following in my footsteps.
“So you went to the doctor?” I frowned realizing she’d had to deal with such a scary situation alone.
Southern Riders (Scars Book 1) Page 20
