by Debra Kayn
"Jesus Christ, baby. I had no idea." He cupped the back of his neck. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"There's more, but I'll save it for another time."
"You're okay with me calling you?" He walked over and picked up his pack of cigarettes off the kitchen counter. "Or, if you want, you can call me, anytime."
"I'd like that."
He put the smoke behind his ear with a trembling hand. "Me, too."
"You're not upset that I sent Gia to you, are you?" she asked. The hesitation in her voice gripped him.
"No. No, not at all." He wanted to reach through the phone and assure her. "Gia told me how you sent her to me. Well, Bianca had, and when I was checking out her story, we got some information that gave us your real name. I don't know what you were thinking or why you'd believe that I could help Gia when you don't even know me anymore, but I wanted to thank you. Everything turned out well in the end."
"I've heard. Gia called me a few days ago," said Heather.
"She did?" He paced the living room, surprised over the information. Gia hadn't mentioned the phone call to him. "She's a good woman."
"I think so, too."
A million questions raced through his head, and he had no idea how to ask a single one. His legs trembled, and he sat down on the couch. There were years he missed. Heather's whole life. He had no idea what kind of woman Heather turned out to be, what she liked to eat, or if she had a boyfriend. Shit, she could be married.
"Heather, I need you to know that if I could go back and do things differently, I would. It's my fault that you never knew me growing up and I wasn't there for you." He inhaled in an attempt to stop his voice from breaking. "So many fucking times, I wanted to find you and I..."
Soft crying came over the phone. His spine straightened, knowing he'd do anything to make things better.
"Don't cry, baby. I'm sorry." He squeezed his eyes closed. "This sits on my back, Heather."
Heather sniffled. "It's not all your fault. After Mom had been killed, I found some papers and notes she'd had hidden in her house from back when she was married to you. And, the court papers. It wasn't until then that I knew what happened. Mom and Brad never wanted to answer my questions about you."
"Fuck," he mumbled.
"I think I've put the pieces together enough to understand why you stayed away initially." Heather breathed over the phone and continued. "I-I don't really want to talk about it on the phone."
"No, I understand," he said.
"I'd love to see you, though. If, you know, that's okay. Whenever you feel like it, I mean."
"Yeah?" His throat closed up, strangling the ball of emotion choking him.
"Yeah." Her voice came across the phone louder. "Maybe we can work something out later when I can think again. I don't know what to say right now. I was sleeping and..."
"I can come to Seattle, anytime. Just say the word."
"Maybe, but I think I'd like to come to Montana. I tracked you down a couple years ago and figured out you still live in the house I lived in with you and mom."
"The duplex." He wiped his arm across his face. "I never left. I couldn't. It's where you lived. I couldn't leave."
"Dad?"
"Yeah, baby?"
"I'm really glad you called." Her voice came out squeaky grabbing his heart and twisting. "I was scared to call you."
"Ah, Heather." He leaned over and braced his elbows on his knees, weakened. "Never be scared. Head up."
She sniffed. "You used to tell me that when I cried. 'Head up, baby. Show everyone what you're made of'."
"That's my girl," he whispered.
He remembered everything about her. Her tiny hand in his. Her thin arms around his neck. The sweet, sweet smell of her laughter as she buried her head in his neck when he tickled her.
His eyes burned and he closed them before he lifted his chin. "I'll make this right. I can't make up for the time we've lost, but I want you back in my life."
"Okay. I'll see what I can do about getting some time off work. It might not be soon, but we'll talk more, right?"
"Absolutely." He blew out his breath. "I guess I should let you go, and you can go back to sleep. You probably have to work in a few hours, huh?"
She laughed softly, sniffling. "Yeah."
"I'll let you get back to sleep," he whispered, weakened at what he'd done.
"Okay." She paused without disconnecting. "Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you for calling."
He nodded, unable to take credit for something that should've been done twenty-two years ago. "Talk to you soon, baby."
"Okay. Bye."
"Bye." He held on to the phone until she disconnected the call and then he just sat, motionless, overfilled with thanks, and still scared to death.
Heather listened, talked, and wanted to see him. His chin hit his chest, and he squeezed his eyes closed.
He had no idea how long he sat there, going over and over the conversation, memorizing her sweet voice, when arms circled his stomach and Gia pressed her body against his, kneeling between his knees. He held her to him as if everything good was going to get stolen from him and he was scared of letting go.
The experience of losing his family, fighting for a marriage he recognized as more an idea in his head than felt in his heart, had him desperate to hold on to Gia. Her love and dedication were real. He could feel it beating throughout him, making him stronger. While he'd live with regrets on how he'd lived his life, he had the maturity and mindset to recognize what Gia gave him and what he wanted to give her in return.
Or, maybe he could explain his connection to her more simply.
"Love you, sweet," he whispered.
She held him tighter. "I love you, too."
Picking her up, he set her on his lap and held her. And, he planned for their future.
Epilogue
Three months later ~
"Fuck." Swiss dropped the wrench and shook his hand in pain. "Jesus Christ. Who was the son of a bitch asshole who put this God damn nut on so cocksucking tight?"
Gia stood in the doorway of the duplex, bundled in her heaviest coat, and watched Swiss continue cussing to the air as he worked on his motorcycle at the curb. Nothing was wrong with his bike, and he most likely was the asshole who tightened the nut the last time. Gia's stomach fluttered in happiness knowing he'd get his biggest wish today. He'd soon forget about his impatience and his clumsiness working on his bike.
What bothered him was the fact that Heather should've arrived for her first visit with her dad a half hour ago, and she was late.
Gia had watched Swiss count down the days until the visit and become more nervous the closer Heather's arrival day came.
There was snow in the forecast, and Swiss worried about her driving over two mountain passes, even though they'd watched the road reports for the last three days. The interstate remained plowed, and Heather had promised to call if she wanted to stay at a hotel along the way and wait out the weather.
No phone call meant she was driving.
Poor Swiss had barely slept last night and to keep his mind occupied, he'd pulled out his tools and set to working on his motorcycle at four o'clock in the morning.
Gia sighed in contentment. He had nothing to worry about. Heather was excited to finally come see her dad after all these years. The reunion helped by the constant contact the two of them kept since Swiss made the initial phone call. Heather called twice a week like clockwork and Swiss had reclaimed his right as her dad.
He went right to work fixing what he'd put off for twenty-two years and bought the duplex from the owner and had Ronacks members renovate the other side in their free time.
He hadn't said anything to Heather or her about his reasons to set down roots, but she understood what he was doing. If there was any chance that Heather wanted to stay in Montana, she had a home and her private space to live.
A low rumble filled the air. Gia pushed away from the door and peered up the street. Then, she looked at Swiss
who'd gone still. Pride filled her, and she walked to the curb.
"You couldn't wait, could you?" she asked, leaning in and kissing him.
Swiss put his hand on her hip and held her close. "Just making sure she got here safely."
She leaned her head against his chest. Having Ronacks Motorcycle Club escort Heather home would surely be a moment his daughter would never forget.
Swiss's body stiffened at the sight of the first riders rounding the corner and coming down the block. She peered up at him, her heart bursting with excitement, and hoped Heather would realize how much love Swiss had inside of him to give.
"You'll do fine," she said.
He kept his gaze on the street. "I keep thinking she's going to run to me and hold up her arms, but she's not a baby anymore."
Ah, Swiss had a lot to learn about girls and their fathers. Gia blinked to clear her vision. She missed her dad every single day and was grateful for the loving relationship she had with him, and her mom when they were alive. Hugs, no matter at what age, were always needed.
"There she is," he whispered, grabbing Gia's hand.
A tug came to her arm as Swiss stepped forward. She held her position, and he looked back at her, desperation in his gaze.
"Go to her. I'll be here waiting for you both," she said, swallowing the hard lump settling in her throat. Swiss needed the moment and to know he stepped forward alone, under his own power, to fight for his daughter in his life.
He hesitated, his squint became more pronounced until he looked at her with one eye. She raised her hand and caressed his scar. There was a load of questions in his look.
"She will love you. I promise." She kissed him lightly. "Go get your daughter."
She stepped back and lifted her chin, letting him go.
Swiss turned around and faced the caravan filling the street.
The car door opened, and Heather stepped out, set her purse on the hood of the vehicle, and strode straight toward her dad, her steps getting bigger, faster, the closer she came, until Swiss opened up his arms, and then Heather lunged for the big, solid chest welcoming her home.
Gia swiped her hand across her cheek and smiled. She couldn't see either of their faces, only Swiss's body. His back sloped, vulnerable, protective.
Battery stepped up beside her. "This whole time, he never said one word."
"It was his scar to carry, and he was too strong." Gia lifted her chin and gazed out at the man she loved. "Now, he can heal."
Several minutes later, Swiss walked Heather toward her. Gia stepped forward and smiled. The last time she stood before Heather she'd been in tears, fearing for her life, and had reached out in desperation.
Gia grabbed Heather and hugged her tightly. This time in thanks.
"It's so good to see you again." Gia pulled back, looked at Heather, looked at Swiss, and laughed. "You both have the same smile, too."
"I was just telling him that I remember how big he always seemed to me." Heather sniffed through her laughter. "I thought it was because all children see adults as big, but he's huge. I had no idea."
Swiss leaned over and kissed Heather's forehead. "Everything go okay on your trip?"
"Pretty much." Heather glanced behind her and wrinkled her nose. "There was a little confusion at the pass in the Cascades when I came out of the restroom and found a bunch of bikers surrounding my car."
Gia snorted. "Get used to it. Your dad's not very subtle."
"You could say that again." Heather's smile fell. "I've apologized to the man..."
Heather half turned, searched the row of bikers sitting on their motorcycles, and turned back around to her dad. "Who is the man on the black bike? Third from the back. He has a black stocking cap on."
Swiss gazed down the line. "That's Rod."
"Well, he should never step between a woman and her car." Heather's mouth thinned. "Regardless, I did suck it up when I realized Dad had sent his club after me, and I apologized to him."
Swiss marched off, heading toward his MC brothers. Gia studied Heather. Swiss's daughter watched her father closely and bit her bottom lip.
"Why would you need to apologize?" asked Gia.
Heather shook her head, remaining quiet. Swiss strode back to them with Grady by his side and the other club members following.
"It'd probably be a good time to go inside," muttered Heather, stepping closer to Gia.
Gia couldn't question her because one look at Rod's face beside Swiss, she understood what had caused Heather to apologize. Gia covered her mouth to keep her smile of amusement from showing to the others.
The Vice President of Ronacks Motorcycle Club had a split lower lip that was swollen twice as big as normal and looked painful.
"Heather, this is Rod." Swiss lowered his voice. "The other men behind him are Grady, LeWorth, Mel, JayJay, Sander, Choke, Roller, Chuck. The one behind you sitting on his bike is Battery, the President of Ronacks.
"It's nice to meet you all." Heather stared at Rod's face.
Hands were shaken, hello's given, and finally, each Ronacks member rode off leaving the block a quieter place. Gia rubbed her hands together to take the chill out of her fingers.
"Swiss, why don't you get Heather's luggage and I'll take her inside, and we can all warm up." Gia kissed Swiss. "Lunch should be ready soon."
"Good. I'm starving." Swiss walked to his daughter's car.
Gia led Heather inside. Swiss's daughter only made it two feet inside the living room, and she looked at the picture frame on the television stand. Gia let Heather have time with her thoughts and went to the kitchen to check on the stew.
Swiss made two trips inside with Heather's belongings before he shut the door and came to Gia's side. His hand came to her hip, pulling her closer, and he gazed at his daughter in the living room looking at the picture.
"She's beautiful," he whispered.
"Yes, she is. Inside and outside." She set the lid on the pot and turned into Swiss's chest.
Swiss dropped his gaze to Gia. "She's home."
"Of course, she is." She kissed Swiss softly. "Everything will work out. You'll see."
"Hey, Dad?" said Heather.
He kissed Gia quickly and walked over to his daughter. Gia's heart burst with love. Bad circumstances brought her to Swiss, and bad circumstances had torn a young family apart. Because of Heather's extraordinary ability to care for others, they had all found each other. It was time for each one of them to experience the good. Together.
Dear readers —
Thank you so much for reading Don't Say It.
In a world where children are often raised in one parent homes, and there are more deadbeat fathers than anyone likes to hear about, I wanted to show you a man's side of the story. Through Swiss, we learn what made him lose his family, and why he chose to protect his love for his daughter by alienating himself from everyone else in his life. While we, as outsiders, might not agree on how he lived his life or approve of the choices he made, it's not up to us to judge. Instead, it's an opportunity for readers to see what Swiss did to reconnect with his adult daughter.
It's a reminder that in real life, we often are quick to judge. Because that's human nature.
As with all my books. I enjoy showing you a different side to characters than relying on stereotypes and assumptions. While maybe not conventional in the romance category, I'm a true believer in if a book can open your mind, the story is much more enjoyable to readers.
As series go, the more you read, the more you fall in love with secondary characters, too. I'm thrilled to tell you that there will be another Ronacks Motorcycle Club series book, starring another Ronacks member soon. As planned, each book is a complete standalone. You can read out of order or only the books that appeal to you. Or, you can start from the beginning and learn about each character as they show up in the stories.
I'd like to invite all of you to follow me on Facebook and visit my website to keep up on my books and what I'm writing next.
Love,<
br />
Deb
Author Bio
Best Selling Romance Author, Debra Kayn lives with her family at the foot of the Bitterroot Mountains in beautiful Northern Idaho. She enjoys riding motorcycles, playing tennis, fishing, photography, and creating chaos for the men in the garage.
When Debra was nineteen years old, a man kissed her without introducing himself. When they finally came up for air, the first words out of his mouth were...will you have my babies? Considering Debra's weakness for a sexy, badass man, who is strong enough to survive her attitude, she said yes. A quick wedding at the House of Amour and four babies later, she's living her own unbelievable romance book.
Website: www.debrakayn.com
Twitter: www.twitter.com/DebraKayn
Facebook: www.facebook.com/DebraKaynFanPage
Debra Kayn's Backlist
...or something – Ronacks Motorcycle Club
Blow Softly – Red Light: Silver Girls series
Touch Slowly – Red Light: Silver Girls series
Fall Gently – Red Light: Silver Girls series
Wrapped Around Him – Moroad MC series
For Life – Moroad MC series,
His Crime – Moroad MC series
Time Owed – Moroad MC series
Falling For Crazy – Moroad MC series
Chasing Down Changes – Moroad MC series
Breathing His Air – Bantorus Motorcycle Club
Aching To Exhale – Lagsturns Motorcycle Club
Soothing His Madness – Bantorus Motorcycle Club
Grasping for Freedom – Bantorus Motorcycle Club
Fighting To Ride – Bantorus Motorcycle Club
Struggling For Justice – Bantorus Motorcycle Club
Starving For Vengeance – Bantorus Motorcycle Club
Living A Beautiful War – Bantorus Motorcycle Club
Laying Down His Colors – Bantorus Motorcycle Club, anthology titled Melt My Heart
Archer, A Hard Body Novel, book 1
Weston, A Hard Body Novel, book 2
Biker Babe in Black, The Chromes and Wheels Gang, book 1
Ride Free, The Chromes and Wheels Gang, book 2
