look like a narc to my friends.
—Toy Soldiers
nancy (or nancy boy), n.
pathetic person; homosexual; British
Don’t be such a nancy and get in the ocean—you’ve got a wetsuit on!
Don’t be such a pathetic person and get in the ocean—you’ve got a wetsuit on!
narked, adj.
pissed off; British
When Ewan got dumped for merely looking at another chick’s ass, he was really narked.
When Ewan got dumped for merely looking at another chick’s ass, he was really pissed off.
nasty, adj.
cool; American
Grand Theft Auto is the nastiest game; my little brother plays it night and day.
necrophilia, n.
the act of having sexual intercourse with a human corpse; American
If someone has sex with a zombie, technically that person is into necrophilia, and has way too many issues to solve in a lifetime of therapy.
to nick, v.
to steal; British
You really shouldn’t nick that dog—nobody on this planet would pay money for that unruly creature.
You really shouldn’t steal that dog—nobody on this planet would pay money for that unruly creature.
nimrod, n.
moron; American
I couldn’t believe Sarah married that nimrod, even if he was hung like a horse.
Jules, if you give that fuckin’ nimrod fifteen hundred dollars, I’m gonna shoot him on general principles.
—Pulp Fiction
nonce, n.
pedophile; British
Did you see the old geezer in that banger? He’s definitely a nonce and nobody should ever accept candy from him.
Did you see the old guy in that car? He’s definitely a pedophile and nobody should ever accept candy from him.
not batting with a full wicket, v., adj.
not playing with a full deck; crazy; British
Rob should never be your wingman because he’s not playing with a full wicket, and might say something really insulting to your romantic interest.
Rob should never be your wingman because he’s not playing with a full deck, and might say something really insulting to your romantic interest.
to not give a toss, v.
to not give a shit; British
Sorry, but I don’t give a toss what you got for your birthday.
Sorry, but I don’t give a shit what you got for your birthday.
not the sharpest tool in the box, adj.
unintelligent, stupid; British
I met my new boss today, and let’s just say he’s not the sharpest tool in the box.
I met my new boss today, and let’s just say he’s stupid.
nunya, adv.
none of your business; American
My wife kept asking too many questions, so I said, “You know what? Nunya!”
nut hangers, n.
really tight pants, mostly jeans, worn by guys; American
I really hope that hipster with the nut hangers loses circulation and falls over so he can serve as a warning to all of those other kids.
to nut someone, v.
to head butt someone; British
Do that again and I’ll nut ya like I’m Zinedine Zidane in a football match.
Do that again and I’ll head butt ya like I’m Zinedine Zidane in a soccer game.
nutsack, n.
scrotum; American
If you want her to suck your balls, you’d better shave your nutsack.
nuts, n.
testicles; American
It makes his wife nuts when he scratches his nuts in public.
nutter, n.
mentally deranged person; British
That half-naked dude who was walking down the middle of the street and talking to himself was a real nutter.
That half-naked dude who was walking down the middle of the street and rapping to himself was a real loony.
nympho, n.
a woman obsessed with sex; short for nymphomaniac; American
I told that nympho to get her hands off my ass but she wouldn’t listen.
A FUROR UNLEASHED
In 1775 the French physician M.D.T. Bienville wrote a paper titled “Nymphomania, or a Dissertation Concerning the Furor Uterinus.” In this seminal work, he combined the Greek word for bride (nymphe) with the Greek word for madness (mania) to describe a “female disease characterized by morbid and uncontrollable sexual desire.”
A nymphomaniac is a woman as obsessed with sex as the average man.
—Mignon McLaughlin
O
O face, n.
the face made when having an orgasm; American
Have you ever seen an old Ron Jeremy porno? What a homely O face!
I’m thinking I might take that new chick from Logistics. If things go well I might be showing her my O-face. ‘Oh . . . Oh . . . Oh!’ You know what I’m talkin’ about. ‘Oh!’
—Office Space
off one’s trolley, adj.
fucked up; out of one’s mind; British
You should’ve seen me at the bar last night—I was off my fucking trolley.
You should’ve seen me at the bar last night—I was fucked up.
off the twig, adj.
dead; British
Somebody come quick! My budgerigar is off the twig! Somebody come quick! My parakeet is dead!
DERIVATION: This is a reference to the famous Monty Python “dead parrot” skit.
offer someone out, v.
challenge someone to fight; British
I’d had enough of him telling me how much he wanted my sister, so I offered him out. I don’t actually have a sister, but it’s the principle of the matter.
I’d had enough of him telling me how much he wanted my sister, so I challenged him to a fight. I don’t actually have a sister, but it’s the principle of the matter.
oi, interj.
meaning “hey”; British
Oi, you shouldn’t knock fucking someone in a graveyard until you’ve tried it!
Hey, you shouldn’t knock fucking someone in a graveyard until you’ve tried it!
old chap, n.
penis; British
My old chap’s covered in warts, which isn’t a good sign.
My penis’s covered in warts, which isn’t a good sign.
the old slap and tickle, n.
sex; British
No, your friend can’t have the old slap and tickle with my mother while you watch.
No, your friend can’t have sex with my mother while you watch.
on the rag, adj.
menstruating; American
I was about to go down on her, but she told me she was on the rag, so I fell asleep defeated.
one-eyed snake, n.
penis; American
Why don’t you come on over here and pet my one-eyed snake?
I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake five to six times a day.
—American Pie
one-night stand, n.
the act of sleeping with someone for a night with no intentions of anything beyond that one night; American
After our one-night stand, I asked her if she wanted coffee. She said, “No! Stop smothering me!” I was glad this would be the only time that I ever slept with her.
orchard, n.
two or more sisters with nice asses; American
When those sisters with the orchard walk down the street, heads turn.
orgasm, n.
climax; American
The orgasm is not the end all and be all of sex, it just feels that way.
You know what the French call an orgasm? La petite morte. ‘The Little Death.’ Come on, Tiffany. Let’s die a little.
—Bride of Chucky
out of one’s tree, adj.
crazy; British
<
br /> He did too many mushrooms, mate, and was out of his tree.
He did too many mushrooms, dude, and was crazy.
P
packie, v.
a liquor store (used primarily in New England); American
Jason ran out of whiskey on a Sunday night and had a panic attack because when he drove to the packie, it was closed.
packing a gun and a holster, adj.
to be a hermaphrodite; American
When I learned she had been born packing a gun and a holster, I really hoped she rid herself of the penis and kept the vagina.
When she was born, she was packing both a gun and a holster.
—Freaks and Geeks
parentnoia, n.
paranoia that a parent feels with regards to their children; American
Cindy’s mom had such a bad case of parentnoia that she read her diary to find out whether her daughter was still a virgin or not.
pecker, n.
penis; American
Hannah was so impressed with her science class partner’s pecker, she told all of her friends about it.
Shut up and keep your hands to yourself, or I’ll cut your little pecker off.
—Sin City
penis, n.
male reproductive organ; American
Mary was shocked at the size of John’s penis; she didn’t realize they came that small.
SYNONYMS OF PENIS:
5.9
34-25
baby arm
baby-maker
baloney pony
beef bayonet
beef hammer
bell on a pole
big enchilada
bishop
boa
boner
bossman
bratwurst
bud
burrito
cack
Captain Winkie
chang a lang
chank
chep
choad
chopper
chub
chut
cock
coque
custard
launcher
the D
D train
dagger
dick
dickie
dicky mo
Diesl
ding dong
ding-a-ling
dingis
doder
dog head
doinker
dokey
dome piece
dong
donkey rope
dork
doty
dragon
dugan
egg roll
family jewels
fang
ferret
fire hose
fish stick
flesh arrow
foo-foo
frankfurter
fuck rod
fuck stick
gadoon
German sausage
god warrior
goot
hang dang
hard hat
Harry Johnson
Harry Wang
heat-seeking love
missile
heli
hocky cocky
hoftie
hog
horn
hose
hot dog
injector
inserter
Italian sausage
jack hammer
jack in the box
jimber
Jimmy
jizz rod
jizz whistle
John Thomas
Johnson
journey stick
joystick
juice cord
junk
kickstand
knob
kontol
Krull the Warrior King
kur
Larry
leaky hose
lingham
little Elvis
the little head
little soldier
lizard
Logan
long john
longfellow
love muscle
love shaft
love stick
magic wand
male member
male organ
man cheddar
man crank
man horn
man meat
meat popsicle
meat stick
meat train
member
microphone
middle stump
missile launcher
Mr. Happy
monkey
murton
mushroom head
mutton
my Army stick
my little pony
my other half
my other head
my twig (and berries)
NOFL
noodle
old boy
old fellow
old man
one-eyed
monster
one-eyed
trouser snake
one-eyed
yogurt chucker
p-nas
package
packer
pecker
peen
peeper
pene
penicorn
Percy
peter
phallus member
piece
pik
pingy-lingy
pink link
pinto
pipesicle
Pippen the Great
Pippen the Small
piss weasel
piston
plonker
pole
power drill
prick
private eye
pudd
purple people pleaser
purple-headed soldier man
purple-headed warrior
purple-helmeted
warrior of love
pussy factory
putz
Richard
rod
rod of pleasure
rubbing machine
salamander
salami
schlittle
schlong
schlort
schmeckel
schmuck
schu-bunny
sconge
scrotum
shaft
short arm
skin chimney
skin flute
snake
soup bone
spam popsicle
sperm pump
spike
Staff Captain
steamin’ semen
roadway
stick
stiffy
summer sausage
sword
Tallyrand
tallywacker
tassle
thing
third leg
thumper
tinky
todger
tonk
tool
tube steak
Twinkie
wand of light
wang
wankie
wedding tackle
weenie
wee-wee
weiner
whang
who who dilly
wii
willy
Wilson
wing dang
doodle
wingwong
winky
ying-yang
yogurt gun
you’re welcome
percy, n.
penis; British
Adam’s percy is a bit on the small side if you ask me.
Adam’s penis is a bit on the small side if you ask me.
personalities, n.
breasts; British
Adrienne’s personalities are her best asset.
Adrienne’s boobs are her best asset.
piece of piss, adj.
easy as pie; British
That final math exam wa
s a piece of piss, especially because I wasn’t hung over for the first time this semester.
That final math test was easy as pie, especially because I wasn’t hung over for the first time this semester.
It must be a lot easier being gay. Sex must be a piece of piss if you’re gay.
—Coupling
pig, n.
policeman; American
Why is it again that pigs love donuts?
You hear what he did there, Joe? He called us pigs, but in like a roundabout kinda way.
—Dragnet
pig out, v.
to overeat; American
Tracy always pigs out on chocolate and ice cream when she’s PMSing.
piles, n.
hemorrhoids; British
The worst thing about being up the duff is the piles.
The worst thing about being knocked up is the hemorrhoids.
pillock, n.
fool; British
Catherine, you pillock, don’t forget to lock the door this time when you go out for your booty call.
Catherine, you fool, don’t forget to lock the door this time when you go out for your booty call.
pimp, n.
a man who manages prostitutes, taking a cut of their earnings; a guy who gets a lot of girls; American
The pimp beat up two of his girls when they didn’t give him half of the money they made.
The way you’re dressed, you’re either a pimp or a limo driver.
—Be Cool
to pimp (out), v.
to make over something in an over-the-top way; American
Check out that pimped-out low rider with the fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view mirror.
DERIVATION: Popularized by the MTV show Pimp My Ride.
pink truffle, n.
vagina; American
Mary likes a man who knows his way around a pink truffle.
piss, v.
to urinate; American
I didn’t want to stop to take a leak, so I just pissed in a bottle while I was driving.
DERIVATION: Piss comes from the Vulgar Latin pissiare, meaning to urinate. The French call a public urinal a pissoir; the perjorative pissant is a combination of pismire and ant. A pismire is an ant, named for the foul smell of its urine. We’ll let Chaucer have the last word on piss:
He is as angry as a pissemyre, Þogh þat he have al þat he kan desire
—Geoffrey Chaucer
piss off, v.
piss off, to anger; to get lost; American
When you tell your wife she’s fat, don’t be surprised if you piss her off so much she tells you to piss off.
Can you piss off a Puerto Rican and live to tell about it?
—Jennifer Lopez
The Little Red Book of Very Dirty Words Page 7
